The Cost of Survival
Self-Absorbed Author's Ramblings
Well after writing this chapter (and the outlines of like the next eleven or twelve upcoming chapters), I realized I've goofed and mixed up Ronnie and Mack. Earlier on, Ronnie was originally the one from District 1 and the Mack was from 2. For the sake of sticking to the events going on here and what I've worked out for the next couple of chapters, it's going to be the other way around (and it'll hopefully stay that way.)
Chapter 21
Night 2
Arena. Harmony's Cave. 72nd Hunger Games.
Were Lauren and Santana still together? Did they separate during the mutt attack, or were they now spending the night with each other? Was it still the norm for them to throw demeaning insults at each other, or were they finally being civil? Were any of them hurt after the attack? How were they getting by?
Mike's thoughts kept wandering as he sat on the floor and leaned against a column of rock. Meanwhile, an arm's length away, Harmony was sound asleep in her borrowed sleeping bag. At the start of the Games, she had been one of the smart ones who ran down the tunnel behind her instead of getting tangled up in the bloodbath. Now, she was the fortunate one without any injuries to worry about. And she had also been fortunate enough to come by a new ally with both some knowledge on plants, and useful supplies like iodine and a sleeping bag and some rope.
At least with Harmony, Mike felt needed and useful. He got to make up for the kindness she'd extended to him. With Santana and Lauren, there was always the lingering feeling of owing Lauren and being unwanted by her. Being seen as a liability.
Despite that, Mike still missed Santana and would have liked to be united with her again. There would be an end to it eventually, that was for sure. But Mike would still rather spend final moments with her, someone he'd grown up with and grown close to, than with just any stranger, or by himself even.
And that thought brought with it nostalgia and flashbacks.
Though they were all in the same group and getting into the same trouble together as children, towards adolescence, Mike had developed a tight bond with Tina. The little things that made up her personality drew him in instead of scaring him away. The way she dealt with stress got worse and worse over the years, until it exploded into that terrifying moment when she almost threw everything away and gave up.
How was she now?
Mike reached into one of his pants pockets and closed his hand around the carved deer. It was given to him at a time when Tina was dealing with the pressure of another brother coming along. She had been considerably better then. She said she was troubled, but she had it under control now. Mike could still remember the way Tina had shown a quiet kind of strength that time, admitting that she was bothered, but still able to keep it from taking over her completely.
Did she have it under control now?
Taking his hand out of his pocket, Mike brought it up to his face and massaged his forehead, trying to ease away the worries and nagging thoughts. In this eventful week, Tina must be struggling with all the emotions stirred up by Mike's being a tribute and Brittany being beaten… the idea of that was bothering Mike, given the last time Tina couldn't handle things. She kept trying to bottle it up before, until it overpowered her and almost destroyed her.
Hopefully, she was stronger now and would be able to handle it.
Maybe Brittany was keeping an eye on Tina and talking to her, preventing her from being left alone to spiral down into another dark chasm of personal hell.
Sounds pulled Mike away from the past and back into the present. They sounded like footsteps. Particularly the footsteps of a group. A group of people likely to kill them on sight without thinking twice.
They had to act fast. Mike picked up the sharpened rock he'd taken as his weapon to replace the knife lost in the tunnels, and went straight to Harmony. It took some shaking to rouse her from her sleep, and when she looked like she was going to let out a sound of surprise, Mike had to clamp a hand over her mouth.
The action sent Harmony into a panic, wriggling and struggling to get out of Mike's grasp as if he was in the process of double crossing her in this moment of vulnerability.
"Sshh!" Mike tightened his grip and pulled Harmony's body closer to his, giving her less room to fight him. The tension in his muscles was tugging at his shoulder and sending twinges of pain through the cut. "Listen."
Harmony finally stopped fighting and lay still. She seemed to be listening and cooperating now, although her heart was still beating fast. Mike could feel it against his arm.
