A/N: Thank you for reading my story! I'm excited about the reviews I've received and how you're responding to it. In this chapter, I have several indications of where their destination is. If anyone would like to take some shots at it, that's all right. I'd like the amusement of your guesses but if you guess right, I won't spoil the rest. You'll just have to wait with the rest of 'em! Also, there's an entire sentence taken from a song, can you guess what it is? Also, on a serious note, I'm sorry how the music is showing up. I have it centered on my documents but Fan Fiction shows it messed up. I don't know what's going on so if that confuses you, I'm sorry. I've really tried. On with the story: enjoy!
Day 4 of Mission: Moving
Friday, May 20, 2005
Piper, Leo, their kids, Phoebe, Cole and their kids are eating breakfast and Prue and Andy have their kids out at the nearby park. Paige surprisingly, has her kids in the parking lot, watching the sun rise.
Paige - seeing Piper come out for the morning edition of the newspaper - Hey!
Piper - surprised - Paige! Good morning.
Paige - Hey, how are you?
Piper - Surprised.
Paige - Why?
Piper - Your up early, girl.
Paige - So, my kids wanted to go see the sun… I think as their mother, I should entitle them to that right.
Connie - Can I go talk to Aunt Phoebe for a moment, Mommy?
Paige - Sure, just knock first, K.
Connie - Ok Mommy.
She skips cheerfully away.
Paige - She is in a good mood, huh?
Piper - How could she not? She was rescued from her abusive dad and reunited with her mom. I would be happy too.
Connor - Plus, she's moving far away. Daddy couldn't get us.
Paige - placing a loving arm around his shoulders the way mom's do - Even if we were in San Francisco, he couldn't take me away from you again.
Connor - But if you we're still in San Francisco, you wouldn't have us.
Paige - What do you mean?
Conner - If you weren't running, there wouldn't be a reason to summon us. We'd be lost forever.
Paige, knowing how right he was, hugs him tighter.
Connor - gasping for breath - Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't have said that.
Paige - Yes, you should have.
Piper - You're suffocating the boy.
Paige releases him a little.
Paige - A little.
Piper - More like a lot.
Paige - I just missed him a lot.
Piper - I know sweetie, no mother should have to go through that. I just can't believe you didn't tell us.
Connor - This is where the children exit to allow adults to have some grown-up time.
Piper and Paige laugh as Connor leaves to go torment Richard.
Richard - from another spot - Hello Connor.
Piper and Paige laugh again.
Piper - How did you lose him? You said that Connie was stolen, you thought she died at birth. But how did you lose Connor?
Paige - It was 4 ½ years ago or so. I remember it like it was yesterday. Connor was teething, and I was trying to calm him down. The doorbell sounded so I was planning to put him down--but Connor had another plan. I placed him in the crib, and he cried even louder. I was having some trouble with the Social Services saying that I was still drinking… but I wasn't. So to prove I wasn't an un-fit parent, I carried him to the door, trying to sooth him. When I answered, it was Cameron and the police. Andy was one of the lead cops, but who I couldn't get out of my mind was Cameron. Nothing was making any sense. Why was he here, how did he find me, was he after my son… in reality, it was all related to Connor. I had used the wrong credit card buying Connor a baby ice pack for his teething problem, so the minute it was recorded, he traced it. I asked them what they wanted, if I could help them and the cops just barged in. I was terrified. Not for me, but for my son. If Cameron was involved, you know two other things was too: money and trouble. Andy told me, gently, that they were there for Connor. They had received anonymous tip that I was still boozing and I was an un-fit patent. Not thinking properly, I ran with Connor. When they finally caught me, they took my baby, read me my rights and arrested me for resisting enforcement. That was the last time I saw my baby before now. I thought I'd never see him again. I guess I underestimated the impossible.
Andy - Sorry to eavesdrop. The reason I said I have him now is because we later discovered that he paid off the other cops. He was told that I wouldn't go along with it and passed me up. Good thing for him, I would've hauled his ass downtown immediately.
Paige - Thanks.
Andy - The only thing I regret is I wish you wouldn't have ran. I could've helped you get Connor back. I knew it was fishy in the first place, but running proved you we're guilty, but all you were was…
Paige - You can say it, scared.
Piper - Thanks Paige. Are you and Prue ready to go?
Andy - Yeah, I do believe so.
Piper - I'm going over to Phoebe's to ask her. - she leaves Paige and Andy and then she goes to Phoebe and Cole's room where she starts to knock on the door - Phoebe, Cole?
Phoebe's Voice - In here! - Piper allows herself in - Hey, how are you?
Piper - Pretty good. You?
Connie skips out of the room.
Connie - calling back - Bye Aunt Phoebe, thanks.
Phoebe - Your welcome. See you later!
Piper - What did she want?
Phoebe - You'll see.
Piper - Ok, are you and yours ready?
Phoebe - Yep, ready and set!
Piper - Good, we'll be setting up.
Phoebe - Yeah. Ok. Be there soon, I'll be doing the same thing.
Piper leaves.
Piper and Leo's room
Piper - walking into her and Leo's room - Hey Leo.
Leo - finishing up taking down the crib - Hey! How are you?
Piper - Is there something wrong about me to you or is something tattooed across my forehead?
Leo - Sorry, I'm, and probably them as well, are trying to butter you up into telling us where we're going.
Piper - Oh, well, at least I know there isn't something going on.
Leo - Just the same ole conspiracy.
Piper - Ok, lets lock and load.
Leo - On it.
They all gather their belongings and head out.
Car # 1
Piper - in the phone - Ok, we're leaving Elk Mountain, and heading towards Arlington. 1,115 miles down, 439 miles to go today: 1,526 to go altogether.
