6 Months After

"What's your most recent, fond memory of your brother, Leah?"

She always asked me things with a kind, small voice but it never made the questions any easier. I also always felt nervous with all the eyes on me, but I knew that being here was the best thing I could do. However, I almost always had my hands folded on my lap, fiddling with my fingers and trying to recite what I was going to say before I said it.

"Um…" I sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. My group counselor tells me it's a nervous habit, but I do it so absentmindedly that I don't even notice it. It's hard to notice that I'm doing that and NOT notice all the eyes on me as we sat in a tight little circle with a suffocating, tense atmosphere. "His wedding… He… He got married a couple of days before his death…"

I could never tell them that my twin was Firestorm. I can't explain how he exploded in the singularity. They don't know that I use to be a woman named Techna. I keep this all to myself, but I guess that's what makes it easier to talk about it. They think Ronnie passed away in a car accident and I guess that's okay with me.

The woman smiled, showing off her perfectly white teeth and for a second the lights flickered as I wondered how anyone could have such great appearance in such a depressing setting, though no one seemed to notice the lights except me. Oh, that's another thing, she has also diagnosed me with slight anger issues, but she says that's normal after losing a sibling and feeling helpless.

"That's a fond memory." She told me and everyone else in the group as silent as they were, they nodded their heads in agreement. "And what about your ex-boyfriend? What's your most recent, fond memory of him?"

That thought stung just as much as any reminder of Ronnie did. I could never tell the difference between the pain levels; losing them both hurt just as equally.

I also had to lie about this one, you see, because the last moment I had with Cisco (other than the break-up) was after we found out that Barry might go back in time to save his mother. It had frightened me to no end: if Barry saved his mother, what else would change? Would I have never met Cisco? Would we never fall in love? But Cisco had assured me that night that he would find me, no matter what. He had seen the future and he knew we were meant to be together.

I suppose futures change.

After Team Flash broke up, I told Cisco about how I was going to group counseling. And it upset him really badly. He yelled at me so much that night, asking why he wasn't enough to help me and how he couldn't understand why I was seeing a professional who didn't know me when I had someone like him. He was partly right. He was there for me during Ronnie's death; just like the first time, but this time, I wanted to prevent hurting someone with my powers. I knew I couldn't lose control again over grief, so I knew I had to speak to someone who didn't know me, didn't fully know my situation. I didn't want to explain this to him in fear that he wouldn't understand.

You won't hurt me, Leah. That's what he would tell me, he'd try to convince me that I can control myself, these powers that seem to be controlled by emotions. I can do it.

But I hurt you last time… I hurt both of us… Either way- car accident or no car accident, I was still hurting. I was always hurting. I just got real good at hiding it.

He kept telling me that it would never happen again and couldn't understand where I was coming from when I pointed out that nobody was certain of that and I didn't want to find out the hard way.

So, Cisco walked out. And I let him, because I understood him. He has always felt second-best with everyone: friends and family. I couldn't prove to him that he was wrong this time, because I knew I needed group counseling. So, I let him go. I haven't seen him or Barry in six months.

"Leah?" The counselor spoke up, snapping me out of my trance. She smiled at me apologetically and for a second, I felt a little guilty for forgetting what her name was.

Since I couldn't tell her about Barry and the possible timeline change, I opted for the memory of when he gave me the scrapbook. It's in a box in my closet now, along with some of my brother's things. It's hard to look at now.

"And how did your brother pass away?"

I closed my eyes for a brief second, seeing the explosion behind my eyelids before taking a deep breath and opening my eyes once more. "A car accident," I lied like I've lied all these months.

"And your ex? Why did he leave?"

"Because he didn't understand that I needed to go to counseling."

"And how does that make you feel?"

I hate confession days.

After counseling, I stepped out of the building when my phone vibrated. I reached inside my purse to find a text message from Caitlin. Iris and Caitlin are really the only two I've spoken to since the team broke up.

Caitlin: hey, did you ever go to the Flash parade last week?

The town was throwing a parade for The Flash. He deserved it. Even after the team had fallen apart, he still runs around town and saves people. I see him on the news all the time.

I texted back: No, I didn't. Did you?

I actually have lunch with Stein and his wife almost every other day now. It's kind of become tradition, but it's nice to see them. They always welcome me to their home with hugs and delicious food. If it wasn't for Mrs. Stein, I'd never eat a proper meal. I'm awful at cooking so I basically live off of Chinese take-out and Mrs. Stein's cooking.

I made it to my car before Caitlin replied back.

Well, yeah. Actually I have to talk to you about something. Wanna meet up tonight?

Sure. I have dinner with Professor and Mrs. Stein first.

How about around 10 tonight?

Okay.

I admired her for moving on to Mercury Labs and keeping up with her research. As for me, I work with the same newspaper company as Iris. Nowadays, I take photos that Iris can use for the articles that she writes. I never imagined being a photographer before, but I slightly enjoy having the photos around my house. It makes it less lonely.

