CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Marley makes her way to the cafeteria alone, staring down at the floor, trying hard to hold back tears. She's going to have to wait for her Mom to finish work, and to be honest, she can't stand waiting alone at school like this. Not now. Not when she's feeling awful, and when all she wants is to bury herself under her blanket and cry silently.

She stops by her locker and, without thinking, slams her head onto it. The metal feels cold on her forehead, which is now throbbing with a dull ache, but she tells herself she deserves the pain. In fact, she thinks, I deserve a LOT more pain than this.

She bites her lip, a single tear falling down her smooth cheek. I betrayed Jake. I hurt him. I don't know if this counts as cheating, but I know I must be the worst girlfriend ever, and to think that Jake trusted me so much only makes it much worse. Plus, he already distrusted Ryder for kissing me. Now he's going to hate him even more. Poor Ryder; he's taking the blame in something I've done.

She is still wallowing in her stupidity when someone taps her shoulder.

Her heart nearly stops when she turns around and finds Ryder standing in front of him.

"Hey, you okay?" he says, a look of concern on his face. "Look, I know you and Jake are going through… something, and whatever it is, I just want to make sure you're okay. I tried to ask Jake, but he pushed me away and nearly punched me, so I suppose he wasn't in the mood to talk." He shrugs. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You've been… very pale for the last couple of days. Have you been crying?"

Marley wipes the single tear away, shaking her head, offering him a smile. "I'm okay," she lies, but her heart aches to lie to him. "We just… had a fight, but we're going to get through it… eventually." If we don't… I don't know what to do.

Ryder puts his hands on both of Marley's shoulders. He looks her squarely in the eye. Marley feels her heart leap out of her chest as she stares right into those dreamy, brown eyes.

"Marley," he says firmly, "Whatever you're going through, you can always talk to me. You can tell me everything, and I'll always keep your secret. Anything. You hear me?"

Marley holds back a sob. Why must Ryder be so kind? Why must he be so nice, so caring, so thoughtful of her? If only he didn't care as much, if only he wasn't this affectionate to her, it would be so much easier to put him off her mind. But no; that's not Ryder at all. One of the main reasons Marley still harbors feeling for him is his sensitive side. She's always loved him for his kind heart. She sighs. If only you knew, she thinks bitterly to himself. What advice would you give me for this?

"Thanks, Ryder," she says instead. "Right now I just… need to give it a little more time. I need to… get myself together."

"Right," Ryder says, nodding at her. "Your Mom's going to finish soon?"

"Yeah," she nods. Ryder somehow always remembers the little details about her. As she had told herself before, thoughtful. "I'll be fine. I'll head home in about twenty minutes."

"Okay. You want a ride home?" he asks. "Might be nice to go home earlier. I'm giving Gina a ride home, and she'll be texting Warbler dude all the way home, so you can be my chat buddy." He chuckles.

Marley lets out a tiny smile. Gina again. "No, thanks, Ryder," she says softly. "I'll just wait for my Mom. She'll be done soon, anyway."

"Okay." Ryder grins. "If you ever need me, you know my number. See you tomorrow, Marley."

Weakly, Marley waves at him as he runs off to the parking lot. As he disappears, she can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He's going home with Gina. She knows that Gina's fallen for the Warbler Nick, but she envies her friendship with Ryder. He cares so much for her, and he pays attention to the little details about her, too.

Marley feels the ugly, green monster swell out of her again. She is bewildered at herself. She was fine when Gina and Ryder had been close those first couple of weeks Gina had been on Glee club. She wasn't jealous when Gina and Ryder turned into best friends. Why is she overwhelmed with jealousy right now? Why is she longing for him to look her way again, and forget Gina instead?

She starts to blame herself again. She has wronged one person she cares about; she's not going to make a mistake with another. Gina is her friend; she cares for the Asian girl, and she loves having her outspoken and sarcastic personality around. Gina is her friend. Her friend. She shouldn't be jealous of her. Ryder is Gina's best friend, too. Marley can't have him for a friend all to herself.

Gina's my friend, she chants in her head. Gina's my friend. Gina's my friend. Gina's my friend. Ryder is her friend, and he's my friend too.

But you want him to be more than just a friend to you, don't you?

Shut up, Marley Rose.

I wish I had a friend like Ryder Lynn. Seriously.