"We should hide." Now that Harmony understood what was at stake, Mike moved his hand away from her mouth and released her. She was breathing heavily, body trembling, eyes wide, but she remained silent and nodded in assent.
Careful not to make too much noise and to be sure to focus on the sound of the steadily nearing footsteps, Mike and Harmony packed up and made sure to leave the lake without any evidence of their presence. They proceeded to walk away from their camp once it was empty.
Mike stayed light on his toes, trying to make as little noise as possible.
The footsteps were getting louder and nearer.
There was a crevice in the wall, just behind a tall, wide rock formation that blocked it from the view of anyone who first walked into the cavern. They didn't want to risk getting trapped in a narrow tunnel, running blindly in the dark. This hiding place would have to work.
The voices of the Careers were already getting very audible, accompanied by an echo that suggested they might already be in the cavern.
Harmony went first, squeezing herself in then getting the bag from Mike so he could join her with his back to her and his front to the entrance, ready to defend them with the sharp stone if their spot was discovered.
They hid themselves just in time, because by then, Mike could already hear Dave's heavy footsteps and Azimio's sniggering.
"This's some place, eh?" Azimio's whistle bounced back at him. "Yo Mack, wanna go swimmin'?"
The comment was followed by Sam and Ronnie's laughter, as well as Dave catcalling and whistling.
"Sure." Mack replied. "I could drown you while I'm at it."
Sebastian backed that up with a long and low "Ooohhhh."
More easy laughter filled the cavern, showing just how comfortable the Careers were, completely aware of the fact that they were on top and in control here. The other tributes barely had a chance against them. They were untouchable.
Mike hoped they would leave the cavern soon. Their voices were getting louder and nearer and it was getting harder and harder to remain quiet and calm. It wasn't just Harmony behind him who was trembling. Mike was, too.
The sudden appearance of a face made Mike yelp in shock, and in a flash, reflex took over, shooting his hand up to lash out with the sharpened rock.
It cut through the Ronnie's eyebrow and forehead, causing her to reel back, howling in pain.
Taking advantage of the brief moment of distraction while it still lasted, Mike grabbed Harmony's hand and tore out of their hiding place to charge down the nearest tunnel. The sound of yelling and running behind them meant that the Careers were in pursuit and in no hurry to give up.
"You are gonna fuckin' pay for that, Seven!" Ronnie's echoing threat gave Mike an extra burst of speed.
Harmony was having trouble keeping up, weighed down by the bag and breathing raggedly. Without slowing down or letting go of her hand, Mike used his other to grab the straps from her and pull it over his shoulder, where it bumped against his back distractingly.
And still, the yelling and the footsteps continued behind them.
When they came to a sharp turn that gave them three separate paths to choose from, Mike turned to look at Harmony's face. She was breathing too heavily to give a verbal response, and instead tightened her grasp on his hand. Mike understood that and took the left tunnel with her.
It was terrifying to just be running blindly like this, defenseless and without any plan. Mike lost his weapon again when he struck Ronnie with it. Next time, he really should maintain his hold while striking an enemy. That is if there even is a next time. If this path turned out to be a dead end and the Careers caught up to them, the chances of Mike or Harmony getting out in one piece were very slim.
The bag was hanging from the wrong shoulder and it was already becoming too painful to ignore, rubbing at and irritating the cut. Mike had to let go of Harmony's hand to be able to transfer the bag to his other shoulder. Letting go seemed to increase her nervousness, but she continued running.
Not sure if it was on purpose or not, Mike noticed that she was starting to get faster.
Or he was getting slower.
The burning tightness was already clutching his chest and making breathing difficult, while his legs begged for a break.
Were the Careers getting closer?
Mike looked behind him only to find that it was too dark to see if there was anyone getting close. There were no shadows or figures he could make out, but he could swear he heard breathing and footsteps.
But given how tired he was getting, Mike might just be mistaking his and Harmony's breaths and footsteps for the sounds of pursuing Careers. For all he knew, they might have even successfully gotten the Careers off the trail thanks to that spot where the tunnel branched into three exits.