Phoebe - over the speakers - WOW! 1,115 miles already! What progress!
Paige - over the speakers - Really, Piper is a wonderful navigator.
Piper - in the phone - Ain't gonna work.
Paige - over the speakers - It's worth a try anyway.
Phoebe - over the speakers - We have an early bird request. Lucky for her, this temp. DJ has it. Here comes Chris Cagle's Chicks Dig It.
The music starts playing:
Hey y'all watch this!
Daddy's belt, mamas drapes
Standin' tall
on the backyard shed
Lookin' cool in my superman cape
I told
the neighbourhood girls
Said hey y'all, watch this
My fate was
a broken arm
And my reward a one day kiss
When daddy asked me
why I did it
I made him laugh out loud when I told him
Cause
the chicks dig it
Scars heal... glory fades
And all we're
left with are the memories made, oh yeah
Pain hurts, but only for
a minute
Yeah life is short so go on and live it
Cause the
chicks dig it
Oh yeah
Mmmm
Black top road, learner
permit
Thought I was Earnhardt
Drivin' fast, but I didn't see
the ditch
Took out a mailbox, then a fence, then a barn
The
police came and called my father
But I met the farmer's
daughter
And when the judge asked me why I did it
He threw the
book at me when I told him
Cause the chicks dig it
Scars
heal... glory fades
And all we're left with are the memories made,
oh yeah
Pain hurts, but only for a minute
Life is short so go
on and live it
Cause the chicks dig it
Oh yeah
Ohh,
oh
Just throw caution to the wind my friend
And then sit
back and watch your life begin, cause
Scars heal... glory
fades
And all we're left with are the memories made
Yeah pain
hurts, but only for a minute
Yeah, life's short so go on and live
it
Cause the chicks dig it
Scars heal... glory fades
And
all we're left with are the memories made
Pain hurts, but only for
a minute
Yeah life is short so go on and live it
It don't
matter if you lose or if you win it
Hey the chicks dig it
Oh
yeah
Chicks dig it
Mmm
The chicks dig it
Ah, hey, aw
yeah
The chicks dig it
I got this scar when I was three
years old showing off for the girl next door on my tricycle And the
on over my eye, well I got that back in '82 jumpin' off the train
tressele bridge But I got the girl, hah, oh
The chicks dig it!
Paige - over the speakers - Connie requested that?
Phoebe - over the speakers - What is wrong with Chicks Dig It?
Paige - over the speaker - Nothing, I just thought that she didn't know what music was, all less what song it was and country.
Connie - over the speaker - Daddy made me listen to music.
Conner - over the speaker - Oh yeah, real torture.
Connie - over the speaker - Sorry.
Richard - over the speakers - So, Connie, how did my ole pal treat you?
Connie - over the speakers - Special.
Paige - over the speakers - What do you mean by that?
Connie - over the speakers - Nothing.
Paige - over the speakers - Richard, I think we need to speak at the next rest area.
Richard - over the speakers - Ok.
Piper - in the phone - Is something the matter?
Paige - over the speakers - Well… I don't know if special to Connie means the same special treatment Cameron gave me… but we need to find out.
Richard - over the speakers - What did it mean?
Paige - over the speakers - Not in front of the kids.
Richard - over the speakers - I'm going to kill him.
Paige - over the speakers - No, he's mortal.
Conner - over the speakers - No, just stake him… he'll go puff.
Paige - over the speakers - What?
Connie - over the speakers - He's a vamp.
Paige - over the speakers - I should've know he was a blood sucker. He sucked everything else.
Piper - in the phone - What?
Paige - over the speakers - Not in front of the kids.
Connie - over the speakers - You can speak openly in front of me. Sex is an everyday subject. Hell, he'd tell visitors about me.
Paige - over the speakers - Richard, you won't have to worry about staking him, I'm becoming a vampire slayer instead of a witch.
Richard - over the speakers - No, don't worry babe. I will deal with it, you won't have to get his filthy dust on you. I'll handle it. I'll take this competition to the next level: Murder.
Piper -in the phone - Oh no you don't. Just stick with us and you'll get your crime fix for a while. We've already done many things, we don't need murder.
Richard - over the speakers - Ok, probably won't see him anyway.
Piper - in the phone - And if you see him in our new home, you can kill him… the state won't mind.
Andy - over the speakers - Piper, all states mind. Even the folklore state of West Virginia that says that they kill and eat each other, minds if there is a murder committed there.
Piper - in the phone - Really?
Andy - over the speakers - Yes, and they don't allow incest either.
Piper - in the phone - That's surprising.
Paige - over the speakers - Ya know, it'd be funny if we we're moving to West Virginia… but nah, Piper would never. I just couldn't see myself… nah.
Phoebe - over the speakers - How do you know? She said we wouldn't like it… West Virginia would be definitely be a no, no.
Piper - in the phone - Yeah, go figure.
Leo - in the phone - Piper…so help me if you move us to place where 100 feet of snow is normal, I will become a widower.
Piper - in the phone - No, Leo, we're not going to a place where 100 feet of snow is normal.
Paige - over the speakers - Ok, so we can rule out West Virginia.
Piper - in the phone; smiling - Do as you wish.
Andy - over the speakers - How many feet does West Virginia have on a yearly basis?
Leo - in the phone - I'd say about 500 feet.
Piper - in the phone - No, West Virginia averages yearly about 15 feet of snow.
Paige - over the speakers - Yearly?
Piper - in the phone - Yeah, I watch the Weather Channel a lot.
Phoebe - over the speakers - So, where are we going?
Piper -in the phone - Oh, I give up, we're going to Buford, Wyoming… for lunch. Psyche.
Prue - over the speakers - I never imagined you the 'Psyche' kind.
