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Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I really love reading what you think of the story. Thanks to HB1 and Forks1 for being awesome, as usual. Thank you to our mystery beta and qjmom for all your work to make this better.
Secrets by mommyofboth
Chapter Six - The scare
Angela Masen
Exhaling slowly, I turned off the ignition and rolled down the windows on my SUV. My day up until now could only be described as crap, yet it seemed to be worsening by the hour. Leaning back on the headrest, I closed my eyes, wishing for sleep. Knowing, however, I only had 20 minutes until my appointment, I settled for just resting my eyes. I tried to relax, thinking about something other than the blood that was accumulating on my panty liner.
Edward would want to be here with me, I thought, taking another calming breath. He should be here with me, but I hadn't been able to reach him all morning.
As usual, Edward was gone when I awoke. Rolling over, I pressed my face into his pillow to breathe in his scent. It still smelled so good… woodsy and… well, Edward. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. Six-thirty, wow… I got to sleep in today. I pulled myself out of bed, heading to the bathroom, grabbing my robe as I walked in, a smile plastered across my face thinking about how much fun we'd had at the children's museum last night. The smile quickly disappeared, though, when I saw the bright red blood in the toilet bowl. Panic overtook my body, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, my breaths coming in short spurts. I picked up the phone on the wall, quickly dialing Edward's cell: straight to voicemail. Crap.
The answering service worked me in for an eight o' clock appointment at my OB's office. I called my mother to see if she could watch the boys, but unfortunately, she could barely make it to the phone after being up all night with some sort of stomach bug.
Great. What am I going to do now? After calling three preschool moms who all had better things to do than help me out, I dialed my neighbor's house, praying that he was free. He was a firefighter who usually worked evenings, but who knows what he had going on this morning.
Just as I was about to hang up, preparing to take them with me, the ringing stopped, as a husky voice said hello.
"Ben, it's Angela. I'm sorry to bother you so early. I wouldn't ask you if I had any other option, but I could really use your help, can you keep an eye on the boys for a little while?" I prayed that I wasn't interrupting anything important. I continued, "I need to run to the doctor, my mom is sick so she can't come over. I can't find anyone to watch the twins. I can't reach Edward." My throat felt tight, constricting. I felt as if the crying would start any minute.
"Angela, what's wrong?" Ben's voice was frantic and suddenly much more alert. "Are you okay? What can I do?"
I felt a sudden twinge of guilt as I remembered Edward's theory that Ben had more than neighborly feelings for me. "I'm okay," I lied. "Just routine pregnancy stuff. Would you be willing to watch Connor and Seth for a few hours? I will really owe you one."
"Absolutely. Let me jump in the shower, then I'll be right over," he eagerly answered.
"Great. Thanks so much, Ben. You're a lifesaver. I'll see you soon." I hung up the phone, peeked in on the boys, who were amazingly still asleep, then slipped into the shower. I tried to fight the hysteria and tears, but had held them off as long as possible. Leaning my face up into the shower stream, I let my tears mingle with the water, as it flowed down my body.
This can't be happening, not again. Please, not again.
We'd been through this dread before. We had lost a baby prior to the twins, but I had only been 16 weeks along. Things would be different this time. They had to be. I pushed all thoughts of losing my baby out of my mind, continuing with deep yoga breaths while quickly washing my hair.
With the twins, I spent the first four months scared to death that I would lose them, but once we passed 16 weeks, I began to relax, actually enjoying my pregnancy. It wasn't until I awoke one morning with blood in my panties, at 28 weeks, that the fear had returned. The next five weeks were spent on bed rest, finally delivering them at 32 weeks. My mother flew out from New Jersey to help, as Edward was still gone a lot of the time. I felt like my world was crashing down on me, but in the end, the boys were relatively healthy, only requiring hospitalization for three weeks before we were able to take them home. It could have been a lot worse. I knew that.
I called Edward every 15 minutes after getting out of the shower, texted him five times, and paged him twice. Still no answer. Where is he? I need him. The lump in my throat reappeared. I swallowed hard to push it back where it belonged. I would not cry again until I had some more information.
