Chapter 12: Burden of Faith
XXXXXXXXXX
Sometimes the most profound beauty exists in the smallest of things…half-hidden shells in the sand, the unexpected smile or eyes meeting for the very first time. Only one removed from all beauty and returned, can truly know its value.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Akane," Byakuya said softly as Renji reached them, "This is your other father. This is Abarai Renji."
Akane stood stock still, her small hands clutching Byakuya's shirt and her wide gray eyes staring up at the tall man in front of them. Renji smiled warmly (careful not to make it a toothy grin) and sat down in front of Byakuya. He met the girl's eyes calmly and worked his toes down into the warm sand.
"Hello Akane," he said quietly, "It's good to finally meet you."
Byakuya turned slightly and slipped an arm around the girl.
"I have told you before that we are shinigamis…that our work is maintaining balance of souls in the cycle of rebirth. I have also told you that I am in the military, and that I am part of a group of fighters called the Gotei 13, which defends the Royal Family. I am taichou of the sixth division of the Gotei 13 and Abarai Renji is my fukutaichou. What that means is that Renji is responsible for assisting me in seeing that our soutaichou's orders are carried out. Renji trains the shinigamis in our division, ensures that everyone knows and follows orders, assists me in organizing our division for battle and he fights at my side and protects me in battle. It was during one of our battles that I was captured by Aizen Sousuke and I became his prisoner. While I was imprisoned in his fortress, it was found that I was carrying a child…you, Akane. Once Sousuke discovered my condition, he knew that I would do anything to protect you…and he used that to keep me from escaping. He only let me see you when I did things that pleased him…and he was not an easy man to please. But while I was imprisoned, Renji searched for me. In all of the five years that I was held at the fortress, he never gave up trying to find me. And one day, he finally reached the place where I was being held…and he freed me. Renji is my closest friend…and I love him very much."
Akane lifted a hand and touched Byakuya's lips very lightly with her fingertips.
"You look happier since he got here," she said quietly.
Still clinging to Byakuya's sleeve with one hand, she turned and studied the red haired shinigami for several minutes, then stepped closer. She released Byakuya's sleeve and clasped her hands together, staring at Renji. Her eyes took in the darker, olive toned skin, the long red hair barely restrained by his hair tie, the gentle brown eyes, the easy, friendly smile and the black tattoos that marked his skin. She stepped closer and reached out, touching the marking above his left eye, then pulling her hand away and looking at her fingers.
"Did you paint those markings on yourself?" she asked curiously.
"No," Renji said, still smiling, "They were made by my zanpakutou. Every time I grow stronger and better in my shinigami skills, my zanpakutou adds to them."
"Zanpakutou?" the girl said questioningly, "You mean the sword with a spirit inside?"
"Yes, Akane," Byakuya answered, "Remember that you have seen Sousuke's zanpakutou."
"Do you have a zanpakutou, Daddy Bya?" Akane asked.
Renji caught the sudden flash of regret that lit Byakuya's features, then the sad look that came into his eyes.
"Hai, I have a zanpakutou. Every zanpakutou spirit has a name. Renji's zanpakutou is named Zabimaru. When he fights, Zabimaru helps him. Renji can use him as a sword, or can call on him to use special attacks. Would you Renji to show you how Zabimaru works?" Byakuya asked.
Akane stepped closer to Byakuya and nodded.
"Renji, would you mind?"
"Not at all, Taichou," the redhead said good-naturedly. He climbed to his feet and walked away from the other two, then reached out and called his zanpakutou to his hand. Akane stared at the sword that appeared…and her eyes widened as Renji gave the release command and the sword changed to a much larger weapon with sharp, jagged teeth.
"That is what happens when Renji releases his shikai. He says those words and the zanpakutou releases this power to help him fight. But Renji has another release called a ban kai. Watch carefully and do not be afraid. Zabimaru protects us. We are perfectly safe in his presence, even though his ban kai form looks a bit scary.
"Ban kai, hihio Zabiamaru!" called Renji.
