Reassurance/Anger/Guilt

I have spoilt you rotten with POV's in this chapter so i hope you enjoy it. I have to say i did enjoy writing this and writing from everyone's point of view. In my opinion Edward's POV is the best one i've written but you may disagree with me.

So, just before you start reading away i'd like to tell you all that there's now a poll on my profile in regards to this story. I would love it if everyone would vote because it kinda decides which way this story is going to go. So once you're done here, vote away!

I think that's everything...so enjoy!

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Bella's POV

I woke up to the sound of a heart monitor beeping away, it must've been mine. I knew I'd be at the hospital, when was I never taken to the hospital? After all my accidents I always ended up here instead of the place I really wanted to be. Home.

My head was spinning and I didn't want to open my eyes, I knew instantaneously that Edward wasn't by my side, I don't know how I knew but I did. It felt like half of me wasn't there and it started to ache from the realisation. A cool hand touched my forehead and I opened my eyes to see which of the Cullen's it was.

At first my vision was a little cloudy but I could tell by the blob of short black hair that it was Alice. She must've seen that I was about to wake up now, there was no point faking either she'd probably be able to tell, she's good like that.

"How are you feeling Bella?" she asked me in a subdued voice.

I know that I scared them all by having a panic attack in Edward's car, but Alice was acting like I'd just got over a bout of flu.

"Dizzy." I replied as I slowly sat up looking around for Edward even though I knew he wasn't here.

"He's gone back to school." She told me as she surveyed my darting eyes.

"Oh." I replied taken aback, I would have thought he would've gone home, but it seemed I was mistaken. "Has he gone back with Jasper and..." I gulped as I hesitated trying to force the next name out. "Evie?"

"Yes, I had a feeling you might want to talk to me about why you had a panic attack."

"It was nothing..." I sulked. I would have preferred to see Edward at my bedside instead of explaining to Alice what had caused my panic attack.

The truth was I also felt ashamed and scared. If I told Alice what had caused the panic attack either one of two things would happen. A) She would laugh at me and tell me how stupid I was to go about thinking that I had competition with Evie or B) my fears would be confirmed and Edward was going to keep me human and run away with Evie. Either way I wanted to avoid reopening the hole of worry in my head, currently it was keeping at bay for the time being.

"I'll ring Edward to tell him you're awake." She decided as she took a small silver phone out of her bag.

"I want to talk to him." I demanded.

"Not until you tell me everything that's been going on with you." Alice smiled as she pressed the speed dial. She got through to Edward in a second and she stood away from my arm's reach, she knew I couldn't move yet, I'd probably fall over because my head still didn't feel right. It must've been the drugs that kept me feeling woozy.

Edward must've asked about me because Alice's eyes flickered onto me before saying,

"Yes she's awake...no you can't come down to see her yet...no, we're having some girl talk. I don't want you causing Bella another panic attack yet; well, not until I find out what the first one was about. You can come and see her once I've finished...Talk to you later Edward, goodbye."

And with that she flipped the phone down and sat back in her seat. She was waiting for me to reveal what had happened. Alice had already indirectly informed me what the terms were; she'd sit here all night if she had to, until I would confess why I worked myself into a panic attack. My reward for telling her would be that she'd tell Edward he could come and visit me.

Alice is one devious vampire.

"This is unfair Alice." I exclaimed as I looked into her composed face. She knew it was a matter of time until I cracked.

"You heard me on the phone." She replied in a business-like tone "Once we've got this sorted then Edward can come and see you."

"Carlisle will check on me soon, and if I'm fit to leave then I will. Then you won't be able to stop him from seeing me."

"You may know the hospital system Bella, but you clearly don't know me as well as I thought."

"What could you possibly do?"

"I could ask Carlisle to keep you here anyway, I bet he'd be happy to oblige. If there's something wrong then we all want to fix it."

"You can't fix it." I blurted out. She was so conniving, Alice knew how much I hated staying in hospitals and since she would have Carlisle on her side I'd have no chance of escaping.

So my only option was just to get it over and done with.

"What do you mean we can't fix it?" Alice asked interestedly.

