16th of September (AM)

It was quarter past midnight when we were done chatting and left the convention center. I was enjoying myself and, as far as i could tell, so was Toby. We kept on laughing and laughing and laughing until he broke our streak of laughters, asking:
-I know it's kinda late but, um, would you like me to show you around the city? I'm not really a local, but i know my way around here, and honestly i don't feel like sleeping yet.
- I-i uh... My friend...
He pouted and faked a whiny tone saying:
- Please mom, please!
Between my laughters i hardly managed to say yes.

We got into his car which seemed blue-ish but i couldn't really see its color in the dark. After a five minute drive, we found a place called "Cheers". Felix would kill me if he knew... And frankly, i felt sad when i realized there was no way i was getting out of that place without telling Toby i was pregnant. Why was i acting like this? I loved Felix, at least i thought i did. We didn't have much of a past with him but we were going to have a future. Why, just... WHY was i hiding this from Toby?

We sat down on the bar stools, and he ordered two pints. I couldn't even get myself to say no. And as if it couldn't have gotten worse, the question i dreaded had been asked:
-So, which "big-shot" did you come here with?
-I, uh...
i sighed and just spill it:
-Felix Kjellberg.
-Well, i don't know if it'll be a relief but i already knew that.
-What?
-I had seen his video, with you in it. I was surprised that he didn't tell me.
-Oh, i completely forgot about that video...
I faked a smile and then i realized that he was whispering something in my ear:
-On other notes... why did you have a hard time telling me this?
He leaned back to his original position, and burst out a laughter when he saw how embarrassed i was.
-Go on, laugh your ass off. I guess i'm a slut since i even thought about actually drinking this beer rather than telling you i'm fucking carrying his child!
I grabbed my stuff and stormed of to the entrance door of Cheers, and a strong hand grabbed my arm to pull me back. I staggered with the force that was pulling me towards itself and found myself an inch away from the green eyed man's lips.
-I'm sorry, it was just a joke, i didn't think you'd be offended. I didn't know what i was saying was the truth. Please forgive me.
We just stood there, a few people in the pub were watching us.
-Just take me back to the resort, okay Toby? i said, calmly.

As we drove in the car i tried so hard to suppress my anger. But i wasn't angry at Toby, i was angry with myself because he was right. I was playing the fool to myself, acting as if i didn't know why i was trying to avoid mentioning my relationship. I was attracted to him. The way i was attracted to Felix when we had first met.

My thoughts got interrupted when Toby pulled up to the parking stop. He rushed out of the car, and after him, so did i. when i got out of the car i stumbled across him, standing so close to me, again. he pushed me towards the car, leaving no room for me to move as he trapped me between his body and the car.
-I'm sorry okay!? he said irritably.
-Toby... You can't even possibly be sorry, as much as i will be when i do this.
I put my hand on his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were soft, his tongue felt like it belonged just in the place it was now. I don't know how long it lasted until i pulled back for air.
-We... really... shouldn't... he said quietly, out of breath, resting his forehead on mine.
I caressed his chest, felt his madly beating heart. I knew he was right, but somehow i didn't care anymore. it must have been the pregnancy hormones or i was just keen on destroying everything good that had happened to me.

He dropped his arms on his sides and stepped back, setting me free. I didn't want to move, but i knew that was the right thing to do. So i walked away, checking my phone on my way, to appear uncaring. Then i saw "8 MISSED CALLS" writing on my screen.

I got on to the elevator, went up to our floor. i walked the hallway as if i was going to get electrocuted. I knocked on the room's door, hoping Felix would still be awake since the last call he made.
-WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?! he yelled, the moment he angrily opened to door.
-Hey there, you don't need to be mad! I met one of your bro's and he showed me around, that's all.
I pushed him aside slowly and made my way to the bed.
-You could've at least answered my calls! I WAS WORRIED SICK!
-Felix.. I-i'm sorry. I really am, i didn't mean to get on your nerves.
-Just... don't do that again. I love you.
This must had been a sick joke universe was playing on me. If he had said this just a few hours ago, things might had been different. But there he was, telling me he loves me for the first time, and i could see it in his eyes that he was expecting to hear it back. Only after a few minutes i had been all over another guy. I had always felt so lucky that he cared about me and said he could actually love me that i didn't even question if i could do the same.

He was still looking at me with the most beautiful blue eyes in the world, and i just turned my head away. I stripped out of my clothes and slipped under the sheets. He didn't say another word until he crawled up beside me.
-It's okay.
-Felix...
-No, I understand, just because we unexpectedly created a life, doesn't mean we can fall in love with eac other on que. I did, but i'm not expecting you to do the same. And doesn't matter how long it will take, i will be here, waiting for you.
He kissed me on the cheek, and pulled me by the waist, bringing me closer to him. he pet my hair until i fall asleep. I knew I did love him, i loved him all along, but i wasn't ready to have a family with him, commit myself. And saying those three words would only going to get us closer.

I just wasn't sure if i was ready to settle down yet.