Ben arrived as I was cleaning up breakfast, looking at me with concerned eyes as he put down his backpack. "Are you sure everything's okay, Angela?" he asked. "You look…"
"I'm fine. I'm going to be fine," I interrupted. "Seriously, I'm so grateful you could come over. Thank you."
Ben just nodded, although he looked like he wanted to say more. He made himself at home in the playroom off the great room as I grabbed my bag and keys. I smiled when Seth immediately plopped into his lap, while Connor grabbed at his arm trying to pull him to the train table. Thank goodness for Ben, he was always there when we were in a bind. The boys really adored him and he was a great neighbor. I was lucky to have him as a friend. Ben assured me that he had nothing going on all day, and that I should take as long as I needed. I headed out the door after waving goodbye to the boys.
My phone alarm chimed, signaling it was time for my appointment. I opened my eyes, glancing at my cell one last time to verify I hadn't missed a call from Edward. I headed into the office to check in.
Kim, my OB's nurse, called my name, showing me to my exam room where she took my vital signs, then asked a few straightforward questions. Handing me a gown to change into, she gave me a reassuring smile, saying the doctor would be right in. I was grateful she didn't engage in any small talk today, instead she closed the door behind her. I quickly changed, folding my clothes, hoisting myself up onto the exam table to wait. I glanced around the room at the familiar pictures, remembering the first time I had been at this office.
Shortly after moving to the Phoenix area, Edward and I had found out I was pregnant. We had only been married six weeks… had only known each other a few days longer than that. It was a shock, but as each week passed, we became more and more excited. I had never seen Edward happier. I was thrilled to be giving him a baby. At our first visit, Kim had been so dazzled by Edward that she had to take my blood pressure three times. I chuckled as I remembered how unaware Edward was. He never had a clue how attractive he was.
I had been referred to Doctor Brandon by my friend, Alice, who I met in my yoga class a few days after moving to Fountain Hills. She hadn't mentioned how good looking her dad was, though. Between a fumbling Kim and my stuttering with embarrassment as this incredibly hot doctor performed my pelvic exam, it was an interesting appointment. When we lost the baby, Edward was devastated. Dr. Brandon and his wife had sent me flowers, confirming to me just how compassionate they were.
I was startled out of my reverie when the door opened, a sympathetic pair of eyes meeting my own. "Angela, how are you doing? Kim tells me you've started bleeding. Tell me what's been going on."
"Hello, Dr. Brandon. I've been okay until this morning," I croaked out, afraid of crying again. "I'm sure it's nothing, I just got worried. I appreciate your working me into your busy schedule."
He placed his hand on my arm, giving me a squeeze. "You don't have to worry about that, I'm always here for you. You know that, Angela. But please, call me Matthew," he said as he glanced over my vital signs.
"Anything out of the ordinary lately? Any cramping? Any recent intercourse?" he asked, as my jaw dropped, my face burning with what I'm sure was any remaining blood not being shunted to my uterus.
He looked repentant, quickly saying, "I only ask because it is a very common cause for bleeding. You have no reason to be embarrassed, Angela. I'm not trying to pry. I just need to know what we're dealing with here."
"I know." I still had my eyes lowered while I ripped at the paper edge on the table below me. "Yes, we did have sex last night. Do you think that is all it is?"
"I won't know for sure until I take a look." He smiled reassuringly. "But it could be. Have you been having any contractions? Anything else changed in the last few days? Has the baby been active?"
"No, just the bleeding, but it didn't start until this morning. The baby has been moving pretty normally, I think. To be honest, I'm so busy, I usually don't notice unless I'm sitting still and that never happens at my house."
"Good point," he chuckled. "Okay, well, that's a good sign that you aren't having any pain, but why don't we take a look just to be sure."
I leaned back on the table so he could get started. He measured my abdomen then found the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler. I began to count ceiling tiles as he proceeded with my internal exam, all the while asking me about the twins and Edward.
Edward! Where is he?
