Searching for Deadpool.
Chapter 6
"Yes, I want Wade Wilson"
"…"
"…"
"..."
"Wade…Wilson…as in…"
"Yes, Wade Winston Wilson, formerly Wade T. Wilson, the Wolf of the Rice Wine, the Crimson Comedian, the Regenerating Degenerate, the Merc with a Mouth. Deadpool!"
"…okay we will give him to you!" Maria said immediately without hesitation. Around her the rest of the superhero community were nodding their heads in acceptance, nobody really had any objections on giving up Deadpool.
"That…was way too fast!" muttered Katrina to herself. Nobody…nobody was arguing for the defense of her beloved Wadey. All of them have no problem to feed him at the wolves. Not like she was going to hurt him or anything but they didn't know that! She really didn't know how to feel, if happy because she was getting her Muffin back or annoyed that nobody cared for her sweetie pie. Shaking her head to snapped back from her musings she saw them discuss.
"Does anyone know where Deadpool is?"
"I don't know I haven't seen him in months!"
"Wolverine, Have you seen him?"
"I got no clue were that son of a bitch is, bub!"
"Dr. Strange can you locate him with your magic?"
"I'm trying my dear, but somehow I can't locate him!"
"Maria, can SHIELD locate him?"
"I'm receiving constant updates from agents all over the world, they have not located him yet, Tony!"
"Maybe some of his friends know where he is!"
"Does anyone here is friends with him?"
"Don't look at me, bub! I hate his guts!"
"We X-Men try to not associate ourselves with him."
"What about you Domino?"
"It was only ONE TIME!"
"I don't think Deadpool has any friends"
"What about HYDRA or AIM?"
"We assure you that neither HYDRA nor AIM have this Deadpool on our custody!"
"How do we know you aren't lying?"
"Because, it is in our interests that the world isn't destroyed anytime soon!"
"ENOUGH!" Katrina silenced them all with a mighty shout. "Do you or do you not have Wade Wilson with you?"
All the heroes look around nervously, they had no idea where Deadpool was or how to find him, which wasn't so hard since he kept making disasters after disasters, sticking his nose everywhere, annoying everyone he talked too.
"We need more time, we assure you that we will find him!" said Maria who unwillingly became the spokesperson for the whole world.
"Agreed, you have three hours to bring Wade Wilson to me or I'll make sure this planet is no more!" Katrina said in a tone that promised pain and suffering if her demands weren't met. As everyone dispersed to look for Deadpool, Katrina turned her head towards her male maid with a cutesy smile.
"Akuma-chan could you please bring me a dessert to eat while I drink more tea?" Mephisto couldn't do more than nod and said "Yes, Mistress!" Why wasn't anyone trying to help him! He was suffering hell.
"Oh and bring some sort of entertainment" She may be cosmic entity that had no regard towards time or space, but that didn't meant she couldn't get bored. "I think these three hours are gonna be some long ones!".
"That's what she said" a mini Deadpool said inside her head. She couldn't help but chuckle only to somber a little bit. Oh how much she missed her Crazy Cupcake!
"I hope you don't mind staying like this another three hours, Batorā-Kun!" Katrina spoke her servant Hela that she was still sitting on. "I don't mind, Mistress!" Hela answered without complain, she was under her total control. "Good girl, good girl!" Katrina congratulated her while smacking Hela's ass. She knew she liked that. Since Hela was sporting a very noticeable blush. "Yes Mistress! I'm a good girl!"
/
Maria Hill sighed in desperation. It had been 2 hours and nobody had found anything. No apartment, guns, mayhem, corpse, or any sort of clue to find Deadpool. It was as if just disappeared from the face of earth. No government agency in any country had him in their custody. Mr. Fantastic and Dr. Strange were looking if he was on a parallel dimension, but they found nothing, there was simply not enough time to check an infinite number of universes. They were all running out of time. Suddenly her earpiece beeped signaling a transmission.
"Maria Hill here, I hope for some good news" They really needed them. Time was running out. The voice on the other side told her of something they found. "Yes, yes…I see…. It's better than nothing, we could give it a shot" when the conversation ended Maria took off her ear piece and sighed again.
