I DO NOT OWN ANY CSI:NY CHARACTER OR THE SHOW!! THEY BELONG TO THE LOVELY CBS!!
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Charlie
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Chapter 45
Izzy said staring at the 2 grey slabs on the cold ground, her dress muddy and her face tear stained, knees by her chin, an envelope in her hand, it was old, the corners ripped and the one word on the front faded.
She didn't know how long she had been sitting there but it was staring to become light again as the early morning sunrise rose up from behind all of the buildings, she had fallen asleep at some point in the night but as soon as the sun began to rise again it woke her up and she was sat facing the grey slabs again.
Lindsay got out of her black SUV and looked over the graveyard in the morning sunlight, she spotted Izzy sitting behind a tree her back facing away from her in the navy blue dress her hair coming out at the back, she walked thought the gate into the main graveyard and out of the car park towards her. She walked close to Izzy who had turned round when Lindsay had walked over a twig and made a noise, Lindsay seeing her tear stained cheeks, sighed and walked a little quicker towards her as Izzy turned back around and looked at the stones again.
Lindsay silently walked and sat behind Izzy wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into a hug, Izzy turned round, clinging onto the envelope and buried her head into Lindsay's shoulder crying,
"They died mom," Izzy sobbed, into Lindsay's shoulder as she rubbed her back,
"I know baby I know," Lindsay said rubbing her back up and down, shushing her like she did the triplets, "You didn't think it was going to hit you did you?" Lindsay asked and Izzy shook her head, crying more, grabbing tightly onto the letter, after Izzy's tears died down a bit Lindsay let go but still held onto Izzy's shoulders looking down at the two gravestones and what was simply written on them:
"Victoria Smith
Mother, Wife
AND
Terry Smith
Husband, Father,
May their lives be better in death than life"
Izzy looked at the stones and then at the letter in her hand,
"What's that baby?" Lindsay asked looking at the envelope,
"Nothing," Izzy said sniffling and looking at it,
"Izzy it's gotta be summit, you hold it much tighter and it'll disintegrate," Lindsay said laughing slightly and Izzy looked shocked, and loosened her grip, Lindsay stopped laughing and looked down at her, "I was joking sorry hunni," Lindsay said hugging her again, "What is it?"
"Letter," Izzy mumbled looking at it, turning it over so Lindsay could see the name on the front,
"A letter to you," Lindsay said and Izzy nodded, "Who from?" she asked and Izzy just sighed and looked at the gravestones, "Them, they sent you a letter?"
"Not really," Izzy said, "I found it in my baby things when I was little, have never opened it,"
"Well you look like you've tried to," Lindsay said looking at the tiny tears in the paper envelope at the top,
"I have done," Izzy said, "I couldn't do it,"
"Well you know staring at it isn't going to let you know what's in it," Lindsay said and Izzy nodded, putting her fingers to the side of the envelope, pulling it slightly, her hands beginning to shake, Lindsay holding onto her shoulders more as Izzy opened the top of the envelope, opening it up and looking inside, pulling out a photo and chocking back a sob,
"I didn't think she could smile," Izzy said wiping her eyes, looking at the photo,
"Is that Victoria?" Lindsay asked and Izzy nodded smiling, remembering some of the times her mom was normal, tears flowing from her eyes more,
"You are a very pretty baby," Lindsay said smiling looking at the tiny baby Izzy in Victoria's arms,
"I'm tiny, like the trips tiny," Izzy said laughing looking at the photo,
"Well you haven't gotten much bigger," Lindsay said laughing as Izzy stuck her tongue out at her,
"There's a letter," Izzy said looking inside and bringing out the piece of pink paper, her hands shaking more and looking at the paper as if it was alien,
"You gonna read it?" Lindsay asked after a few moments,
"I can't," Izzy said crying and dropping the letter to the ground standing up off the floor and running away from the tombstones, Lindsay sighed and picked up the envelope and its contents and followed Izzy.