Returning his gaze to the path ahead of him, Mike first saw that Harmony had stopped, and then he saw that the ground stopped, too. The realization had Mike scrambling and skidding, but it came too late.
At the speed he was going, Mike wasn't able to keep himself from crashing into Harmony, sending her straight over the edge of the cliff. As her scream seemed to fill the entire arena, Mike tried to grab for her and save her, but already, she was plummeting down into the depths of the cliff's sheer drop.
"Harmony!" The boom of a canon drowned out Mike's yell as he stared in horror at the indecipherable blackness. Harmony was gone now because of him. It was hard for his fumbled mind to grasp that he had actually killed her. And it just happened so fast.
There was no time to dwell on that for very long.
The footsteps he heard earlier were someone else's after all.
Swallowing in between his loud and heavy gasps for breath, Mike turned to see Sam approaching, trident in hand, a grim expression on his face.
Arena. Bat Cave. 72nd Hunger Games.
Heavy eyelids and a bleary vision were going to get Santana into trouble if she wasn't careful. That is if the impatience didn't strike first. It was, after all, the reason why Santana was now taking a walk just to avoid falling asleep. It was the reason why she was stuck being a fucking bodyguard instead of finally getting the sleep she needed so badly.
After the anthem, Santana had found herself in another pointless argument with Lauren about who should take the first watch. In a fit of anger and thinning patience, Santana finally gave in and said she would do it, just to get Lauren to shut the hell up. If it went on for any longer, they would have killed each other already.
By now, Santana was severely questioning the point in maintaining this stupid alliance.
Head weighed down with sleepiness, Santana continued walking until the cave narrowed into a tunnel. Lauren was like a huge boulder, she'd be okay without Santana hovering over her shoulder. Besides, the tempting idea of actually killing Lauren in her sleep might become too much to bear without acting upon. It was already getting pretty easy to imagine different ways of going about it.
The only thing stopping Santana from actually doing any of those was the look on Brittany's face if it did happen.
It would be so much worse than the disappointment Brittany always showed whenever Santana made a bad, reckless choice. Hell, it would be worse than seeing the way Brittany lost it when the fact that her parents weren't coming back finally sunk in.
If Santana ever got back home, and it happened to be by doing things like stabbing allies in the back and showing no honor towards deals and agreements, then what would be the point in that? It would ruin everything. For sure, Brittany must already be seeing Santana differently after that Sunshine kill. No point in making it all the worse by losing any last sense of humanity.
That's what Mike and Brittany were into, weren't they?
Being good and noble and honorable and living by values and shit like that.
Santana sometimes scoffed at the idea like the way she automatically hated Peacekeeper and Capitol rules presented to her. However, there were times when she did care about those things. She did like to try seeing things the way Brittany did. Putting forth good behavior despite the bad behavior all around. Not stooping to the level of the likes of the Peacekeepers.
It was hard though, and it just didn't come naturally to Santana.
She was hot tempered and impatient and aggressive and nothing like the typical description anyone would give to a good person.
Santana blinked a few times, realizing she was leaning against the wall and just on the verge of falling asleep standing.
With a few grumbled complaints to herself, Santana rubbed at her eyes and moved away from the wall to continue walking, not really with any specific purpose or destination in mind other than just to stay awake.
As she kept going, there seemed to be a faint glow at the end of the tunnel.
Taking into consideration how sleep-deprived and exhausted she was, Santana couldn't be sure anymore if her bleary eyes and foggy mind were just playing tricks on her. For all she knew, it could just be a bed at the end of the tunnel, glowing in majestic brilliance, inviting her in for some rest at last.
The further Santana walked, the closer she got to the glow.
It began to grow more distinct, flickering and dancing in the way that only the light of a fire would behave. The warm tint to it also suggested that the source of the glow was a fire.
Distracted and mesmerized, Santana almost failed to notice the sheer drop she would have plunged into if she hadn't grabbed onto the rock wall just in time.
