CN (Continued because paragraphs bitch): I'm kind of a Mary Sue. But I'm depressed for literally no reason and I'm a Satanist apparently so it makes it okay!
I went up into Draco's room, most likely for a poorly written sex scene (A must-have for poor fan fiction). Guess what is about to happen?
Draco locked the door. I don't see why he has to do it, because everyone here is polite enough to knock, but whatever.
We sat on his bed. He went into the bedside drawer and pulled out... Some taffy!
"... What the hell?" I asked.
"I stole it from Dumbldore!" Draco laughed, "He'll be completely puzzled looking for his precious taffy, but we will be in here eating several pieces, and then we will put it back, but without half of it! He'll have to go back to the Muggle world just to get some more taffy! It will be hilarious!"
I laughed. That is the perfect plan! But wait, I saw a 'Vampire' tattoo on his arm! GASP-TACULAR!
"Draco, you prep! I'm the only one who's allowed to cheat on you with Vampire!" I yelled.
"Who's 'Vampire'?! What do you mean you're cheating on me?! Why do you think I'm cheating on you?!" Draco asked, worriedly.
"'Vampire' is your boyfriend! I'm allowed to date anyone I want because I'm perfect! The comments said so and everything! And you have a 'Vampire' tattoo on your arm!"
"... What?! This tattoo says 'Valerie', the name of my favorite Quidditch team! Did you even actually read it?! Whatever, I love you anyway.
"No, you don't!" I yelled at him, not listening to what he just said, "You probably have Wizard AIDS anyway!"
"... What are 'Wizard AIDS'?!"
I stormed out. He ran after me, pleading for me to take him back. Me taking him back is as likely as me being a Mary Sue!
... Wait, that's not right...