Piper -in the phone - Yeah, well, people change. Hey Pheebs, what do you have to play?
Phoebe - over the speakers - How 'bout a girl song?
Connor - over the speakers - Who, who, who?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Shania Twain.
Connor - over the speakers - Any Man of Mine?
Phoebe - over the speakers - You bet!
Connor cheers as music starts to play:
This
is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of
me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
And I can be late
for a date that's fine
But he better be on time
Any man of
mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a
little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I
have a bad hair day
And if I change my mind
A million
times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like
it that way
Any man of mine better walk the line
Better
show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who
knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine
treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine
Well
any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin'
better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He
better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah
And if I changed
my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way
Any man of mine better
walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda
time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a
heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any
man of mine
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way
Any
man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin'
squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the
story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin'
earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine
You gotta shimmy
shake
Make the earth quake
Kick, turn, stomp, stomp, then you
jump
Heel to toe, Do Si Do
'Til your boots wanna break
"Til
your feet and your back ache
Keep it movin' 'til you just can't
take anymore
Come on everybody on the floor
A-one two, a-three
four
Hup two, hum
If you wanna be a man of mine, that's
right
This is what a woman wants...
Connor -over the speakers - I have found and now I declare my favorite and coolest Aunt.
Phoebe - over the speakers - I like this kid!
Piper - in the phone - Just wait 'til he eats one bite of my food. You'll lose him so fast, your head will spin.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Oh, bring it on.
They laugh.
Paige - over the speakers - I like that my son is being played for as we speak, but his Mommy does not appreciate that her son is a trophy.
Piper- in the phone - We're just joking, Paige.
Phoebe - over the speakers - But who was Chris's favorite Aunt?!
Paige - over the speakers - Me!… Well, I really don't know… towards the end, he and I we're kinda fighting all the time.
Patricia - over the speakers - You was his favorite Aunt, hands down. The reason you fought like you did was because of Time Travel. When your actually 29 years older then him, he loves you very much. When your barely 6 years over him, he gets a bit aggravated.
Paige - over the speakers - Thanks Patricia.
Prue - over the speakers - See, she's smart… smarter then her Mom.
Piper - in the phone - Now Prue, I doubt that.
Patricia - over the speakers - Nope.
Andy - over the speakers - Patricia, I've told you to pretend, even though you are.
Prue - over the speakers - If I weren't driving I would slap you.
Andy - over the speakers - Thanks.
Prue - over the speakers - Yeah, thank the car.
Piper - in the phone - Are you hungry? We'll be in Buford in about 30 minutes.
Paige - over the speakers - Starved. So is Connor and Connie. Richard, how 'bout you?
Richard - over the speakers - I'm starved as well. Sounds good to me, Piper.
Piper - over the speakers - Ok, how about you, Phoebe and Cole's clan?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Me and the twins are famished, and Cole's unconsciousness is a product of hunger.
Piper - in the phone - What! Do we need to get him to a hospital?
Phoebe - over the speakers - No, he sleeps when he's riding. It's a product of shimmering everywhere he goes.
Piper - in the phone - Just… don't scare me like that.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Sorry.
Piper - in the phone - Prue, how's about you?
Prue - over the speakers - I'm a little hungry, but I'm ok. The twins are hungry, Melissa is really fussy and wants some grape juice, and Andy is quite irritable, which means he's hungry.
Piper - in the phone - So everybody's hungry.
Prue - over the speakers - Yeah. I'm just talking miles away.
Piper - in the phone - Funny. We're almost there.
Prue - over the speakers - See, it works.
Piper - in the phone - Again, funny. So Leo, how is Chris? He wasn't getting any sleep last night.
Leo -in the phone - He's still wide awake. Rockin' and rollin' in his car seat.
Piper - in the phone - Does he look like he has any chance at any sleep?
Leo- in the phone - The way it looks now, not as much as a whisper.
Paige - over the speakers - What is the matter with my perfect little nephew?
Piper - in the phone - He's just excited, I think he finally realized he ain't going to the supermarket.
Phoebe cooes.
Leo - in the phone - Yeah, coo now, but try to sleep with him. He cries until he can see something…
Piper - in the phone - Anything. He wanted to stay in the motel bathroom all night last night.
Prue - over the speakers - The bathroom?
Leo - in the phone - It had different toilet paper then we usually use.
Piper - in the phone - So he's fascinated.
Leo - in the phone - Fascinated? He's thrilled.
Patricia - over the speakers - I would suggest you put some baby sun visors in his window.
Piper - in the phone - I don't know, he'll throw a hissy.
Andy, Jr. - He would. But then again that is Chris.
Patricia - over the speakers - Maybe… but it would solve their problem.
Piper - in the phone - She may have a point.
Prue - over the speakers - Of course she does. She is a genius.
Paige - over the speakers - Piper, is that it?
Piper - in the phone - I guess. It's Buford exit, so I'd say yeah.
Phoebe - over the speakers - FOOD!
Cole - over the speakers; groggily and waking up - What!
Phoebe - over the speakers - Food! Next right.
Cole - over the speakers - Take a shortcut. I'm starved.
Phoebe - over the speakers - I think we are babe.
Piper's car pulls into Long John Silvers.
Parking lot to Long John Silvers
Connor - FISH!
Paige - There's chicken.
Connie - Yeah, but…ok, I guess. I shouldn't complain.
Andy, Jr., Patricia, Wyatt, Collin, Courtney and Connor- Hamburgers!
Piper - Wyatt!
Wyatt - Hamburgers!
Piper - No, bad food. No hamburgers!
Wyatt, finding out that he could just take a hostage, orbs Chris to him.
Leo - Wyatt!