Santana scrambled towards the wall to press herself against it and use it as a support while she looked down and tried to make sense of the scene below.
The drop wasn't that far. Probably still enough to break a bone or two if she fell, but maybe not enough to kill her unless she specifically landed on her head or neck.
Down below, Santana could see three tributes gathered around a fire. Two of them were lying down, curled up into positions of sleep, while another was sitting up.
It took a lot of rubbing her eyes and squinting and really struggling to concentrate and focus her vision, but Santana was eventually able to make out the silhouette. That hair was unmistakably Rick's. The details of his face were too far to really make out, but Santana recognized the posture and the shapes. It was him. It had to be.
The axe was left back at the camp with Lauren. In hindsight, Santana realized how idiotic it was to do that, leaving behind the weapon she was actually familiar with, and on top of that, within range of someone Santana couldn't even trust.
After making a quick mental note to reclaim the axe as soon as she got back and to never let it leave her side, Santana moved her attention to the dagger she did remember to bring along just in case.
Santana took it out and felt the weight of it in her hand. Certainly different from that of an axe, and of course the way it would arc and fall would be different. Back at the Training Center, Santana didn't spend enough time with the throwing knives to really practice the skill.
But it could be over so fast if Santana decided to strike now, flinging the knife down to land right between that tribute's ears. He was one of the meaner, cockier ones. Santana wouldn't have to feel bad about this kill. It would be so quick and so easy. So simple. One less tribute to worry about. One step closer to being the victor. One step closer to getting home. One step closer to being with Brittany again. To be able to grovel and do whatever it took to make up for the damage done by the Peacekeepers.
Running out of reasons not to do it, Santana raised the knife, focused her eyes on the defined silhouette of her target. He was hunching over like he might have already fallen asleep despite being the one with the task of guarding the other two.
So easy. So simple. One step closer.
Arena. Cliff. 72nd Hunger Games.
There was nowhere else for Mike to go. Behind him was the bottomless pit that killed Harmony, and on either side of him there was nothing but a narrow ledge of rock that led to nowhere. In front of him was someone who was going to end it all by plunging those prongs straight through his chest.
Sam moved closer, brandishing the trident.
Mike tried to straighten his posture and face the impending doom with some dignity, but it was hard to steady his trembling muscles and heavy breathing. There was nothing here that he could fight with to match that trident. There was nothing he could fight with at all. And Sam was taller than Mike, and actually knew how to fight.
Tina was going to see this in the morning and know how much Mike screwed up. His parents were going to watch and see how pathetic their son was. Judy Fabray would see this and know she was right. Quinn was going to watch an old friend die. What was going to happen to her? Were they going to just kill her if neither Santana nor Mike were victors?
This was the end of it.
But the nearer Sam got, the softer his expression became, until they were face to face and Mike could actually see fear and discomfort in the Career's eyes. There was none of that ruthless confidence Mike thought he would see in all of the Careers.
"Where's Santana?"
Mike stared, doubtful if he'd heard it correctly. "What?"
The stupid response had Sam rolling his eyes before anxiety showed in his features. He looked over his shoulder as if to check if his packmates were catching up. Sure enough, their footsteps could already be heard, and with it was Ronnie's booming voice, ranting and swearing vengeance. "Crap…" The curse was muttered under Sam's breath before he returned his attention to Mike and began to whisper instructions.
"See the ledge there? It won't hold your weight for long, but I think it'll be okay for just long enough. Get over there now."
Scared but very much aware of how he didn't have any other choice, Mike decided against arguing with that urgent tone. He hurried towards the edge and pressed himself against the wall.
Careful to test the rock before putting weight on it, Mike inched his way along the narrow ledge. Every little pebble that came lose under his weight made his heart jump, but he forced himself to stay still and quiet as the Careers came nearer.
The bag was making it harder than it normally should be to maintain his balance. Mike held it close to his body with one arm while the other was pressed into the wall. The Careers were already there and he had to stay quiet and unseen.
