Confession

This is a weenie bit shorter than the other chapters but i guarantee you won't be disappointed!

One more thing i LOVE everyone who has been reviewing! We're near to 100 reviews as well so if i get to 100 reviews tonight then i will write a super long chapter for the next one (i'm talking like 5,000 or more words). That a little incentive for you?

As Edward arrived at the front of Bella's house he saw Alice peeking through the curtains to scowl at him in a Charlie-like fashion. He guessed that they'd been talking about Bella's recent health scare and that Charlie was against him coming to see his daughter. Edward knew that Alice secretly agreed with him, but she didn't voice her opinions as she didn't want an unhappy Bella on her hands for however long it took him to think about how to tell her what had happened between him and Evie.

As Alice peered out of the glass she gave him the coldest look he'd ever received in his life. Clearly she was still not happy with him.

He shook his head and started walking towards the door at human pace; he knew Charlie would be watching as well, they were spying on him together. He could hear Charlie wondering why he hadn't visited earlier, he had his suspicions in the link between his absence and Bella's trip to the hospital, he knew Edward had done something wrong...he just didn't know what.

Just as he approached the door Alice walked out saying her loud goodbyes.

"Thanks ever so much Charlie!" she smiled, "I'll come and check on Bella tomorrow!" when she looked at Edward's face her cheery disposition changed. "Remember," she murmured "you can't see Bella until you've decided on what you're going to tell her."

"I know." He murmured back, "this is going to be hard enough without you breathing down my neck."

"If it's any consolation I'll be looking after her whilst you're away."

Edward walked through the front door and closed it without any thanks to Alice. He wasn't in the mood for anymore of her rants. He just wanted to enjoy his last moments with Bella. Who knew when he'd figure out the right thing to say? It could take forever for all he knew.

There would never be a perfect way to tell your girlfriend that you'd cheated on her with your best friend whilst she was lying in a hospital bed. He had to make the impossible possible, somehow.

"Hello Charlie." Edward greeted him with a smiling facade.

"Edward." He grunted back.

"Where is Bella?"

"She's upstairs resting. If she's asleep then leave her be, Alice told me about the panic attack."

"I was there Charlie, it was horrible to watch. But I'm so glad that she's fine now."

"What did you do to Bella?" Charlie asked suspiciously.

"Nothing." Edward replied calmly. Although he hadn't caused the panic attack (that had been Bella's overactive imagination), he had been a symptom.

"It wasn't nothing last time." Charlie growled. "Took her six months to start to recover, so if you're planning on leaving again make sure it's for good this time. She doesn't need you playing about with her emotions anymore."

"I am leaving." Edward replied bluntly.

"Really?" Charlie asked in surprise, what he'd said was a threat; he didn't think that Edward was actually leaving.

"I'm going on holiday to visit my aunt and uncle in Spain, I'm not sure for how long I will be residing there but it means I won't be around for a while."

"Does Bella know about this?"

"No, that's why I'm here. I'm leaving tomorrow so I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her. I'm going to miss her so much"

Charlie didn't know what to say, so he just returned to his baseball game and turned the TV up. He could sense a row approaching and he didn't want to listen to it. Edward took this gesture as a note of surrender so he climbed the stairs quickly so that he could remember everything about Bella before he had to leave her again.

As he stood in the doorway he saw her lying asleep looking like a perfect angel. It was going to be so hard staying away from her; it was going to be even worse when he had to tell her what had happened.

The worst thing about this predicament was that he knew that he would have to break someone's heart. He also knew that breaking someone's heart was the worst thing one person could do to another.

How he wished he could split into two parts and then each woman would be happy, but that would never happen, life just wasn't that fair.

Edward sat on Bella's bed and started stroking her hair, how could he have done this to this beautiful creature lying before him. It was sinful and deceitful and he'd never hated himself more, he could only imagine Bella's hurt filled face when he confessed his sins and it made him want to throw himself off of a cliff.

But she'd never allow that, neither would Evie. They both loved him too much to watch him commit suicide.

So he was stuck between indecision and guilt and he would spiral down until he found an answer for what he really wanted. He felt he was close to his decision but it wasn't final. He'd still need to think about it a little bit more, just to make sure that he chose the right person.