"How is your wife dealing with the wedding plans?" I asked, knowing full well that Alice had lost her mind now that her wedding was only a few months away. Alice and her fiancé, Jasper, had been engaged for two years, but she had been planning the wedding since they met. Alice is a ball of energy, this wedding making her even more so. Just a week ago she had dragged me out to help pick out her china. It was a nightmare with the twins fighting in their stroller; I was scared to death that they would grab a plate or serving dish, sending it crashing to the floor.
"Oh, I think she's managing," he chuckled. "Sarah knows how to handle Alice." I glanced down, my eyes meeting his, just as a worried look wrinkled his brow.
"What's wrong? Is the baby okay?" My breathing picked up again as the panic built in my chest.
I will not cry. I will not cry.
"Yes, the baby's heartbeat is good, you're measuring fine, a little on the small side, but I'm not worried about that." His smile changed a bit as his eyes reflected his worry. "I am concerned, however, that you have dilated a bit, so I would like to take a look with ultrasound. Just give me a minute to get everything set up."
As the cold jelly squirted onto my belly, I strained my neck to see the monitor. Noticing my effort, Dr. Brandon adjusted it so that I could see, not that I had too much of a clue what I was looking at. I had witnessed many ultrasounds in nursing school, but it still looked like a bunch of wavy lines to me until the face came into view.
I had seen her face once before, but I held my breath, unable to move my eyes from the screen as she moved her hand up to her mouth, sucking on her thumb. I couldn't believe that Edward was missing this. He was going to be so upset. Where was he? Dr. Brandon continued with the study, handing me a tissue to wipe off the jelly as he walked over to turn the lights back on.
"Well, everything looks okay on ultrasound," he reassured. "You are definitely still having a girl. I would say this time I'm 95 sure," he chuckled. "I never give odds that high, just ask Kim. But," he paused. "I am concerned about the dilation. I don't think we are at the point where you need to go on bed rest yet, but I do think you need to be on pelvic rest." He glanced up at me to make sure I understood what he was saying.
"So…" I started. "What exactly does that entail? No more sex?"
"Yes, I'm afraid that we really need to be careful at this point." He continued, "you are more likely to deliver early as you have had premature babies in the past, so I just don't want to take any chances. It isn't just the intercourse, though, orgasms can bring on contractions too, so you need to avoid all types of physical stimulation."
I nodded, looking down quickly as a blush spread across my face. He finished cleaning the ultrasound probe, continuing, "your placenta is really low which worries me too, especially as you would like to attempt a VBAC. I know you and Edward have expressed your desire to have this baby naturally, but a vaginal birth after a Cesarean can be pretty dangerous for you as well as your baby. I just want to make sure we're doing the right thing here. Why don't you get dressed so you're more comfortable. I'll be back in a few minutes to discuss this further." With that he smiled reassuringly, leaving the room.
I scrambled to get dressed, knowing that someone would inevitably reenter the room soon, exposing my backside to a passerby in the hallway. Sitting in one of the chairs against the wall, I picked up a fashion magazine, mindlessly flipping the pages, my mind racing with my current situation. I need to talk to Edward.
I startled when the phone in my lap began to sing "Beautiful Day" by U2. Finally.
"Edward? Where are you? I've been calling all morning," my voice cracked, knowing that I was close to loosing it again as Edward's frantic voice began to question what was going on.
"I'm sorry honey," he croaked. I could imagine him anxiously pulling his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end. "I ended up flying a band up to Seattle, I'll tell you about it when I get there. I'm in the car and on my way. Are you okay? How's the baby? Are you still at Dr. Brandon's office?"
"Yes," I interrupted his questioning, sighing with the relief of hearing his voice. "The baby's okay, but I'm starting to dilate so Dr. Brandon's worried. We're almost done here, I think, so there's no point in coming here. Do you want to meet me at the mall for lunch so we can talk?"
"Sure, but can you drive? Are you okay to walk through the mall?" he asked with concern. He continued without waiting for my answer. "Let me come pick you up, we could leave your car and get it later."
"No, Edward, I'll be okay." I glanced up as Dr. Brandon reentered the room. Lowering my voice I continued, "I need to go. Dr. Brandon's back. I'll call you as soon as I leave. Meet me at Fashion Square. Love you, bye." I hung up the phone quickly without waiting for a reply.
