Pairing: Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: Through the finale of Season 4, and the steak dinner that Jeff's been waiting 4 years for...and got Tweeted.
Word Count: 4446
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Disclaimer: If I owned Community, you'd all probably absolutely hate it.
Author's Notes: I take liberties with character's motivations and thoughts...but that's kind of the name of the game if you're going to write fan fiction. I try as hard as I can to stay within the limits of the developed character though.

He had no idea where the plan had gone wrong. He had been close to completely in control since she'd walked into the study room doors tonight, and he'd started taking her around on his epic tour of dredging up the ghosts of their shared past, in order to expunge them once and for all, so he could finally move forward.

Then, suddenly, she said "I think I see the theme for tonight ("I DID explain it…a couple of times, Annie.") and I want to ask if you'll indulge me for a few minutes now, if it please the court."

He quirked a grin at her, and shrugged. When she put it like that, what choice did he really have?

"I'll allow it."

At that, she offered him her hand, which he took after only the slightest hesitation. He'd long tried to avoid contact this familiar with Annie, but already tonight they'd broken that particular barrier down multiple times, and quite frankly, it was really nice to just hold hands with her. He hadn't ever really gone through the hand-holding stage growing up, preferring to skip to more physical endeavors with his "romantic" conquests. Only, instead of romantic, they were really more like "get freaky in the back seat, because I'm Jeff Winger, and you know I'm amazing" encounters. Romance was an afterthought once he learned how to use his personality to attract women.

So, the truth was, while he had exponentially more experience than Annie when it came to…physical intimacy, he probably had somewhere in the same range as her when it came to actual romance, and she had repeated viewings of Mark Ruffalo movies on her side. The only Mark Ruffalo movie Jeff could remember watching had him spending half his screen time as a green CGI monster…which suited him just fine.

So now, as they'd been strolling slowly thought the darkened halls of Greendale Community College, and a simple hand holding had, without comment, gone from loose, to a full-on grasp, to entwined fingers, Jeff had boggled slightly, but kept quiet. He wasn't going to complain, and risk ruining it, like the old high-school concept of "jinxing" something by mentioning it. If you'd asked him to make a lifetime choice right then and there, between holding hands with Annie, or his normal, detached physical escapades with various random women…he'd take the hand-holding. It may not be all he wanted, but if it was all he could get, he'd be happy with it…Annie was something special. So, while she led him to wherever it was she wanted to take him, he just enjoyed the sensation of the warmth of her tiny hand in his large one, and the way the two of them traded turns taking exploratory swipes and caresses with their thumbs, taking their time getting to know the facets of the other's hand…at least, as far as their thumb could reach while their fingers were still knit together. Beyond that immediate sensation, Jeff didn't have a single thought in his mind.

Annie hoped she was doing this right. She was fairly sure she understood what Jeff was trying to accomplish tonight, even if she didn't feel comfortable predicting his end goal for the evening…but he was obviously going through some of the events that had created some level of negative emotions between her and him, whether it was actual hurt, simple awkwardness, or just general unhappiness. It really WAS kind of touching that he thought enough of her to put all this effort into it, and that he was willing to take his evening to spend with her doing it, when he'd just graduated. She's always felt a special connection with Jeff, even before she was attracted to him…there was just so much alike about them, even if it wasn't obvious to everyone. They were both ambitious; Jeff just tried to disguise it with laziness. He wanted to succeed, he just didn't want to work hard at it, partly due to the fact that he'd found ways around it using his natural talents. They both cared deeply about their friends; it just took him longer to admit that he had friends…and even beyond relatively superficial attributes like these, they just clicked on so many levels. Annie tried to think about what life would have been like had she succeeded in pursuing Troy, and was left grimacing to herself. Troy was good looking, of course, and one of the nicest and most kind-hearted guys she'd met, but since really getting to know him, she'd realized what she'd always known deep down…her roommate was more than slightly dense. If she had ended up with Troy, there wouldn't be a life of quiet evening conversation, unless she wanted to talk about Inspector Spacetime, which, while fun on occasion, wasn't enough to keep her intellectually stimulated on a daily basis.

