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Special thanks to HB1 and Forks1 for being great friends and co-authors. Thank you to our mystery beta for your master betaing skills. And… thanks to our twilighted beta, qjmom. Thank you to our readers… I love you. I really appreciate those of you who take the time to review because I love hearing what you have to think about our story. Come play with us on the forum, we have a great time!

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Secrets by mommyofboth

Chapter Eighteen- Confession

Angela Masen

Setting Isabelle's infant seat and diaper bag in the entryway, I closed the front door, turning the deadbolt behind me. I tossed my keys onto the end table where they smacked into my wedding picture, knocking it over. I glanced down at Isabelle, the crash not seeming to have disturbed her slumber.

"Pfft," I mumbled, not bothering to right the frame as I walked into the kitchen to check the answering machine.

"You have one new message," it spoke after I pushed the flashing inbox button.

"Angela, honey… It's mom. Sorry I didn't pick up when you called. I was getting my nails done. You know how I always forget to take my phone out of my purse, so then I couldn't get to it until they were completely dry. I know it's been awhile, but if you still need a ride home, give me a call. Give those babies a kiss for me. Bye."

"Right, mom," I spoke back. "If you are calling me on the house phone, then obviously I don't need a ride anymore." My mother was crazy. But then again, I was talking to an answering machine. I sighed, deleting the message, then walked to the refrigerator to find something for lunch.

Ben had taken the twins for the day to facilitate a romantic afternoon with Edward, but obviously that wasn't going to be happening… not today, maybe not ever.

I huffed, the anger returning, as I pulled salad ingredients from the fridge. I shut the door with my hip, I placed the produce on the counter island, beginning to pull together my meal. I could not believe that he hadn't come to pick me up from my OB appointment. He was the one who insisted that I be driven everywhere over the last six weeks, like some sort of invalid, yet he didn't show when he was supposed to.

I had come out of the office, standing on the curb in the sun for almost twenty minutes before I got his text that something had come up. After calling almost everyone I knew yet reaching no one, Kim, Dr. Brandon's nurse, offered to drive me home on her lunch. I was humiliated. I had left Edward just about the nastiest text in reply, but hadn't gotten a response yet.

Figures. I thought as I moved to the table to eat my salad. Although Edward had been attentive over the last six weeks, clearly trying to make his absence at the delivery up to me, it was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend that nothing was wrong. I felt like I always had a chip on my shoulder… Edward was always asking me if I was okay. He probably chalked my attitude up to sleep deprivation or baby blues, but occasionally I could see he was worried there was something more going on.

I was able to get five whole bites in before Isabelle's shrill cry echoed from the entryway.

"I'm coming, baby, It's okay," I called, placing my fork down then walking to her baby seat. Her face was red from the screaming, the pink headband covering her eyes like a blindfold, her mouth open, rooting like a baby bird. I couldn't help but chuckle, she was so adorable when she was upset.

I swear- that baby can go from asleep to hysterical in seconds. It will be interesting to see what her temper will be like.

"It's okay, it's okay. Shhhhh. Mommy's here," I soothed as I unbuckled her, picking her up. She was still so tiny, but at six pounds she had almost doubled her birth weight and had the start of some chubby cheeks. Carrying her down the hall to the nursery, I marveled at how much she had changed even in the two weeks since she was released from the newborn intensive care unit. I was finally beginning to feel like I had a newborn rather than a preemie.

Her nursery was just as Alice had promised… spectacular. It was pink and brown with rich textures and fabrics everywhere you looked. By the time I had been released from the hospital six days after having Isabelle, the entire room had been decorated, not one detail had been overlooked. Jasper had even changed out the ceiling light for a chandelier. It was the perfect room for a little princess, even down to the hoards of clothes Alice had stocked in Isabelle's closet and dressers. Alice always had everything taken care of before I even thought to ask. She was a great friend… a life saver. I felt more than a little guilty that I wasn't confiding in her.

During the four weeks Isabelle was in the hospital, I had spent the majority of my days in the unit. I knew my absence was hard on the twins, but I didn't feel that I had any other choice. I tried to make it up to them when we were together, but they had both become more clingy because of my frequent absence.

Each night, I sat in her room, telling the boys about their new sister… imaging what it would be like to finally bring Isabelle home. I had forgotten how tired I would be with a new baby…since babies never sleep as much at home as they do in the NICU. I smiled thinking about that first night she was home. She had slept all afternoon and then had stayed up all night crying. The twins kept getting up to ask why we were hurting her. Edward ended up sleeping on the floor between their beds to keep them in their room.

