Searching for Deadpool
Chapter 3
"Auntie…I'm pregnant!"
It was such a sudden and shocking revelation. Death couldn't quite comprehend that her niece just announced so she said the first thing that came to her mind.
"How much did you charge the guy?"
"What?"
"I mean congratulations! I'm sure the father is going to be so excited when he hears the news!" Damn it! She didn't mean to say the first one. Curse Deadpool for making her miss him so much that she began talking like him.
"Mmm..auntie…there is no father. He was conceived by the will of the Power Cosmic." If Death had been drinking something, it would've ended all in Gali's face. What kind of Star Wars: Episode I bullshit was that?
"Well, if that is what worries you, don't be. Husbands are overrated. The spend all day at work and when they come home they'd spent more time watching Tivo'd shows than pay attention to you, and after they move out to live with their sexy-ass secretaries because you been gaining some pounds for having the baby, they don't even have the decency of paying Alimony or child support, the bastards!"
After Death mini rant about husbands, which had nothing to do with what was worrying Gali. The Daughter of Galactus began explaining what her main concern was.
"The responsibility is too large! What if I screw up? What if the baby turns up bad because of me? I don't want to be responsible of giving birth to the universe worst enemy ever!" By the end Gali was in tears, overemotional not only for the responsibility but also because of the heavy burden and changes her body must be experiencing for housing a cosmic entity baby on her womb.
"Mmm…I see!" It was clearer for Death what was worrying her dearest niece. "Don't worry too much. Your little Anakin will not become Vader!" said Death with a very relaxed tone.
"How do you know that?" The future mother asked clearly shaken, ignoring that Star Wars reference. "I'm too young to be a mother! And I don't want to think about all the planets and millions of people who will die because of the baby's cosmic hunger! My Dad is bad enough!"
If one could pay an incredible attention to Galactus' face one could almost see the twitch of annoyance at his Daughter's jab. It wasn't his fault he could only devour plants that sustained life in them. Besides he IS a force of balance in the universe, without him the entire universe would implode in itself! of course it would take millennia but the point still stands. Also all the infinite number of beings he consumed and will consume will forever live on inside of him becoming one with the Power Cosmic.
"What about you my dear? How many planets did you consumed after you were born?" Gali stepped back as if her aunts' words were a physical hit. She hadn't really paid much thought to that before.
"My father feed me with his own Power Cosmic! But after I was old enough I been abstaining myself from eating planets, I try to suppress my hunger by willpower alone. There is no guarantee the baby would do the same!" Heck she been trying to find a way to eliminate her hunger for good, and if it came to loss all her powers as result, well so be it. She only wanted to be an Earth girl with a normal life and normal problems. Not become a mother all of a sudden and worry that her little bundle would end up destroying all life as they all know it.
"As much as I would like to have another agent of Death that causes havoc and the destruction of entire races, I'm afraid it will not come to be!" announced Death with a little bit of disappointment in her voice. Every time Galactus consumed entire planets with its inhabitants not only was he satisfying his hunger, he provided her with billions of souls for her to take while Eternity have an excuse to bring life to lifeless planets. And so the cycle and balance of the universe was kept.
"What do you mean?" Gali was less shaken but still wasn't completely reassured. How could her aunt be so sure her baby wasn't going to end up as her father?
"I mean, look at you! You are the daughter of Galactus! The most powerful being in the universe with a hunger that never ends! But you my dear are different. Sure, you are really powerful and could give the rest of us Cosmic Entities a run for our money but you aren't as powerful as Galactus and it reflects in your own hunger! You can suppress your own hunger by willpower alone! and you can consume other forms of energy too, something your father could never do because his hunger is far greater than yours"
Gali blinked a few times in perplexity. She had never thought about that. She believed her own hunger was equal to his father's own and that Dad just had no self control. She never connected the ideas that their own power levels dictated the level of their hunger.