Piper - Wyatt Matthew Halliwell!
Wyatt - Hamburgers!
Paige - I'll take them to a local hamburgers place. You guys eat here. Richard?
Richard - Coming.
Paige and Richard get the kids together, and get into their car. They drive off.
Piper - She better not give Chris hamburgers! We'll never get him to sleep.
Phoebe - Yeah, future Chris hated hamburgers! We'll never get him to sleep.
Phoebe -Yeah, future Chris hated anything that would 'take him a week to run off.'
Piper - Huh! He wouldn't eat a sandwich with me cause he had already had lunch. A sandwich!
Prue - You have to tell me about him…
Piper just looks at Prue, and it just hits her. She's here, alive.
Piper - Oh my god, you are alive.
Prue - Sweetie, your just now discovering this.
Piper - It just now hit.
Prue - I'm sorry you're a bit slow.
Piper - Can I have a hug?
Prue - taking her in her arms - I was wondering when those words would be said.
Piper - while receiving her hug - I missed you Prue. Never leave me again.
Prue - Wouldn't dream of it.
Piper smiles as the other members of her family watch on.
Cole - Sorry to ruin such a perfect and loving moment, but my stomach is becoming a dictator.
Piper - Sorry for leaving you in the cosmic realm. You're here too, aren't you.
Cole - Last time I checked, but if this stomach of mine doesn't get food, I won't.
Piper - Right, lets eat.
They walk in.
Prue - while walking in - If Cole hadn't said it, I would've. I'm starved.
Phoebe - Me too. So, what's on the menu?
Leo - Lobster!
Piper - Sounds good.
Phoebe - How about a platter?
Cole - Sure!
Prue - I'll stick with fish, fries, hushpuppies and slaw.
Andy - With shrimp.
Piper - Let's order then!
They order.
30 Minutes Later
Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Cole exit Long John Silvers to find Paige cleaning up her twins.
Piper - looking to her horror - CHRIS! What happened? Did you feed him hamburgers?!
Paige - No, I did not. He ate chicken nuggets, French fries, a chocolate milkshake and a hot apple pie.
Piper - Oh.
Paige - I can't get the ketchup off his face. He's licking it.
Piper looks at Chris and he licks his lips.
Piper - That is gonna leave a stain, I just know.
Paige - You think that's bad, he wanted to eat all of McDonalds.
Piper - Didn't you guys go to McDonalds the first day.
Prue - Don't even start, Piper. You've eaten there everyday for breakfast.
Piper - They have good breakfast…
Phoebe - Lunch…
Chris - Mama!
Piper squeals and faints.
Leo - Did he just say mama?
Phoebe -Yes he did. His first word.
Paige - Oh, someone should really wake up Piper.
Prue - No way, we'll scavenge her car and find where we're going.
Piper - waking up, which she really hadn't fainted, just fell over from shock - Not a chance. Hand over the baby.
Leo hands over Chris.
Piper - Hey buddy. How are you?
Chris - Mama!
Piper - Hey, how long could you say that? - Chris holds up three of his fingers - Three days? - Chris shakes his head - Three weeks? - Chris shakes his head and then she weakly tries to say - Three Months? - Chris nods his head - Christopher Perry Victor Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell Wyatt!
Leo - What?
Piper - Well, that's his in-trouble name.
Leo - Why haven't I heard of this before?
Piper - He wasn't in trouble.
Prue - Christopher Perry Victor Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell Wyatt. That is a mouth full.
Patricia - But in the original timeline it's Christopher Perry Victor No-Demon-Hunting Halliwell Wyatt!
Chris looks at her and then squints angrily.
Piper - That's his even bigger trouble name.
Patricia - Oh. Sorry Chris.
Piper - When he's walking the line of life and death, he'll never forget: Christopher Perry Victor No-Demon-Hunting Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell-Wyatt Wyatt-Halliwell.
Patricia - Ouch. Either he never got in that much trouble or he got a new name.
Andy, Jr. - Probably the latter.
Piper - Why?
Patricia and Andy, Jr. - smiling mischievously - Future consequences.
Phoebe - Well, you're not entirely from the future. That doesn't count.
Patricia - But we received the memories from a future beings.
Prue - What does Future Consequences mean exactly?
Piper - Actually, now it's FC…but that was Chris's tagline.
Phoebe - Yeah. if I got a penny every time he said that, I'd be filthy rich.
Prue - Ouch. What does it mean?
Piper - Well. It means that every action he does in the past, be it a sentence or a physical action, comes with a consequence.
Paige - He tried to warn us.
Piper - What?
Paige - He tried to tell us that every thing he does, it'd come with a consequence. We thought he was just being paranoid, but in the end, he paid the biggest one: his life.
Piper - Paige, sweetie, that wasn't Future Consequences.
Paige - Why not? He told us things after we found out, we took advantage of him and when he actually said something that could be helpful, we rejected him. He paid in full for his consequences, the only flaw, their was nothing left for us.
Andy, Jr. - No, Future Consequences came after him, but it wasn't what took him away. His Premonition was completely at blame.
Patricia - Yeah, if only he knew what we knew back then. Future Consequences was partial, but the Premonition took the rest.
Phoebe - Are you saying Chris knew he was gonna die?
Patricia and Andy, Jr. - Yeah!
Leo - Oh my god, that's why he wanted out before something…
Paige - Bad that he didn't know about could happen? He knew.
Piper - Patricia, do you know when he got it?
Patricia - No, but sometime between the 6th and 27th of September. When I saw him the 6th, he was fine; then the 27th, he was…
Andy, Jr. - Different.
Piper - Ok, lets roll and we'll talk on the way to Keamey.
Paige - But, isn't that in Nebraska?
Piper - You know where Keamey is?