"Only Edward can." I whispered, at this point I couldn't look Alice in the eyes, I was too ashamed.

"What happened in the car Bella? What did he do?"

"We were talking about me changing into a vampire and then he just went into some kind of daze." I explained in a low voice. I didn't want anyone else to hear how pathetic I was. "I called out his name but he didn't answer me. Then I looked into his eyes and he was gone, he was just a zombie, he was in a place that I couldn't bring him back from."

"But why did that worry you? He was probably just in deep thought."

"That's exactly why I was worried. What if he was thinking about me changing into a vampire?"

"You're not making any sense."

"What if he changed his mind, what if he decided to keep me human because he has a better..." I swallowed hard trying to shake the image from my head. "offer."

"A better offer?" Alice laughed lightly "From whom?"

"Evie..." I whispered almost inaudibly. No one could hear it but Alice, but to me it felt like I'd screamed the other vampire's name.

"Why an earth would you think that Edward would go off with Evie? They're just friends Bella, always have been."

"But she's already a vampire and I'm not; Edward won't even change me yet, even though the Volturi will be coming to check up on me. I mean he changed Evie when he barely knew her, and I know she was dying when he found her, but why couldn't he just do something else? If he could change her that easily why can't he do that for me? It just doesn't make any sense."

Now that I'd started to get this off of my chest my thoughts and feelings just kept flowing, somehow it was easier to talk to Alice about this rather than Jacob, but maybe that was because she wasn't anti-Edward or trying to come onto me.

"Also they're close as well, like as close as me and Jacob are. When she's around us I just feel so uncomfortable, like she's planning to get rid of me so that she can have him all to herself. Maybe I'm being paranoid at that last part, but the rest is what caused me to worry and have a panic attack."

"Has Edward not explained to you why he doesn't want to change you yet?" Alice asked as calm as ever. I was kind of expecting a huge outburst or something but she took me by surprise with her odd question.

"Something about me wanting to change for the wrong reasons, that I'm changing for him rather than me, but he's wrong. My love for him is the reason I want to change so desperately."

"Bella, I think that he feels like you don't realise what you're going to be giving up just to be with him. You have what none of us had when we were changed. You still have a family, you still have friends, you still have a life ahead of you. When you change you have to leave all of that behind. He wants to know if that's perfectly clear to you and that you're fine with it. It's not like your decision is forced, you get to choose and that choice cannot be undone once it has been carried out."

I nodded my head, I knew that I would have to leave all that behind and that was going to be painful enough. But I knew what would be more painful.

A life without Edward.

I couldn't live my life without him, everything else that I should've been thinking about didn't matter to me because my life was Edward.

I knew it was a pretty pathetic way to view my life but it was true. If I chose humanity it came at a price for me, it was a life without the reason of my existence. Mortality was my choice and I was sticking to that, Alice had already seen it in a vision, I was going to become a vampire but Edward was the one who was going to change me, no one else. My life was in his hands whilst I was human or a vampire.

"It still doesn't mean he couldn't change his mind." I replied.

"Don't you think I would've told you if he changed his mind?" Alice laughed.

I could've kicked myself at that point. If Edward had wanted to change his mind, Alice would've seen it in a vision; she would've told me his plans and probably would change me anyway. How could I have overlooked that?

"So he doesn't want to be with Evie?" I asked blushing again, at least this time I wasn't worrying, I was just embarrassed because of my stupidity.

"No Bella." She smiled. "Like you said, his friendship with her is like yours and the dog's. Its close but it will never be romantic. You and Edward love each other too much to let anything happen with Evie or Jacob that would jeopardise your relationship."

"Yeah I suppose." I sighed. The worry in my head had started to heal; it looked like I had panicked over nothing. My insecurities had gotten the better of me and I looked like a fool for overreacting. Maybe Edward was just trying to think about the best time to change me or something. He probably wouldn't tell me just in case I got excited.

But Alice hadn't had a vision that showed that he'd decided to change me either, so he must've still been on the fence about it all.

The best that I could do now was just wait and hope that he'd decide the time was right sooner rather than later.

