Chapter 10: Back to You

The pain that throbbed just below my chest was the first thing I was able to reach out and grasp as I slow came back to my senses. The pain was much lighter than when the dagger first sunk into my flesh and with my eyes closed, the image flashed across my memory so quickly and unexpectedly that I flinched just slightly, seeing as my body was heavy and felt like lead. The next thing I noticed was the dull light shining behind my eyelids. I tried my hardest to open my eyes, but those also felt far too heavy and I felt my mouth slip into a small frown at the effort it took and how frustrating it felt not to be in control of my body. The last thing that came back was my hearing; the buzz of silence in the room other than the constant, rhythmic beeping of the machine on my right. I somehow found it in me to turn my head just slightly to rub the bottom of my ear against my shoulder to try and ease the itch I couldn't reach up and scratch.

Only seconds after my minimal movements, I heard a voice say my name to my left and I rolled my head over at the sound of it. It felt loud against my ringing ears and my eyebrows fell to match the frown on my lips. I heard more movement as the person seemed to shift a few times, and then I felt someone's fingers lightly take my limp hand.

"Leah, hey… Hi… Open your eyes for me, yeah..? Can you hear me? Open your eyes." As he continued to speak, my sluggish brain finally registered the voice that was speaking. I tried to say Barry's name to let him know I could hear him but as my lips parted and the thick oxygen filtered through my throat, it burned all the way down to my chest. My frown fell more at the painful sensation.

"Hey," I felt him rub the back of my knuckles soothingly. "Take your time, don't rush yourself, okay…?" I thought I heard his voice break slightly. Luckily, the way he was rubbing my hand was slowly bringing feeling back into my fingers and I managed to squeeze his hand back, though I was almost positive it didn't feel as tight to him as it did to me.

He didn't say anymore as I continued to roll my head from side to side very slowly, trying to find control in my heavy head. When I finally felt the relief of my muscles relaxing in my neck, I went back to focusing on my eyelids. The slight tingling in my veins was a short distraction as I felt the electricity in the building connect itself to my awakening body and I managed a small, deep breath before my eyes fluttered open.

Across from me was the small, dimly lit desk lamp that I had seen glowing behind my eyelids. It was very dim, but my eyes still blinked against the contrast of the darkness that I had just come back from. I rolled my head again to look up at the heart monitor that beeped and beeped, and beeped. I listened to the heart that thumped in my chest at the same motion and I took another deep breath, very relieved to be awake.

Finally, I turned my head, blinked a few more times, and watched as Barry's face came into focus. His brown hair was disheveled and sticking out in places that didn't even make sense. He was tilted forward in his cushioned chair, still holding onto my limp appendage. Once I had adjusted to my surroundings and I could finally see clearly, I watched my friend give me a soft smile; although his watery blue eyes were in large opposition to the gentle smile he was giving me. The rims around his eyes were red and slightly puffy.

It hurt to find the voice hidden deep in me and when it came out, it was hoarse and unfamiliar to my ears. But I somehow asked, "Why are you crying?"

His shoulders collapsed and he seemed to let go of a breath he was holding at the sound of my voice. I visibly saw him swallow and take a deep breath before he choked out, "It's nice to hear your voice again…"

I frowned, hating to see him so tortured over my well-being. "Barry… I'm okay. Really." He shook his head as he eyed my whole being, lying still in the gurney. I shook my head and tried my best at a joke, "This is nothing. I'm sure my hair looks better than it does when I wake up at home. I have serious bed-head."

I smiled when he chuckled at that, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. He shook his head and sighed, "How do you do it? You're lying here and telling jokes, and comforting ME even though you're the one in a hospital bed."

I pulled my shoulders up just barely in an attempt to shrug. "It's not the first time, remember? I caused my own car accident, last time."

He nodded, "Yeah. I remember… It's my fault this time, though… I should've caught-."

I cut him off before he could continue. "Did you throw the dagger, Barry?"

He sighed again, "No."

I smiled a tad before demanding, "Then shut up."

He smiled back, "Yes, ma'am."

We sat in silence for a minute or two as I tried stretching more parts of my body. I felt so detached that I felt like I was one with the blankets. It was like waking up from a really long nap with no idea where you are or how long it has been.

The idea struck my next question as I turned my head to Barry, "How long have I been out?"

He avoided my eyes as he mumbled, "Three months."

"Three months?" I hissed in surprise, not able to manage anything louder.

He nodded in answer. "You've missed a lot." That's when I noticed he had been whispering. His voice was just as quiet as mine, but I couldn't manage anything louder.

"Barry, why are we whispering?"

Barry nodded his head towards a spot over his shoulder. Behind him, I could see a lump covered in several blankets, curled up on the couch that sat under the window. Confused, I looked back at Barry with raised eyebrows.

