I wanna taste love and pain
Wanna feel pride and shame
I don't wanna take my time
Don't wanna waste one line
I wanna live better days
Never look back and say
Could have been me
It could have been me- Could've Been Me by The Strutts
They spent the next two days in her apartment, mostly in bed, sometimes sleeping and sometimes talking. Sometimes neither of those. Daryl and Allie were not the types to have casual relationships, so they talked about that a lot too.
Then there were things they didn't talk about. Were they in love? Was it just epic chemistry? Was it right or wrong?
These were questions they both had but didn't ask, for all the trust they had between them now, there was a lot unanswered.
Already they knew it was something special, the kind of special you didn't let slip through your fingers. The kind of special that you protected.
But the definition of what kind of special was not spoken, even if they both felt it.
After careful thought, Alison decided it was just better to not go out after all. It was a small town, and if anyone who worked at the hospital saw them together, it could mean big trouble for her, and he didn't want that.
Daryl wanted to protect her and what they had now, whatever it turned out to be, and as she spoke he agreed with her.
Allie informed him that nurses had a way of gossiping, not Maggie of course. They were tight, and Allison considered her a friend and not just a colleague. If she found out, she'd take it to her grave.
But others would eat it up with a spoon and try and get her fired or her license revoked. It was inappropriate at best and at worst well it could ruin her professionally.
The rules were clear, and this was something you just didn't do, period.
Part of her, a smaller part as the days went on, felt like she had failed and was a horrible person, but the larger part of her reminded her when you found the one you found the one.
Allison had fought hard against her feelings, but she couldn't deny how happy he made her. She did deserve to be happy, didn't she?
There were worse things in Daryl's mind than spending two days in bed with her. He's spent a lot of time in bed lately, but this time it was because he wanted to.
Happily, they talked about everything imaginable, their childhoods, their dreams for the future, things they wanted to do and everything in between. Daryl still got tired easily, and they both napped in the afternoons. Allie had been short on sleep for a long time and having the time to catch up on it was wonderful.
At night they made love like two starving people, denied something so good for so long that they couldn't get enough now. Both of them knew it was going to end soon, and it would be a long time before they were together like that again.
It was bittersweet.
During the days together they watched all three Lord of the Rings movies, two John Hughes movies and Star Trek complete with popcorn and Luna lying between them on the bed.
Allie and Daryl cooked together, listened to music and told each other everything, almost everything.
Daryl shared his childhood growing up with two heroin addicts, being abused and feeling worthless all his life and Allie told him about her indifferent mother, who never wanted her and told her so.
She told him that someday she wanted to be a mother, to be able to give a child everything she was never given. Allison had pushed those thoughts out of her mind when Zack died and with him the hope to be a mother.
There were words still unspoken between them that maybe it was too soon to say and so it was left unsaid, and other topics brought up in its place.
"All I'm sayin is when Tool is on. You know it's Tool," Daryl said as they sat at the kitchen table on their last night together, "I like them, but Merle don't, he says Maynard's voice gives him a migraine."
Allie laughed because it was so good getting to know him and with him his family, who she adored and letting him know past few days had opened her eyes up to what kind of life it could be with him.
She had missed having this kind of connection with another person; this had only happened one other time for her.
It had never happened for Daryl before; he realized that pretty quickly that what he'd had before was pale in comparison to this before him.
"There's nothing like Forty-Six and Two," He said, and Allie nodded, she liked that song a lot.
"Ok," She grinned, "I'll give you that."
"Cause I'm right," He said smiling back at her.
Maybe they had a chance, perhaps after he wasn't her patient, she wouldn't be so afraid of being a town pariah, not that it would stop her. Daryl was sure that his girl was tough and determined, he hoped that nothing would stop her from being with him, but he knew her mind tortured her sometimes.
He wanted to tell her it would all be alright, but the reality was that he didn't know for sure. How could you know anything for sure in a world where a 23-year-old man could get cancer, or a nurse could die in an accident at the age of 21.
Daryl could tell she was still thinking about it sometimes, her forehead would scrunch up, and her eyes got squinty when she was thinking about something. He knew her already.
"Well, all their songs have the same beat," She said pushing bad thoughts away, "I'm not saying it's bad, just predictable."
Daryl peered out the window into the parking lot and saw Merle pull in driving Allie's car followed by Andrea who was driving Merle's truck. It was dark, and probably safe to go outside together, and he scanned the parking lot, there was no one around.
"Speak of the devil, and the devil appears," Daryl said, "Here's your car good as new."
"People might think he's the devil, but he's not," Allie said, "He is one of the finest men I have ever met, and something tells me that he's responsible for the man you are today."
"You'd be right about that."
Daryl and Allie went downstairs to meet Merle and Andrea in the parking lot, and Merle was smiling a mile wide. Seeing them together made him happy, he loved to see his brother holding hands with her. He had been right; he'd pushed and pushed until he got his way and he wasn't sorry.
Andrea looked so cute in the first of the maternity tops that she had gotten, it was blue with white polka dots, and it brought the color out in her eyes tenfold. Allie smiled at her and told her she looked lovely.
She was just starting to show and by their calculations she was four months pregnant. This baby was going to be beautiful and would have the best of both of them.
"There ya go, Sis," Merle said, "Good as new."
Andrea laughed as he winked at Allie. "He even washed it for you."
"I can call ya Sis now right Allie since you're smashing my brother." Merle said as he approached them in the parking lot of her apartment building, "You know when it's just us."
Allie giggled, and Daryl was not amused, but he let it go. He let go of Allie's hand and shook Merle's hand.
"Thanks for doing this brother," Daryl said as Merle gave him the keys.
"Yes, thank you, Merle," Allie said, stepping forward and giving him a hug and then one to Andrea.
"No worries," Merle said, "We gonna order some food, it's on me."
"If you're buying I'm flyin," Daryl said, and he took Allie by the hand again, taking full advantage of the fact that he could do it now. The time would come when he wouldn't be able to touch her at all.
Self-imposed celibacy was going to be a bitch.
The four of them went inside to her apartment and ordered Chinese food, which they ate in her kitchen. Their conversation centered on the new baby and how good Daryl was feeling. Merle was even more entertaining to Allie then when he was with Daryl at chemo, he teased them both and had everyone laughing the entire time.
It was a good night.
They didn't stay late because Andrea was getting tired and after they left Daryl and Allie went back to bed because it was their last night together.
The time they had spent together had been a great learning experience for both of them, but it had been far too short. The weeks ahead of them stretched out and felt like an eternity.