The characters in this story are from my favorite books, the Twilight Series, by the talented Stephenie Myers, and her copy write of the characters is implied.
A/N- I received feedback on the last chapter about Carlisle starting Nessie's blood test by using his incisor to bite through her skin, and what about venom infecting it. In my mind, venom is produced like saliva, so Carlisle used his incisor like a pin prick and therefore was able to start the blood test without infecting her with his venom. It made sense to me when I was writing it. I hope that it makes sense to everyone else now : )
A/N- Thank you for continuing to read my story and for providing feedback. I really appreciate all of it.
Chapter 39: Temper Tantrum
I threw myself across the bed, and I began crying. I knew that everyone present probably just thought that I was having a temper tantrum, but what I was really feeling was too personal to discuss in front of a room full of people. I knew Jacob was trying to take care of me in every possible way, and I knew that the one way he felt inadequate, was in supporting me the way that my family was able to. This was more than just wanting not to be away from him. I was scared to be away from him. The only time that I had been away from him in the past month, was when I was kidnapped and almost raped. Jacob almost died trying to save me. I didn't feel that I could physically be away from him, especially without the distraction that school would have provided me.
After about 5 minutes I heard, "Knock, Knock, Knock" on the door. I yelled, "Go away," but the knocking just continued. I realized after about 30 seconds that whom ever was knocking was knocking in Morse Code- "Nessie, open up, this is Aunt Rosalie, I want to talk to you."
Knowing that Aunt Rose was probably the only person in the house who may understand what I was going through, I opened the door. She was standing there, and entered the room quickly, and I locked the door behind her.
"Nessie, that little outburst wasn't really about Jacob working was it," she asked, as she gave me a hug, and sat down next to me on the bed. I was unable to speak so I just shook my head.
"Nessie," she said, "I have been worried about you since you came back from being kidnapped. You need to process what happened to you. You know that I was rapped, brutally, by several men, and it resulted in my being turned by Grandpa Carlisle. I understand what it feels like."
"But he didn't actually rape me," I said through my sobs, "Jacob stopped him before it got that far."
"The trauma from a rape isn't only about your body being physically violated, it is about the loss of control that you feel. It is about not feeling safe in your own skin," Aunt Rosalie said as she rubbed my back and wiped my tears with the sleeve of her shirt. "Plus Nessie, to try to protect you, we kept you isolated on that island most of your life and your attack was one of your first experiences since leaving that environment. It is natural for you to not feel safe."
My breathing started to slow, and I said, "I only feel safe when I am with Jacob. I feel like I can't be away from him, that it will drive me crazy, literally."
"Nessie, I know that it seems that way to you right now, but part of you, deep inside know that it isn't true. It may be sometime before you feel safe enough to venture out on your own, but luck for you, you have an enormous family of Vampires and Wolves for that matter, so you never have to go or do anything on your own unless you want to," she said sympathetically, but with a smile on her face, trying to raise my spirits.
"When Nahuel, and the rest of them took me, I felt so out of control, Aunt Rosalie. I didn't know if I was going to live or die. Then they hit me, and then they stripped me and pinned me to the bed, and Nahuel was about to rape me when Jacob stopped him. You're right, I haven't processed that loss of control or trauma, but what I do know is that when I am with Jacob, I feel safe," I replied, with my voice breaking often.
"The only way to start to feel safe around other people again, is to let other people in. I don't mean strangers to start, but your family, whom you have always felt comfortable with, you need to try to trust us again to keep you safe," she replied, and kissed my forehead.
"There is something else though Aunt Rose," I said, "I almost lost Jacob because he was trying to save me. I wouldn't survive if I lost Jacob, and if he is away from the family too, then he is more vulnerable."
"Sweetheart," she said, "Not only is Jacob an alpha wolf, but Dawson's Garage is practically in La Push. He will have the protection of his pack and Sam's the entire time that he is working."
"You are right," I replied, and grabbed a tissue from the box on the night table to blow my nose.
"And there is one more thing that I need to tell you," Aunt Rosalie said in a very serious voice, "And if you ever tell that dog, I mean Jacob, that I said this, I will kill you myself, but he is perfect for you. You are very lucky to have him, and I think you owe him an apology. He loves you so much."
"You're right again Aunt Rose, would you mind sending him in, so I can apologize to him."
"Sure sweetheart, and if you need to talk to me about this or anything else, you know that I am here for you," she replied, and then made her way to the door.
Jacob came into the room second later and closed the door behind him. I was still sitting on the bed, and he knelt before me.
"If it means that much to you Nessie, I will call Dawson tomorrow and tell him I changed my mind," he said, starring up at me through his dark lashes. He was completely sincere. I knew that in that moment, I could ask him not to work, and he would do it without resenting me for it, but I also knew that it would be wrong.
"Jacob, I want you to take the job. I am sorry that I reacted that way. All of your friends must think I am a spoiled brat," I said, looking down at him, and I stroked his cheekbone with my fingers.
"No they don't Nessie. No one thinks badly of you," he said trying to reassure me.
I knew that what I was about to say was true, but I also knew that it was going to be difficult to say because it would be easier for Jacob and I to just stay locked up in this room and never let anyone else in, but I had to say it, for both our sakes. "Jacob, I love you more than my own life, and since the attack, I have become completely dependent on you. In a marriage it is important for us each to depend on each other, but I have been using you, in a way to block out the rest of the world. We returned to Forks so I could have a chance at a normal life, and instead, I have been using you to hide from it. I may not be able to attend school at the current time, but I want both of us to have that chance at a normal life, which means, I want you to take the job, and I hope that you have a good first day at work tomorrow."
"Are you sure Nessie," Jacob asked, "Your happiness is my only priority. If you don't want me…"
I cut him off, "And your happiness is my priority too. Please take the job, I am sorry that I tried to stop you, and by the way, I love you my Jacob."
"I love you my Nessie,' he said and then leaned up to kiss me.
"We better get back to our guests before they think that we are changing the wedding plans again," I said. Jacob laughed, and took me by the hand and led me back out the door,
Everyone was still assembled in the living room, talking and laughing as if nothing had happened. Kristen and Aunt Alice were sitting together looking at color samples for the bridal party dresses and they called me over to sit with them. Jacob came and sat next to me, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. We decided on wine colored gowns for the bridal party.
Our guests stayed until about midnight. Grandpa Charlie was the first one to indicate that he had to leave because he needed to get to work in a few hours. Everyone else followed him out.
Jacob and I said goodnight to the rest of the family and made our way to our bedroom. As I closed the door behind us, Jacob pulled me into his arms, and tenderly kissed me.
"Jacob," I said, exhausted from all the events of this very long day, "Do you mind if we just hold each other tonight."
"Of course not my love," he replied.
I quickly changed into my pajamas, a brown tank top with brown boy shorts, and lay down in the bed next to Jacob. He placed his head on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arms around him, caressing his arms with my fingers. He gently traced circles over my belly, then leaned down and kissed my stomach, and whispered "Good night baby," into my naval. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and we both drifted off to sleep.