"So is everything ok now?" Alice asked looking at me whilst I was feeling pensive.

"Yeah, I'm feeling much better now. Thanks Alice." I smiled. The smile grew even wider when I saw Carlisle walking over towards us.

Alice got her phone out again and Carlisle looked over at her.

"Not in the hospital Alice." He chided her playfully. "What sort of example are you setting for my patients?"

"Sorry Carlisle." She smiled back at him. "I'll make this outside whilst you check Bella over."

As I watched Alice bounce towards the exit Carlisle looked at me with his penetrating eyes.

"It's nice to see you up." He said as he dipped his eyes and looked at my chart.

"Sorry about this." I apologised. "I overreacted to something. It turned out to be nothing."

"Don't apologise Bella. At least you're looking better than when you did when you came in." He smiled again. No wonder the nurses were all in love with Carlisle; that smile would've got my heart rate up if I wasn't in love with Edward already.

"Did I look bad?" I cringed.

"Nearly as pale as me." He replied as he took my temperature. "Not to mention out for the count."

"Sorry." I apologised again.

He looked at me sympathetically and hugged me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Carlisle told me.

I remained silent and he turned doctor-like again.

"I think it's time for you to go home and get some rest. No doubt Charlie will be fussing over you when you get home."

"Did you call him?" I cringed again.

"No, but I think you better tell him. Because if you don't, then someone's going to tell him you weren't in school today." He paused before adding. "Remember, nothing stays secret in Forks." He winked.

"Thank you Carlisle."

"Just wait for Alice to come back for you before you make a move. The drugs probably still haven't worn off yet and I don't want you having an accident and coming back in again."

I nodded and grinned as he left. I could go home, and hopefully Edward would be waiting for me there. I decided I didn't want to tell him what my panic attack was all about, he'd probably just laugh too and give me the same lecture as Alice.

Now I had nothing to worry about and my world was right again.

--

Alice's POV

As soon as I got outside of the hospital I froze. I was having a vision and it was just about to happen.

I saw Edward lean in towards Evie and he started to kiss her. It looked very passionate and I didn't like it, he was enjoying the freedom of it way too much for my liking.

I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. He couldn't do that to Bella!

He was such a hypocrite. After everything I'd said to Bella about him not jeopardising their relationship with Evie, and now he'd gone and blown that promise out of the water.

I blinked hard and I was back in the present tense, I was seething. My phone was still in my hand as I pressed the speed dial button again. This time it took Edward longer to answer my call.

He must've been feeling guilty.

Because I had seen exactly what had happened and there was no way to get out of it.

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Edward's POV

I came to my senses when my phone started buzzing in my pocket.

I pulled away from Evie and started to feel total guilt. I could see the hurt and confusion that was appearing across her face and it started to hurt me also. Everything she'd been saying, everything she'd been defending for Bella I'd gone and broken in those few seconds of passion.

I'd just made the stupidest mistake of my life and I was going to pay for it dearly.

The phone was still buzzing in my pocket but I was afraid to answer it. I was sure that Alice had seen what I'd just done and she was going to be fuming. I couldn't escape what had just happened and I was just making it worse by not facing up to it.

"Your phone's ringing." Evie told me quietly even though she knew I was thinking about it, she must've been trying to break the escalating silence between us. She was also in my head trying to figure out what all this meant to me, however, she was confused when she couldn't see anything.

I was confused myself. I felt so much guilt yet I'd felt so right when kissing her. I'd had no reason to be cautious, no reason to feel fear. I could kiss her forever and nothing sinister would happen, it was perfect and that was why I felt guilt.

I was wrong to be feeling like this and I was breaking Bella's heart. What was worse about this situation was that she didn't even know that I was breaking her heart. That was what hurt the most.

Resigned, I decided to take the call even though I knew that I was in big trouble.

"What in the hell just happened?" Alice screamed down the phone at me as soon as I pressed the green button. The volume of her voice was like I had her on speaker phone.

Evie recoiled slightly when she heard her; she was cringing as if Alice were standing right next to her and shouting at her instead of me.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to stall as if it were going to make it any easier, I knew it wouldn't.

