25th of July (AM)

After our quest for beer at midnight, we successfully sneaked a dozen of beers into the hotel room thanks to my huge handbag and his backpack. We immediately put them in the minibar, so they would cool up a bit. I was truly tired, so i change into my pj's which basically consisted of a XXXL shirt i got from Walmart. when i head back to his room the door was open and he was changing into his pajamas too. he already got his sweatpants on and he was searching for a t-shirt from the bottom drawer. i just stood in the doorway, watching him and i didn't realize he saw me.

-See something you like? he said jokingly, getting into the old pale blue t-shirt he found.

-Sorry, you're not my type i said, hitting him on the arm playfully and then i threw my self on to the bed.

he laid beside, facing towards me. and asked:

-So, do you like playing video games?

-Kinda, but i mostly like watching them. When we were little, my brother used to play games and i used to watch.

-Then let's play! he said as he reached for the laptop case that was standing on the table next to his bed.

-Sure. i said, hesitatingly. "You set up your thingies and i'll go grab us some beers"

As i made my way to the minibar once again, there was an unfamiliar feeling in me. It was like a mixture of excitement, sadness, hope and desperateness. i was really excited because i got to be this close with a person i once was o fan of. i was sad because nothing could ever happen between us. i felt hopeful because this could actually lead on to a great friendship. i was desprate because i just wanted him so much, but i didn't even know how i feel for sure.

grabbing as much as beer as i could, i went back and he had already prepared his laptop, took out his mouse pad and high-tec looking mouse. i squatted down beside him.

-What are you gonna play? i asked.

-Something from the classics i think. How about Amnesia? I'll find a new custom story recommended by my bros.

-Yeah, why not. I've always wanted to play that game, but couldn't dare to when i was alone.

-Oh come on then! he pointed to the space he opened up between his legs, right in front of the laptop.

-Oh no, i meant "watch you play". i said.

-You know you want to. he said playfully, raising an eyebrow and making a funny/creepy face and he literally dragged me between his legs. his hands reached for the keyboard and the mouse to start the game, under my arms. i felt truly weird. it was so painful, being so close to him yet being so far. not being able to touch him when i could feel his breath on my neck. this was a real torture. i could smell the faded scent of Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male...

-before we start, i just want you to know, if you scream "BARRELS" right next to my ear, i will hurt you Felix. i said in the most innocent way i could do. he laughed a little, and so, i started playing.

it hadn't been long since the game started, but my "sanity" level was really low, just like in real life at that moment. i was literally going crazy because of the handsome Swede behind me. We were almost intertwined. But i tried to concentrate on the game, and the dark corridor i was going through. BAM! A teleporting naked guy was thrown at me. I was so frightened that i didn't realized i turned around and burried my face into Felix's chest when i screamed. and as soon as i noticed what i was doing i looked up. i've never seen him like this before. he had a serious look on his face and his lips were semi open. Even today, I still don't know how i dared to do that but i kissed him. everything was so blurry for less then a second, i was intoxicated by the sweet taste of his lips. he pulled himself away. suddenly i had realized the mess i've made and jumped out of the bed.

-I am so sorry. I am so so sorry Felix, i really didn't mean to do th- i forgot what i was going to say as he got up from the bed, standing as close to me as he could. he didn't say a word. he raised my chin up with his finger and kissed me on the right side of my lip. i let a big breath escape my lungs. he looked into my eyes. i wasn't really sure if this was actually happening. i could have passed out and be dreaming right proceeded to kiss me on the other side of my lips. i was barely keeping myself under control, and then... i just lost it. i pushed him down to the bed. and from what i remember, i saw the 02:16 writing on the screen saver of the laptop, as i pushed it away. i got onto his lap, leaned over him and started kissing him. i pulled my self away to breath when i realized he wasn't showing any emotions. i was gasping for air, resting my forehead on his, and he suddenly took me strongly by the waist. we rolled and now he was on top of me. the room was rather dark, but i could see his piercing blue eyes. his dark blonde hair was tickling my cheeks. his lips were beautiful. everything, everything about him was beautiful.

he grabbed me by the hips pulling our bodies closer. my baggy shirt got hiked up as i wrapped my legs tightly around his waist. i knew what was going to happen next, and i wanted it so bad. my body was aching for him as he passionately kissed my neck leaving bruises that i would love to have for the rest of my life. my fingers lingered around his waist band, eager to get him out of every piece of clothe he had on. and so i did. i felt like he was all mine now with all his glory, just the way i was his. our bodies belonged together through the sweat and moans.

the night went on, and by night i mean the early morning because it was 4AM when he fell asleep right beside me. i remember watching him sleep and i remember thinking to myself "i could get used to this". but i also felt guilty as if i had taken advantage of a heart-broken man. i didn't want him to wake up, because i knew that once he woke up things would have been changed. he would probably ignore me for the rest of our stay and act as if nothing happened. but i didn't want to think about what was lying ahead of us at that so very peaceful moment. i went back to my own bed, escaping the sight which made me felt unwell and worried.