Izzy got to the edge of the graveyard and stopped when she looked at Lindsay's SUV, looking around and spotting a bench by the side of it and sitting down onto it, knowing Lindsay would be following quickly behind and soon enough Lindsay followed her out of the graveyard, and walked over to the bench, letter in hand,
"Your gonna have to read it at some point," Lindsay said handing Izzy the letter,
"I know what it'll say," Izzy said sighing, wiping her eyes knowing no more tears will be able to come out, "Well I hope I do, I don't know, I've had it since I was 7 years old and I've been dreaming of what was inside,"
"What do you hope it is?" Lindsay asked,
"I don't know anymore," Izzy said, "I've had so many things going through my head, I hid it for years, forgot about it, I only found it yesterday when I picked up my bag from the evidence locker,"
"Is that why you were more depressed today?" Lindsay asked and Izzy shrugged, "Or would that have something to do with the fact you've broken up with your boyfriend," Izzy looked open mouthed at Lindsay at that,
"How do you know about that wanker," Izzy mumbled,
"That wanker as you so eloquently put it is currently sitting in one of the interrogation rooms at the precinct," Lindsay said and Izzy burst out laughing smiling for the first time that Lindsay had seen her, that day,
"Really?" Izzy asked laughing and Lindsay nodded laughing along with her,
"What's even better is that Mac was in the room when Sarah told us what had happened," Lindsay said and Izzy laughed at then abruptly stopped,
"He's gonna kill him isn't he?" Izzy said and Lindsay shrugged,
"Well him or Stella," Lindsay said laughing, "Why didn't you tell me baby girl?" and Izzy shrugged, "You haven't spoken to me properly in over a month,"
"I didn't want to distract you, your busy, with the trips, with work, with everything, and then I try and call you and tell you and your busy," Izzy mumbled the last part and sighed,
"Isabelle," Lindsay said looking at her sternly, "I can't hear mumbling,
"You're always busy okay," Izzy said sighing, "I haven't talked to you in 2 months because you're always busy, I ring up and you're in court or looking after the trips or doing something and I just haven't had enough time to tell you about me and Matt, okay,"
"Oh baby girl," Lindsay said sighing, feeling as though she had failed as a mother, "I am so sorry," she said pulling Izzy into another hug,
"Its fine," Izzy said smiling,
"It's not fine," Lindsay said, "Your my daughter, and even though the trips are biologically mine you mean just as much to me if not more so. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," and Izzy just hugged Lindsay tighter,
"Love you mom," Izzy said and Lindsay stroked her head,
"Love you too baby girl," Lindsay said smiling and kissing her head, "You gonna read that letter now?" and Izzy sighed and nodded opening up the pink bit of paper, taking a deep breath and looking at the words written on the page,
"Isabelle,
If you are reading this then I must have finally picked up the courage to give you this letter.
I am sitting in the hospital a few hours after you have been born. You were not expected Isabelle, in the words of your father you were unwanted and he does not want anything to do with you, but I cannot do that, I carried you for 9 months and you are a part of me.
You are so beautiful lying in your cot, not a care in the world, and I am assuming if you are reading this you are old enough to know more than likely we have not been the best parents to you. I hope that we are. I hope to god that I will never have to give you this letter explaining what our possible actions could be.
I hope with all my heart we have been good parents to you but I know it will not happen; your father and I are set in our ways, we have a business and you are not part of the grand plan.
I know I am writing this in vein, I know you will never read it but this will probably be one of the only times in your life that I am not full of drugs, I am an addict and I know I am, but I can't stop, it is my life now, it is what made you in a way, a drunken night on the sofa, and the stubbornness on my part that I didn't want to give you up. I always wanted to be a mother and I know looking at you I love you, but I don't think I will be able to do so once I have left here so please know that even if only once in your life I loved you the moment I saw you, that I hope you have a brilliant life and that you are safe and happy and well. And as much as it pains me to say it that you have left me and your father and are with a family that loves you.
I don't know what else to say Isabelle, my little baby Isabelle; other than I hope you live life to the full, and find someone who loves you like you should be.
Remember I Love You
Your Mother, Victoria
Xxx"
By the end of reading it Izzy was crying again, burying her head back into Lindsay's shoulder as she shushed her and read the letter over Izzy's shoulder her eyes watering as well,
"She did love me," Izzy sobbed and Lindsay nodded stroking her back, "There's a necklace inside as well," Izzy said taking out the silver pendant with Izzy engraved on the front, "The only thing she wouldn't let him sell for money," she said running her thumb over the front,
"It's beautiful," Lindsay said smiling and hugging Izzy again, "Come on baby girl you're freezing and we need to tell everyone I've found you,"
"Okay," Izzy said, "Can we walk back?" she said standing up off the bench and Lindsay smiled nodding and stood up as well, putting her arm around Izzy's shoulder and hugging her into her side,
"Come on we can catch the subway into the lab," Lindsay said smiling locking the SUV and walking down the street with Izzy.
It took them about 30 minutes to get back to the lab and walk through the main doors, Izzy trying to tidy her appearance up slightly but failing, her dress still grubby, her hair a mess and her face looking as though she had been crying all night, which she had been. They walked into the elevator and took it upstairs, getting off on the right floor and walking towards the break room, before they got there Izzy saw everyone sitting in their Stella and Jenny trying to keep the trips, who were sitting on the sofa, entertained,
"Bella," Mac said spotting the pair first and rushing over to her and pulling her into a hug, "Are you okay?" he asked looked at her appearance,
"Yeah, I'm fine Uncle Mac," Izzy said smiling,
"Oh my god Izzy," Danny said running over and pulling her into a huge hug, "Don't ever do that again okay?"