"I hope this works…or the world will end"
/
As the three hours were coming to a close, Death was still sitting on Hela's back with Mephisto on the side cleaning after her delicious dessert. Death was currently entertaining herself with a portable video game console.
"Fuck! How much I hate that son of a coon Tom Nook! I pay and pay and he keeps rising my debt!" Death was shaking her two screen console and yelling at it as if the characters inside it could hear her.
"Mistress, why you like me to kill the person who created this Tom Nook who keeps bothering you?" asked Hela who hadn't complain the whole three hours she had served as a seat for her mistress. For a second Death though she was looking for an excuse to get out of her current duty, but then she dismissed such thoughts. Hela was just looking to please her more. Ever since she 'broke' her she had been very obedient.
"No, that won't be necessary! Even though you see me yelling and complaining, I fully enjoy this game! I love it not only for its good parts but for it bad and aggravating parts as well!" Exactly the same way she loved Wade Wilson. He could be so aggravating at times and his hygiene could be better, but she loved him nonetheless. Good and bad parts equally. Meanwhile Hela just nodded in understanding.
"But worry not! I know how to get back at him. I'll just write on the bulletin board!" Death began writing her message while saying it out loud.
"STICK IT… IN NOOK'S… NOOK.. FOR… HALF PRICE! Share… admission… with up to… 6 friends. That's right...gang bangs for half the price-The New Mayor!"
To her side, Mephisto tried to stiffen his laughter, but Death caught him. "See! I got you to laugh! And you said I couldn't Akuma-Chan!" The male maid just stopped his laugh and grumbled under his breath while Death laughed and laughed.
This continued for a while until some of the heroes returned, Death assumed they took the chance to hide or some other thing, frankly she didn't care. She only wanted her Wade. Maria Hill, been the reluctant spokesperson, was the one to step up and announced what their findings.
"Katrina, we have what you wanted! Here's Deadpool!" She nervously took a step aside and let two agents of SHIELD bring up a tied up Deadpool with chains and A LOT of duck tape over his mask were his mouth supposedly was.
Death was about to launch herself at here dear Wade put something felt off. So she proceeded with caution. She stood up from Hela's back who after 3 hours, finally was back up. With a small gesture Death sent Mephisto to retrieve 'Deadpool' and bring him up to her.
The Agents let the former lord of hell take the objective and brought her up to his mistress. Katrina look intently at 'Deadpool' trying to find what was wrong with him. He had the same height and body type, he smelled like him (Gunpowder and Tacos) but there was still something off.
Then she took off all of the duck tape, and took off his mask. He had his face full of scars liker her beloved Deadpool, but there was a major flaw. A scar in the form of an X ran across his nose. He was Nijo aka Agent X! After uncovering the fraud, Katrina turned towards Maria.
"What is the meaning of this?" her voice monotone. Maria couldn't tell what was the woman feeling but with certainty it wasn't something good. Curses! This was the last time she followed a plan so stupid.
"We…couldn't find Deadpool anywhere!"
"So you decided to bring me a cheap copy! Hell! he isn't even a clone!"
"Hey! I resent that remark!" said an offended Agent X who everyone ignored except Hela who put back the duck tape around his mouth.
"We didn't have enough time! If we had more we could find him for sure!" Maria hated the way things were going but she hated more having to beg to this 'woman'.
"I'm afraid not! You failed and for that this world is DOOMED!" As she was about to unleash her power over all the living beings in this planet, a beam of energy struck her on the back trapping her inside an energy bubble.
"MISTRESS!" cried out Hela, but before she could try to help Death out of the energy prison, another beam struck her too, trapping her in another bubble.
"Ha! I'm free!" Yell out in Mephisto in victory, but his freedom was short lived because he too was shot and trapped inside an energy bubble. "OH, COME ON! I'm not on her side!"
"Quick open a portal and banish them before they can escape!"After they all failed locating Deadpool, the world decided to set up a trap, using the closest thing to Deadpool they had and when Katrina and her 'servants' were distracted, they would strike and take them out using the combined genius of Mister Fantastic and Tony Stark with the magical expertise of Dr. Strange.
