Chapter Seven: Graduation
The guard that Bellamy is shadowing this week, Andrews, is called to a disturbance at Medical, so they make their way to Alpha. Andrews is an okay guy, so they chit chat while they walk, Andrews is just finishing a story about his disastrous date with a girl from Tesla Station when they round the corner to Medical, but Bellamy's laugh dies in his throat when he sees Clarke, holding a bandage to the back of her hip and waving her mom off.
Andrews clears his throat, introduces himself and explains that Bellamy is in training before asking questions, mostly directed at Clarke's mother. Bellamy holds Clarke's eyes the entire time while he half listens to what happened; a man, desperate to steal medicine for his sick child had stabbed Clarke with a nearby scalpel when she'd walked in on him unexpectedly and he'd panicked.
Clarke's scream of pain had brought Jackson to the room, and he'd been able to throw the guy off of Clarke. Clarke speaks for the first time at this part adding a "My hero" in a high-pitched teasing voice. Jackson laughs and rolls his eyes at her, blushing a little.
It isn't until Andrews calls Bellamy's name that he blinks a few times and his eyes leave Clarke, "You're about off for the night, right?" he asks, quiet and leaning towards him so that the others don't hear him. Bellamy glances at the clock on the wall and nods, "They already caught the guy – he gave the meds to his kid then just waited for the guards to come. You mind doing a little babysitting before you leave? Get The Princess home safe, I'll finish up here?" Bellamy wants to react to the nick name; laugh or try to reclaim it somehow, but only nods instead. Andrews thanks him before explaining what will happen to the room.
Clarke's mom starts to tell Clarke that she'll take her home, but Clarke just shakes her head, her eyes sharp. Abby frowns, but nods.
Clarke walks over to Bellamy, who has a million things he wants to ask her, but just jerks his head, indicating that she should follow and turns on his heels to walk out, listening for Clarke's following footfalls. They get out of Medical and turn into an empty hallway and Clarke stops, leans against the wall and takes a deep breath, tears gathering in her eyes. Bellamy's not sure what to do, but walks over to her, resting his hand on her arm before pulling her towards him, wrapping his arms around her when her weight rests against him. He rubs her back and whispers comforting nonsensicalness in her ear.
After a few moments, she sniffles and steps back, pulling the backs of her hands against her eyes. "Thanks" she mumbles and Bellamy shrugs a little. She's quiet until she looks up at him, "You can go" she whispers, hurt and confusion flash across his face at the dismissal and she clarifies, "I just…I don't know where I'm going, so…" she trails off.
"You're not going home?" Bellamy asks confused.
She shakes her head, "Avery is home and I'm going to tell him, obviously, but I just don't want to talk about it yet." She pulls in a slow breath, "I just want to process it before I have to explain it, and he'll be all over-protective, over-reaction freak about it", there is a fondness in her voice that just barley covers the exhaustion and fear brewing under the surface as what could have happened settles in.
Bellamy nods in understanding, "Come on" he whispers and takes her hand, pulling her gently towards Factory. She follows, letting herself be pulled. When they get to their hallway, he starts to tell her that she doesn't have to tell Octavia, but he realizes that you can see her bandage through her shirt and stops in the hallway. He takes off his guard jacket and tugs the hoody that he wears underneath off and hands it to her, adjusts his t-shirt and puts his jacket back on. She pulls the hoody on and mumbles a thank you.
He opens the door and lets Clarke walk in front of him. He trails his hand down her back once she's in and watches her flinch a little when he's near the bandage, he realizes that she's in a lot more pain that he knew.
Octavia is in the kitchen, cooking some vegetable that Clarke brought the last time she was there, and is excited to see her. Clarke helps her in the kitchen and Bellamy goes to the bathroom, washing his face and changing out of his uniform. When he comes out, they are setting the table and sitting down. Bellamy watches Clarke push at her food while they eat.
After they eat, they move to the living room and play a card game at the coffee table. After a couple of rounds, Clarke lays down on the couch and mumbles that she'll just watch the next one. Clarke feels badly for how often she falls asleep while at the Blake's, but Octavia never seems to mind, happy to have the friend. Bellamy reaches behind himself and lays a comforting hand on her thigh, just above her knee. A little while later, Octavia dozes off too and Bellamy cleans up the cards and then the dishes from dinner. As he's walking back to the living room, he catches Clarke out of the corner of his eye. She's still asleep, but there is a slowly spreading red stain forming on his hoody. He drops to his knees in front of the couch and puts his hand on her shoulder, shaking lightly and calling her name.