Unsure of what she had to tell me, I made my way to the Professor's house. It wasn't long before I reached Professor Stein's quaint, comfy home. The door was already wide open and as usual, Mrs. Stein stands there, waiting for me. I hurried out of the car and made my way over to her. The only time I genuinely smile is when she pulls me into a hug. I don't think she understands how much the simple action means to me. I don't think either of them realize how much dinner means to me, too. It's almost like having a family again.

After dinner, I made haste to wash the dishes for them. Hearing footsteps behind me wasn't surprising, because Mrs. Stein always walks up behind me, insisting that I shouldn't wash the dishes since I am the guest. But then we work on washing them in the soapy sink together and talk about random small things.

Except this time, it is the professor who walks up to stand beside me and pulls his sweater sleeves half way up his arms, before dipping his hands in and beginning to wash one of the porcelain plates with a green rag. And it's silent for a while. I can tell by the way he is focused on the plate and how he has spent the past ten minutes washing that one dishware that he wants to talk about something, but I don't rush it and I wait in the quiet atmosphere for him to speak.

When he does, he takes me by surprise. "How is counseling?"

This is a new topic for the two of us. Of course, I had told him and his wife that I am getting help so my powers don't get away from me, but we kind of left it at that.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Good." I hate lying, but that seems to be all I know how to do lately. Not that I want to, but the Stein's are pretty happy now and I don't want to ruin that for them, I don't want to be a burden.

"I stopped by his grave today." That statement caught me so off guard that I almost dropped the spatula in my hand, but luckily, it fell back into the sink. I reached out and held onto the counter for support. Sometimes the pain in my chest is so physically painful that it takes me by surprise and I have to stop to breathe. When I didn't react to what he said, he went on, "I miss him… I know he didn't particularly like me in his head and all, but-."

"He appreciated you." I told him, before turning my head to look at him. He had taken his glasses off and was wiping a smudge off of them with the hem of his sweater. "He didn't mind having you in his head as much as you think he did."

"You think so?" He asked quietly, placing the glasses back on the bridge of his nose.

I nodded.

"He loved you, you know."

I looked back at the wall in front of me, taking another deep breath. Counseling may suck, but the methods you learn from it never go away. Breathe in, breathe out.

"Yeah, I know…"

"I think he'd be upset that you're not speaking to the others," he admitted.

I sighed, "Professor…"

He shrugged, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying… I don't think he would want you to go about your life alone." He looked at me knowingly, "We can't live our lives alone. No one can."

I let loose a laugh that felt foreign to my ears. Perhaps I forgot what it sounds like to laugh. "I'm not alone! I have you. And your amazing wife. And I still speak to Caitlin and Iris…"

"What about the others? When was the last time you phoned Barry?"

"Hey, no." I shook my head and pointed my finger at him. "That one isn't my fault." I turned around and leaned back against the counter, "It's not my fault he wants to be left alone. And I'm not going to force him to talk to me."

"Okay, what about Mr. West? Oliver? Felicity? Cisco?"

I continued to shake my head, rubbing my temples with my fingers, trying to soothe the headache that was beginning to form. "Iris says Joe has been doing fine, but he is a busy man. And Oliver is a vigilante for crying out loud… He and Felicity are highly busy…"

Stein gave me a knowing look. "And?"

I glared in his direction, "Cisco is the one who left me. If he can't understand why I got professional help, then I'm not pining after him…. I really do need counseling… I don't want to hurt someone again because I can't control it…" I stared down at my hands.

"Yeah, I know…" He sighed, before setting the last dish out to dry. "Just thought I'd try."

I watched as he rolled his sleeves down once more and began to walk away. The atmosphere was tight and I didn't want him to leave in the middle of a fight. However, when I called his name and he turned to look at me, he staggered a bit and leaned against the wall before he fell over. Concerned, I reached out a hand to help him but he frantically shook his head.

And then I watched, horrified, as his eyes turned white and his hands and head lit up in an ominous blue flame. It was almost like Firestorm, but brighter and much scarier. I gasped as the flame blew out, his body went limp and he fell to the ground in front of me. I bent down and felt for a pulse: his heart was flying, pounding way too fast and hard for it to be normal. And his skin was so hot, it felt like he was on fire still. His forehead was covered in beads of sweat.

"Mrs. Stein!" I cried out in fear as I placed his head in my lap.

She came running in immediately and her eyes widen, matching mine completely. It wasn't long before she was sitting on the ground with me and calling out to Stein. He was so unresponsive, I wasn't sure he could hear us. And I was desperate.

I pulled out my phone and used the emergency app that Cisco had installed into everyone's phone a while ago. In less than five seconds, The Flash whooshed in to stand above us. His face mirrored my own.

"Barry!"