On the other hand, when she and Jeff had used the road trip to InspectiCon as an impetus to piggy back a ski trip for two, she had obviously opted to ride with Jeff, while Troy and Abed drove separately (Jeff refused to entertain the idea of everyone driving together, under the argument that they wouldn't have enough room for everyone plus their luggage…looking back, Annie strongly suspected it was in case he wanted to bail early, like he did.) The entire ride had been filled with easy conversation, with no awkwardness between them. Jeff may avoid studying like she did, and she may be younger and a little less street-wise, but neither one of them had any difficulty making themselves understood. If the other didn't get something that was being said, explanations were short and minimal, with no misunderstanding. Annie cringed at the idea of having to explain malapropisms to Troy…"So, wait…is that a fancy propeller? Or is it like a prop in a play? Or does it prop something up? Or is it ALL of them? That'd be awesome, even if I don't know how it'd work." And then Abed would come in and make some reference to Blorgons, and he and Troy would be off in their own little world again. But on the road trip, she and Jeff had randomly had the topic come up, and spent about ten minutes riffing on it, using their own terrible malapropisms and laughing so hard that Annie started to worry about Jeff's driving. It was nice seeing him let loose and just be happy…something she didn't get to see that often, because he'd gotten stuck unwittingly with the position of the "leader" of their group, which, while she knew he secretly loved it, it weighed on him as well. He felt responsible for their little family, and it meant that he was rarely really, completely relaxed, but on that car ride, it was just him and her, and the rest of the world was dead to them. They could have long looks into each other's eyes (at stop lights…or long stretches of empty highway, though those weren't long, lingering looks so much as extended glances) without worrying about Shirley grumbling under her breath about "googly eyes" or "horny toads,"or Abed analyzing every little thing they did in relation to each other, and coming up with the most bizarre, and frankly, insulting conclusions he could…they could just relax and enjoy each other's company.

Her reverie made her continue down the line of thought regarding her other roommate. Abed was an unusual circumstance. On one hand, she loved him like a brother, like Troy. On the other hand, she'd made out with him, and remembered being extremely attracted to him at times…even though he didn't have the raw physical magnetism of Jeff, when he would play certain roles, it was like catnip to her. When they'd fought in Second Paintball, she'd entertained the possibility of something happening between them…she was completely over Troy, and she was tired of Jeff blowing her off, and giving excuse after excuse about his territoriality without being willing to actually date her. Then, when he'd taken off his "Han" persona, and very dispassionately re-explained that it really WAS all just a role to him, she knew nothing beyond friendship would ever be possible between them, because if they got together, she couldn't expect him to constantly pretend to be someone he wasn't, and she wasn't attracted to him on that level unless he was…

Point was, there would never be anything between them beyond very good friendship. He and Troy really WERE like the brothers she never had, and even though she was the youngest in the study group, they were definitely the little brothers. She felt responsible to watch out for them, and make sure their imaginations and exploits didn't end up running away with their common sense and causing real problems.

She still felt some level of responsibility for helping to cause Abed's breakdown when she pushed Troy and Britta into going to lunch together, and while she was sad that things hadn't worked out between the two of them, she didn't regret doing it. Troy and Abed's friendship was incredible, but they both needed a little less co-dependency on each other…and Abed's reaction that day still upset her. His pretending to be a warped version of Jeff to confront her with her own feelings and make her feel guilty about the desire to be with him, and by extension, the idea of assisting Troy and Britta in coming together smacked of manipulation and an undercurrent of self-martyrdom. Thinking about it would always raise Annie's tension levels until she reminded herself that like her, Abed really hadn't had any friends before the study group, and he certainly hadn't ever had a friend like Troy before…so just maybe he didn't really have the self-coping mechanisms to deal with what he felt was having something very important taken away from him.

Regardless, it gave Annie a chance to take a step back and look at her feelings for Jeff. She had denied being in love with him in the Dreamatorium, and she knew that was the right thing to do, because it was the truth. She loved him, sure, but she loved all the members of the study group. Her feelings for Jeff might go a bit deeper (a lot deeper, if she was being honest with herself,) but she wasn't "in love" with him, and she knew that.

Not yet, anyway.

She recognized that what she felt for him was the love, affection, and attraction that could be the foundation for being IN love with him. She found him physically VERY attractive, and she loved just spending time with him, and talking with him, and texting him. He made her want to grow up quicker, and improve herself more, and she took great pride in seeing how he reacted to her pushing him to be better too. She just liked the way she felt about herself (most of the time) when she was around him. She liked herself better under his influence.

In short…she wasn't in love with him, and she knew it…but she was right on the edge, and she knew that too. One little step, and it was all over for her, she'd be over the cliff into "completely-crazy-in-love town."

The question, like always, was if she'd ever get the signal to actually take that step, and stop getting signals to take steps back. He was, and always had been, a very confusing man.