Clarke's eyes ease open and furrow in confusion, "Bell…?" she whispers and he gestures to her side. She curses under her breath when she sees it. She closes her eyes before she sits up. He reaches out his hand and she lets him lead her to the kitchen and she sits. He wets a towel and sits in a chair next to her. She winces when she pulls the hoody over her head and peels her bandage off. She uses the towel to clean off the blood and nods, "the bandage just needs changed…I bled through the stitches, I didn't break them" she sounds relived and turns to Bellamy to explain, "I didn't want to go back to Medical" she explains. He nods and goes to the bathroom to get a bandage.
When he gets back, he pulls his chair closer to her and picks up the towel. He waits for her to nod her permission before pulling the towel across her skin until all the blood is gone. After, he presses the bandage to her skin. When he's done, she puts her hand on his cheek and he smiles against it before pulling her forward and kissing her forehead.
She picks up his hoody and frowns at the blood stain on the side, "I'm sorry" she mumbles, "I can get it out" she promises, "After working in medical, I'm pretty good at it" she explains and they both laugh lightly. She leans forward and presses her head to his shoulder, humming softly when his hand trails up and down her back lightly.
It's quiet for a few moments before she speaks again, "They're going to float that man" she says it sadly. Bellamy knows that they will, but also knows that it's not what she needs to hear right now, so he stays quiet and lets her hair fall through his fingers over and over.
A few days later Clarke walks into the Meeting Room and smiles at little. There is a podium set up on one side, the members of the Council lined up in chairs to the left of it, and seven empty chairs lined up on the right. She moves her hand so that the camera she's holding captures everything – she wants Octavia to be able to watch this later. Her mother sees her and gives her a quizzical look, "That's my mother" she says into the camera, just barely above a whisper.
She pans the camera around the crowd and pauses on a woman who looks so much like Octavia it almost hurts. Clarke can't remember ever meeting Aurora Blake, and it feels crazy that she should know so much about this woman's family without knowing her at all. She finds a spot near the middle and stands shifting impatiently until the seven graduating cadets are marched out, and sat in the chairs opposite the Council. She claps with everyone else when they enter, then raises the camera to make sure Octavia will able to see Bellamy when she watches.
She watches Bellamy's eyes scan the crowd, she's not sure what he's looking for, or who, but she raises her hand to just above her face and waves a little so that he'll see her. She can tell when he finds her, his eyes settle on hers and his lips part in surprise and the ghost of a smile. She laughs and little and dunks her head, smoothing out her sundress self-consciously. Shumway stands at the podium and gives a short speech about how proud he is of this graduating class, and how the Ark will be in good hands. After, council member Kane stands from his seat and walks to the podium. He also gives a short speech about the Guard and how important it is to their lives and then calls the cadets up, one by one, to receive their new uniforms.
They go alphabetically, so Bellamy is called first, he walks to Kane who shakes his hand and hands him a folded stack of clothes. Clarke is surrounded by polite applause, so she lets out a little 'whoop' and laughs lightly when the apples of Bellamy's cheeks tinge pink in embarrassment. Bellamy sits and the rest of the cadets are called. After, Clarke watches Aurora go to Bellamy, hugs him, then disappear down a hallway and she goes to him after. "…And this is Member of the Guard, Bellamy Blake" Clarke narrates to the camera, panning it up and down so you can see all of him.
He rolls his eyes and waves a little and she laughs before turning the camera off and putting it in her pocket. Bellamy lets her pull him into a hug and she whispers in his ear, "Congratulations, Guard". He smiles and tightens his arms around her before releasing her, she kisses his cheek as she pulls back. "I'll bring this by later for O" she says gesturing to the camera.
He nods, "I work tonight, but she'd like that" he says, looking at her. "You didn't have to come" he says, tugging on the necklace he made her for her birthday – she hadn't taken it off since he gave it to her.
She mock shrugs, "Yeah, well, I had nothing better to do". He laughs and pushes her hip lightly. She looks at a clock on the wall and sighs. "I have work…but, I'll see you later" she says and turns, she takes a few steps before turning back around, "Seriously, Bellamy, congratulations" she says, and continues after he nods.
