I'm woken by the sound of movement and low whispers; just loud enough to grab my attention and wake me up.

Guh, stupid super ears catching every little sound.

I shift a bit, reaching out latching onto a bundle of blankets that I pull against me and curl around. Mmm… they smelt really nice. I feel myself relaxing again and nodding off as the scent rolls through my head.

I float in that wonderful place of half-consciousness where you're vaguely aware of what is going on but still asleep enough to just drift; warm, safe and so very comfortable.

Sleep was an amazing invention.

Warm blankets were up there as well.

I was ready to spend a few hours or so just lying here, when I heard something truly horrifying.

The sound of muted footsteps heading towards me.

No, no, no. I'm not here.

I duck my head under the blankets, hoping to hide until the person leaves and lets me get back to relaxing.

I can't smell her at the moment with the blankets shoved in my face, but I just knew it was my mother here to drag me into the world of the waking. The fiend.

She clears her throat above me. I stay perfectly still, feigning sleep.

I lay there for a few minutes before I risk a quick peek out through a little gap in the blankets.

I meet her eyes. Shit.

She notices right away, and a fiendish grin spreads across her face in the instant before I snap my eye shut again. Shit, shit, shit.

"Oh my, it seems that Nilas is still sleeping. It would be a very big shame if he was to miss breakfast."

Haha, nice try lady but you'll have to try better than that. I wasn't born yesterday.

I hear her lower herself down to the floor right beside me, and I tense up slightly.

I can hear the mischief in her voice as she speaks. "Perhaps I shall just leave him to sleep the day away like a lazy little colt."

She's up to something. What is she up to?

"Or maybe, I shall do THIS."

And then her fingers are running down my sides in a blur, tickling me relentlessly. I squeal in surprise, throwing my body about as I try to get away from her dancing fingers. I can't help but laugh, my lungs heaving as I gasp for air and laugh involuntarily.

I'm definitely awake now.

Eris doesn't let up, snickering as she rolls me onto my back to get at my sensitive underbelly. I try fighting off her hands with my own, my hooves flailing to try and do the same.

Mercy!

Mercy!

"Noooooooooo~"

She stops instantly.

Huh, that was weird, who said no? It sounded like a little kid. I know for sure there wasn't any around yesterday.

I open my eyes and see her staring at me with wide, gleaming eyes and her hands covering her mouth. Huh?

"Y-you spoke!"

Before I know what is happening, she has me pressed into her in a hug as she kisses my head. "You are so very smart, my wonderful colt! Speaking already, your mother is so proud of you!"

That… that was me? I hadn't even been thinking, it had just been a reflex.

I try again. "N-no?"

It felt really weird. Making noises was one thing, but actually 'speaking' the words was something else entirely. I could feel the sound starting way down inside me in a way I could never had hoped to replicate as a human, and working its way up. I knew how to instinctively shift a pitch here, or put a slight waver there to say what I wanted to. Hell, the sound to suggest a question was a type of nose snort.

Eris was over the moon, almost bouncing in place as she put me back down and clapped. "Yes, yes. That is right, no. You are a clever colt."

She seems to think of something and her whole demeanour changes, almost nervous but excited and wishful. This was the first time I had seen her like this. She was always bubbly and energetic. Seeing her this subdued was odd.

"Now, can… can you say… m-mother? M-mama?"

I hesitate for a second. I don't… I guess… I could. Maybe. But was it really that important?

I freeze up at my own thought, frowning.

The fuck was I saying, of course it was! I was her… her son. Her first child. This was something she would remember for the rest of her life. And I swore to myself I would do anything to make sure I never upset her.

"M-mother?"

And then without even thinking I do this strange sniff, nicker and head rub against her that just felt… right, in a way.

I hear her make a half choking, half sobbing noise above me and her arms fall slowly around me as she buries her face in my hair. When she speaks, her voice is soft and full of emotion that has me tearing up slightly as well. "I-I love you too, my perfect little colt. My Nilas. You are so very, very wonderful."

Was… she crying?

She was.

I could feel myself getting emotional.

I felt like shit. Here I had been pushing this woman- No. My… my mother away, because I felt like I was betraying my family.

And I had been doing that. I couldn't lie to myself. I had been consciously keeping my distance.

Because it felt like… like I was forgetting them. That they weren't important. Easily replaceable.

I hadn't even stopped to think about how she, and how Mikhael, my… father, would feel if I just kept pushing them away. Keeping my distance. Treating them like strangers.

Oh god, I was going to do that to them wasn't I?

Make… make them have to face the fact that their child didn't seem to care. Didn't want to get close.

Guilt sits heavily in my gut as I put my arms around her and hug her back. It worsens when I feel her twitch in surprise.

She had been surprised when her son actually hugged her properly.

I wasn't… ready to be their son. Not properly, not fully. Not yet.

I didn't have the strength to do so.

But I knew when it came down to it, I would have to accept it eventually. There was no going back from here.

It hurt to think that, but I couldn't keep fooling myself. I wasn't the person I used to be. I didn't look the same, didn't sound the same. And that meant… leaving my old family behind. A-as much as it hurt to think.

And hey, they had each other still right? They were safe, they could live. They'd miss me. I knew I missed them. But they'd keep going, and make the most of what they had.

I hoped.

And I could too. Just, not with them.

...Not anymore.

I was Nilas now.

And that was something I would learn to accept. Slowly.

But I'd do it. If not for me, then for Eris and Mikhael.

They didn't deserve to have any less.

I just wish it didn't hurt so much.

I hold her and cry.