Playlist: Clockwatching by Jason Mraz
Dialogue Flex: "I hear she throws quite the party," he said.
Chapter 21
"Hi," I say, getting in the car and checking out my girl.
"Still? Really? It was on Tuesday. Come on, it's Friday."
"I can't help it. It was fun."
"Stop looking at me like that," she says as she pulls out of my driveway.
"Like what?"
"Like you've seen me naked."
"I have seen you naked."
"I wish you could see how stupid you look right now."
"You loved it." My smile is involuntary. It just happens. What can I say?
"Well, I did, but if I knew you were going to walk around campus and my dad looking so obvious I never would've offered. You have no game face."
"I can't help it."
"You're stupid."
"I love you," I say and lean across the console at the light, begging for a kiss. She gives me one. "Are you freaking out yet?"
"No, I'm good. If I'm not prepared to beat Reynolds High today, I certainly won't be ready to beat them tomorrow. Oh, speaking of. So . . ." Bella tucks her hair and starts talking with her right hand animatedly. "My mom was so excited about the win yesterday, she's coming in."
"That's great!"
"She'll get here late tonight, and she's going to stay through graduation. She wants to throw me a party."
"That'll be fun."
"We talked for over an hour."
"That's rare."
"It was good. Past due. I had a lot to tell her. Girl stuff."
"Well, that's good." She's never been close to her mom since she always wanted Bella to be something she's not: girly. So this is a good change. I'm happy for Bella.
"Yeah," she says, nonchalant, but I know she's excited. She hasn't seen her mom since Christmas, and now that they're getting closer, I'm sure she'll enjoy her mother's company more than she has in the past.
-NSID-
I'm heading to class when my mom calls. "Edward, can you come by after school today? I need you to move some furniture."
"Sure. Why am I moving furniture?"
"Renee and I are throwing a party for graduation here. It's gonna be so fun!"
"Bella told me her mom was coming into town. Okay, well, we'll come when we're done with school."
"Thanks, honey."
At lunch I get a text from Katie. Mom wants you to pick up these tablecloths at Target. A picture's attached.
A few minutes later: Oh, and this water dispenser thing.
"Who's that?" Peter asks.
"My slave driver."
"You look miserable, man," Marcus says, and Peter agrees with a head bob and a mouth full of chips.
"Mom and Katie are bossing me around. They're getting the apartment ready for a party," I say.
"Oh, your party at your mom's on grad night?" Jane asks.
"How does everyone know about this?" I ask, exasperated.
"My mom sent me an email with an invitation attached, and I forwarded it during econ," Bella says between bites of her sub.
"Ah."
"She's getting a DJ. Should be fun." Bella shrugs like its no big deal, but her grin belies the truth: she's ecstatic.
"Your mom's pretty cool," Charlotte says. "I wish my mom could throw a party like that."
"Your mom's too busy watching soaps," Peter mumbles.
"Shut up." Charlotte swats at Peter, but he catches her hand and kisses it instead. I should try that sometime since Bella's always hitting me. In fact, she's always been a bit abusive, even when we were little. A memory pops into my brain that I have to share.
"Renee threw Bella a super fun princess party when she turned ten. Bella loved it," I say, sarcasm thick. She spent half the party locked in the bathroom refusing to come out in her princess hat. When she did, I pointed and laughed, and she slugged me in the gut. Later that night we burned the hat using a grill at the park. Gran was mad when we got home late, and we both got in trouble.
Bella glares, but I smile back because it means I love you. I hope, anyway.
-NSID-
As I pack up my books for the weekend, Jake approaches my locker with a wide grin. Bella and I were chatting about our after school make-out-on-my-mom's-couch-all-alone plans before he interrupted us. I hate being interrupted. Even though he's nice, Jake's stupid.
"What do you want?" I ask obnoxiously. I feel like I should.
"I was gonna ask Bella if we can invite friends to Renee's shindig. I actually was hoping to avoid your ugly mug, but when she wasn't at her locker . . ."
"So sorry," I say, slamming my door.
"No, you're not."
"I'm not."
"That's fine, Jake," Bella says, placing her hand on my chest. I like that.
"You got a date?" I ask.
"Well, I hope to. I hear your mom throws quite the party," he says. "Should I bring a shield and sword to protect you, Princess Bella?"
"All right, Edward, you can hit him now," Bella says, removing her hand from my chest, like she's letting the bull out of the pen.
"You better run," I snarl.
Jake turns and bolts. Bella's laughter rings in my ears as I chase him through the hall, jump on his back, and punch his bicep.
-NSID-
After a trip to Target and moving the furniture according to Mom's bajillion text messages, I invite Bella to the couch. It's go time.