Akane's eyes grew as wide as saucers and she gripped Byakuya's arm tightly. She watched in awe, her body trembling with excitement and fear as the skeletal snake curled around Renji. Renji sent the beast sliding slowly toward them. It stopped in front of Byakuya, and loosed a softer squealing sound. Akane stared for a moment, then reached out and touched the red fur around its huge head. The snake blinked and squealed again, releasing a tiny plume of smoke from its nostril. Akane giggled.
"You see," said Byakuya, as Renji sealed his weapon and sheathed it, "Zabimaru protects Renji and all of the ones who stand with him in battle. They are very strong together."
"Then how did…how come you got captured?" Akane asked, "Why didn't Zabimaru help you?"
Byakuya sighed.
"The day that I was captured, Renji was with another part of our group, protecting our path back into the Seireitei. We did not know that a trap had been set to capture me."
"I felt horrible that I wasn't with my taichou when his group was attacked," Renji said, his eyes darkening, "And I couldn't stop searching for him, trying to find him. I was very relieved when we finally found him."
"Daddy Bya," the girl asked suddenly, "why didn't your zanpakutou protect you?"
Byakuya lowered his eyes.
"Our fighting group had been given false information. We were surprised by our enemies and surrounded. All of the shinigamis who were with me were killed and just I was left. The combined strength of Sousuke's zanpakutou and the hollows who helped him was too much for my zanpakutou and me to handle. We were defeated and taken prisoner. Then Sousuke sealed my weapon away and took away my shinigami powers so that I could not speak to the spirit in my blade. We could no longer fight in that condition."
"But you have your powers back now?" the girl asked.
"Yes," Byakuya said softly.
"Can you show me what your sword does?" Akane requested, glancing back at Renji and Zabimaru.
Byakuya shook his head.
"Perhaps another time," he said softly, "For now, I think it would be good for the three of us to take a walk together."
He climbed to his feet and brushed away the sand, then waited as Renji and Akane did the same. The red haired girl positioned herself between the two men and slipped one hand into Byakuya's…then looking up warily at the tall, red haired shinigami, cautiously extended the other toward him. Renji grinned and took her hand gently and the three started down the beach, walking with their feet up to the ankles in the cool, swirling water.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Akane seemed to take quite well to you," Byakuya commented as he slipped into a soft, red yukata and climbed into bed.
Renji stepped into the dressing area and began removing his clothes.
"Yeah…I guess she did…after she got over looking like she was going to faint at the sight of me. I was worried I'd scare the daylights out of her. At first, I thought I had."
"Well, I wasn't worried," Byakuya said, leaning against the headboard and curling his legs beneath him, "You are very good at making overtures, Renji. I knew that Akane would sense you are someone to be trusted."
"Huh…well, how she knows who to trust is beyond me. She's got to be pretty confused. Hell, she thought Aizen was a good guy…and one of her fathers! Poor kid…"
"She'll be confused for a while," Byakuya acknowledged, "but we made a good start today. You were very good with her…friendly, but not overwhelming."
"I think she sees me more as a friend than a father…and I don't know what to feel. I mean, I wasn't even to the point of considering marriage and all of a sudden, I have a kid…"
He trailed off, seeing the guilty expression on Byakuya's face.
"Oh…I didn't mean it like that. Hey, I know you were just…you needed something to keep you going and…look, I'm sorry I made it sound like I'm not happy. Byakuya, how could I be anything but happy having a reminder like that of what happened between us?"
"It was wrong of me, Renji."
"You needed something to hang on to. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm glad there was something I could do to comfort you. I sure as hell couldn't do anything to free you, so I felt pretty damned useless."
"Don't, Renji. Sousuke used all of us. That is what he does best. Please…just, don't blame yourself. My own battle plans got me into this."
"Yeah, your plans…but based on his planted information."
"Which I questioned, but chose not to investigate further…"
"There was a window of opportunity…"
"Which any taichou knows is a red flag…"
"Okay, fine, but Soutaichou fell for it too. Byakuya, you aren't to blame."
"And neither are you," Byakuya said with finality, "so please stop blaming yourself."
Renji smiled sadly.
"I will if you will."