"And your baby is a direct descendant of you, not Galactus! Meaning its hunger will be lesser than your own, so he will have more control over it and suppress it better than you could ever hope for! Also you have to take in consideration the will of the Power Cosmic itself. The universe needs Galactus to keep the balance by consuming planets, and he does his job well enough. It makes no sense that the universe creates more planet eating entities because it will only throw off the balance so your child doesn't have to bear such responsibility!"
Death ended her speech by crossing her arms and nodding to herself. Take that! Not even Phoenix Wright could come up with such tight logic. But before confetti celebration could come down from the sky, Gali had to intervene was more.
"But what about me? I can believe my child been able to suppress his hunger and the will of the universe not permitting to throw off the balance, but what about me? Every day the hunger is getting worse and worse! Is the universe saying to become a world eater like my dad?" Death rolled her eyes in frustration. Why did her niece have such self-doubt? If she continued acting like this she would end up like that whiny little bitch with daddy issues Shinji Ikari.
"Well…you can consume other forms of energy besides 'planet eating'. You could consume the energy of stars going supernova. The resulting release of energy should be quite the bite and if one isn't enough, why not teleport to the next one and the next one until you are satisfied? It's not like there isn't enough stars exploding, it happens every few minutes. And with the universe been infinite, you will never run out of food!"
"That's… that's an excellent idea! Thank you, Auntie!" shouted up Gali with joy, as if all her problems were resolved and proceeded to give a planet crushing hug to her. Death just rolled her eyes again. Why did she have to think up this thing? It should have been obvious!
"Auntie, if you ever need anything just say it!" Gali offered to her new favorite family member. Well, ok. Dad was still number one but her new cool aunt was so high up she could topple him off one day.
"Now that you mention it…I need help with something!"
"Whatever it is you can count me in!"
"Now wait a second!" said Galactus who had been quiet the whole time. He decided to let Death give her own opinion and advice to his daughter, but right now intervention was necessary. "Offering things like that is very risky! Especially if it involves Death!" He emphasized Death to remind Gali who she was dealing with.
"Don't be such a killjoy, Onii-san!" Death complained with the highest pitched and cutesy voice she could, and being Death with an assortment of powers and abilities, you can bet it was the highest pitched and cutesy voice Galactus will ever heard. Besides her, Gali was giggling at the look of confusion that her father was giving her auntie.
"I just need help finding my dear Wade! Since he isn't in Hell or the Dark Dimension and I'm pretty sure he isn't in the Chaos Dimension because Shuma-Shuma-chan would already kick him out of there if that was the case. The only other place I need to search is Earth. So I decided that instead of stealth and discretion, I'll arrive and make a big entrance, just like Deadpool! I was going to ask you to help but since Gali here offered I'll let her help instead. I promise nothing will happen to her" She couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of all the things she will do. Her Crazy Muffin would be so proud!
Galactus just held a look of deep thought for a few seconds and shrugged. It wasn't his concern what his "little sister" did ("Imouto! It sounds cuter, Onii-san!"). His main concern was his daughter and her baby. But if Death promised she will keep them safe, there was no room for argument.
"You may go! Now leave I'm waiting for my Herald and my next meal!"
"Come on, Gali! Let's prepare for my big entrance!" The now overexcited Cosmic entity dragged her niece to a newly-formed Portal to her castle. "See you later, Gyarakutasu onii-san!" She said her goodbyes without looking at him. Gali not wanting to be left out of the joke said her goodbye too.
"Sayonara! Gyarakutasu Otou-San!" She too liked to watch anime from time to time.
After both of them passed through, the portal closed behind them. But not before dropping something into the Taa II. Using his power of levitation, Galactus brought the object near him to give it a better look. It was a rectangular box made of plastic and inside was a primitive disc storage device. But the most intriguing part was its cover that read…
"Bizarre Jerry 5…?" said Galactus out-loud.
Author Note:
If you don't know what is Bizarre Jerry 5, look it up on youtube. It's Travis Touchdown favorite anime!
P.S. Shinji is still and forever will be a whiny Bitch!