Once we're cozy and situated side by side, I stare at her face, taking in all her delicate features.
"You're kind of creeping me out." She squishes her cheeks together so she looks like a fish.
I shake my head, laughing. "Why?"
"Because you're looking at me."
"I look at you all the time."
"Not this close."
"Would it be better if you were on top?" I drag her body onto mine; she's in a fit of giggles.
Her knee socks draw my attention, so my hands go there, sliding up her calves to her thighs, where I wrap my hands around her ass. I lean in, but she pulls back.
"What are you doing? Kiss me," I command.
"I'm looking at my hot boyfriend."
She wraps her small hands around my face and strokes my cheeks with her thumbs, her eyes swiping over my eyes, nose, and lips. Her eyes are contemplative, like she wants to say something but won't, so I prod. "What is it?"
"I don't think we should have sex right away." Her voice is quiet but firm. She's thought a lot about this. Even so, I was not expecting that from Miss Do, Don't Talk. "I know I was being super flirty and aggressive, but I think—"
"No worries. That's fine," I say, shrugging. I'm not in any rush. I mean, if she asked me to today, I'd say yes. I'm no fool, but still.
"I just think we need to see where this goes."
"Well, it goes like this . . ." I slide my hands up her hips and secure them onto her waist. I plunge my face into her cleavage and inhale her vanilla scent before craning my head up to see her eyes as I speak. "We spend the summer together making out, playing catch—because that's very important, you know, to play the best game known to man—eating ice cream, and waiting for a very important piece of mail."
"What mail?"
"I sent in an application to Northern to see if I could attend. You see, this truly amazing girl I'm in love with is thinking about going there, and I can't be without her."
Bella exhales, her eyes on mine. She runs her hands down my chest, pushing me against the couch, and dives into a kiss full of passion and hope and love.
-NSID-
"She's the best pitcher ever! Ever, ever, ever!" Renee exclaims right in my ear. She's got my hand in a death grip.
"Charlie taught her well. Both of us," I say, eyeing Charlie.
"I haven't seen you play in so long, Edward, but from the looks of these playoffs, Bella's a bit better than you. I mean, you're sitting in the stands, and she's out there winning the game, so . . ."
"I believe your ex-wife just insulted me."
"Don't look at me," Charlie says, laughing. "You mentioned the ex-wife part; there's nothing I can do about what she says."
Renee turns her mischievous eyes on me. "I'm just teasing you. I have to because if I flirted that would be weird because I've seen your penis bef—"
"Renee!" Charlie rarely raises his voice. This is weird.
"What? I changed a bunch of his diapers. It's true!" she defends. Renee is a little bit odd, a little bit too much, and a little bit inappropriate. It's strange how someone who will say anything created Bella, who's cautious with her words.
"How about we focus on the game?" Mom says, shaking her head at her good friend.
"He's cute, Esme. You did good." Renee squeezes my hand on the word cute, and I'm a little squicked out.
"Well, you did good, too. Huh, Edward?" Mom asks.
"Bella's beautiful," I reply.
"Awww, will you make me some green eyed grand babies? Oh, wouldn't their kids be cute?" Renee asks, looking straight at Mom. Mom laughs with her friend, but Dad jumps in.
"Let's get them into college first, okay?" Dad says. He looks much more comfortable at this game in jeans and a school tee, but his face is screaming why do I have to be around this strange woman?
"She's already going; she gets to play softball! Oh, and can you believe that scholarship for Northern? I was so surprised." Renee wraps my hand with her other one and pats it in a motherly way.
I stare at my hand dumbfounded. A pat on my back makes me turn my head. Katie's smiling softly at me. She nods, and Caleb sits on my lap, giving me a hug. She knew? And she didn't tell me? Bella's going to Northern. It's a sure thing now.
I look in my mom's direction, and she smoothes her hand over my head in a comforting manner. I nod pathetically, trying to convince myself that everything will be okay. That Bella and I will be okay. I will get in, or we'll do long distance. It'll work.
I remember the time she was considering moving in with her mom, and we cried on her doorstep for hours. I promised her my rock collection and my desserts for a year. She stayed with Charlie. But I don't think anything like that will help this time around.
Caleb gets squirmy in my lap as he cheers and claps, his little hands cupping his mouth while he boos the other team even though we're up to bat. I do my best to focus on the game, and, with the cheering section around me for Bella, I manage.
-NSID-
The game ends abruptly when Bella's pitch is spot on and the batter slams it up and high. It drops right back down into the left fielder's open mitt, and we win. State champions two years in a row. I'm so proud.
