Playlist: Don't Give Up on Us by The Maine
Word Prompt: Disdain
Chapter 6
"Hey, do you know if Bella heard back from North yet?"
"What? North what?" I ask Jake, as we wait on the curb for Bella to get her crud from her locker. We don't have practice today since there's a faculty meeting, and I happened to be there when Jake was invited to Bella's. I quickly invited myself, too.
"You know, Northern College."
"Oh, yeah, no, she hasn't heard. I don't think." What the hell is he talking about? Bella and I filled out our apps to the U eons ago and already got our acceptance letters. Everything's set for the fall. I'm heading into Engineering, and she's going into Nursing.
"I'm so excited for her. Don't you think she'll be great? I mean, she was great with me."
"Uh huh, sure." What?
"You can't ever tell her this, but I faked it. Not the initial injury, but I just sorta wanted to hang out with her longer, so . . ."
"She would totally kick your ass if she knew."
"Yep."
"So you didn't want to play?"
"I did. I just . . . it's Bella. Bella freaking Swan. I figured I'm a junior; I have another year. It's not like scouts were there to check me out."
"They could've been. You're really good," I admit begrudgingly.
"How would you know?"
"I took Tanya to a few games."
"Man, she is so hot. How'd you screw that one up?" He punches my shoulder, and I stare at it.
"I . . . she wasn't it for me. Does that make any sense?"
"Yep," he says, totally distracted, and I can see why. Bella's just emerged from the double doors of the English building, her striped knee-socked legs striding quickly to us. "There she is," Jake says. It's a whisper, like he reveres her very presence. She's not the Pope. She's Bella.
She waves and gives me a shy smile, and Jake gets a hug. I take one, too. Whatever Jake gets, I want one as well. I think.
"What are you guys talking about?" she asks, tugging on the strap of her backpack.
"Nothing, just college stuff. I can't believe you'll be leaving me," Jake says, pouting.
"Oh, please, you'll get tired of me in no time. I'm really not that interesting." Bella walks ahead of us, leading the way to the parking lot.
"She's really not," I say, earning a laugh and a slap to the stomach from Bella. I flex so she can feel steel. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I'm not above showing off my body for her sake. My brother's always telling me to use what I have. Might as well. It couldn't hurt, right?
"Aw, I don't believe that. I learn something new about you everyday. And I'm glad about it. I thought after football season, you'd just disappear and I'd never see you again. Not many beautiful senior girls want to hang out with youngins."
"You're not that young, Jake," Bella says.
"Eh, he does have a baby face," I say and this time earn a scowl from Bella. Oops.
We eat snacks at Bella's, and Jake works independently while Bella and I compare notes on our calculus homework. I may lean a bit more than I need to just to be closer to her. She definitely put some of that vanilla lotion on today. The smell of it sends my senses into overdrive at the worst times. Like when Jake is here.
When Bella gets us refills on our drinks, Jake stops her in the kitchen and steals a kiss. I do my best to ignore it, taking out my anger on my hat, shaping and reshaping the mangled brim. This guy's going to ruin my school cap, dammit. I don't want to have to get a new one so close to the end of the year. I really need to lose this guy. Bella needs to lose this guy.
Just as I think it, Bella turns toward me, our eyes meeting over the island. Yes, I see you. Point taken, Bella, you have options. Now choose me.
Around dinnertime Jake leaves, and I take the opportunity to enjoy some time with Bella—just the two of us.
But that plan is thwarted when Charlie arrives not five minutes later with takeout for two. I'm sent home where I eat and spend the evening by myself, waiting on Dad to come home. Eventually, I give up and go to bed.
-NSID-
Wednesday evening I drop by Bella's to pick her up for dinner. Somehow she got wrangled into going to Katie's, too.
When I arrive at the door, I blather like an idiot because she looks nice. Really nice. Hair curly, shirt flow-y but not too girly, and jeans that scream "Grab me! Grab me!" I don't, of course, but I want to. Grab her.