She shows up at his pod about five minutes before he has to leave for work. She knew she had to make it before he left since Octavia can't answer the door, but work had run late, and she stopped at home to shower and change into shorts and an oversized top, and she almost didn't make it. "Sorry, sorry" she says when Bellamy opens the door, her still-damp pig tails darkening her top.
He laughs, stepping aside so she can enter. "Octavia's in the shower" he tells her when she looks around. She nods, "And I have got to get to work" he finishes. She laughs, nods again, he holds her gaze for a moment before he disappears out of the door. She moves to sit on the couch and connects her camera to the tablet on the coffee table.
Octavia comes out the bathroom in leggings and a t-shirt. She's surprised and excited to see Clarke and sits next to her on the couch. They start the recording and Octavia laughs at Clarke's running commentary. On the third viewing, Octavia pauses it when her mother comes into the picture. She's quiet for a long moment, pulls her legs onto the couch and curls into herself.
"Bell doesn't think I know this," she starts in a near whisper, "but, my mom has been sleeping with one of the head guards since I was born. It's how she knew about the random inspections – he triggers the alarm when they start on this hallway" she points to the alarm that goes off in the room before the inspections. "When the guard's wife died, he just kind of moved my mom in" Octavia kind of half shrugs, "Now I don't see her much". Clarke scoots a little closer to Octavia and wraps an arm around her shoulders.
"I think," Clarke pulls Octavia's hair from her face and kisses her forehead, "I think we do what we have to, to protect the people that we love" she says quietly.
When Bellamy gets home, there is a frozen picture of him shaking Kane's hand on the tablet, he laughs stepping out of his boots and setting them by the door. He finds Octavia sleeping in their mother's room, curled safely on the bed. He figures that Clarke went home, so he shrugs off his jacket, tossing it over a chair in the kitchenette, and goes to the bathroom. He washes his face and changes into loose shorts and a t-shirt before he walks towards his room. He stops in his tracks when he reaches the threshold of his room; Clarke is curled up on his bed, sleeping soundly, a book falling from her lose grip. He smiles, leans against the threshold and just watches her for a moment. Ever since her birthday, she's spent at least two evenings a week with him and Octavia – between that and work and her obligations to her mother and time spent with Avery – he knows she has to be exhausted all the time.
He's never really considered the possibility of dating someone before – with Octavia at home, and the pressure of keeping her secret so ever-present, he'd never been able figure out how he could manage it. But with Clarke, that obstacle isn't an issue – and he's not stupid; he knows that something has been building between him and Clarke, at least on his side, and he hopes on her side as well. He wonders, sometimes, if she would have looked at him if they'd hadn't been sharing this secret and forced to spend so much time together.
There's a chair, just inside his room, its small and hardly fits and is usually covered in clothes, but he drops into it and smiles as Clarke turns in her sleep. He takes the books she'd been reading, an encyclopedia of medicinal herbs, marks the page and sets it on the bedside table. About an hour later, the air duct bangs a little – it happens a lot, but it's loud. Clarke blinks her eyes heavily and sees Bellamy in the chair by the bed. She smiles, and remembers something that her father used to tell her, 'find someone who likes being around you enough that they want to do it even when your sleeping and boring and drooling a little'. "Bell," she says, her voice thick and heavy with sleep.
He smiles softly at her, "Hey Sleeping Beauty" he says, leaning forward to pull the blanket up around her a little farther. She smiles and reaches her hand out so her fingers wrap around his wrist, she pulls gently until he stands and moves to sit on the bed.
"What time is it?" she mumbles, still living in the world between sleep and wake.
"Late" he whispers, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep".
She looks up at him, "Stay with me" and he looks at her for a long moment, hesitates a little, but then he scoots further onto the bed and lays down next to her. She pulls on the blanket until it covers them both. She rests her head on his chest and he slips his arm under her head and turns until they are facing each other and her head is tucked under his chin. She smiles and kisses his shoulder. "Your arm is going to fall asleep" she warns, voice heavy.
He laughs softly, "I'll risk it" he whispers, folding the arm under her head so that his fingers can disappear in her hair and running his other hand across her back in a slow repetitive motion until they both fall asleep.