Barry just shook his head in response, "Cisco hasn't slept in weeks. We can barely get him to leave this room, to be honest…"

I'd be lying if I said that my heart didn't swell and my body didn't feel warm at the knowledge that Cisco has been at my bedside this whole time. Although, it did strike more questions within me that I was quick to ask.

"What about Kendra?" My voice squeaked just slightly against the dryness.

"Uh…" His brows furrowed. "Kind of part of the many events you missed, but… Long story short, she found her soulmate and moved out of Central City."

I was confused by his word choice. Why the term "soulmate"? However, I didn't question it. I just shook my head and let out a teeny sigh that didn't complete agree with my chest, "Poor Cisco…"

Barry shrugged. "He didn't even seem phased by it. Like I said, he's been in here every chance he can get." He smiled teasingly before adding, "He's going to hate that you woke up while he was sleeping."

That got a small giggle out of me and I somehow lifted and dropped my shoulders again in a lame shrug. "I didn't know when I was waking up."

"Well, do you want me to go get Caitlin? I'm sure you're feeling a little uncomfortable, I bet she can help with any pains you're feeling. Besides… I think she might kill me if I don't inform her that you're awake."

I grinned at the sudden urge to see my sister-in-law, remembering the memories I had replayed of her in my head while I was gone. I nodded, "That'd be nice. Thanks, Bare."

He smiled down at me, his eyes slowly drying and his happiness looking genuine this time. When he stood up, he surprised me by leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to the top of my head. It made me feel small for just a second and I had a quick flash of Ronnie doing the same exact thing. Barry gently let go of my hand before heading out the door, and I watched the brother I never realized I had disappear behind the corner.

When he was gone, I turned my head back to the lump on the couch. Now that Barry had mentioned it was Cisco, I noticed the small patch of black hair that was sticking out from under the blanket. I watched for a second and took note of the way his figure slowly breathed in and out. The large, fuzzy blanket almost made it look like a large, hibernating bear and I smiled at the thought.

My eyes started feeling heavy again before I heard the pair of clicking heels get closer and closer. I had almost closed my eyes until I heard Barry re-enter the room with Caitlin right behind him. He nodded his head towards my way and when I turned to flash Caitlin a small smile, her eyes widened extremely.

"Careful, your eyes will fall out of their sockets." I teased.

I expected her to jump forward and begin checking my pulse or observing the machine to make sure all my vitals were okay. I've seen her watch over many patients since I've known her, and she's always been Dr. Caitlin Snow first.

However, my chest ached and not just because of my large wound. I've only see Caitlin cry once and that was right after Ronnie's funeral, right before I locked myself away from a whole month. But now, her tears spilled over her cheeks almost instantly and she stumbled forward to stand next to my bed. I opened my mouth to say something to comfort her, but nothing came out. I just watched as she plopped into the chair beside me and laid her head down next to my arm.

It took a lot of work just to lift my arm up and place my hand on her head. I rubbed at her red hair as much as I could with my stiff fingers, feeling my eyes sting with my own tears.

Barry went and sat in his seat on the other side of me and only shrugged his shoulders when I looked at him for help. So, we both patiently sat and waited until she lifted her head. She rubbed the tears off neatly with her fingers before taking a deep breath.

"I can't believe you're awake," she admitted with a strained voice. "I was worried you'd never wake up."

"I'm offended," I softly teased. "I'm not that easy to kill."

I was hoping to get a smile from her but both her and Barry's faces fell at my words. Before I could take back my comment, Caitlin informed me, "But you did die…"

"What?"

"Your heart stopped. Twice."

My heart skipped a beat at that information. I held back the wince, trying to ignore the pain and hide my emotions. Knowing I actually technically died- twice- sent a terrifying, spooky chill down my spine that I unfortunately couldn't shake off with my heavy, limp limbs.

The words spilled out of my mouth quickly, "I'm sorry"

Both of their eyebrows raised as Barry asked, "What are you apologizing for?"

"I didn't mean to worry you guys," I told them, my voice feeling weak and small once more.

They both shook their heads and I tried not to smile at how much they were copying each other's movements. "Leah, that wasn't your fault."

"Yeah," Caitlin agreed, "We're just thrilled that you're awake."

"Me too."

"Do you need anything?"

My stomach growled as if on cue, and both of their grins widened. "Belly Burger?" Caitlin suggested.

I sighed in approval at the thought of holding a burger in my hands. I felt like I hadn't eaten in years, not months. "Yes, please."

Caitlin did a little check on my vitals before leaving and Barry popped a kiss on the top of my head before following her out. I had noticed every single time he did that, and every time he did, it would remind me of Ronnie. This time wasn't any different; and part of me was hoping, yet dreading, seeing Ronnie standing in the corner of the room and watching me.