"Hey, how's it—I mean, uh, did you—" I lift my hat and scratch my head. "You look, er, good."
"Errr, thanks," she says, mocking me and rolling her eyes. Okay, so it wasn't my best attempt at complimenting her, but I was caught unawares. I did not horrible, I think.
When we get in my car, I'm worried the awkwardness will continue, but it doesn't. She bitches about the DJ right away and changes the station in a huff, mumbling something about stupid auto-tune pop girls. Then she slips off her shoes, propping her polka-dot socked feet on the dash, and slumps into her seat.
The drive is relatively short, but Bella's quiet after her initial rant, which bugs me. I wish she was more chatty like she used to be. She's closed off now in a way she never was before.
The summer before sophomore year, we had this ongoing game of Pictionary with Marcus and Peter. Every time Bella and I were together she'd bombard me with questions so she could know everything about me. We'd always win the game because we were tight and could communicate without communicating. We were the best team. I'd like to be that amazing team again. Except without the lame high fives. And more kissing. We definitely need more kissing.
"Hello? Green," Bella's says, perturbed I'm not paying attention to the road. It's not my fault she's wearing some shiny lip stuff and her hair's all curly and wild. It's distracting.
"Sorry," I say automatically.
"You're a terrible driver, you know that?"
"At least I'm old enough to drive."
"Jake drives." Bella pulls her feet under her so she's in a small ball in the passenger seat.
"Whatever."
"And he doesn't text while he's driving either, so I don't fear for my life the whole time."
She seems exceptionally grumpy tonight, and I can't take her attitude and her pretty exterior. It's too much, so I snap. "What's your problem? Is it your week?"
Bella slowly turns her head to meet my eyes, and I know that look. She's done with me. "Shut up," she says simply.
We park the car and walk up the driveway and straight into Katie's kitchen while she continues to talk. "It's not my week. And you're an idiot."
"Who's an idiot?" Katie asks, her back to us as she stirs a large pot. Her foot's extended to keep Caleb out of her way, I guess.
"I am," Bella says, dejectedly.
"Of course you are. You're dating this bozo." Katie doesn't even look at me, but Bella does. I have a bit of an oh-I-see moment when I realize I've failed to tell my family that Bella and I are not a couple. I open my mouth, but no words come because Bella covers my lips with her index finger.
To my utter shock she blurts, "I know, but he's a good kisser. What can I say?"
"Ew, the only thing worse than hearing about Edward's kissing is hearing about Garrett's kissing." Katie makes a show of pretend vomiting on the floor, and Bella laughs at my expense. It's nice to know I won't be mocked while I'm a guest here for dinner. Where's Mom when I need her? She'd put a stop to this.
Mom doesn't come to my rescue though, so I say, "Now that is gross."
Katie laughs, but Bella glares. What did I do wrong? I never have any clue with this girl. Should I tell Katie we're not together or not? She's the one that went along with it.
Caleb hops up and down, screaming, but he's ignored. "Memaw. Memaw said mac-ah-cheese."
"Grandma's not here, baby. She went to a conference, and—"
"She's not here?" I ask, but Bella doesn't look shocked. This always happens to me when I'm around too many women in my family. I never seem to have any clue what's going on, and I'm the last to know anything.
Katie throws her hand out toward me like duh and barrels on talking to her toddler. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you. But, apparently, at least one more. Don't have kids," she says to no one in particular. Katie swipes a hand across her sweaty forehead. She looks awful. Her clothes are too big, she's in slippers, and her hair looks like it's been in the same ponytail for days. I know this look well because many of my memories of Katie consist of her moping around the house and telling me to go away. Her, now, husband had just moved away to college, and she was going to die. Or so she said. "I miss him so much I'm going to die." I never understood that before. Now, I do.
I take a seat on the couch, and Bella walks the room, looking at pictures. "This is great, Katie." She's looking at a family portrait, one of those cheap studio ones you sign up for at the mall because you get a free eight by ten.