Paige - Yeah, I went through there once on Vacation.
Prue - hopeful - Where'd ya go?
Paige - It really wasn't a vacation. it was a funeral. Then we went to Mount Rushmore to top it off.
Phoebe - A funeral and a vacation in one, huh. That's new. Who died?
Paige - My Mom's, Mom's sister.
Piper - Your Great Aunt?
Paige - Adopted.
Prue - Right. Huh!
Piper - So, you haven't been past Keamey.
Paige - Nope. That's towards the fields. I don't do hard work.
Piper - Oh god.
Leo - What?
Piper - I'm going to do all the work. I just know it.
Leo - Nah, I'll help.
Piper - Thanks.
Leo - I've been all the way to Germany/Asia, does that count?
Piper - laughing - A little too far, honey.
They get into the cars and start out.
Connor - over the speakers - Hey, Aunt Phoebe, any more of the hottie-wattie!
Paige - over the speakers - Excuse me, young man. That is inappropriate for a 5 year old.
Connor - over the speakers - Sorry. Any more of Shania Twain?
Phoebe - over the speakers - All I have is her Greatest Hits.
Connor smiles very widely in Paige's car.
Piper- in the phone - That boy's smile is like a 100 watt light bulb.
Connor - over the speakers - Track 20! Party for Two! Shania Twain and Billy Currington! Track 20! Track 20! Not Track 18! Not Mark McGrath! (A/N: Sorry I don't like him or that song with him in it.)
Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, ok, ok, I got ya. Not Mark McGrath. I haven't listened to this whole album yet!
Connor - over the speaker - Why not, there is only 21 songs! They're great! All but 18!
Music starts to play as they all pull out on the road again.
I'm
having me a party
(I don't think I can come)
Uh, uh, this ain't
just any kind of party
(Nah, I think I'll stay at home)
Uh, oh,
no It's gonna be really, really hot
(Startin' to sound good)
I'm
gonna put you on the spot
(Baby, maybe I should)
Yeah,
there'll be lots of one on one
(Guess I could be there)
Come on
and join the fun
(What should I wear?)
I'll tell you bout' it..
It
doesn't matter what you wear
'Cause it's only gonna be
you and
me there
(Whoa!)
I'm
having a party
A party for two
Invitin' nobody
Nobody but
you
You'll be sexy in your socks
(We could polish the
floors)
In case that anybody knocks
(Let's lock all the
doors)
Yeah, all the things I'm gonna do
(I'm gonna do with
you)
I wanna try somethin' new
(I wanna try that, too)
I
tell you bout' it...
(It doesn't matter)
uh, uh
(What I
wear)
('Cause it's only gonna be)
You and me there
(whoa!)
I'm
having a party
a party for two
invitin' nobody
Nobody but
you (yeah)
Yeah, you
(I'm here)
You're
there
(That's all)
We
really need
(We're gonna)
We're
gonna party hearty
(Just)
Just
you and me
(Don't)
Don't
think about it now
(Don't)
Don't
even doubt it now
(I'm inviting you to a)
Party
for two
(Whoa!)
shake it, shake it
(Come on baby!)
Aww,
the things I'm gonna do
(I'm gonna do with you)
I wanna try
somethin' new with you, boy
(I wanna try it, too)
I'll tell you
that it..
It doesn't matter what you wear
('Cause it's only
gonna be)
It's only gonna be you and me
(Awwwww, yeah)
I'm
havin' a party
(A little bitty party baby)
A party for two
It's
just me and you
(That's right)
Invitin' noboby
I ain't
inviting anybody
(Nobody baby)
Nobody but you
Come on,
Come on
(Come on, Come on)
Come on, Come on, Come on
(Come
on, Come on, yeah)
Come on, Come on
(Come on, Come on)
Come
on, Come on, Come on
(Come on, Come on, yeah)
(Just you and me
there)
That was great!
(Let's do it again!)
Connor - over the speakers - He was completely crazy. I would never turn down Shania Twain.
Connie - over the speakers - You wouldn't turn down Shania Twain and I wouldn't turn down Big & Rich. Two for the price of one!
Paige - over the speakers - My kids are already talking gutterish and their only 5! Help!
Connie - over the speakers - Do you have any Big & Rich, Aunt Phoebe. If you do, two things will happen: you will lose a CD and gain another favorite Niece.
Phoebe - over the speaker - Oh no you don't. Big & Rich comes up missin', your Gameboys will mysteriously disappear.
Paige - over the speaker - PHOEBE! Their just kids.
Phoebe - over the speakers - That's Big & Rich!
Paige - over the speakers - So, it's just a CD…and who are Big & Rich?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Cole, can you shimmer?
Cole - over the speakers - Yeah. Why?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Shimmer me into your place, shimmer into mine and drive while I die.
Cole - over the speakers - Why?
Phoebe - over the speakers - She doesn't know who Big & Rich are?
Cole - over the speakers - Neither do I?
Phoebe - over the speakers - You have an excuse, you've been in the cosmic realm and hell for the last 2 years.
Cole - over the speakers - Three years.
Phoebe - over the speakers - See you have an excuse. I know she has been here, or I'd swear she's been on Jupiter.
Cole - over the speakers - Do you want me to still do that?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Nah, too dangerous.
Piper - in the phone - You bet it's dangerous.
Connie - over the speakers - Play Big & Rich!
Phoebe - over the speakers - Cole, it's the CD in the buggerbox.
Cole - over the speakers - Buggerbox? Do I want to even know?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Sorry, glove department.
Cole - over the speakers - But buggerbox?
Phoebe - over the speakers - It's just a hillbilly slang.
Piper - in the phone; not controlling herself - YES!
Phoebe - over the speakers - What?