Bella sighed contentedly at his side as she started to wake up; Edward composed himself as he built up the pretence. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Bella." He whispered as he brushed her cheek with his fingers.

"Yes Edward?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Are you awake?"

"I think I'm dreaming."

"Open your eyes and see."

Bella slowly opened her eyelids and grinned at the sight before her eyes. It could only be the most beautiful person in the world. Her Edward, the man that loved her forever and always, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he returned her smile. His own heart was breaking inside.

"Much better now you're here."

"I have some news."

She sat up quickly knowing that it'd be bad news.

"The Volturi?"

"No, I told you not to worry about them. It could be years before they decide to check up on you." He placed a kiss against her temple as he cradled her into his chest.

"Newborns?"

"Nothing is after you. It's about me..."

Bella's happy mood suddenly turned to unease. If it was about Edward it was going to have serious repercussions on her. She tried to stop her body from shaking but she couldn't, fear had now gripped hold and nothing would comfort her.

"What is it?" she gulped.

"I'm going away."

"For how long?"

"I don't know." He replied looking into her terrified eyes. "I told Charlie I was going to Spain just in case he asks you."

"Where are you really going?"

"I'm going to visit some old friends in the Andes."

"Why? You can't leave me now, I'll miss you...I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It won't be for long Bella I promise. Once it's sorted I'll come straight back."

"How long is not long?"

"I can't say. Maybe two weeks if I'm lucky..."

"Two weeks! I'm going to go crazy waiting for you for two weeks."

"I'll be going crazy too...but they really need my help." He felt so bad for lying to her but it was the only way for now. Bella's heart needed to remain intact for now; he couldn't risk her going into relapse from her panic attack. Charlie would be sure to try and kill him then.

"What do they need help with? Maybe I can come, Charlie wouldn't mind."

"They're training a newborn and it's more resistant than they thought."

"Oh..." Bella sat in silence before she thought of something to say "can't Carlisle do it?"

"He's got responsibilities here, and my friends asked especially for me. They don't know Carlisle."

"Can't you put it off till I'm changed?"

"I can't let a newborn run around for that long, the locals would start to suspect something when people start going missing. I can't let another town become a victim to an untrained newborn."

"Change me now then! The newborn and I can learn together."

"Bella, you haven't thought this through." He told her urgently as he took her warm hands in his own.

"I have, I've thought it through a million times Edward. Change me."

"You're not ready."

"I am! Why can't you see that?" As the anger bubbled through, so did the tears. Bella's frustration of staying human had taken its toll.

"I can see that." He replied slowly and mournfully. "But why can't you see that you're changing for me, not you?"

"I want to change because I love you. Isn't that a good enough reason?"

"Would you want to change after you know the worst part about me?"

"I know what the worst part about you is. You killed some humans, big deal...I'll probably do that when I change. It's instinct; it's not your fault."

Edward looked into her chocolate brown eyes and he hated himself for what he was about to do.

"That used to be the worst part of me." He started.

"What changed?" Bella asked desperately, the change in his face, the change of the tone of his voice, the guarded movements he displayed. It made her panic and worry reared its ugly head to the surface. There was no going back now.

"When you were in the hospital..."

"Yes?"

"I went back to school with Jasper and Evie..."

"Yes?" Bella's breathing had become shallow, she felt like she was going to pass out again. But not before she heard what Edward had to say.

"I started worrying about you...wondering if I'd messed up your life..."

"You haven't messed up my life, you've made it better." She looked at him and there was remorse in his eyes, but remorse for what?

"Evie had confessed yesterday that she loved me..."

"She what?" the walls began to swirl, she felt sick but she had to hold on, she had to hear the worst part of it all.

"It threw me off; I'd thought all along that I loved Evie like a sister. But when she told me she loved me I realised something..."

"Realised what?"

"That I was in love with her too..." he couldn't bear to look at her face but he had to push himself on, he had to tell her the worst bit. "She was fighting your corner though Bella, she always has been. Evie's been telling me to change you since she got here but I can't. I couldn't do that to you Bella; I can't take your life away."

"You're my life." Bella breathed as she tried to stay conscious.

"But I ignored her pleas and I..."

