25th of July (PM)
I woke up to the voice of a door being unlocked, followed by a female voice with a funny accent. I was hung-over and had a massive head-ache. I picked up my phone from the floor and it was 14:16. I found it funny since 12 hours ago i was over the moon and now i was in the rock bottom. i fell too fast from too high above because i knew who the voice belonged to. i convinced myself last night didn't happen, and even it did, it didn't matter anymore. i dragged myself out of the bed, straight to the shower. i had to get rid of the smell of sin. actually that was just an excuse, i just didn't want to witness the heart-warming scene right outside my door or even hear them making up. I knew that it was the best for Felix, but i just couldn't bare the fact that guy i fell for over a night just slipped through my fingers. i took a shower, and did my make-up. put on some clothes, packed my bag. i couldn't stay. but of course i couldn't have left for the sake of my future career, i just had to find another place to crash, far away from what i've experienced last night. if only i could find the nerves to face the loving couple for a short goodbye. i slightly spaced my door to take a sneak peek of what was waiting for me in the shared part of the suite. they weren't in there, but i could still here them talking and laughing from the room which was a home for our lust last night, as if nothing had actually happened. i made my way to suite's exit and i left, not looking back.
i found a rather humble family-ran motel and checked myself in. it wasn't quite as close to the convention center but it was the best i could find on such short notice since it was the high season.
26th of July
I had to get up early, duty was calling. I put on my best outfit, since i knew how important first impressions were on people. some gorgeous pink pumps and a dark blue cotton dress with a fair amount of cleavage. First rule of business: be presentable. I was representing a Fifth Avenue advertisement agency there, so it was essential for me to be the quite darling in every way. i was a servant, and the way i served a lonely man the previous night... being a substitute for his girlfriend. very classy of me, huh?
first day at work went pretty smooth, i got to meet some other youtubers too and i actually felt happy almost as much as i did when i met Felix. of course i knew what NOT to do now: don't get into their bed or let them get into your heart. i kept praying not to run into the beautiful Swede and his astonishing lady. but that didn't really work... there they were, happy as ever, conversing with some other big shots. at least i knew what i was feeling now. i was sad, lonely and i was damn jealous of what they had. it all happened so fast, i still could easily make myself believe it was just a dream. but i was sure i tasted heaven and now i was being punished for it in the depths of hell, burning in flames, burning even brighter with every sound they made.
through this self pitiful thoughts, i didn't realize that the man who was sleeping next to me yesterday, was looking at me, trying to be discreet as possible. for a moment there i saw confusion and guilt in his eyes. he knew what he had done made me runaway without even saying a word. but that didn't really matter, did it? or else he would have come to me, even if he acted like nothing had happened, a kind word from his mouth would have put me at ease. i didn't even expected an apology. though there wasn't something to apologize about. it had happened. it wasn't planned or predicted. it was pure instinct. pure lust. it was an illusion for me that i could actually have something too good to be true.
i couldn't stand it. as soon as i had a chance, i called my agency, reporting in that i had completed my work here already and wish not to stay
any longer.
it was 10PM at the convention center and we were closing the doors, everyone had left except for the staff. i was picking up my stuff from the lounge reserved for people like me, people from catering, advertising or hosting agencies. but when i heard a voice that warmed my heart coming from the corner of my eye, i froze on the spot.
-I'm sorry it went down like this. said Felix with a serious face, which immidiately triggered the memory of the time i've first kissed him.
-It's okay, it wasn't really a shocker anyways. also, it's for the best. you did mention how much you loved her to me once or twice... i said faking a little smile on my face, trying to hide away the fact i was truly hurt.
-That's bullshit!
i made eye-contact, because i had to know what he was trying to say. he continued:
-I just don't want you to think it didn't mean anything to me. But i couldn't risk losing everything i've planned for my future, the only woman in my life for so long.
i stood there. not moving, not saying anything, lost in his blue eyes. i walked towards the door, passing him by, but holding on for a short second when my arm swung by his. this was meant to be our last goodbye.