"I'm sorry, I know you are so busy," I said sheepishly as I placed my phone on my lap.
"It's no problem, Angela." He smiled as he took the stool across from me, placing my chart on the counter. "I want to make sure we are clear so that you can discuss this with Edward. We can certainly try to deliver you VBAC if that is what you really want, but there are no guarantees. There are many OB's across the country who will no longer do them. I'm agreeing to try, but I would prefer to schedule you for a repeat c-section at 38 weeks, hopefully before you go into labor. It would be safer than your laboring and possibly having uterine or placental abruption."
I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I tried to suck in more air, but couldn't. I gasped aloud. Dr. Brandon scooted closer on the stool, placing a reassuring hand on mine.
"I don't want to scare you, Angela, but these are things we need to talk about. I'll send you home with some literature to read in case what we've discussed doesn't stick with you. You aren't on bed rest, so you can go out and about, just please take it easy. No heavy lifting, vacuuming, or physical exertion. You need to call me right away if anything changes. Have Edward call my cell if he has any questions at all. I'll have Kim give you more info on pelvic rest too, so pick it up on your way out. Now do you have any questions for me?"
Any questions I may have had flew right out of my mind when he mentioned abruption as a real possibility, causing me only to shake my head in response. Dr. Brandon stood, buttoning his white coat, and placed my chart under his arm.
"Well then, you take it easy. I'll see you next week here in the office," he stated. "I know you don't like to complain, but it's important that you let me know if things change. Please don't bother with the answering service, just call my cell. Oh, I almost forgot, Sarah wants to have you all over for dinner next week with Alice and Jasper so just give her a call. She would love to hear from you." He gave my arm a quick squeeze as he left the room.
Twenty minutes later I pulled into the parking garage at Scottsdale Fashion Square, quickly finding a spot on the second floor where I usually parked. I made a quick call to see if Ben and the boys were okay, then placed my phone into my bag on the seat, turning my body to open the door.
"GAHHHHH!" I startled, seeing that Edward was opening my door as my hand was on the handle. "Holy crap! What are you-"
"Shhhhh," he interrupted as he pulled me out of the car into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He pulled me tightly to his chest, kissing the top of my head, rocking me as the tears filled my eyes, spilling down my cheeks onto his white dress shirt. So many emotions were surfacing at his touch; fear, hurt, disappointment… anger.
"I called you all morning," I sobbed into his chest. "I needed you. What if something worse had happened? I was so scared, Edward. What kept you so busy that you couldn't call me back?"
"Kyle called in with the stomach flu so I was reassigned to his route," he rubbed circles on my back, rocking me as he spoke. "I had to fly Blue October up to Seattle for a concert. I left my cell phone in my locker back at Sky Harbor, so I didn't know you were trying to reach me. I'm truly sorry."
"It's okay," I pulled my head up quickly, wiping my eyes with my hand. "Really? Blue October? Did you get to meet them?"
"Yes," he chuckled. "They signed a CD for you and a t-shirt, they're in my car." Wiping my checks with his thumbs, he smiled, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket for me to blow my nose.
"Thanks," I sniffed. "How did you find me here?"
"You always park in the Nordstrom lot, I saw your Lexus as you came around the corner," he answered. "Are you sure you are okay to walk around? What did Matthew think? Tell me everything I missed." He released my face, pulling my hand into his as he shut the car door, taking my keys to activate the alarm as we walked into the shopping center.
While walking to the food court on the lower level, I recounted my morning, starting with finding the blood, ending at my discussion with Matthew. We easily found a table by Paradise Bakery; the mall wasn't very busy on a Wednesday afternoon. As we ate and talked, Edward held my hands, rubbing circles on my thumb, while occasionally pushing rebelling strands of my hair behind my ear.
"It will be okay, it really will," he reassured me, squeezing my hands between both of his. "We've been through this before, we know what to expect. We've even done the pelvic rest before, right? We're pros at this. It's only six more weeks. I just hate not being able to touch you at all." He ran his thumb across my cheekbone. "You are so tempting, I just can't ever seem to get enough of you." He leaned over, kissing me on the tip of my nose.