Seth and Connor adored her, of course, but a set of rambunctious twins who can't keep their hands off her only added to the chaos in our home these last two weeks.

For the first time in hours, I laughed as I placed Isabelle on the changing table. Edward had taped a picture of himself onto her bottle of lotion so she could "remember him" when he was working. I couldn't help but smile at how much she already had Edward wrapped around her tiny little finger. Since she had been discharged, he couldn't let her cry for more than a second and would never just let her sleep in her cradle. He wanted to hold her all the time. I had to admit that I had been just a little bit jealous. On the one hand, I was grateful that any time he was home he was doting on her and the twins. It was almost as if he were trying to make it up to her that he missed her birth. I had always been very impressed with how great Edward was with the kids. He was a wonderful father. But on the other hand, I was jealous that he wasn't doting on me a bit more. I know these kinds of feelings were normal, but it didn't change the fact that I felt guilty for having them.

But now… now I was so angry that I wasn't sure what I was going to do about Edward and the children. Should I give him part custody? Should I let him see them at all? It broke my heart to think that way, but I was in too much pain to be generous right now.

I sighed, pulling her close to me as I sat in her chair to feed her. Our lives had never been more challenging, but I was grateful I had reached the point where we had a healthy baby home with us. There were days when she was in the NICU where I wasn't sure if they would ever let us take her home. Yet here she was now, nursing like a champ and totally integrated into our lives, like none of the trauma had ever happened. Of course, now things were about to get a lot worse for all of us. I didn't know what I would tell the twins about the father they adored. They would never understand. I hoped they would forgive me some day.

I placed my feet on the ottoman, leaning my head against the plush chemise cushion of the rocking chair. So much had changed since that day Tanya had come to our home, that it was hard for me to believe that more time hadn't actually passed. As I closed my eyes, I remembered that first time I held my baby in the NICU… the horror surrounding Edward's arrival at the hospital.

After Edward had been dragged away by security, I had interrupted Ben and Samantha's flirting to ask to go back to my room. I felt too guilty to hold Isabelle any longer, just wanting to crawl into my hospital bed and cry. Ben had asked me if anything was wrong, but my embarrassment at my behavior prevented me from answering him truthfully. I told him I was tired and just wanted to be alone.

Getting settled back into my bed took much longer than I expected because of all my tubes and lines. By the time my nurse left my bedside, I was exhausted. The previous twenty-four hours had been just about the most emotionally and physically painful experience of my entire life. I just wanted to escape from it all… to close my eyes… to pretend that none of it had happened. Just as I was drifting to sleep, I heard my door creak open. Without even opening my eyes, I knew it was Edward who had entered my room.

I kept my eyes closed and my breathing steady to appear asleep until I could figure out what I was going to say to him. His scent washed over me as he sat down, yet I resisted the urge to inhale deeply. Edward leaned forward so his forehead was resting on the mattress next to my head, making me wonder if he was praying. I swallowed back the lump that formed in the back of my throat as his warmth and sweetness filled my nostrils. I just wanted to breathe him in for a minute…to pretend that nothing had happened… that nothing else mattered but the two of us. I shifted in bed as I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze.

"Hi," Edward whispered, brushing my hair out of my face, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Hi," I returned, nervous to see what was going to happen next.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you, Angela," he started, his green eyes glistening with moisture. "I can't believe you went into labor, then had to go through all that on your own. I never should have gone to Hawaii when you were having problems. It wasn't fair of me. I just… I thought we had more time." He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, rubbing his palms roughly into the sockets. Edward shook his head, looking up suddenly to meet my gaze, capturing my hands in both of his.

"Please forgive me, Angela," he begged. "I never would have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to you or to the baby."

Edward looked like he was on the verge of tears, running his hands roughly through his hair. I reached out to his arm to prevent him from pulling out all that gorgeous hair in his distress. He definitely appeared to be sincere, but my mind was swimming with doubts. I had only seen Edward cry a handful of times, but every time it happened, I found myself crying in response. As tears began to pool in my eyes, Edward reached his hand up to brush my cheek.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

I nodded, not sure if I would be able to speak without sobbing. Edward's tenderness was genuine, I could feel that, but I just wasn't sure what to believe anymore. I had gone from trusting Edward so completely, to being unsure if I even knew my own husband.

Edward didn't mention his experience with security, and I didn't bring it up. We just left it alone. It was as if he accepted it as his punishment for missing the whole ordeal… not wanting to remind me that he somehow deserved it. He didn't complain or say anything about Ben other than how grateful he was that Ben had been there for me.

