A/N: Perceptive my readers…. I applaud you!

Songs for Chapter-

Heels over Head- Boys Like Girls

Come on get higher- Matt Nathanson

Chapter 17

Dear Alice,

I hope this letter finds you and the maid doesn't sweep it away as trash. I've left two envelopes. This one is for you while the other one has Edward's name clearly scrawled on the front. If you can do me a favor and get it to him then I would be grateful.

You don't have to worry about me. I kind of want to disappear for a couple of days. I'm doing this for myself and I've found I have a couple of things I want to do before I completely make a new start. Life is confusing for me and I know that you probably won't understand. Don't worry though; I've got my heart set on the one place I use to call home. New beginnings come with new experiences.

Thanks for everything Alice. You're such a great friend and I'm sorry for not warning you before I left. You're the sister I never had.

Safe Travels,

Bella

(The night before)

EPOV

I walked Rachel to her door and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Goodnight." I whispered to her.

She smiled weakly. "Goodnight." She yawned closing the door.

I stepped back from the closed door and leaned against the hotel wall. I let my back slide down the wall and my exhausted body sunk to the floor. I had some decisions to make. These decisions involved Rachel, Bella, and my future.

First, I thought of Rachel. Rachel was amazing. She was always there to support me and she was a good friend. Her voice was amazing and we worked together. She was loyal and devoted. I could talk to her about just about anything and she would listen without judgment. I thought I loved her. I thought I loved her enough to marry her. Was I really so in love that I would spend the rest of my life with her? Shouldn't the answer come without hesitation?

Then there was Bella. Bella was beyond words. Everyday with Bella was a new experience, a new feeling. I had been utterly lost without her. She had molded me and when she was no longer there to support me, I was like miry clay. I was nothing.

I remembered the sparkle in her eyes. I remember the feeling of her lips on mine. There was pure ecstatic joy when holding her in my arms. To see her hurt would kill me. I had hurt her and that's where my future came into play.

I had always dreamed of making it big. Bella and I had broken up thanks to my unrelenting focus on what was best for me. I never stopped to think of how this would hurt her. I didn't have time for a girlfriend. What made me think that I could successfully balance my fame and love again?

I stopped to think for a second. Didn't the very song inspired by Bella lead to my fame?

Just like that the pieces fell into place. I knew that I had made my decision. Bella was key to my make up and without her I would surely fail. I had spent the past two years convincing myself that I didn't need her. I had tricked everyone into believing that I didn't have an empty void in my chest. I was stupid to believe that at first sight I wouldn't fall deeply in love with her again. Everything about her called my every being.

I pushed myself off the floor and headed back to my room. I just needed to get some sleep and then I would wake up in the morning and invite Rachel out to brunch. At brunch I would apologize and confess everything that happened. She would get mad but it would have to do. I wasn't going to let my guilt stop me this time. Bella would be mine.

The sound of quick knocking woke me from my slumber. My eyes popped open and the clock said 11:00 am. Okay, I guess the brunch would be lunch. I willed my body out of bed and lazily trudged to the door. I unlatched the lock and swung the door open.

An irritated Alice stood looking at me. "Jeez Edward, I've been trying to get up with you for the past hour."

I shrugged. "Sorry, I didn't hear my phone. I have to get up with Rachel." The lunch was still fresh on my mind.

"I have note for you." Alice said her hand holding out an envelope.

I frowned at her. "I don't have time for your little note passing game." I placed a hand on her head and pushed her out my room while firmly locking the door.

I heard her groan at the door and I set off to find something to wear for the day. I pulled out a button down black shirt with some jeans and looked around for my phone. I successfully found it dead on the bedside table and plugged it in while heading to the shower.

There were a few more knocks at the door and I ignored them. A tiny rectangular envelope slid under the door and I picked it up placing it on top of the hotel TV. I made a mental note to read it later. It was probably just a thank you letter from Conley and Jake telling everyone how wonderful we were.

