CN: Stop flaming, okay? I don't... red all the box? For the sake of my faith in humanity, I'm just going to assume you meant 'read all the books', Tara. This is from the movie, okay? So it's not my fault Dumbledore swears for some reason! I SAID HE HAD A HEADACHE, which equals the man who would never say 'stupid' swearing! And the reason Snape doesn't like Harry now is because... He's Christian? Of all the characters who'd become Satanists, HE'D BE THE ONE! I hate this job...

CN (Continued because I wanted to end the wall-of-texting above): MCR Rocks! I feel the need to say that for some reason!

I was so mad and sad! (In grief, I talk like a Dr. Seuss character) I can't believe Draco would cheat on me! He's not me-enough to cheat on people with Vampire! I began to cry where I made no-no with Draco, because the best way to get over someone is to go to a place where you had sex with him!

Then, all of a sudden, a horrid man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! You know, that one he never used in the books! I was so freaked out, I couldn't make a mind-numbingly long physical description of him! He didn't have a nose, which I need to repeat again! He was like Voldemort from the movie, which I know about somehow! He was wearing a black robe, but it wasn't gothic. Last time I checked, Hot Topic doesn't sell robes. It was... You know what, guess.

"STRANGER DANGER!" I shouted in a scared voice, but then Voldemort shouted "Imperio," so I couldn't run away. For some reason, he did not use a spell that would stop me from using my Sue-bilities, so I took out my wand.

"Crooshanks!" I yelled. It's an extremely obscure spell that will never be mentioned again, before you ask. Voldemort fell off his broom (I know there is a sexual innuendo in that somewhere...) and started to scream. I felt bad for him, even though I'm a sadist. And before you ask, no, I have no idea what the word 'sadist' means. It just sounds cool.

"Damn you," Voldemort mumbled. Then, he got a suprised look on his face, "You- injured me? How is that even possible for a bloody idiot like you?"

"Have you even been READING this fan fiction?" I asked.

"No, I already literally lost my body at one point*. I've read the reviews for your story, and I don't need to experience anything worse than that." Voldemort retorted.

"Well, you should know that I can do literally everything better than everybody else. Sooooo, yeah. I could totally defeat you."

Voldemort laughed, evil-y! "If you can do anything better, and I temporarily kill off Potter in the seventh book... Then you must... Kill Harry Potter permanently!" Side note: apparently breaking the fourth wall is not a Sue-bility, and anyone can do it.

I gasped, "Not Vampire!"

"... Who?"

I thought about Vampires sexah (Spell-Check: off!) face, and eyes, and stuff. And then I thought, 'Maybe I should stop being a bloody hypocrite...' But then I realized that I'm perfect in every way anyway, so I stopped thinking, like usual.

"No, I will not kill him, Voldemort!" I shouted at him.

"You know what, here is a gun. Just, shoot him in the head. It will take literally two seconds." Voldemort handed me a gun. Because Tara refuses to write magic correctly, the story went 'screw it!' and gave me a gun.

"No, please!" I whined.

"A-aren you SERIOUSLY still arguing with me?!" He yelled, "You know what, if you don't kill Harry, I shall kill your precious Draco Malfoy!"

I gasped, yet again, "HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"

Voldemort gave me a face like I was retarded. That may or may not be the right face to give, "Two reasons. One, I'm the bloody f cking Dark Lord, and two, it's blatantly obvious!" He screamed, "Oh, and sorry about the swearing. I have a headache, of course." He then flew away on his broomstick. (Seriously. I dare you to try and find a sexual innuendo in that!)

I was so scared and mad. Then, Draco came up to me. Damn, convenient timing.

"Draco!" I said, "Hi!"

"Hi..." He said, but all sad-like. His make-up (no, not the kind made for men. The emo kind.) was all runny and looked like a pentagram for some reason. (Tehe it's because Satanisim! Tehe!) It was like a cross between two people I've never heard of!

"Are you okay?" I asked. I already know the answer. This story is way too emo for people to be happy! Happiness is a prep thing.

"No." He replied.

"I'm sorry I got all angry at you, but I thought you were cheating on me!"

"That's okay. I just assumed you forgot to take your medicine." We then went back to Hogwarts and made out.

... I'm sure glad we have no 'plot' to be getting to!

*I'm not sure if this happened.

Hey hey hey! How did you like that chapter? I'd appreciate any review. Also, I really recommend you keep the actual My Immortal story open in another tab while you read this. A lot of the jokes are based directly on Tara's descriptions. I keep it open for writing, and I think it's much better reading both at the same time.

You know, she says that she has only watched the movies, and not hasn't read the books. I never read most of the books, (I read Philosopher's Stone when I was little.) and I barely have any memory of the movies. And I'm writing this.