Clarke wakes first, still facing Bellamy, their legs wrapped together and his breath brushing over her forehead. She leans back, just a little, just enough that she can look at him, and slowly moves her hand to his cheek. She trails her finger along his jaw and her thumb under his eye. He looks so much younger when he sleeps, and she can almost forget how much pressure he's under every day when he looks like this. She moves her fingers again, tracing the space between his freckles and smiling.
His arms tighten around her, and then relax before his eyes open. Her fingers still on his face, "I didn't mean to wake you" she whispers.
"it's okay" he whispers back. She flattens her fingers out on his face, cupping his cheek in her hand. She holds his gaze for a long moment before leaning up and kissing him. It starts soft, and slow but grows into something bigger. He surges up a little, and they move so she is lying on her back and he is hovering above her, his weight braced on his forearm above her head. His lips move from hers to trail lightly down her neck, and she hums softly before tilting her head to recapture his lips in hers.
When they pull back, he rests his forehead on hers and they both laugh lightly. It's their first real kiss, and the enormity of it threatens to swallow them whole. "So…that's nice" she whispers, her tone teasing and light, before leaning up to kiss him again.
He leans back for a moment, looking down to study her, before leaning forward and kissing her temple, then the tip of her nose, then her lips. "Clarke" he whispers, "Are you sure that this is a road that you want to go down?". Her eyes draw together in a question and he drops his forehead to her collar bone for a moment, before pulling it back up to look at her again, "I don't have anything to offer you, Clarke. This…this will be my whole life, for the rest of my life" he says, not quite meeting her eyes.
She presses her lips together and moves her hands so that she is holding face – one hand on each cheek. She waits until he looks at her and smiles softly at him, "this is all I want" she whispers. He closes his eyes against her idealism and she kisses him lightly before she speaks again, "You're kind, and protective, and you'll do anything for the people you care about and you are all I want"
He knows that this is a lager conversation that they'll probably have to have more than once, but he can't help it when his lips fall to hers again.
Bellamy is trying to read, having just gotten home from work and exhausted, but Octavia is full of energy and bouncing about all around him. He finally snaps at her to settle and she rolls her eyes, asking him what she's supposed to do in the apartment and he half shrugs, "You can do whatever the hell you want," then thinks better of it, "As long as you do it quite like". She rolls her eyes, but sits.
So, they are at the kitchen table, her sewing and him reading, when they hear it. Guards are banging on a door down the hall and yelling follows it. It doesn't sound like a random inspection – it sounds worse, so Bellamy hides Octavia under the floor and resituates the table until it looks right. Then, he opens his door to see if he can figure out what's going on – doors all along the hallway crack as others do the same. All at once he realizes that the pod they're in is Avery and Clarke's and all the air rushes out of his lungs. Avery is standing in the hallway, staring inside his home as guards rip it apart, a guard standing about a foot behind him, watching him.
He needs to know if Clarke is in there, or if this is his fault – if the guard somehow found out that she was hiding a girl. He makes eye contact with Avery – he does not know this man, has never spoken to him, and their only connection is Clarke, but that's not a small thing. Avery shakes his head, just once, to let him know that Clarke isn't there.
Clarke didn't tell Avery about his secret, but he does know that his pod is where she's been spending time lately – that had been impossible to hide from him. She had been coming over at least two days a week since her birthday and couldn't keep that from her roommate. She wanted to introduce them, something that he wasn't opposed to, but the timing had never worked out.
All the sudden the sound of boots hitting the floor, someone running, echoes in the hallway. He turns to see Clarke rounding the corner on the other side of the hall. Someone must have told her some version of what is going on, because her eyes are red-rimmed and she's moving as fast as she can. Bellamy looks back at Avery who is now staring at him with wide, desperate eyes, shaking his head when Bellamy looks at him.
Bellamy's hand reaches out as Clarke is running and instead of letting her pass like everyone else did, he pulls her to him. He grabs her wrist, then wraps an arm around her waist. She jerks in his arms, telling him to let her go and to get off of her. He calls her name until she looks up at him and nods towards Avery who she has some kind of silent conversation with, it ends with her pointing at his door and him nodding.