Piper - in the phone - Nothing.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, Connie, what song?
Connie - over the speakers - Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy of course. What else?
Phoebe - over the speakers; slowly -Ok. Paige, I'm sorry.
Music starts playing… actually, two men are singing:
DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM,
DE-DAA-DAAAAA
DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM,
DE-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAAAA!
Well, I walk into the room
Passing out hundred dollar bills
And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill
And I buy the bar a double round of crown
And everybody's getting down
An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.
Cause I saddle up my horse
And I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
On my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy
Well I don't give a dang about nothing
I'm singing and Bling- Blanging
While the girls are drinking
Long necks down!
And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy
or my Chevrolet for your Escalade
Or your freak parade
I'm the only John Wayne left in this town
And I saddle up my horse
And I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
On my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy
I'm a thourough-bred
that's what she said
in the back of my truck bed
As I was gettin' buzzed on suds
Out on some back country road.
We where flying high
Fining, whine, having ourselves a big and rich time
And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.
But her evaluation
Of my cowboy reputation
Had me begging for slavation
All night long
So I took her out giggin frogs
Introduced her to my old bird dog
And sang her every Willie Nelson song I could think of
And we made love
And I saddled up my horse
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy
What? What?
Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy
Everybody says
Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.
Paige - over the speakers - What in the hell!
Phoebe - over the speakers - That's Big & Rich.
Paige - over the speakers - Connie Lea Bryant-Matthews-soon-to-be-Montana!
Richard beams!
Richard - overt he speakers - Really.
Paige - over the speakers - No, I'm gonna drag you to this mystery place and leave ya. Not now! Connie is in major trouble… no, better yet, Cameron is. He made you listen to that.
Connie - over the speakers - Listen to that, I was doing that. Except, it was Save A Horse & Ride A Vampire.
Paige - over the speakers - That's it, I'm orbing.
Piper - in the phone - Paige Lynnette Halliwell-Wilder-Matthews-soon-to-be-Montana!
Paige - over the speakers - What!
Piper - in the phone - You will not orb out of this car.
Paige - over the speakers - No, I will orb out at the next stop. Wait up for me.
Piper - in the phone - Paige, it is to dangerous.
Paige - over the speakers - Did you not hear what she said? He molested my baby.
Piper - in the phone - I know sweetie, I heard, but it's not worth it. Well, not it, he's not. Just let it go. What's done is done. Remember… no, you weren't there.
Prue and Paige - over the speakers - What?
Leo - in the phone - I think you owe me an apology and you should've gave Chris one too. I bet that was even more embarrassing to him then me.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Oh god, I did tell him to get a room with his own father.
Connie - over the speakers - What's wrong with that?
Paige - over the speakers - Oh, just a few more miles.
Connie - over the speakers - I don't want to see Daddy. Please don't go.
Paige - over the speakers - Ok, I'm staying. Hey Phoebe, do you have anything kick ass?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Well, how about I read out what songs I have, then you pick?
Paige - over the speakers - Nah, one, I wouldn't know what song meant what and two, I don't want to spoil myself.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, so something kick ass, I'll try.
They hear shuffling.
Phoebe - overt he speakers - Aha! Got it. Ol' Red!
Piper starts laughing.
Paige - over the speakers - I've heard of that. I just didn't think it's any good.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Anyone who sings 'bout his dog is a good song.
Paige - over the speakers - But it is kick ass?
Prue - over the speakers - Like no other.
Paige - overt he speakers - Let me hear it.
Music starts playing.
Well
I caught my wife with another man
And it cost me ninety nine
On
a prison farm in Georgia
Close to the Florida line
Well I'd
been here for two long years
I finally made the warden my
friend
And so he sentenced me to a life of ease
Taking care of
Ol Red
Now Ol' Red he's the damnedest dog that I've ever
seen
Got a nose that can smell a two day trail
He's a four
legged tracking machine
You can consider yourself mighty lucky
To
get past the gators and the quicksand beds
But all these years
that I've been here
Ain't nobody got past Red
And the
warden sang
Come on somebody
Why don't you run
Ol' Red's
itchin' to have a little fun
Get my lantern
Get my gun
Red'll
have you treed before the mornin' comes
Well I paid off the
guard and I slipped out a letter
To my cousin up in Tennessee
Oh
and he brought down a blue tick hound
She was pretty as she could
be
Well they penned her up in the swampland
'Bout a mile just
south of the gate
And I'd take Ol' Red for his evening run
I'd
just drop him off and wait
And the warden sang
Come on
somebody
Why don't you run
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little
fun
Get my lantern
Get my gun
Red'll have you treed before
the mornin' comes
Now Ol' Red got real used to seeing
His
lady every night
And so I kept him away for three or four days
And
waited till the time got right
Well I made my run with the evenin'
sun
And I smiled when I heard 'em let Red out
'Cause I was
headed north to Tennessee
And Ol' Red was headed south
And
the warden sang
Come on somebody
Why don't you run
Ol' Red's
itchin' to have a little fun
Get my lantern
Get my gun
Red'll
have you treed before the mornin' comes
Now there's red haired
blue ticks all in the South
Love got me in here and love got me
out
Paige - over the speakers - Wow, that was awesome.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Well, that's Blake Shelton for ya. I love his whole album!
Piper - in the phone - I know, you've bought it twice. You wore out your first.
Paige - over the speakers - That was really good, I need to start looking inside the song before I judge… and genre for that matter.
Piper - in the phone - Ok, we're stopping up here at Pine Bluffs to stretch our legs and trade drivers. Ok.
Leo - in the phone - Ok, if that's what you want.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Sounds good to me.
Cole - over the speakers - Alright.
Paige - over the speakers - Food!