"Thanks, I put it up for Mom so she'd remember this is my home, not hers."
"How's that going?" Bella asks with a chuckle like she already knows. Maybe she does. I don't know how often they talk. I do know they used to a lot when we were younger. Bella saw her as some sort of surrogate sister, I suppose. That could still be the case, for all I know.
Katie drops her spoon, picks up Caleb to sit beside me on the couch and starts nursing. He seems a bit old for that, but what do I know? I'm not a parent. "She's, well, she's doing this realtor thing tonight, so hopefully she'll jump on that bandwagon and get her own apartment soon. But in the meantime she's taking over everything. My bathroom, my guestroom, my kitchen. I'm waiting for her to start breastfeeding Caleb. It'll be just like The Hand that Rocks the Cradle except for the whole spouse falling for her crap because I would kill Greg. Like kill him."
"But wouldn't you miss him so much you'd die?" I can't resist.
"You're annoying. Why do I ever miss you?" She reaches up to put Caleb's foot down, which seems to be aiming for her ear.
I give her my best charming smile and flash it to Bella, too. Neither respond.
"So tell me all about it. How did this happen?" Katie gestures between the two of us. This is where I should come clean. Only I can't because Bella is talking.
"The night your parents sat Edward down to tell him about the separation he came over to tell me. He was really upset, and we just sat together for awhile."
"Wait, where were you?" Katie asks, like this detail is important. Who the hell cares where we were? Girls are weird. The main question should be, was their tongue? But she doesn't ask that.
"My backyard," Bella says.
Katie squeals in excitement or possibly over the fact that Caleb's hand is dancing around under her shirt.
"But anyway," Bella continues, "so we're there and then something shifted between us, you know." Yeah, I know. Katie nods her head, like she understands. "He reached for me, and we . . . kissed."
"Slow or fast?" Katie asks, earnest.
"Fast and hard," Bella says without hesitation, and it sounds so dirty I want to capitalize on it.
"Go, Edward!" Katie says, smacking my knee. I shrug and cast my eyes on Bella. "It was good?"
"So good. The best," Bella says with a breathy voice, looking directly at me. I want to take her into the guest room, throw her on the bed and really kiss her. We're here for dinner, though, and that would be rude. "We made out for a while, and he said some sweet things, and that was that."
"Aw, well, you two are the cutest. Except for you." She pokes me in the thigh. "You look too much like Garrett, and he used to fart on my face. Not cute." Katie turns her attention to Caleb and says, "Okay, all done," with some sort of baby sign. Caleb grabs hold of her breast and won't let go. She pulls away anyway, and with a slurping pop, he's sitting on the couch and she's in the kitchen. Mothering is weird.
Dinner goes by quickly as Katie has plenty to complain about what with Greg's work schedule, Mom living there, and Caleb being, well, Caleb. Bella tells Katie a bit about Northern and her plans to go into Sports Medicine. I had no idea. What changed?
On the drive home, I'm utterly confused. Bella's mad at me, but she spent over an hour pretending we were dating. She also admitted our kiss was good and I was sweet. And she did it all with this intense look in her eye, like she was reliving it. Does she want to do it again? What gives? What does she want?
The confusion gives way to anger, and I suddenly feel like I have to have some answers. "Why didn't you tell me about Northern? I had to hear about it from Jake."
"You never asked," she says, eyes on the road.
"Katie didn't ask."
"Yes, she did. She said, 'so what are your plans for college?' That would be asking."
"Fine," I say, tugging my hat down, brewing in my bad mood. I hate this.
"You know, most people when they have conversations . . . they, well . . . it's a give and take. You ask a question. I ask a question." Her voice is high as if she's explaining this whole thing to Caleb. If it weren't directed at me, it'd be funny as hell. But it is directed at me; so is her next bit of condescension. "But not if you're Edward. Edward just likes to answer questions. Don't you, Edward?"
"You want questions?"
"It would be nice," she says sternly.
"Why did you just pretend we were going out?"