"No, Edward," I frowned. "It's actually twelve weeks, because then we'll have the baby, remember?"
"You're right. It sucks," he agreed. "But there isn't anything we can do about it. Everything will work out. I'm much more worried about you and the baby then our sex life. I'm just glad that you both are okay. It's a relief that we have more time before she comes," Edward soothed with his gentle voice. "Dr. Brandon said she is for sure a SHE right?" He smiled, knowing how much I had wanted a girl. I had yet to buy one girlish thing for the baby, much to Alice's horror, as Dr. Brandon had only quoted me a 60 chance of the baby being a girl. I hadn't wanted to decorate, filling a pink and brown nursery with those odds. But now I was ready.
"What do you think of wandering through a few stores while we're here-if I promise to take it slow?" I asked, a smile forming at my lips at the thought of buying something pink. "Not for long, though. I left the boys with Ben and I'm sure he has things he would like to do today. Besides, Alice will probably drag me back here soon once she finds out her dad gave us a thumbs up on the girl."
I sighed, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. "We really have a lot we need to get done if the baby might be coming early."
Edward pulled me up into his chest while wrapping his arms around my waist. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, pulling back with a smile. "Well let's get going then, but just a few stores. We need to get you home, settling you and the boys in before I fly out tonight."
We pulled apart, Edward lovingly caressing my swollen belly before taking my hand, leading me to the elevator.
"You never told me about your crappy day," I reminded him as I pushed the up button on the wall.
"Oh, I just had a big jerk on board heading up the band's security. I have no idea what his problem was, but he would not let up. I finally had my co-pilot close the cabin doors after the guy sneered, "Masen" at me. It was really creeping me out. The band didn't know him, so I don't think he does detail very often." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I found out he actually owns Boreanaz Security Company, but was just filling in today because they were short."
"Dante Boreanaz?" I interrupted, furrowing my brow as we got off on the second floor.
"Yes," Edward stopped, looking at me as he spoke. "How in the world did you know that? Do you know him?"
"My Grandfather uses that company for the hotels here in Phoenix. We have different security companies that we sub out to in each city. I can't imagine that he would have been rude," I trailed off almost talking to myself. "He was such a nice man the times I've met him, my grandpa thinks very highly of him. Of course, I haven't seen him for years… probably the last time was when Grandpa sent me out for a meeting when I was still helping him occasionally during nursing school. Huh," I paused thoughtfully. "Maybe he was just having a bad day. I wouldn't worry about it."
Edward didn't look convinced, but we started walking again, hand in hand toward the corridor with the majority of the children's stores.
My Grandfather started Forbes Hotels after he returned from the Korean War, with only forty dollars to his name. He met my grandmother on the dock when he was disembarking his ship. She was waiting for another marine, their eyes locked, and he whisked her away. Just like that. I smiled at the similarity between our whirlwind romances. My grandparents were understanding when they had heard about Edward. My parents were another story.
They were furious when I'd returned from Las Vegas with a husband. We had flown into JFK, driving first to my parents' home in New Jersey before heading back to Connecticut, where I would have to give my two weeks notice. My dad just sat in silence on the couch in a staring contest with poor Edward, but my mother?
Well, she went ballistic. She yanked me into another room to yell at me. I tried to quiet her down, telling her I was in love, that it was my life. She just kept screaming at the top of her lungs about my irresponsibility. I knew Edward and my dad could hear every word.
"ARE YOU PREGNANT?" she had screeched, clutching her chest, giving me a look that said she might crumble to the floor at any moment.
"NO! Listen to me. I love him, mom. Edward and I belong together. I can't live without him!" I exclaimed as I walked back to the parlor, taking Edward's hand in mine as he stood from the love seat. My mother just turned on her heels, stalking to her room, slamming the door behind her.