Our families stay put in the stands, but not me. I hurdle fences and traipse through squealing, jumping girls to get to Bella. She spots me, her smile beautiful and large, and I gather her into my arms, hugging her fiercely. "You were so great, State champ!"
"I was, wasn't I?"
I shut up her bragging with a sloppy kiss. When she wraps her dangling legs around my waist, we hear some whistling, and Bella pulls back, embarrassed. "No you don't," I whisper against her mouth before slipping my tongue inside. Our mouths need to celebrate her win.
When she pulls back, breathless and in a little bit of shock, she simply says, "You."
I squeeze her tight against me. "You love me, I know," I say.
She laughs and smacks a kiss on my lips. "Never said I didn't."
I am so freaking in love with this girl.
Bella meets us all outside the locker rooms when she's finished cleaning up. My family, including Katie and Caleb, and hers make a big display at the downtown pasta buffet with all our whooping and hollering. Bella doesn't seem to mind, though, and smiles brightly. Happiness looks good on her. I can't take that away, so when we're alone for the night on her porch swing, I kiss her and never mention her plans for school.
-NSID-
Sunday dinner is on, and the Swans, plus one Renee Higgenbotham, are invited. Garrett shows up with a date—Lauren, and we all pause when she enters the room. She's just as pretty as I remember, but what's shocking is the man standing next to her looks different. His scruff—gone. His sarcastic grin—gone. His incessant teasing of myself and my sister—gone. In their place are conversation, courtesy, and general interest in the individuals at the table. Huh. I like Lauren.
Once we're eating dessert, Lauren turns her attention to Bella and me. "What are your plans for next year?" she asks.
Bella looks to me, her eyes sad. It's awful she doesn't feel like she can tell me that she's definitely going to Northern. Doesn't she trust me by now? Haven't I proven myself to her? I guess not, so I speak up. "Bella's got a full ride to Northern, but more importantly Carmen de Santo teaches there. She's, uh, she's like Bella's idol. Rightly so. Worked for the Diamondbacks, but now she mentors. I've applied, too, but I'm waiting to hear back."
"Wow, so, you're in this relationship for the long haul?" Lauren asks.
I nod. "Yeah."
Renee clasps her hands under her chin and tilts her head, looking a little swoony.
"Interesting," Lauren adds even though I thought we were done with our conversation.
"How so?" Bella asks, and everyone's curiosity is piqued now. All other side conversations stop. Even Caleb looks intent on Lauren's answer.
"It looks like even though you look so much like your brother—although a little bit more handsome, I must say—" Garrett groans. "You are not too much like him."
"I think I lucked out not having to spend too much time with him. Our age difference helps," I say, laughing.
"And I tell him what to do," Katie says proudly.
"He's a good kid," Mom says.
"I haven't had any complaints," Dad adds. "He makes good grades, stays out of trouble. He's college bound." Okay, now this is getting weird.
"He's upfront. Plays a good game," Charlie adds.
"And he's loyal," Bella says. She leans in for a peck, and I deliver. I'm shocked. It's very much on display for everyone around us, but I don't mind. My girl wants to kiss me, so I let her.
-NSID-
Later, in my bed with Bella draped over me, she whispers quietly, her voice shaky, "What are we going to do?"
"What do you want to do?" I ask, stroking her arm.
"Well, you missed tryouts. You won't be eligible for ball until next year. I don't want you to miss out on anything. But . . ." She gnaws on her lip and catches my eyes. "I want you to come with me."
I want to say 'yes, dear' but can't because I don't know if I can go with her. So instead, I say, "I'll call Northern and see when that mail should be coming. And I don't care if I don't get to play ball. I never wanted it for a career. It's fun, but it's not everything. Besides, you're the better player. You should be the one playing, and it'll get you hookups for your future career."
"You're amazing."
I'm not sure how to respond to that, so I say, "We'll figure it out, Bella."
"I hope so," she says and snuggles closer, her face hiding against my shoulder. "How did you know about the scholarship?"
"Renee."
"I wanted to tell you; I just couldn't."
I rub her arm and have a hard time coming up with the right words. I'm sad she didn't think she could tell me. We should be able to tell each other anything, right? I think so. All I come up with to say is, "Why not?"
"Well, I was worried you'd ask me to stay at the U, and I'd say yes."
"And regret it your whole life?"
"I don't think I'd regret being with you, but I would wonder what I missed with Carmen. I've thought about it a lot."
"What else have you thought about?" I prop myself up on my elbow beside her and stroke her stomach while she speaks. She shivers at my touch and throws her arms above her head, arching her back. She's so hot.