"Annie..." she stopped and turned to him. They'd been walking in complete silence, and she'd been on autopilot. She suddenly realized that their fingers were intertwined. She remembered taking his hand to guide him, but she only had a vague recollection of the transition to the far more intimate position. She was fairly sure that it was a mutual initiation though, with each of them doing a little probing to see if the other would be receptive, so she was safe there.

But when had she started using her thumb to caress his hand? She caught herself doing it and felt the edges of her vision starting to grey.

"Don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out" ran through her mind over and over.

He hadn't objected thus far, and…hey, he was doing it too! Once Annie realized that the hand-fondling wasn't limited to her, her tension ratcheted back down significantly, but the thread of passing out remained…now for a DIFFERENT reason.

She was holding hands, really, romantically holding hands with Jeff Winger. Holy shit.

"Annie!"

"Hmmm?" She tried to appear nonchalant, and failed completely.

"I was going to ask if you're lost…but now I just want to ask if you're ok. You look, well…like you're about to faint."

"Haha! Everything's fine, Jeff! No worries here!" Her words sounded flat and forced to her own ears, and Jeff gave her one of the looks that she'd long thought of as his "Never lie to a liar" looks. Pierce was the first one to point them out to her, but he had used far cruder language to describe them. She had to cover her metaphorical ass quick, or he'd weasel his way past her defenses. He always could, and he knew it.

"Jeff," she started, far more calmly and in control than before, "I thought you trusted me?"

"I do…most of the time, but not only do you seem distracted, but today was eventful and tonight is hardly ordinary. You HATE anything unplanned…"

Well, he certainly had HER number, didn't he?

"Look, I'm having a lot of fun with what's going on tonight, good or bad. I decided I wanted to jump in and take charge for a few minutes. Can you just work with me here?" She punctuated this question with a wide eyed look up into his eyes that she knew he could see perfectly fine, even with the limited light of the darkened hallways, and coupled it with a little sway in a semi-circle back and forth.

Bam. She had him. As soon as he made eye contact and focused on her, she could visibly see him melt, and he nodded his assent. Then, before he could react, she swiftly stood on her toes, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. It wasn't really what she wanted, but she figured it would have to be good enough for now.

And his reaction was priceless. For a man who was notorious for one-night stands and random hookups, he could certainly get caught off guard by one little cheek kiss. For a minute, Annie considered that maybe all of his stories were just that…bravado and tall tales, a sexual raconteur. As quickly as that thought came, she dismissed it. She had seen Jeff at work, and women fell all over him when he turned on the charm. He had charmed the entire study group, herself and Shirley included from the early days of their meeting. He had gotten Pierce's stepdaughter to basically throw herself at him within moments of meeting him, or the Dean's new "officey things" girl…Jeff didn't need to make things up. He had a magnetism that she knew all too well.

She knew it, because she'd been drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. But instead of burning her, it warmed her. It reminded her of Britta's struggle to keep from throwing herself at Blade, her old carnie boyfriend, and how she and Shirley had warned Annie that someday, there would be a man she just 'couldn't get out of her system.' For Britta, it was Blade. For Shirley, it was Andre. Now, Blade wasn't a bad guy…he just had no shame. He wasn't bad or good, but he certainly wasn't good FOR Britta. Andre on the other hand, was a very good man, who'd done some dumb stuff that he grew to regret doing. Shirley got lucky with her man that she couldn't get over, and she had also grown in her forcing herself to forgive him. Now Annie had to wonder…was Jeff her 'Blade?' It had negative connotations, but it seemed like no matter what happened, she just kept wanting him. She'd back off at times, but then again, Britta hardly travelled with Blade's carnival, so maybe it was the same thing.

Annie felt that the real difference had to be that Jeff wasn't bad for her. He wasn't hurting her. Much, anyway. He was a normal guy and did selfish things sometimes, but it wasn't like he was cheating on her…even though they weren't together. In fact, she was fairly certain that since she had been growing more close to him, he'd stopped dating altogether. They talked and texted enough that if he was, it was in extremely narrow time-frames. He never really talked about conquests or dates anymore, and he just didn't seem interested. It embarrassed Annie a bit to admit it to herself, but between that, and the things they did with each other, it almost felt like they were dating, and it certainly helped fuel some of her daydream scenarios.

Regardless of if it was real or not…she chose to relish the idea of it. Jeff giving her all the attention he would normally be spreading around to a half-dozen girls was the sort of thing that made her feel special. And not to mention the jealous looks she'd get from girls passing by as he'd do his mid-day 'wardrobe adjustment' i.e. changing his shirt in front of her at…

His locker.