For the first time in my life, my mother and I didn't talk for a month. She didn't come up to help me move or to say goodbye. I called home every Sunday, asking my dad how she was doing. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, she answered and we talked. We still fought, though. I remember that she hung up on me the first couple of phone calls, but we began making progress. Our conversations always ended the same, however.
My mother was convinced that Edward had married me for the money. I tried to explain that he knew nothing about it when we met. He had no idea I was a 'Forbes'… the only child of an only child, heir to a multi-billion dollar hotel empire. It wasn't like my mother had married wealthy. She had married a Lutheran minister, yet my grandparents embraced him, no questions asked. I didn't understand why mine couldn't do the same with Edward.
I had reassured Edward that they would come around eventually, that they would love him once they got to know him, but my mom wouldn't even try. If she called and he answered, she would hang up the phone. Then, two weeks after discovering I was pregnant with our first child, I called my mom to tell her Edward and I were expecting a baby. I told her that if she didn't stop her tantrum, that she would never see her grandchild. My mom knew me well enough to realize I wasn't bluffing.
After that phone call, she started making an effort to get to know Edward, although it was slow progress at first. When she came to visit us for the weekend when I lost the baby, I noticed that she really was trying to be nice. She also flew out to help me prepare for the babies once we realized we were having twins. Although it was still awkward, she was cordial to Edward, respectful of him as well as our home. I saw a difference after they were born too, as she watched Edward with me, as well as with Connor and Seth, noticing what a loving husband and father he was. Finally, my parents bought a winter home near us, now spending six months of the year in the Phoenix area. It had taken three years, but at this point, they treated him like a son. That was so important to me as his parents were gone.
Looking up, I smiled at Edward as we walked into the first store. He smiled back, giving my hand a squeeze.
This beautiful, kind man was mine. I was so happy to be sharing my life with him, my family with him. All that I had was his now. Everything is going to be okay… better than okay.
As we headed to the girl section in Babystyle, a huge smile spread across my face. Edward selected a shirt that said, "My Mom is sexier than yours," while I selected a pink one with, "Daddy is My First Love" printed across the front. We selected a few things in each store we entered, including a baby name book from the bookstore. Edward's muscular forearms showed their definition as he carried all the bags back to my car.
"Hey," Edward commented as we were headed back out to the parking garage. "Pull that baby name book out. We need to start thinking about names for her."
"True," I agreed. "It has to be really special," I announced as I pulled open the book. "I want her middle name to be Elizabeth, after your mother, so it has to flow with that name and Masen." I started to flip randomly through the book as we walked. "What about Stephanie?"
"EHHHHH," Edward blurted out like he was a game show buzzer.
We took turns listing off names as we walked, shaking our heads in between each one. I suggested Sarah, Kathryn, Kristin, Tamara, Rebecca, and Whitney. None of them fit.
Edward loaded the bags into the back of my Lexus, pushed the button to lower the lift gait, then took the book from my hands, thumbing through it as I leaned against the side of the vehicle. "What about Isabella?"
"That's it!" I exclaimed. "I love it. Isabella. We can call her Bella for short. What do you think? Isabella Elizabeth Masen. I think it sounds perfect."
He paused to look at me, some sort of emotion briefly crossing his face, until a huge grin spread across it. "Let's do it. Bella does mean "beautiful" in Italian, you know."
Relieved to have found a name that we both loved, I climbed onto the leather, fastening the seat belt. Edward leaned his head into the car, carefully positioning the belt over my protruding belly.
"I love you," he said, kissing me softly on the lips, sighing into my mouth. "I'll see you at home. Please drive carefully… no speeding." He pulled his head out of the car, straightening his back as he closed the door. I started the car and put it in reverse, watching my back up camera as I reversed out of the spot.
Edward was standing in my parking space with his hands in his pockets, a huge grin across his face while he mouthed, "Be Safe."
Nodding my head, I put the car into drive, giving him a wink and a wave as I pushed on the gas.
"Ahhhh," I sighed, watching my godlike husband in my rear view mirror as he walked to his Volvo.
Six weeks on pelvic rest? Then another six weeks after the baby? I shook my head, concentrating on maneuvering through the garage. I'm never going to survive.