As we attempted to reconnect, I told him what I had gone through over the last day, minus the unexpected visit, of course. With each new detail he appeared to be in more and more anguish, yet I did nothing to reassure him or to relieve his guilt. I knew Edward was anxious to see the baby, so when I was finished with the details we went to the nursery.

Thankfully, the shifts had changed and there was a new receptionist at the desk. She worked on getting him a new ID bracelet as he went in to meet his daughter for the first time. If I thought my experience in that New Haven Emergency Room had been "love at first sight," it was nothing compared to what I witnessed the first time Edward laid eyes on Isabelle.

Isabelle shifted in her sleep, bringing me out of my thoughts. I placed her carefully in her crib, then made my way next door to our bedroom to rest. It was rare that the house was completely quiet, so I felt the need to take advantage of it.

I wasn't able to sleep, though, as my mind was reeling with memories from the past six weeks, as well as the devastating developments from today. I had made some progress with Edward, well, as much progress as you can make when you aren't being completely open with a person, but in the back of my mind I was always analyzing his actions, going over his words with a fine tooth comb, looking for the clues that I had missed about his other life. It made it difficult to rebuild the trust while also trying to catch the person in a lie, but I was trying. I was doing the best that I could under the circumstances.

I had actually woken up excited this morning. I can't say that I've ever been excited about going to the gynecologist, but I was looking forward to getting back to my normal life.

Edward had insisted that I not drive myself anywhere since the cesarean section, instead hiring a driver who had been taking the kids and me everywhere since my discharge. We had thought it would be less of a burden on our friends and family if I weren't constantly calling for a ride. I couldn't wait to get behind the wheel of my Lexus again. As the driver had dropped Isabelle and I off at my appointment, I couldn't have been happier that I never had to see him again.

I was also anxious because it had been almost two months since Edward and I had made love. I was surprised at how much I was looking forward to it despite the problems in our marriage. Doubts aside, I was desperate to reconnect in that way… needing to feel loved and worshipped. We had always had an amazing sex life and I missed it. I missed him.

Edward had been out of town the last two days, but was supposed to meet me at the appointment, taking me to a quiet lunch afterward. Luckily, Ben had been kind enough to take Seth and Connor to the zoo this morning. They were so excited they were like Mexican jumping beans during breakfast. Then they were headed to Chuck-E-Cheeses for the afternoon. I knew I owed him big time, but then again, Ben had started dating Samantha, Isabelle's NICU nurse, so I felt like we were kind of even.

Edward and I would have actually gotten to be alone… not that we were ever really alone with the baby, but it was close enough. Now however, I was home pouting and pissed off that he was who knows where. The fact that he not only left me without a ride, but also messed up our afternoon plans left me angry. More than angry, though, I was hurt. I had been trying to forgive and forget. I had been trying to save my marriage, but now? I couldn't pretend anymore. It was all too much. Edward's numerous indiscretions had become unforgivable. I wouldn't be played for a fool any longer.

I checked my phone again- still no text explaining what had happened. The problem with distrust was that once it was in your marriage, things that didn't use to cause doubt suddenly did.

In the back of my mind now, anytime Edward was out of town or had to work late, I wondered if he was with Tanya, or even worse… someone else. It wasn't healthy. I had never heard back from Tanya about the divorce, but she also hadn't cashed the check yet. I had no idea what she was waiting for. She had acted like she would do it right away, so I was really surprised it wasn't taken care of by now. Maybe he was fighting her, although I doubted that. Edward wasn't traveling nearly as much as he had been. The few times I had called his office to check up on him, he had been where he was supposed to be. I was starting to relax again… until today… until I had met her.

I had met a woman at Doctor Brandon's office today, and I couldn't shake the idea that she knew Edward, although she didn't admit it. At first I thought that I was probably just being paranoid, but the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became. The sad thing was, six weeks ago I would have thought nothing of our conversation. I would have made a friend at the doctor's office. But now that I was constantly on guard, constantly suspicious, I was dissecting everything… suspecting everyone.

The woman was gorgeous with beautiful brown hair and brown eyes; like mine, only lighter. She had introduced herself as Bella, appearing independent and well put together… a lot like I used to be before the kids. Bella had been friendly, showing genuine interest in Isabelle. We had fallen into easy conversation. Bella was someone I could see myself being great friends with if the circumstances were different.

I knew something was wrong when she saw the pictures of Connor and Seth. It was almost as if she were thinking about something or someone else while pretending to be interested. There was almost a shift in her demeanor. I thought it was very strange at the time, wondering if maybe she had lost a child or something… until I flipped to a page with a picture of Edward.