They'd finally reached it. Annie had a feeling in her daydreaming, they'd taken a few wrong turns. Still, given the hand-holding, she was quite content.

"Ok…my old locker. Is this the big destination?"

"Yes, Jeff, in fact it is. Now, if you don't mind…I believe this is MY time."

He released her hand, gave her an appraising look, and appeared to conclude that he was impressed, nodding at her. He stepped back, and opened his hands, palm up, as if to concede the floor to her. She couldn't help but smile at him. This was his night, and he was indulging her and having fun with it, and it meant everything to her.

"So, yes, as you've noticed, this was your locker until you graduated earlier today"

"Yesterday, now." He interrupted, noticing it was now after midnight.

"Jeff! Irrelevant!"

"Sustained! Sheesh…"

"Now, if you're finished, do you remember the day you discovered we had lockers, and we found out which was assigned to you?"

"Of course…it was the day the pillow fight started."

"Right. Now, if I've interpreted things correctly, you're going backwards through these experiences we're having together?"

Jeff was visibly caught off guard, rocking backwards on his heels slightly. "Wow, I guess I'm more transparent than I thought."

Annie gave him a bit of a hurt smirk, "OR, it could just be that I'm smart and observant, Jeff?"

He caught that, and lobbed it back easily "That you are…and that means I'm not that transparent. Thank you."

She just rolled her eyes and continued. "Well, you remember the hate note from Kim?"

"Who?" Jeff looked confused.

"Jeff, seriously? You don't remember Kim and the note he left you?"

Jeff just scoffed. "HE left? Kim? Girl's name."

"If you're done channeling Pierce…we can continue, and you might want to have your memory looked into…"

Jeff looked suitably mortified, "That was a low blow, by the way." He mumbled.

Annie didn't care, she had a purpose here.

"Jeff, you were left a note by someone we both assumed was a girl ("For obvious reasons…") you'd used and then dropped once you'd gotten bored. You were then told that she was dead, but it was the guy who turned out actually WAS Kim, and who was just hurt that you'd forgotten him…again."

Jeff had an expression on his face that made it clear he was straining to remember, and coming up blank. Annie just continued.

"I pushed you into writing an apology, ostensibly 'for the sisterhood,' of all the girls you'd used and tossed aside, which I counted myself as part of." Annie paused for a minute, and saw genuine hurt cross Jeff's face, but she wasn't ready to interpret the meaning.

"I lied, Jeff."

She gave him a second for that to sink in, and watched his defenses immediately snap back into place. She had to break eye contact before she launched into the next piece.

"I wasn't having you do it for all those girls…*I* was the only one I was concerned about an apology for. You'd hurt me so many times, and I'd managed to bury it deep down, and ignore it to a degree, but you and I just run so hot and cold that it kept getting my hopes up, and then let down again, and it hurt."

Annie looked back up at Jeff, and noticed a single tear forming in his right eye. Damn, this was tough, but she had to deliver this…

"The fact of the matter is…since Vaughn and I broke up, I haven't been dating. I've gone on a couple of dates…but like I mentioned at…the pre-riot wake, I had to pay for all of them. It had gotten to the point of just being silly, and frankly, I was used to not dating, and I was holding out hopes for you. You kept giving me signals that made me think something may happen someday, and then it kept never happening."

Jeff now had a couple of tears running unashamedly down his cheeks, and Annie could feel the same on hers. They weren't sobbing, by any means…Annie's voice wasn't even raised, but both of them were releasing some very raw emotions, and Annie knew she had to finish up before she completely lost it.

"Jeff…sooner or later I'm going to have to get over you. I realized that I'm not in love with you already, but I can't seem to get past you. I haven't wanted anyone but you in the longest time, and I can't be alone forever. I guess I wanted to apologize for manipulating you to get something I wanted, under the pretense of having you do it for someone else…but I also needed to let you know that I can't wait and hope for the rest of my life. I'm not Penelope, spinning flax and waiting for Odysseus to come home…and yes, I know you know Homer's Odyssey. I just need to prepare you now, I guess. We'll always be friends…I'm never going to leave you in that regard, but eventually, I'll have to find someone that I can be with on the next level."

Annie stepped back, and dropped her gaze. She didn't know if this was going to bring a sudden end to their night or not, but she was certainly full of mixed emotions…she was sad that she had to say something so hard, and cruel-feeling, but she was relieved she'd gotten it out.

She felt a hand under her chin, tipping her head up until their eyes were locked again. His thumb came up, and brushed the tears from her eyes and her face, and he mouthed the words "I'm sorry."