Richard - over the speakers - Paige, you're always hungry.
Paige - over the speakers - I get that way when I drive for long distances…I guess.
Prue - over the speakers - Ok, I like the sound of that.
Andy - over the speakers - Yeah, she needs a break.
They pull over at a rest stop, get out, stretch their legs, get something to snack on and trade drivers. After everything is done, they move along.
Piper - in the phone - Hey Phoebe, do you have God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You by both Alabama and NSYNC?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah.
Piper - in the phone - I'm in a mood for it, play it please.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Sure. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You coming right up.
Music starts to play.
How
can I put into words what I feel?
My life was complete, I thought
I was whole
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
Never knew
that love could feel like this,
And you changed my world with just
one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me there's an
angel?
It's a miracle
Your love is like a river peaceful
and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I could never keep
When
I look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must of spent a
little more time on you
In all of creation, all things great
and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious
than any diamond or pearl
They broke the mold when you came in
this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out just how I ever did
without
The warmth of your smile, the heart of a child
That's
deep inside, leaves me purified
Your love is like a river
peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I could never
keep
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must
of spent a little more time on you
Never thought that love
could feel like this
Then you change my world with just one
kiss
How can it be that right here with me
There's an angel,
is just a miracle
Your love is like a river peaceful and
deep
Your soul is like a secret that I could never keep
When I
look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must of spent a
little more time on you
God must have spent a little more time on you
Paige - over the speakers - Wait, who sings that with NSYNC again?
Phoebe - over the speakers - Alabama, why?
Paige - over the speakers - It fits me and Chris perfectly.
Piper - in the phone - Huh?
Paige - over the speakers - When the song first comes on: "Can this be true? Tell me, can this be real"--that's what I was asking myself when I found out. "How can I put into words what I feel"--I was speechless, like everyone else. My life was complete, I thought I was whole, but then I also felt like I lost control. I never knew love could fell like that, and he changed my world with one kiss. The night I found out, he quickly pecked my cheek. There was an angle with me, it was a miracle. His love was like a river, peaceful and deep. I barely kept his secret. When I looked into his eyes I knew it was true. God did spend a little more time on him. Like the song said in all of creation, he surpassed them all. More precious then diamonds or pearls. They broke the mold when he came into my life. I tried to figure out how I did without him or even better yet, how I didn't know. The warmth of his rare smile, his heart of a child. He left me purified, deep, deep, inside.
Phoebe - over the speakers; understanding - Yeah, I see. I know what you mean. That song does have Chris written all over it.
Piper - in the phone - Maybe, but if you don't stop talking about him, Leo's gonna lose it.
Leo - in the phone - No, it's ok. I'm getting better.
Piper - in the phone - No, you're not. Don't pretend, Leo, it's ok.
Leo - in the phone - No, it's not ok, Piper, I let my son down.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Leo, where is this coming from?
Leo - in the phone - The heart.
Piper - in the phone - Please, let's just restart a conversation. This topic is bringing up some really bad…
Richard - over the speakers - Karma.
Paige - over the speakers - Don't even start!
Richard - over the speakers - I wasn't, sorry.
Cole - over the speakers - Ok, so, play some music. That helps.
Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, ok, what to play, what to play?
Piper, out of her side mirror sees Prue's right tire blow out and hears her and the kids over the speakers scream.
Andy - over the speakers - Damn. Stop! Flat tire. Kids, Prue, it's ok. It's just a flat tire.
Piper, Phoebe, and Paige pulls off about 300 meters away from Prue and Andy's car, while Andy manages to pry a petrified Prue out of the car. They all get out and walk over to the car.
Piper - You guys ok?
Andy - Uh, unfortunately, no. I have no tire.
Leo - Why not?
Andy - Flat tire opposite side last week. I haven't had the chance to get a new one.
Phoebe - looking at the rims - Uh, no can do. I have a similar tire, but no spare. Last week. Boom, boom day.
Leo - Piper's tire wouldn't fit.
Andy - looking - Neither would Paige's.
Richard - Hey.
Andy - Sorry, you're rich… I didn't think you'd know anything mechanical.
Richard - I don't, but hey!
Andy - Sorry to step on your toes!
Prue - So what do we do.
A green/yellow 2-door tow-truck pulls off the interstate. A black man gets out of the drivers seat.
Man - Hey, ya'll, need some help.
Andy, trying to be cautious, not trusting him, starts to say no, when Paige butts in.
Paige - We would be grateful.
Man - Great. Well, we'll get your car connected here, and get you to the car lot.
The man gets to work.
Andy - in hushed tones - Paige, are you completely crazy. Can't you tell he's playing us?
Prue - Andy, please be nice, he's offering to help us. Be grateful.
Andy - to himself - I'm gonna have to get them out of trouble… again. Witchcraft; experts. Ordinary life; deadly.
The man takes their car to the car lot while Prue and the kids ride with Piper and Andy goes with the mechanic.
Prue - to Piper - Piper, why do you think Andy doesn't trust him?
Leo - Probably the same reason I don't.
Piper - Leo!
Leo - What, Prue gets a flat and suddenly a mechanic shows up with a tow-truck. Doesn't that sound in just the least bit suspicious to you.
Piper - No, it sounds courteous.
Leo - Sounds like he's gonna get paid.
Prue - What can he possible do with a flat tire that could cost a fortune.
Leo - A lot.
Time Lapse
Man - This ain't good. Your timing belt done shrunk one size too small, those spark plug wires are a little too long, and your main prodsponder's nearly gone. Your injector ports are stripped and that ain't all. The torque converter's is running low on torque and that water pump's nearly down a quart but we caught it all in time so you're in luck. We've got the time and we've got the parts just give me the word and I'm ready to start. I think we can bring her in for eight hundred bucks.