Bella crosses her arms and huffs. "As a trained conversationalist, I reserve the right to deny you answers to your questions."
"Then why would I ask them if you're not going to answer them?" This is getting idiotic.
"I don't know. Why did it take you your whole life to realize I was worth asking a question to?"
"That is not true," I say, risking a glance at her.
"It is true."
"I know you," I say indignantly. "I don't have to ask you questions because I just know stuff, okay?"
"That's stupid."
"Whatever." I flick my brim a few times and end up pulling my hat off and resting it on the middle console.
Bella bumps it with her elbow, knocking it to the floor. If my mother were here, I'd ask her to referee this fight. We surely need one.
I exhale loudly, trying to avoid biting back at Bella. That wouldn't help at this point. It'd just rile her up. I think up another plan and scrub my hair before speaking again. "So if you're going to go on with this charade you won't mind if I do this then?" I reach over her lap and slip my hand in hers. She stares at it then closes her eyes like it hurts her to see it.
Her reaction—and her closed eyes—makes me feel braver than I actually am. "Why are you still kissing Jake when you know I like you? We could try this, Bella. I want to try it." I punctuate my words with a squeeze to her hand.
"You're not ready for this," she mumbles.
"What does that even mean?"
"Exactly."
She's so frustrating. "I'm so tired of this. Will you just speak English? I kiss you once, and it's like you've gone crazy. Like you're this nutzo, kissing other guys, changing your college plans."
"Poor Edward doesn't get what he wants," she laments.
"No, I don't. Not lately, anyway. I have nothing I want. Except for this. Right here, right now." I tug on her hand and stroke her wrist with my finger. "But it's temporary and not for lack of trying."
"Yeah, I know."
I sneak a peek, and she's wide eyed now, peering down at our joined hands. "Do you have to say it with such disdain?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Is it so revolting that I want to be with you? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you kissed me back. You had a big ol' dopey grin on your face like I had made your world."
"Before you crushed it."
"I'm sorry I said anything. I wish I hadn't even opened my mouth other than to kiss you. That's all my mouth wants to do anymore, anyway."
She inhales sharply and looks my way.
"Don't you know that? That every second I'm without you, I think about you. That every second I'm with you, I want you in my arms, in my lap, kissing me. But at this rate it's not going to happen because, somehow, some way, in the last few weeks I've managed to make you hate me so much that you've given up on us completely."
"That's not true." It's a whisper. Her index finger twitches next to mine, and my heart drums a faster rhythm in my chest.
I'm spent. Worried she won't say more if I do, so I keep quiet and concentrate on the feel of her hand in mine as I drive.
"I'm not giving up. I'm trying other things, weighing my options."
"And?" I ask softly.
"I don't know yet."
"But you're still mad at me."
"I can't help it. You disappointed me. You know how long I waited for that kiss?"
"No, but I wish you would've just told me that you wanted me to kiss you to begin with."
"Unrequited love doesn't work that way."
I have no idea what to say about love. I don't know anything about it. I've never been in love before, but I have been dealing with Bella's anger. So I take that angle. "Well, you got a ballpark for me yet?"
"Dodger Stadium."
"We're getting there," I say with a relieving sigh.
"Yeah."
"You know, anytime you want me to kiss you again, you just let me know, all right?"
"All right," she says, eyes straight ahead.
"You got a ballpark for that?"
"Wrigley."
"Dammit." She's too angry to be kissed; I'm back where I started.
She laughs and turns the radio up while we drive the rest of the way home, our hands clasped together in her lap.
A/N: So that happened. I know it's confusing. Teenagers are confusing. Please remember that Edward is the only one we're really hearing from. I promise as Edward evolves, we will hear more from Bella. Okay? Okay.
Thank you for all your kind words. I've actually been able to do more replies than I thought, so yay! And the general consensus for the last chapter was this: Bella needs to put her posters back up (NOW!), and Edward needs a hug and a sandwich. Have I told you you're cute, lately? Because you are!