I quickly hopped in the shower and shampoo and scrubbed everything. When I stepped out of the shower I towel dried my body and hair and then sprayed some AXE on before heading to find my phone. I scrolled through my contacts and found Rachel's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?" Her voice was too cheerful.

"Hey, do you want to get some lunch together?" I asked hoping she wasn't busy or something.

"Um, sure. Nancy and I are almost done shopping." I heard her fiddling with something. "What time?"

I glanced at the clock. "Um, twelve at Jerry's?" I asked picking out the closest café to the hotel.

"Okay, twelve at Jerry's it is." She sounded distracted and I was thankful for that. Maybe she was too distracted to notice my anxiety.

I bade her goodbye and then quickly finished getting dressed. I took time to brush my hair but only because that's how Rachel liked it. I couldn't help but smile at the irony. Rachel always fussed when I didn't brush my hair. Bella had always preferred it messy. Two opposites that still attracted.

I grabbed my wallet and keys before heading down the hallway. I checked my watch and saw that I probably had time to walk there instead of having to worry with the car. I hopped on the elevator and watched the automated numbers decrease with each floor I traveled down.

Beep, beep, beep, beep…

The doors swung open and I stepped out surveying the lobby. The lobby was pretty clear which was weird considering it was noon. The clerks hung lazily around the front desk clicking through websites. Other guests were downstairs enjoying the Wi-fi conveniently free with their room.

I headed toward the door pretty quickly and slipped on my sunglasses. The smog wrapped around me and for the first time, I felt confined in New York. I missed the fresh air, air that had oxygen in it.

I picked up my speed to a brisk walk and stepped around people walking at snail speed. It seemed as if I couldn't get this over fast enough. I stopped at the crosswalk and pressed the yellow button repeatedly. Finally the signal changed and I jogged across the crosswalk till I reached the other side.

Finally the little café came into view. Rachel was sitting at one of the small outside tables and she was smiling her bouncy curls flipping at the short bursts of wind. I slowed my pace and took a couple of deep breaths. I could do this. I could cut the ties, right here, right now.

I sat down across from her and a waitress was immediately appeared at our table. "What can I get you two to drink?" She asked obviously eyeing me. She was dressed in a button down, quarter length, white shirt with a plain pair of black slacks. She wore a black tank top under her shirt but cleavage was still flaunted overly.

"Dr. Pepper please." Rachel smiled politely.

"Um, Mountain Dew." I said. The girl nodded and strode away to get our drinks. A flashback popped into my head.

It was my first date with Bella and the waiter had come on to her. Gosh, good times good times. Rachel watched me relive my flashback and she smiled. "Something funny?" She asked innocently.

I shook my head. "No, just a weird sense of de javu."

She nodded obviously getting that she was out of the loop and reached across the table to grab my hand. Her eyebrows furrowed and she tilted her head slightly. "So, this is… different." She thought about her words carefully.

I nodded. "Yeah, well I really needed to talk to you."

She raised an eyebrow to question my motive when the waitress came back with our drinks on a tray. "Here you go." She said leaning down to give both Rachel and me a fair show of cleavage. She placed the drinks on the table and then turned toward me. "Now, are you ready to order?"

Rachel turned to the waitress, all smiles, and ordered her usual. I ordered my usual and then the waitress was gone. I pulled my hand away from hers and watched her trying to block out the guilt. Her eyes clouded with confusion.

"Edward?" Her voice was softer and I looked away from her confused face.

I stood up laying a twenty on the table. "I'm sorry Rachel, I can't do this anymore."

She stood up stepping toward me. Her hands grasped my arm. "What are you talking about?"

"Rachel," I took a deep breath pinching the bridge of my nose, "Rachel, I'm still in love with her."

Her hands dropped from me like my arm was suddenly burning. She backed away from me; her head was shaking back and forth. "No." She whispered.

I nodded. "I'm sorry Rachel."