All she could do was nod, and smile. She could feel the sincerity from the amount of pain he'd felt knowing he'd caused her pain. As always…they were in sync. She reached out, and pulled him in to her. She needed to feel him against her, and suspected he needed the same from her. As they came into contact, he deftly rotated their position so his back was to his locker, and her back was to him, and they both sank to the ground, sitting directly on the hard floor, with his arms wrapped around her midsection. He moved in, and gave her a quick, chaste cheek kiss that mirrored hers from earlier.

With that single, gentle expression of his affection, something inside Annie snapped.

"Jeff…I think I lied again. I'll keep spinning until you're ready."

"Annie…don't make promises you can't keep." He whispered. "Just know that I'm really, really sorry for all the times I've hurt you. I'd like to say I'll never do it again, but we both know I'm just going to keep doing it, I'm only human, and humans hurt each other. The silver lining is, I'm going to do my best not to hurt you more than anyone else would, and less if possible. Deal?"

Annie nodded, as always, unsure what to make of this enigmatic statement.

"Jeff…I really do lo" his finger pressed to her lips, keeping her from finishing. "Not yet. Don't say anything you may regret later. I'm not asking you to wait forever before you start dating other guys, or saying whatever you were going to say…just give me this one last night, ok? Then I promise you can say anything you want, and make any decisions you want. Fair?"

Annie just nodded and leaned back in his arms.

"I'm watching the time…we'll take 10 minutes here, and no more. I'm already going to be paying for this tomorrow…"

Annie didn't know what he meant, and didn't really care. She was enjoying being held. But still, she had to know. "Why not just set an alarm on your phone?"

"I didn't bring it. I didn't want any interruptions tonight."

Jeff without his phone…he'd told her to leave hers in her car, but she'd never expected he wouldn't bring his. This was big news…but it could wait. She had under 10 minutes left to enjoy this. She strained her neck to place another kiss on his cheek, and in the moonlight streaming in through the windows, noticed that he blushed after she did so…and she took a quiet pride in being able to make Jeff blush.

No one else made her feel this way. Not Vaughn, not Troy, not Rich or Abed…no one else made her feel this important, and safe, and loved. They all made her feel good, but not at this level. No one else made her feel as meaningful as he did…where it was obvious how he would try to change and improve for her.

Annie thought back mere moments to the sudden realization she'd had just prior to telling him she'd wait for him, and she realized that the catharsis she'd needed from this spot had been found. The ghosts of the Dreamatorium incident were dispelled, and her up and down hopes from years of mixed signals were quelled. Maybe he'd never actually be hers, and she'd have to learn to live with that…she figured what she had might be enough.

After all, she loved him.

A/N: I'm not thrilled with this chapter, and it actually underwent an emergency rewrite. Annie can be a pain in the ass to write under certain circumstances...like, ones without much dialogue, because I envision her getting VERY introspective, which leads to a lot of large paragraphs of Anniethought. It also got angsty-er than I intended...but I think there's a lot of hurt on both sides here, and even some of these same things will need to be revisited, and attacked from other angles down the road. That's why the mixed signals issue is only quelled...but the Dreamatorium issue is dead and gone. I don't want to touch that one again...so it's handled.

Really, I just wanted to take a break from Jeff, and get Annie's perspective on how everything was going with all of these shenanigans and goings-on. I think she'll have to feature centrally every 3-4 chapters as sort of a release valve...keep her from being relegated to a supporting character in a story that is very much as much hers as it is Jeff's...it's just that he's the one who planned it, so it's tougher to put her as the lead. There were a few other elements that I was iffy on including, but ultimately, I'm glad I did. These include Annie thinking of Jeff as 'her Blade,' which I'm only ok with under the blanket idea that being her Blade doesn't mean it's an unhealthy obsession...just that she knows she wants him, and can't seem to get past him, but has realized that she hasn't really been given a good reason (carnie loser, cheating) to do so either... The other is Annie's realization that she doesn't love Jeff, which is really from Season 3's VSA...then her reversal here. I figured by laying down the groundwork of how close she was to being in love, in a later chapter, I could have that step be taken...but when I was writing this, it just felt right to advance to that step now. My apologizes to anyone who doesn't feel I'm treating Annie appropriately. I am not intending to portray her as having a schoolgirl crush AGAIN, but rather, as someone who recognizes that a strong and healthy relationship is RIGHT there...and she wants it, badly, because she knows it would better both parties.

Feedback is welcome here, or on my tumblr. .com