"Okay," Izzy said hugging Danny, "Dad," she said smiling and Danny stiffened in the hug and pulled back looking at Izzy who was smiling at him and smiled back pulling her into a hug again, looking very teary eyed.
"Want me to beat him to a pulp cause me and Flack have already tried to get him alone," Danny said into Izzy's ear and she laughed,
"It's fine dad, I'll handle it," Izzy said smiling and pulling out of the hug, only to be pulled into one by Stella and then Jenny and Flack, all three saying they loved her and wanted to hurt different parts of him, and then she got to Matt who was still sitting on one of the stools by one of the tables staring up from a cup of coffee in his hands, she took a breath and walked up to him,
"Hey," she said smiling slightly,
"Hey," Matt said smiling back, "I'm glad your okay," he said and Izzy smiled, "Look I don't know how to say it again, I am so sorry,"
"It's fine," Izzy said smiling, "I came to a conclusion when I was sitting in the graveyard,"
"Yeah," Matt said looking Izzy in the eyes hoping,
"I love you," Izzy said laughing slightly, "I must be stupid but I love you,"
"I love you as well," Matt said smiling at her reaching out and grabbing one of her hands,
"I don't want to be hurt again Matt," Izzy whispered,
"I know," Matt said tilting her head up to see him, "I want my friend back,"
"Okay," Izzy said smiling,
"Really?" Matt asked and Izzy smiled and nodded, Matt beamed a smile placed a small kiss on her cheek and pulled her into a hug, Izzy hugging him back remembering how he felt and him remembering what it was like to have her in his arms again.
"Does this mean I can't kick his ass?" Flack asked loudly from the other side of the room, causing Izzy to turn and laugh at him as he pouted at her,
"Sorry Uncle Flack he's safe for now," Izzy said laughing and Flack sighed,
"Fine," he said huffing and Izzy turned to the trips who were smiling at her from the sofa in their car seats,
"Oh my god look at you three you're getting all big," she said walking over and kissing each of them on the head as they reached out and babbled at her smiling, "You three are the cutest brother and sisters ever you know that," Izzy said ticking each of them, "I've missed you guys you know, even if you probably haven't missed me,"
"They have," Lindsay and Danny said together, and Izzy smiled,
"You mean they've missed me playing to them," Izzy said laughing and they shrugged, "Well that's not my..." and Izzy tailed off as she began to move backwards and forewards slightly and go really light headed, "Woowe," she said trying to grab hold of something to steady herself while trying not to grab hold of the trips,
"Wow there," Matt said rushing over and holding her up by the waist as everyone came rushing over, and placed her sitting in his lap on the floor, Hawkes who had come to see if everyone was okay,
"Hey Izzy look at me hunni," Hawkes said kneeling down in front of her,
"I feel dizzy," Izzy said her head spinning and pounding,
"I know, hunni but I need you to look at me okay," Hawkes said and Izzy looked up and looked Hawkes in the eyes, "Have you had anything to eat or drink in the past 12 hours?" he asked and she shook her head, "I know this is gonna sound bad but I have to ask have you taken anything?" and Izzy nodded her head and everyone took in a breath and Lindsay chocked back a sob,
"Some pain medication," she said putting a hand to her head, trying to stop the spinning and pain, "My shoulder was hurting,"
"Okay," Hawkes said breathing a sigh of relief with everyone else, "Well you're meant to take something with them, that's probably why you aren't feeling so good."
"I know, I didn't have any money to buy anything," Izzy said holding onto her head as it hurt more, and groaned,
"Okay," Hawkes said taking the chocolate Danny handed him from the cupboard and giving it to her, "Eat this slowly, we need to get your sugar levels back up again," Izzy nodded slowly and grabbed the chocolate, opening it and eating more pieces.
"You okay baby?" Matt asked her and she nodded her head while leaning back more onto his chest.
After a while Izzy was feeling better and looked up to see everyone still looking at her,
"Guy's I'm fine," Izzy said smiling and everyone looked unconvinced,
"Come on missy, you're going home and then going to bed," Lindsay said holding out her hand, Izzy reached up and grabbed it, trying to pull herself up, but she only managed to get half way before stumbling back to the floor, Matt catching her again,
"Come on hun," Danny said walking over and lifting her into his arms, her hands rapping round his neck and her head on his shoulder,
"Thanks dad," Izzy said yawning and closing her eyes,
"Defiantly to bed," Lindsay said shaking her head yet finding the scene of Danny and Izzy very, very cute. "Flack can you help me get the trips into the car?"
"Sure," Flack said walking over and picking up 2 carriers and Lindsay picked up the other,
"I'll call you tomorrow okay," Matt said to Izzy, who just nodded her head and smiled sleepily,
"Let's go home," Lindsay said smiling and Danny nodded walking out of the break room, towards the elevator.
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