Prue - Wow, I never knew that stuff associated with a flat tire.
Man - Well, they don't, but that's the damages we found while inspecting your car.
Andy - You weren't supposed to inspect the car, only repair the tire. We will pay you, but only your fair share. If you charge us for anything other then a flat tire and two replacement spares, I will report you to the federal authorities under embezzlement.
Albert Lewis - walking out and standing behind the rear of he car - Excuse me, my name is Albert Lewis and I'm the owner of this here car lot. How may I help you?
Andy - Repair our tire, let us pay you for the change and two spares and leave us be.
Albert Lewis - Can do sir. - to the mechanic - What seams to be the problem?
Man - The have several repairs that needs to be done, but Mr. Trudeau won't allow me to do them.
Andy - I'm not paying you to fix the timing belt, I'm paying you to fix the flat.
Albert Lewis - Well, don't you want your car in top condition?
Andy - It was. You mechanic says all these damages, but I've had my car inspected last week.
Man - Uh, well, he's wrong.
Andy - I wouldn't stack your life on that if you plan to live.
Albert Lewis - Why don't you allow us to sell you a car, but not for money. While I fix your car, you can be cruising in your new car.
Andy - Hell no.
Prue - ANDY! I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, I don't know what's came over him.
Andy - Don't apologize for me. He's not getting our car, you may trust this creep, but I don't.
Prue - Andy…
Andy - No, Prue, forget it. If they won't fix a flat tire and charge us for two spare tires, and nothing else, I'll push this car to the nearest Auto Zone.
Albert Lewis - You'd push you car instead of having us repair it?
Andy - Any day.
Prue - Andy, that is enough.
Andy - No, I'm not having this con-artist repair my just certified car.
Leo - Here, here.
Piper elbows Leo.
Leo - Ow! He's right.
Cole - I agree. He's too good to be true.
Richard - I'm not taking sides here.
Cole stands beside Andy.
Cole - Need help pushing?
Andy - Actually, I was wondering if you'd help me hook this chain to your bumper and help me tow it.
Phoebe - Not to my car, you'll break it.
Cole - No, we won't break it. It takes a lot more to break cars.
Leo - You can use the tractor.
Andy - It'd probably be better. But first things are first.
Prue - What?
He walks over to his office, sits down in his chair and picks up Albert Lewis's phone. With his own phone, Andy calls the cops on him.
Andy - Hello, 911, this is Commissioner Trudeau from San Francisco Police Department and I'm here in Elwood and I've got me a case of embezzlement. The Albert Lewis Car Lot. Yes, thank you. Good evening to you to ma'am.
He hangs up, only to find everyone there.
Albert Lewis - Uh, COMMISSIONER Trudeau?
Andy - Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?
Albert Lewis - No, but I've got you three tires and no charge.
Andy - Ain't gonna work. I've already called the cops.
Prue - Andy, how do you know he was committing embezzlement?
Andy - Because, Prue, this man is a wanted man. He's wanted in several states and every state is looking for him. I recognized the name on the tow truck. - while their talking, Albert Lewis runs away, leaving his employees - You can run, but you can not hide. Oh, and boys, if you want to get out with 15 years, don't run.
Piper - How are you gonna catch him?
Andy - holding up his camera-phone of Albert Lewis and his rear of his car, featuring a clear shot of his license plate - Like this.
Prue - covering her mouth and laughing of disbelief - Oh my god. How did you manage that?
Andy - While no one was looking, I got a picture of him.
Phoebe - Quick and smart thinking.
Leo - Really.
Cole - Good job.
Piper - I'm bushed, when can we leave?
Prue - whispering - Piper, this is the point where we all congratulate Andy on his good job.
Piper - I know Prue, but one we are wanted, two, we're on a deadline, three, we're behind on it.
Paige - We're not wanted… yet.
Piper - True, but do we want to stick around for the cops to show up.
Prue - How about me and Andy wait here, as if we we're the only ones and you and yours go on to Keamey. It's only a few miles down the road. I'll watch for signs and when I turn in, I can be lead to the right place. You take the kids and me and Andy will stay here. Ok?
Piper - You can't.
Prue - irritated - And why not?
Piper - Because, I have a reason you're our tailgater. You hide Paige's license plate. Me and Phoebe are covered by Phoebe and Paige, but Paige needs to be covered by you. If you leave, someone can trace our plates to find out their missing.
Prue - Oh my god. Ok, why don't you guys just go a piece down the road. Besides, we've stopped at rest areas, motels and ect. They've never traced them.
Piper - No, but we parked backwards, towards the building.
Prue - thinking - Yes, you have, haven't you… ok, how about this, Andy can leave right. They have your cell phone on record, we're using mine, so you can make up some kind of excuse.
Andy - sighing - I'll start to write my explanation speech.
Piper - Your what?
Prue - Explanation speech. What he says to explain what he's gotten me out of. He always writes one so he can explain it over the phone or memorizes it to say in front of the other cops and board members…
Andy - And don't forget county cops. They are the hardest to fool.
Prue - After we get settled and I unpack, you can take another day off.
Andy - I guess it is worth it.
He pulls out pen and paper and starts to write down: The reason I did what I did was because…
Prue - quietly - Personally, I think they already know. He starts out every speech the same way.
Time Lapse
After they repair Prue's tire and get two spares, they head out of the car lot, the mechanic tied to a chain with a piece of paper starting: The reason I did what I did was because… and a print out of the picture, the license plate circled in red.
Time Lapse
They arrive in Keamey, dragging, Phoebe gets the rooms this time and they head straight to bed, one parent caring a child piece, with Prue walking Patricia and Andy, Jr.