The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on clothes. Exciting, right? I spray paint my hair purple. I then start feeling dizzy, and pass out.
I wake up on dawn of the sixth chapter, thirty eight chapters remaining. I doubt the author got enough 'goood revows' to get that far, but whatever. My hair looks damn Sue-y.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula, only with blood instead if milk, with a glass of blood on the side. Part of a complete emo breakfast! Suddenly, somebody bumped into me, and all the blood spilled over my top. I'm so angry, I'm not going to give a long-winded description of my now blood soaked Hot Topic top!
"You bastard!" I shouted, "HOW DARE YOU ACCIDENTLY BUMP INTO ME!" I regretted what I said immediately, because when I looked up, I saw the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much guy-liner that it was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore, he was wearing red contacts like Draco did in that Halloween costume I constantly reference. He had no scar. He had manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy Cockney accent. He looked exactly like a Gary Stu. He was so sexy I went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection. I may or may not have a penis- I MEAN A YOU-KNOW WHO! I mean, I'm a vampire. Any horrid plot twist can happen.
And then I saw Harry Potter next to that guy!
"I'm sorry." He said awkwardly.
"Oh, it's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
"My name is Harry Potter, though most people call me Vampire." He told me.
"Why?" I exclaimed. Yelling is fun.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." He said. He then giggled slightly.
"Really?" I asked, "Cause I'm a vamp-"
The Gary Stu next to him burst out laughing, then smacked Harry's arm, "HAHAHAHA! Nice one Harry! That was so believable! Hermione owes us five pounds!"
Harry started laughing too, "Thanks, Ron! You better go talk to that 'Tahirah' girl in Slytherin before that bloody make-up comes off!"
Harry sat next to me, "So, you were saying?" He asked me.
"Oh, it's that- HOLY CRAP IT'S DRACO!" I yelled as I totally ditched my new love interest, Vampire.