I'm not sure that she had noticed her own reaction at the picture, but she gasped- loudly, her face approaching green. I was about to ask her if she was okay when it suddenly occurred to me that she must know him. I wasn't sure, though, if she knew that Edward even had a wife and kids, or if she was just shocked to be sitting next to me.

My stomach clenched in knots as Bella tried to compose herself to speak. She whispered something about my "beautiful family" while I tried to remain calm. I wanted to see if she would give away any information about knowing Edward. I was praying that she would say she worked with him or knew him from the gym. But instead, she mentioned how handsome he was, not letting on that she had ever laid eyes on him before.

Smiling as much as I could with bile rising in my throat, I mentioned that he traveled quite a bit.

She literally squeaked her response, "He travels?"

I told Bella that he was a pilot, and well… her face pretty much confirmed that the man she knew was a pilot too. I didn't want to believe it, but to look at her? She looked like she had been slapped. She even asked if Edward had a brother, hopeful, I think, that the man she knew wasn't a married man with three children. I felt sorry for her. Sorry that I had been the one to pull her out of her ignorance.

As they called my name to head into the back, she literally cringed when the nurse said, "Angela Masen." Her eyes went wide and I just knew. I knew that the boyfriend she was getting the IUD for was Edward. The look on her face said it all. I tried to remain polite as I said my goodbyes, but I felt like I was dying on the inside. How much can one person be expected to bear? Was I supposed to go through life running into Edward's wives or mistresses everywhere I turned? Would another wife show up on my doorstep tomorrow?

No. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't lie to myself any longer.

I was shocked. I was angry. I was hurt. Yet, not nearly as much as the day Tanya had come to my house obliterating the trust I had so freely given to Edward. Not nearly as horrified as this woman probably was. I had spent the last six weeks worried that there might be someone else. I had spent so much time trying to pretend we were the happy couple that we weren't, while constantly wondering when the next bomb would drop.

Well, it just dropped, and although I still wasn't sure if I was ready to deal with the burden of the knowledge, I was almost relieved that it was over.

Kim, Doctor Brandon's nurse, took my vital signs, commenting on how adorable and tiny Isabelle was while I sat there reeling… feeling like my head was going to explode. Abruptly I laughed like a mad woman, startling Kim, when it occurred to me that the woman's name was Isabella. My baby was named after my husband's mistress.

How could he do this to me?

"Is everything okay?" Kim asked when she saw what I assume was a look of panic and horror on my face.

"Yes," I choked. "Everything's fine. I just… I remembered something that I was supposed to take care of."

I wanted to scream and to cry and wail in an unholy tantrum. Instead, I pushed aside my rage. I couldn't think about the betrayal now. There was no way for me to choke down any more truth. Not now. What was that line from Gone With The Wind? The famous one at the end of the movie, when Rhett leaves Scarlett at the door? Hmm… "I can't think about this now. I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow." Yes. That's exactly how I felt.

I'll think about it tomorrow.

Thankfully, Kim dropped it, although she looked like she thought something more was going on. The appointment went just as I expected it to, down to the small talk with Doctor Brandon during my pelvic exam. Later, when she was driving me home, Kim asked again if everything was okay. I reassured her that I was fine- never better. I was becoming a master of lies.

I glanced at the clock, knowing that Isabelle would be up to eat soon, but also feeling a resurgence of anger pulse through my veins.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to us?

I leapt off the bed, almost running into our closet. There is no way I could have him in my house…in my bed… another night. It was over. It was finally over.

The tears were literally spilling out of my eyes as I began to grab at Edward's clothes, clawing at the hangers as I threw them onto the closet floor. The dress shirts, the polos, all beautifully lined up and color coordinated one moment ago, were now in a growing pile on the carpet. I swept my arm against his tie rack, pulling the numerous ties down, snagging one of them on the hook. Then moving to his dress pants, I began to sob as I ripped them off their hangers and moved on to Edward's suits, yanking them down, adding them to the heap. It was almost cathartic as I destroyed Edward's precious organization.

"What are you doing?" Edward's shocked voice growled behind me as he grabbed my waist to pull me to him.

I hadn't heard Edward come in. Struggling against his grip, I attempted to pull away from him, twisting out of his arms.

"Don't touch me!" I screeched through the tears. "Get away from me!"

Edward released me, stepping back to give me some space, a horrified expression on his face.

"Angela! Calm down. What's going on? Where's the baby?" He looked around, his brow furrowed in worry, probably thinking that I had gone off the deep end with post partum depression or something. "I'm sorry I couldn't get back in time to pick you up, but don't you think you are over reacting? What are you doing to my clothes?"