The door swings shut behind them and for a long moment Clarke is still and silent, and Bellamy just watches her. He brushed his fingertips against her arm, just above her elbow and it seems to break the spell. She turns to face him before she falls against him, her arms loosely circle his waist and she presses her cheek to his chest.
"Clarke" his voice breaks around her name and his arms circle her shoulders. After a few moments, she releases him and takes a half step back, rubbing at her eyes like she's ashamed by her tears. "Clarke" he whispers her name and she drops her hands, revealing red splotchy cheeks. He rests a hand on her hip and kisses her forehead.
All the sudden Clarke looks around, "Where's Octavia?" she asks, but it dawns on her before he has time to answer, "hiding" she whispers almost to herself.
"We didn't know what was going on" he explains.
She goes to the table, moving it and pulling up the floor, her tears starting anew. She's apologizing to Octavia from the moment she opens the hatch and Octavia looks over at her brother, confused. Bellamy shrugs helplessly.
Bellamy finally gets Clarke to come sit with him on the couch, and Octavia brings her a water. "It's not a random search" Clarke says, her eyes closed. "Avery's father was caught…" she glances over at Octavia and swallows, "he's going to be floated" she says instead of whatever she was going to say.
"What does that have to do with Avery?" Octavia asks quietly.
Clarke shakes her head, "Nothing" she sighs, "Avery didn't do anything, I'm not even sure what they're trying to find" she pulls in a deep breath, "but I do know that his father is a respected member of Alpha and Avery's seen as a traitor…" she trails off, like she's trying to work something out in her own mind.
"They're not going to find anything" Octavia says like she's sure.
Clarke scoffs, "Unless they put it there".
It's quiet for a long time, before Bellamy tilts his head towards his sister then nods back towards the bed rooms, asking her to give them some space. Octavia stands, kisses the top of Clarke's head, and disappears into Aurora's room, the door clicking shut behind her. It's quite after Octavia leaves, Bellamy scoots a little closer to Clarke and she leans her head against his shoulder, blowing out a long breath.
"He was caught with a girl…pulled her into a storage closet, but her dad came looking…" she trails off, pulls her hand across her eyes. "My mother was the one to tell me" she scoffs, "God…of all people…" she shakes her head a little. They both jump when they're a soft knock on the door.
Octavia comes out of Arura's room, ready to hide, but Clarke stops her, "It's just Avery. Go into one of the bedrooms, you'll be safe." Bellamy nods behind Clarke and Octavia hugs Clarke quickly before disappearing. Clarke opens the door, Bellamy standing just behind her, and breathes out Avery's name, launching herself at him. He wraps his arms around her, nodding at something she says that Bellamy can't quite hear.
Avery nods awkwardly at Bellamy, thanks him for taking care of Clarke, and Clarke hugs Bellamy before she disappears down the hall with Avery.
The next morning, Clarke and Avery walk to the airlock just outside the Prison Station, the hall is lined with guards and she sucks in a breath when she sees that Bellamy is one of them. She holds his gaze as she passes him and she and Avery come to a stop in front of Avery's father. Avery steps forward and speaks in hushed whispers to his father until Kane puts his hand on his shoulder and pulls him to airlock.
It's not how it was when Clarke's father was floated; he'd stood stoic and let it happen, not seeing the point in causing more chaos. Avery's father, by contrast, kicks and screams as guards pull him away, leaving him alone in the airlock. Jaha nods at the guard with his hand over the button and Clarke spins sharply, not able to will herself to watch. Her eyes find Bellamy's, and he hold her gaze, hoping that she knows that she is not alone.
That night, after Bellamy is sure that Avery has gone to work, he makes his way down the hall and stops in front of Avery's door. He knocks, but he doesn't hear any movement inside and the door doesn't open. He pulls his hand against the back of his neck and glances down the hall way in either direction. He's not sure if he should look for her or not; if he should wait for her to come to him. For a moment, he wonders if she blames him in some way, for being a part of the system that just seems to keep killing people.
He should go back home, but he needs to walk a little, clear his head, so he goes to the cafeteria and gets a water. He's heading down the hallway that will take him home when something occurs to him and he doubles back, going to opposite direction instead. He moves through the hallways until he gets to a narrow one, moves some stuff out of his way and keeps going, he makes it to where Polaris was meant to dock easily.