She slouched back into the chair placing her head in her hands. I didn't want to leave her there. She looked so fragile. I took a step toward her knowing that I could do absolutely nothing to sooth her. I had done this to her. I had scarred her.

I heard heavy quick footprints behind me. "Edward? Rachel?" I silently thanked God for the voice behind me. I turned quickly on my heel and headed back in the direction of the hotel.

I was too impatient to wait for the elevator so I took the stairs two at a time. I had to see Bella. All I wanted to do was gather her in my arms and never let go. I never wanted her gone from my sight. I would go with her to California to get her things and then I would follow her to where ever her heart desired. I wouldn't be the one to hold her back this time.

I pushed through the door that led to the floor our hotel rooms were on and then ran down the hall to the room Bella shared with Alice. I didn't stop to catch my breath as I pounded on the door. My fist started turning red with the amount of force I put behind my blows. I beat and beat but there was no answer.

"Um, sir?" A timid voice came from behind me.

I turned on my heel to face the petite maid. "Yes?" I asked a little aggravated.

She hesitated and then her eyebrows furrowed. "There's no one in that room." She stated looking at me like I was a crazed lunatic.

I took a sharp intake of breath. "What do you mean?" I asked for clarification. "There were two girls in here."

She shook her head. "No, the last one checked out at around eleven thirty."

I never knew what jaws were created for. Now I figured it was because God knew that men were complete fools and one day their mouths would drop and they would break their lower jaw on the floor. If it weren't for the hinge, my lower jaw would of busted open on the floor.

"Where did they go?" I asked now bewildered.

The woman shrugged. "I don't know sir. I just thought you might want to know before you busted the door down."

I nodded politely and pulled out my cell phone. I dialed Alice's number and waited for her to pick up. "I guess you finally figured it out idiot." Alice's voice was cold yet amused.

"Where is she?" I started walking toward my room.

Alice sighed dramatically. "I don't know Edward. Read the letter." She paused. "I have to go. The plane is about to board."

Without a goodbye, Alice abruptly ended the conversation. I pulled my room key out of my wallet and slid the card into the narrow slot. The light turned green and with a click I gained access to my room. I couldn't believe I was so stupid to not read the letter sooner. The one time that it actually mattered, I hadn't bothered to listen to my sister.

I found the letter in the same place that I left it and examined my name on the front. Sure enough, my name was written in Bella's messy script. I slipped my finger through the slot and tore into the envelope.

Dear Edward,

I hope this letter finds you. If it does, I want to wish you the best of your life. I want you to know that you have a good thing going on in New York. Rachel is good for you and you deserve someone like her. She's beautiful, smart, and she knows where she's headed in life. She can support you and your dreams without falter.

I'm going away for a couple of days. I have some things to take care of in California and then I'm heading north. I don't quite know where my life is headed. I don't know, maybe I'll move to Alaska and be that crazy writer that yells at people to get off her yard. I may end back up in Forks. I haven't been to Forks in almost four years. I'd like to know what everyone's been doing, you know?

Anyway, I'll get to the point. Edward, I love you and because I love you, I have to let you go. You deserve so much better than I could give you. You deserve the fame and the fortune. You deserve the complete adoration that others give you. I can't give you this. I know that if I were to stay then you would ruin your future with Rachel and the career that is laying into place before you.

Until then, just promise that you'll forget about us. I never should of come to New York. I never wanted to see another parting from you… ever again. So, embrace the day and the chances it brings. Laugh too loud, care too much. I hope love, life, and happiness finds you. Goodbye Edward.

Bella

I pulled my eyes away from the paper and quickly folded it. If she thought that she was leaving me that easily then she was horribly mistaken. I would make sure to find her. Then, and only then, would I never see another parting from her side… ever again.

A/N: Hm, intense much? Edward was stupid… everyone always knows you're supposed to read the letter BEFORE you rush off to break up with your girlfriend. Speaking of Rachel, who was the voice? Don't you just love my random voices? I do!

Laugh too loud, care too much. That's my motto, don't forget it!

Review!

Kayla XD