"Don't give me that Edward!" she spat, her voice was now venomous. Now I'd really annoyed her by acting like I was innocent. "I saw you kissing Evie! Were you even thinking about Bella when it happened?"

"I wasn't thinking." I replied as I saw the hurt now prominent on Evie's face. This conversation was going to hurt her more than it did me. What I wanted her to do was walk away now and she wouldn't have to be crushed anymore. But she didn't, she stayed for the whole thing, trying to get some closure from what I'd done.

"Well you obviously were thinking because you made a decision in which I saw. I caught you red handed Edward and you can't escape. You've opened up a right can of worms! Did you consider anyone's feelings before you decided to kiss Evie?"

"No." I replied. Right now I couldn't say anything to make this right, so I just let Alice continue ranting.

"Bella had a panic attack because she thought that you were going to leave her human and run off with Evie! I had to convince her that all you two were was friends! I told her that she was silly to assume that you would go behind her back and get with Evie. That was the truth when I told her that. Now it's a lie. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Angry?"

"Not angry Edward, livid! I am livid at you. You have just made all Bella's fears come true, congratulations. What am I going to do when I have to take her home? I can't pretend this never happened."

"Please don't tell her Alice." I pleaded, "What happened was a mistake. I was worried about Bella and I went about it the wrong way. I panicked, I started wondering if I'd messed up her life and I took the most stupid option possible. I kissed my best friend. I want you to know that Evie had nothing to do with this, before the kiss she was convincing me not to run away from Bella. She's been trying to convince me all along that I should change Bella. Whatever you feel about it all please don't blame her."

"None of that excuses you for what you did. And I know that it's not Evie's fault, it wasn't her decision I saw was it?" she replied acidly.

"I'm not trying to excuse myself from what I did; I'm just trying to make it clearer for you. I'm trying to let you get an insight into what I was thinking, why I did it, what I was feeling."

"Good, because I'm not going to forgive you. Either you tell Bella soon or I will. Carlisle is discharging her and I'm taking her home. You can only go to see her if decide to tell her what happened. I'll watch over her till then. I can't bear for you to lie to Bella when you go and see her. So you better make the right decision and soon otherwise she'll suspect something is wrong."

"Please can't I just see her tonight? I need to think about how I'm going to put all of this. If I tell her as soon as she gets out from hospital she'll be going straight back in there." I suggested as I tried to buy myself some time.

"Fine." Alice cracked even though I could hear the disapproval in her voice. At the moment she was the one that had Bella's interests at heart.

It wasn't like I didn't have Bella's interests at heart, but I had to keep up my pretences so that she didn't think that something was wrong. It was hard enough that I had to tell Bella what happened; I didn't need her suspecting me yet.

"Thank you Alice." I said with a sigh.

"Don't thank me. I'm thinking of Bella, it's a shame that you couldn't do that earlier."

She put the phone down and that was the end of that call.

Evie and I found Jasper and decided to go home early. I couldn't focus on anything and I suspected neither could she. When Jasper joined us in the car park at lunch he could feel the uneasiness between us and he tried to subdue us both. It only worked for a couple of seconds. When I got into the car on my own, then my guilt and confusion returned.

Evie had taken the car with Jasper; I don't think she even wanted to look at me. I knew she was hurting, she felt used and probably angry at me as well because I'd made her go back on everything that she'd said about our relationship.

She'd told me that we couldn't be together because I loved Bella, and if I chose the wrong life then I'd regret it for the rest of my life. But I couldn't help but think would I really have regretted it?

Would I really have regretted leaving my life of stress, worry and fear for the idyllic life of ease?

All these thoughts were so wrong and half of me was telling myself that I shouldn't even be considering those thoughts. But the other half of me couldn't help but think them.

Now I'd committed my crime of passion I couldn't help but keep thinking 'what if?'

There's an old saying that says we hurt the ones closest to us and I started to believe that was true. But could I really do what another saying said 'if you love someone, let them go'?

Could I leave Bella for Evie?

As I drove towards Bella's house I really didn't know the answer to my question.