He stops at the opening to the room, Clarke is sitting against the large window, framed by the stars. She stares ahead with big unblinking, unseeing eyes and he wonders if he's intruding. He's come here a few times, since she showed it to him, times when he'd needed just a few minutes to be by himself, and he understands why she likes it so much. He closes his eyes and knocks against the open frame of the room in the same rhythm she knocks against his pod door when she visits.
She looks up, her watery eyes taking a moment to find his, but she doesn't speak. He's about to mumble an apology and leave her to her solitude when she smiles a little and breathes out his name. He half smiles and crosses the room to sit with her, when he sits their shoulders brush a little and she scoots about a half foot away. He freezes, wonders if he misread the situation and she wants to be alone after all, but she reaches out and tugs on his arm until he's lying down, his lead on her lap. He's looking up at her questioningly, so she smiles a little and nods out towards the star-filled sky, turns her head so she can look out too. He reaches out and takes her hand, rests it on his chest so that he can play with her fingers, he smiles a little when her other hand moves into his hair, pulling through it in a nice repetitive motion. "It's weird," she says still looking out "how something can be so beautiful and so scary all at once" she whispers, voice a little scratchy. He hums a little in agreement.
It's quiet for a log moment, he plays with her fingers while she plays with his hair. He's probably half asleep when she clears her throat softly, "When Avery's mom was sick, about a week before she died, she had one really good day" she says at barley above a whisper. "Avery and I were so small, I think we were naive enough to think it meant she'd get better, but looking back, I think she knew it was her last good day. Avery's dad brought fruit and we sat on the floor and ate while she sat up in her bed for the first time in weeks" she smiles a little at the memory. "Back then, no one thought Avery and I would stay close our whole lives, I mean – why would they? But his mom…" she trails off laughing lightly, "I don't know how, but she knew." He squeezes her fingers lightly and she smiles down at him. "I remember that day, she told us to take care of each other. Told us that we needed each other to balance one another out, she said -" she breaks off to pull in a deep breath, "She said that without me, Avery might never learn compassion and that without Avery I might never learn strength…that we were two sides of the same coin, and that we'd need those things from one another" she nods a little, a tear falling from her chin on to Bellamy's cheek. He reaches up to touch her cheek and she smiles, pulling her tear off his. "I think about that a lot" she says with a small shrug, "How we're different, but the same where it matters. How that lets us teach each other things" she whispers, and it's almost like she's talking to herself.
Bellamy holds her hand on his chest and reaches his other hand out to run along her leg, from her knee to her ankle and back again. It's quiet for a while, Clarke looks out at the stars like she caught in the stare while he looks up at her, watching her carefully. It's like that for so long, it almost startles him when she speaks again, "No one ever said it out loud, but I think my mom and Well's mom got pregnant at the same time so that Wells and I would get married". His hand stills on her leg for just a moment before resuming its pattern. She moves her hand through his hair, still looking outside, "But Wells and I were too similar, we had all the same background and all the same experiences. We couldn't help one another grow and we never had anything to offer each other" she shakes her head a little, "I mean, I love him, but I could never love him"
She closes her eyes and tilts her head away from the window, when she opens her eyes again they meet his. "I know that you think I'm naive or idealistic or whatever, that I don't know what I'm getting into with you," he closes his eyes, leans his head back into her hand and smirks a little, he hadn't realized that this was where this was going. "And our lives are different, Bellamy, but I think that's a good thing. I think we're different enough to help each other grow, but we're the same too – where it matters" she's quiet when she finishes, nerves catching up to her.
"Clarke, I just don't want you to regret anything" Bellamy says, his voice just above a whisper.
She smiles a little, shakes her head, "Yeah" she pauses, "Me either". She swallows before she leans down to kiss him. The angle is awkward and it strains both of their necks, they both laugh into the kiss a little, passing their breath back and forth. Bellamy sits up, not breaking the contact, and presses into her. She makes a little sound in the back of her throat and he deepens the kiss, her head knocks back against the glass with a little thud and he pulls back a little, smiling when her lips chase his. He looks at her for a moment, lips red and swollen and pupils wide and watching him, stars dancing all around her. He smiles, cups his hand around the back of her head and kisses her again.
Full disclosure: The two sides of the same coin thing comes from a television show called 'Jack And Bobby' (which is awesome) and I've just always loved it.
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