He climbed onto the bed next to Byakuya and pulled him close, sinking into a deep, warm kiss. He ran his fingers through the lengths of silken black hair and tilted his head back to gain access to the soft skin of his throat. Byakuya closed his eyes and sighed softly as the redhead placed light kisses from ear to collarbone. He returned to the noble's lips and the two exchanged several more long, lingering kisses. Byakuya broke away and rested his head against Renji's chest, listening to the fast, steady beating of his heart.
"You will be a good father, Renji," he whispered, "I know you will. And Akane will come to see you as a father…and a friend."
"Hmmm…" Renji mumbled sleepily, "if you say so…"
"I do say so."
They were quiet for a moment. Renji looked out the window at the full moon and then closed his eyes.
"Byakuya," he said quietly, "Kisuke told me that when you were taken from the healing center…Aizen tried to…"
"I see," said Byakuya, pulling away to look at him, "and Kisuke is right. Sousuke knows now how to force my reproductive system to awaken. He went to great lengths to do this."
"So…what are you going to do?"
Byakuya sighed.
"What I have to," he whispered, looking away.
"Which is?"
Byakuya looked into his eyes.
"My decision."
Renji frowned.
"You just…don't want to talk about it," he said, a touch of disbelief in his voice.
"No…I really don't wish to discuss it. I hate to point out, Renji, but we really haven't defined where we are romantically and although you have taken steps toward bonding with our daughter, that doesn't mean that anything can be assumed about our future."
"Byakuya…look…why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away? I thought you wanted to be with me. I assumed that meant that we would raise Akane together. Was I wrong? Your clan won't like it…is that it?"
Byakuya lowered his eyes.
"The clan will not oppose our union, should we choose to be together," he said quietly.
"Wha…? They opposed your union with Hisana, because she was…"
"They opposed my union with Hisana both because she was a peasant and because her health was too fragile to permit her to bear children. I had to maneuver very carefully to gain permission. Having already permitted me to marry one peasant, they will not oppose us on that basis. And being that you have already proven yourself able to awaken my reproductive system…"
"I…what? I thought that…I thought it was the threat to your life…" Renji stammered, narrowing his eyes in confusion.
"Think Renji…my life has been in danger before…"
"So…what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I do not wish to discuss the details of this with you. It involves things that are not permitted to be spoken of outside of the clan…for obvious reasons…"
Renji's reiatsu flared.
"But…we have a daughter together, Byakuya. There is something way more than friendship going on between us…Why won't you talk to me?"
Byakuya closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and met Renji's warily.
"I know you won't understand…and I know you will be angry, but I am asking you to let me handle this in my own way. I have important reasons for not discussing this with you, the most important reason being that I will not manipulate you in your decisions when it comes to me. You have access to Akane. I want the two of you to be close…but what happens between us shouldn't be…affected…by…my circumstances."
"Meaning you don't want me to be with you because of Akane? Don't be stupid, Byakuya," Renji said angrily, "I wouldn't be with you if that was all I wanted. I told you how I feel about you. You eventually need to learn to trust that!"
"How?" asked Byakuya softly, "I have spent five years with a man who shattered my ability to trust anything and anyone around me. And just because you want me to…I am supposed to forget that and trust you?"
"No," said Renji, taking the noble's face in his hands, "you are supposed to remember that I am nothing like him, that all I have ever done is to love you…"
"That's not true."
Renji froze, staring.
"One of the things Aizen Sousuke made a point of doing when he thought there might be something between us…was to remind me how you became my fukutaichou with the intent of stabbing me in the back. And as far as we have come…as much progress as we have made…there was no way for me to argue with his logic."
Renji swallowed hard.
"So…he played on your doubts…on concerns that I might still want to…hurt you?"
"It would have been quite easy, you know. I made myself vulnerable, opening up to you…telling you that I wanted you. And I was captured the next morning. There was no time after to stop and question what your motives might have been. It was certainly a way to set me up for a rather large fall."
"And you think I would do that? After all we've done to improve things since Aizen left the Seireitei? After everything, you still have to wonder?"
Byakuya stared back at him silently. Renji stared back into the noble's uncertain expression, then rose and left the room. Byakuya stared as the door closed between them, then turned his head to gaze sadly out at the stars and moon.