"Found him?" Azimio asked.
"I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Ronnie snarled.
Mike held his breath and hoped none of them would try to come nearer and search properly.
"I don't think he went with her." Sam let out the lie so easily, with just enough uncertainty in the tone to sound like an innocent guess. "I heard her scream. The girl probably fell over the edge. The guy's not here."
Sebastian's voice was cool and collected. "That would explain the scream we heard. She's probably the dead tribute, which means the guy's still alive somewhere. But…" A brief pause. "He must be long gone by now."
"And I was hoping to have a little fun before killing him." The way Mack sounded genuinely disappointed made Mike nervous and uncomfortable. He tried not to imagine what sadistic fun she must have been planning for him if they found him.
"Maybe we'll find him in the morning." Sam suggested, still careful with his tone. "It's too dark to see anything now and I'm tired."
The suggestion was met with some grumbles of protest from Azimio and Ronnie, their bloodlust unsatisfied. Sebastian and Dave were more cooperative, and Mack eventually gave in as well, leaving the District 2 tributes outvoted.
With the decision settled, the Careers went back the way they came, leaving Mike safe and alone and able to let out a sigh of relief.
Until he remembered that he really was alone now. He'd accidentally killed his own ally.
So much for her trust in him.
Arena. Other Cliff. 72nd Hunger Games
Before Santana could throw the dagger, a hand clutched her arm in a firm grip that limited her movement. She took that as the sign of a threat and turned to attack, only to have another hand stop her other arm and hold it still with the same level of strength. It was Lauren. She was frowning and to Santana, actually did look ready to do something sinister.
And they happened to be just inches away from a cliff.
Santana squirmed and struggled to pull herself free, already anticipating being lifted up and thrown over the edge.
Instead, Lauren shook Santana twice and started yelling. "What the fuck are you doing here? Why'd you leave? Trying to regroup with your buddy so you can head back together and finish me off?"
"You're so fucking paranoid," As much as Santana was relieved to know Lauren was here to deliver a lecture instead of a death sentence, this wasn't the time to go around smiling about it. The accusations were really starting to get tiring. "I just wanted to take a fucking walk!"
"I'm paranoid?" Lauren still wasn't letting go, and even tightened her grip on Santana's right arm. "I'm not the one ready to start stabbing the shit out of someone."
Some part of Santana could kind of see what Lauren meant, because yes, it must have looked like Santana was brandishing the dagger and ready to go crazy with it.
No part of Santana wanted to admit that though. "I was just gonna take a fucking walk." As she said those words, Santana remembered the last time she went sneaking around in the middle of the night. That had disastrous results which couldn't be taken back, no matter how much Santana wished she could. People got hurt. Innocent people who hadn't seen it coming.
Brittany and Quinn had to pay the price.
Remembering it struck Santana like a heavy blow and drained her of her strength.
Lauren was oblivious, and just continued to ramble on about how it was wrong for Santana to just get up and leave without any warning or prior notice.
It went on long enough for Santana to be able to struggle with the still painfully fresh guilt and put it back into the box it had been staying in since the mutt attack. There were still traces of it lingering over Santana, but she forced herself to stay focused and keep the echoes of Brittany's voice from taking over.
"Just shut up." It was also enough time for Santana to realize that if this argument got any louder, it would wake and alert the tributes below. She tried to tug her arms away from Lauren, but focused more on bringing the two of them further away from the edge, out of sight.
"Why the hell should I?" Lauren was still looking for a fight.
Santana jerked her head in the direction of the edge. "There are tributes down there."
That was enough to shove Lauren off her track. She released Santana and as if unable to believe her, Lauren had to lean over and look down to be able to see for herself that there were tributes down there.
What came next was a surprise to Santana. "Let's get over there and take them out now!"
"Are you insane?" Finally feeling a lot more awake, Santana could see the stupidity in that idea. Even if just moments ago, she was so close to doing exactly that.