"You..." Bella stopped breathing.

"Kissed her."

"NO!" she cried out in pain. The tears would not stop flowing from her eyes. A piece of her heart had broken off and she felt like she was bleeding in pain. The wound that had been sewn up the day Edward had come back had been freshly ripped open again. It throbbed with pain and anguish as her heart beat wildly in her chest. How could he do that to her? How could he love someone else and then kiss them whilst she'd been immobile in a hospital bed?

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me!" Edward pleaded, he was desperately trying to keep Bella from fainting again, but as hard as he'd tried she'd still be a broken mess. He needed to figure out who he loved more and fast. Could he put Bella in anymore agony? He didn't know.

"Where does that leave me?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you leaving with her? Is that where you're going? Away to the Andes to start your happy life together? Are you going to leave me here and rot in Forks like you did last time?"

"Evie's not coming with me to where I'm going. I need time away from the both of you to sort things out in my head."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not sure who I want to be with the most..."

"I love you Edward, doesn't that mean anything? Please don't leave me for her, I'd die, I can't function without you. You're my heart, my soul, you're my everything. Please don't give up everything we have together" she pleaded, her anger had melted into desperation. She couldn't handle so many emotions at once.

"Please don't say things like that Bella. Don't make it harder for me than it already is."

"I've given you everything I can whilst staying human...The only way you'll be able to choose fairly is if you change me into a vampire." She told him seriously.

"No." He refused. How could she bring this up again? He couldn't turn her into a vampire, every part of his body screamed that the very idea was wrong and unjust. Bella had to stay human; she couldn't change because she thought he'd love her more. It was so untrue, the human Bella was the one he fell in love with, he couldn't taint her by making her vampire. She just wouldn't be his Bella anymore, she'd be someone different. She'd be a stranger.

"Then you've made your decision then."

"No I haven't Bella."

"If you can't love me enough to change me, then Evie's won your heart already." Bella told him sadly. Her heart had now shattered into a million pieces, it was now irreparable. Not even Jacob could glue that many pieces together.

"Don't think like that." Edward replied shaking her now limp shoulders. She'd given up all hope of everything. She was just a body, a zombie again. "I love you too much to change you, I can't kill you Bella I just can't. Just because you're a human it doesn't mean it affects my decision. I love you and Evie both the same, but I can only be happy with one of you. Can't you see how hard this is? It's going to affect everyone. Me most of all."

Bella inclined her head in his direction and tilted it slightly to the side.

"What was it like when you kissed her?" she asked in an eerily calm voice.

"I...I don't know." Edward had been caught off guard. Something had gone wrong with Bella; she shouldn't be acting like this. He suspected she was having a breakdown or something.

"Did your skin tingle? Did your blood boil? Did you stop breathing?"

He hung his head, he knew the answer.

"Yes."

"Did you know that that's what happens to me when you kiss me?"

"Yes I did."

"So what happens when I kiss you?"

He looked into her eyes and replied, "Fire burns through my veins, I feel hot all over, I don't want to stop but I have to."

"Why do you have to?"

"Because I don't want to kill you." This had been his answer for everything when they'd been too intimate for his control. She always pushed the boundaries and he always had to put them straight, she was too precious to lose.

"Kiss me Edward." Bella demanded as her voice changed in tone. It was now harsh; it was totally unlike anything he'd ever heard. This wasn't his Bella. "Kill me; put me out of my misery."

"Stop it."

"You're killing me anyway." She started crying again. "On the inside I'm already falling apart. If I lose you to her then I'll have to stop my heart just to stop the pain."

"Bella that's suicide!"

"That's what a broken heart does to you." She told him sadly.

Alice appeared through the window and hissed at Edward to get out. She'd seen Bella's plans and she'd come to stop her.

She cradled a crumbled Bella in her arms and hummed her to sleep. Edward left via the front door just so Charlie wasn't suspicious. Alice heard him turn the TV down and all that could be heard now were Bella's heartbroken tears.

Alice deducted that Edward had caused enough hurt today. If he wanted to carry out the rest of his destructive path then he'd have to decide. Because time was running out and Bella's heart couldn't wait any longer.

100 reviews super long chapter...you want it?