However, he wasn't there. My eyes searched and blinked several times, waiting for him to appear, but he never did. My chest ached, missing his invisible presence, but something in my head made me feel relieved, knowing that my brother's death no longer haunted me.

I held back the sobs in my throat to prevent any more pain and because I heard Cisco shift a little on the couch. I struggled to bring my sore, unused arms up to wipe a tear from my cheek when Cisco sat up almost as quickly as Barry can run. His chest was heaving as he sucked in a rather large breath and then slowly let it out.

I waited until he moved the ruffled hair out of his face before I quickly asked, "Was it a bad dream?"

He jumped again, this time turning to the sound of my voice in surprise. When his eyes landed on mine, I forced out a small smile through the pain. Again, my chest was aching, but it wasn't because I missed my brother mysteriously being in the room, it was because there was way too much distance in between Cisco and I. He blinked at me several times, and as though he heard my internal conflicts, he slowly stood up from the couch and walked over.

I attempted humor when he sat down at the edge of my bed, "You look like you've seen a ghost, dude."

His eyes remained wide as he scanned my whole body like I had done when I first woke up. When he seemed satisfied, probably as much as I was, to see no more blood or open wounds, he sucked in another large, but shaky breath. "We thought you were dead…" he choked out before his eyes began to water.

I felt his hand moving along the sheets and my fingers were eager to find his. Once his hand was intertwined with mine, I pulled it up to lay gently on my chest, causing him to lean closer. His deep, brown eyes searched my entire face, and although I wasn't sure what he was looking for, I remained still and kept my eyes locked on his. I waited and waited until his eyes finally stopped on mine, a tear or two slipping down his cheek.

He shook his head once more, his long hair swishing in between our two faces, before his strained voice stated, "You shouldn't have taken that dagger for me…"

It was my turn for my eyes to water at the sound of his voice, so quiet and yet so close. And so comforting. His face close enough for me to feel the warmth of his breath slide across my skin. So familiar. The way his thumb rubbed the back of my hand, so warm.

"I'd do it again." I informed him, suffering just a bit at how much will-power it took not to break down in tears right then and there. "I'd do it over and over again, a million times over. I'd take your spot on this hospital bed… As long as it means you're okay."

His lips were on mine instantly. His kiss was desperate and so warm, I almost forgot that I was in pain. The way his free hand cradled my face brought back so many memories; our first kiss and how it happened to be on the same hospital bed, the kiss in the car after Dante's birthday, the kiss before we saved Ronnie, our first night together on Christmas Eve, every night after that. The familiarity and comfort behind this one kiss was unbelievable.

When he pulled away, I clung tightly to his shirt, hoping he'd take the hint. Through my half-lidded eyes, I saw the corners of his mouth tilt upwards slightly before he laid his forehead against mine. He brought my hand up and kissed it while using his other hand to stroke my cheek.

"I love you." He told me in a hushed whisper. "I always have, Leah. It's always been you."

I frowned slightly before asking, "What about Kendra?"

He shook his head, moving my head with his just a little. "She was nice. I didn't mind teaching her new things either-." He leaned back to look me in the eyes as he incredulously asked, "Did you know she didn't know what The Princess Bride was?"

I held back my giggle at his reaction as I faked a gasp and said, "No!"

"Yeah! I had to inform the poor woman." He sighed before adding, "But she had a soulmate to get back to." He kissed the back of my hand once more before giving me the sweetest smile and telling me, "I did too."

I smiled, allowing a single tear to fall before speaking four words I hadn't said in such a long time. "I love you, too." I let a giggle loose as I added, "About time you came back. What took you so long?"

He grinned before looking down at our intertwined hands. He got serious suddenly as he stated, "I shouldn't have left in the first place."

This time, I shook my head. "It's okay. I understand why you did now… It was a lot to handle. You had just lost a friend, I lost my twin, for the second time. Things were falling apart around us. It was hard for us to handle…"

His brows furrowed as he frowned. "That's not a good enough excuse." He raised his head to look me in the eyes as he spoke, "In sickness and in health… I may not be married to you, but I want no one other than you, and that means sticking together through sickness and health, good times and bad."

"Cisco…"

"I'm not leaving ever again." He assured me. "No matter how hard it gets. Understand?"

I kissed the back of his hand as my heart swelled in size and warmth, before nodding my head. "I believe you."

"That is… If you'll take me back?"

He gave me a hopeful, puppy-dog look and a small wink. I giggled and face-palmed with my free hand before tilting my head and staring up at him in adoration. I'm not saying someone can come into a broken person's life and fix them, but this man surely can come into my life and make it a lot better.

"Of course."