"You really want to know?"
"Yes, of course. I know you, and I can usually predict what you'd do in a situation, but I can't predict what you'd think. Not . . . always . . . and definitely not recently. This, us, has changed you. I think."
"In a bad way?" She closes her eyes, lets out a shallow breath.
"No, not bad. Just different. Sometimes different is good," I say, jumping my hand from her stomach to her thigh, and she smiles, keeping her eyes closed. "But sometimes, different means the girl you've known your whole life is keeping secrets from you."
"I know. I'm sorry." She opens her eyes and gazes at me. "The thing is . . . okay, this is . . . I have wanted this for a long time. A. Long. Time," she says, putting her hand on mine to halt it. "And once I got it, I just worried that it wasn't real, that you'd change your mind, that it was just a phase. I didn't—I couldn't be sure you'd be this into it as I am."
"What are you talking about? You're the one who can't even say I love you. Of course I'm in this. I worry that you're not in it. Or that you don't trust me, which is, I guess, the problem, huh?"
"No, I trust you. I do. I just didn't believe it. It was surreal. Gah, I mean, Edward Cullen was kissing me of his own free will and not because he was freaked out or horny or rebounding or whatever million other reasons it could be. You chose this." She swipes a hand across her body, like it's hideous, like she's offended by it. "On purpose. Over how many girls you could've had. It didn't seem right."
I shake my head and thread my fingers with hers, then tug, sitting us both up. "Listen to me. Okay, just listen. That night, the night of our first kiss, while I can't say I liked the way it ended or how it came about, doesn't mean I'd change it. Not for anything. It was the first time I felt everything was right, which was so weird, because everything was wrong. My girlfriend was being a pain in the ass, and my dad and mom were splitting. But then you, you kissed me. Enthusiastically. And everything was better. Not better, that's not even the right word. It was, dammit, I can't think straight. It was what I needed. You are what I need, Bella, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Hell, even if I don't get into Northern, I'll go with you. I can hang in community college and then reapply. I don't care; engineering is engineering. I was going to the U because Garrett did. I was being lazy. But you looked into Northern. You have a reason to go there. And so do I. That reason is you, and it's good enough for me, so would you please, please, stop minimizing my feelings for you and my commitment because I want this. I want you. In every way imaginable. Okay?"
Bella's mouth is on mine in a second, and I'm being pressed flat to my mattress. She writhes against me and plays with my tongue, waking my body and winding me tight. "Why did we wait so long to do this?" she asks, her panting loud and heavy and hot in my ear. I don't want it to stop. I don't want her to stop, so I keep moving her hips with my hands. It feels so good.
"Because we're stupid." I catch her lips and move my hips to match hers. We're insatiable. Her kiss stops abruptly as she shudders, mouth open before devouring mine. Damn.
"I do," she says against my lips and nods, her forehead pressing against mine. Our breathing slows together, and my body winds back down. She moves to roll off me, but I keep her there; I like her weight on me.
"I know you do. You don't have to say it."
"I want to."
"You will. Anyway, I'm concerned about you being able to tell me anything, not just three little words."
"I'm so sorry; I shouldn't have kept it from you. It hurt to do it. Sometimes, I just felt this pain in my chest, and I couldn't breathe."
"But you know I'd be okay, right? That we'd deal. We know how to deal."
"I know. I didn't want you to have to, though."
"Bella, I'd do anything for you."
She winds her fingers into my hair and smiles shamelessly. "Mmm, you just did."
"I did. Damn right, I did."
"You're good at everything." She tugs my hair playfully. "It's kind of annoying."
"Well, I'm glad to be annoying if it blisses you out."
"Who says I'm blissed out?"
"Oh, please, you told me just the other day I looked stupid just thinking about you naked. We're not even close to being naked, but that doesn't matter. I'm that good." We laugh together at my lameness. "Go look in the mirror and tell me you don't look dumb."
"Dumb, happy? Or dumb, dumb?" She makes a face.
"Edward dumb."
"Nice."
"It's got a good ring to it."
Bella laughs and fiddles with her knee sock elastic. "I should write it. Right here," she says, running her finger along the outside of her knee sock.
I follow suit and find my fingers tickling her inner thigh. "I love it. I love you."
Bella leans down for a quick kiss. I know she has to leave soon since her mom's at home, but I entice her to stay for a moment longer. There are other ways to bliss her out, and we were just getting started.
A/N: Thank you for your continued support and shout outs. I'm loving all the Esme/Carlisle love from last chapter. I'm enjoying your reviews and spam. I've gotten some great pics of Bella in her knee socks. Thanks for that! And thanks for reading!