"Or we could throw something!" Lauren's eyes lit up as they fell on the dagger. "Throw that!" At Santana's doubtful expression, Lauren shook her head, "Fuck it, I'd rather go down there and take them with my own hands!"
"We can't." Faced with someone who was even more reckless and impulsive than she was, Santana had to talk Lauren down. "Fucking think about it for a second, okay? Throwing something ain't a sure shot." Talking over Lauren's attempt to say it was still worth a try, Santana kept going. "And if we miss? That's gonna give away our position. Climbing down? Too freaking risky." Maybe with Mike's rope it could have been a little bit more possible to climb down carefully.
"You're just fucking scared!"
"I'm not fucking scared!" Santana felt her temper starting to flare at the way Lauren was being so brainless about this. Was Santana herself this bad when she was younger? If Brittany managed to have the patience to deal with that for so long, Santana had to work her way through this situation now. "I'm being fucking smart about this. If we try climbing now, in the dark, we might fall. If we fall, we might be in way too much of a mess to fight back because by then they will all be awake and ready to kill us."
Lauren sulked but finally stopped trying to interrupt or argue.
"Let's wait, okay?" Santana still felt irritated and frustrated, but at least the worst was out of the way. "When it's lighter and we both got some rest, it'll be easier to figure this shit out."
"Fine." Lauren was still reluctant and cranky about it, but she agreed.
Since both of them wanted to take out the tributes below as soon as possible, Santana and Lauren were able to come to another rare agreement. They'd settle here for the rest of the night, near the edge and easily capable of keeping an eye on their targets.
Arena. Cliff. 72nd Hunger Games.
Still drowning in shame at the way he'd caused Harmony's death, Mike waited for what felt like an hour, back pressed against the wall, knees shaking. The darkness and silence was starting to close in on him, putting his thoughts and fears into sharp focus.
Mike swallowed and pressed his fingers against the rough rock behind him to remember where he was and what he still had to do. The gloves dulled the feeling in his palms, but his fingertips felt the discomfort of the wall's coarse texture.
Latching onto that sensation, Mike blinked away the look on Harmony's face when she fell.
Maybe it's been long enough and the Careers were already back at the Cornucopia, sleeping away the rest of the night. Mike inched his way along the ledge, and then rounded the corner to find himself back on solid ground.
Still no sign of any Careers.
Relieved but still remembering to be careful, Mike made his way down the tunnel until he reached the part where it had split into three different paths. The thought of blindly going down the other two scared Mike. He wasn't ready to go exploring and experimenting on his own, especially not while it was still so dark.
Mike swallowed, adjusted his grip on the bag, and retraced his steps to the cavern where he met Harmony. Going back stirred up mixed emotions from the guilt again to the comfort of something familiar and to the fear of running into the Careers again.
As he passed by scraggly plants that hinted he was getting close, Mike decided to stop near the cavern instead of going all the way inside. It might not be safe to stay there again, so soon after the Careers' discovery of it. They might even come back first thing in the morning and find Mike with his guard down, resting after the stressful evening.
There was a low overhanging rock just behind the plants. Mike had doubts about how well it would hide him from view, but he was getting too tired to go searching for a better spot. It was also close enough to the cavern to feel familiar. Any further would make Mike uncomfortable and lost.
He crawled under it and lay down, using the bag as a pillow.
His mind was still jumping from thought to thought, feeling to feeling, but his body was wiped out. The cut on his shoulder was throbbing after the bag straps chafed against it during the chase. His legs burned from all the running and his eyes felt heavy.
Soon enough, his scrambled thoughts of Harmony, Santana and Tina blurred together into hazy images until everything just shut down for a much-needed rest.
On a side note:
The next chapter will either be short (and maybe ready in time for next weekend) or long-ish (and might take two weeks to write). It'll depend on whether or not I decide to cut it in half, based on how it looks and flows. Heck, in writing the outline, I kept changing my mind about whether or not to split it. So we'll see how things go :)