"I should've known you were going to pull something like this." Katrina Said in an annoyed manner. She wasn't angry or anything, in fact she was mentally congratulating them for trying and succeeding because she could finally reveal the next surprise.
"I didn't want to resort to this but you forced my hand!" Who she was kidding, she wanted to do this since the beginning but it wouldn't be as dramatic. Death took a BIG breath and screamed
"ONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-SAAAAAAAAAAN!"
The scream passed throughout the world. Everyone on the planet was deafened by the scream. And after everyone recovered from the scream they all felt a cold shiver. And instinctive fear that told them that shit was about to hit and obliterate the metaphoric fan!
The entire world began rumbling and the skies darkened by dark clouds that formed all over the place but with the majority in New York. Then there was silence, no soul make a sound, only the alarm of cars that were set off or the howling of dogs. But the human race remained quiet.
After maddening seconds of silence, Maria couldn't take it anymore.
"WHO DID YOU CALL?"
Katrina just smiled a wickedly and answered.
"My Big Brother!"
Then strong winds came and pushed away the black clouds away from the skies of New York only to reveal something that make several people soil their underwear in fright. Some darkened their pants in pee and others stained them with shit.
Galactus. Katrina called out Galactus the Devourer of Worlds to their planet. And she called him her Big Brother. They were completely fucked.
"Congratulations. You have doomed your planet." Announced the Ravager of Planets.
Yep. So Fucked.
'Galactus' with a small finger gesture sent a powerful ray of Power Cosmic towards the energy bubbles which standed no chance against his powers and freed both Katrina and Hela, but not Mephisto!
"COME ON! REALLY!? GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT!"
Both women flew towards Galactus and stood on one of his massive shoulders.
"Hahaha! God Job, Big Bro! Now eat this planet in its entirety!" Death was cackling like a mad woman but 'Galactus' send her a look and whispered for only her to hear.
"But Auntie! This isn't how it was supposed to go. I can't eat this planet. I live here! All my favorite things in the entire universe are here!" said 'Gali. She was posing as her father like her auntie requested and she was only to appear when she was called. All what she was to do was to scare them silly. Not to fulfill the threat of destrying the world.
"I know, I know! But what are we supposed to do? We can't turn back from our word! We will look like idiots." Things really weren't looking up to them. She too didn't want to destroy Earth; it was her favorite reality show. They needed a miracle to get out of this one.
Back on the floor level, everyone was in despair. The end was here. There was no way to stop Galactus. Fighting him was like ants fighting the sun, they were nothing compared to him. And the only thing that could give him pause was the Ultimate Nullifier, which was on the possession of Galactus. They needed a miracle.
*PZZZZZZZZZZSSSSSSSS….*
As if the One-Above-All, heard them. A portal appeared and from it stepped out a figure that imposed not only respect but awe. It was like he was dark angel of justice. It was a tall muscular man dresses in an all black suit, with a Bat symbol on his chest. He was carrying a big sack with him.
"Hello, I am known as Batman. I come here from a different universe representing the Justice League and I'm here to return something that belongs to you" without care he threw the big sack to the floor. "He is you problem, I suggest you deal with him" And with that he left through the portal ignoring the gigantic man dressed in purple. Not his problem.
Then the sack began moving until it finally opened revealing the person inside. He pulled up his mask up to his nose and quickly put three cigars in his mouth and using a three-branched candlestick holder he lit the three cigars at the same time.
"I'm back baby!"
/
Author Notes:
I said to Mr. War that this was supposed to be the last chapter and I'm really sorry! But in my defense I didn't lie, it just that here was the perfect place to stop this chapter, Also so I could make the following joke right below this notes.
Next chapter is the last one I promise!
Omake:
A portal appeared and from it stepped out four teens; one was a red head with freckles, another was a skinny guy with a silly hat, the third was tanned black haired boy and the last one was a muscular blond haired guy with a Football jacket.
The blond teen threw effortlessly a red and black wearing Mercenary who feel face-first into the ground.
"Duh…Stay out of Riverdale!"
Then the teens walked back to the portal.
Omake Notes:
Someone should write Deadpool meets Archie!
I don't care if it is Marvel or a felow FF author I'll love to read that.
(I can't because I don't know Archie characters that much)