"It's not about the CLOTHES!" I screamed, reaching down to grab a pile, throwing it at him. He dodged a belt buckle as it flew toward his face, then lunged for me again, securing me tightly to his chest so I couldn't hit him with my flailing arms.

"Angela, honey. It's okay. It's okay," he tried to soothe. "Tell me what happened? What's going on?"

"No!" I sobbed. "You tell me what's going on, you lying, cheating …"

"What are you talking about?" he interrupted.

"I know. I know all about you, Edward, and I want you to admit it to me. Admit it to my FACE!"

"Angela, I don't know what you are talking about!" He said with conviction in his voice, continuing to hold me tightly to him as I struggled to get free.

"Liar! Stop lying to me!" I cried, lowering my voice, while slowing my struggle. "Don't you think you at least owe me the truth? I know about her. I know." I leaned against his chest, waiting to hear his response. His shirt was now wet with a combination of my tears and snot.

"Okay," Edward sighed, releasing me. He lowered his head, shaking his hair from side to side. I thought he might be changing his mind, but he started to speak again, running his hands roughly through his hair.

"It was a long time ago, Angela. I was engaged to her when I met you. I had never met anyone like you, and our relationship moved so fast. Suddenly we were married, after only three days and I realized that I had a girl back at my hub. A girl who thought that she was marrying me. I went back to end things with her… to tell her about you. It was right after I met your parents, while you were packing your stuff to move to Phoenix, remember?

She didn't understand. She wouldn't accept it and I think she thought if she could remind me of what we had together that I'd end things with you and go back to her. She started to kiss me… some clothes came off, but Angela, I stopped it, I swear. It didn't go any further. We didn't have sex. I stopped it. Please believe me."

Edward released his hair, reaching for my hands. "Angela, I love you. I've always loved you… since the moment I laid eyes on you. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't see the point in telling you about it at the time. And then, once I'd kept it from you, I felt guilty, but it was harder and harder to mention it. I felt like you would be more upset that I had kept a secret from you. I'm sorry. I promise, it's the only time I've ever cheated on you."

Edward continued to look into my eyes, apparently relieved by his confession, but it only made me angrier. How could he confess to something so stupid… so insignificant compared to the lies and deceit that he had been engaged in our whole marriage.

"Liar," I whispered, shaking my head, dropping his hands.

"No," The shock in his eyes registered at my words and he shook his head. "I'm telling the truth, Angela. I swear it."

"Stop lying to me," my voice escalated again until I was shouting at him where he was standing, not more than a foot away from me. "I want you to tell me the truth… now, or you are leaving and never coming back!"

"Angela, honey, I've told you everything that there is to tell. I'm being completely honest with you."

"No, you aren't," I began to sob again. "You aren't. This is the last chance you get. Tell. Me. The. Truth!"

"I am. I AM telling you the truth, I am!" He shouted back, a panicked look in his eyes as he reached for me again.

"NO! Get away from me. Get out. GET OUT!" I reached down and started scooping up piles of his clothes, throwing them onto him.

"Angela, I don't know what you want from me!" He answered back, the clothes hitting his face and chest without even an attempt to dodge them.

"I want the truth, and apparently you aren't willing to give it to me." I turned my back, defeated and exhausted. "Just get out."

"Angela…" he began again, gently reaching for my arm as I shrank away from his touch.

Before either of us could speak again, Isabelle's cry came through the monitor in the bedroom and Edward dropped his arm, moving to go to her.

"No!" I said calmly, but seriously, as I brushed past him, walking through our bedroom to the nursery. "Get out. Don't touch her. Just. Go. I want you gone when I come out of her room." I didn't look behind me as I opened her bedroom door and closed it behind me.

"It's okay, baby," I sobbed as I went to her crib, lifting her into my arms. "It's going to be okay."

************

I didn't know how much time had passed, but when I awoke to the sound of the doorbell, the room was dark around me. It took me a second to realize I was in Isabelle's room and that I had fallen asleep while nursing her. She was sleeping peacefully. I placed a kiss on her head as I carefully set her into her crib.

Ben and the twins must be back. I closed Isabelle's bedroom door behind me, swiftly walking to the entry. One good thing about living in a gated community was that you didn't get surprise visitors. Well… I sighed, thinking of Tanya. Well, usually, anyway. I was exhausted and didn't want to deal with the boys or with Ben's questioning tonight, but knew I didn't have a choice.

Unlocking the deadbolt, I pulled on the door handle, expecting Seth and Connor to jump into my arms as soon as the door was open.

"Bella?" I asked in shock as I registered the woman standing before me.