30th of September

Felix had done the purchase of the house and didn't allow me to spend a dime. A week from now we were going to move in to Tarrytown. Our new house, our new home.

It had been great, living with Felix. He was busy most of the time but i understood that.

There was something that kept bothering me though. The night before, while Felix was doing a late "Fridays With Pewdiepie" video which he mentioned his P.O. box change, i opened my laptop and went on YouTube. Toby hadn't uploaded any vlogs since i had left. Yeah, there were a few more gaming videos on "TobyGames", and a new Gryphon video on "Tobuscus", but no vlogs. Was he in a bad shape? I knew I hurt him, but i would had never guessed that i could hurt him this bad. I missed him, missed the way he made me laugh, the way he kissed me. I was sure i made the right decision but that didn't change the fact i loved him.

Felix had started putting everything he owned into boxes, two days later a shipping company was going to take them for delivery to New York and a day after that, we were going to follow them.

Later that day, I went to my first ultrasound with Felix. Just to check if the baby was doing alright. The doctors said in nine weeks, we would find out about its gender. That's when we were going to announce the "good news".

We were back in his car, with the ultrasound pictures of our baby in my hand.
-What do you think about Theo? as in the "gift of god". If it's a boy, i mean.
-Well... Considering you are an atheist and i'm agnostic...
-But he is a gift!
-What if it's not a boy? ...Let me ask you something Felix, do you want a girl, or a boy?
-For all i care, it can be an alien as long as it's healthy. On the other hand, i wouldn't want to raise an alien, i guess. How about you?
-Nah, I definitely want a girl.
It was a trip full of laughters back to his place.

4th of October

We had arrived. It was as beautiful as it was shown online. I couldn't believe this was happening. It was paradise. Less than three months ago, i was struggling with the finals and the traineeship and everything there was to life. I was living in a creepy building, paying rent every month so i wouldn't be evicted from that crappy flat. Now i had a house in the suburbs, a handsome, supporting boyfriend, and a little baby on the way. Everything was magical. But something was missing. And i knew what that something was, i knew who that was, to be exact. But i had to just suck it up and put on a smile. I made myself believe that my feelings for Toby would pass in good time.

We didn't have many furniture in the house yet, just the stuff Felix had brought from Sweden, and a few old stuff from my flat. But Felix's presence made it a "home" just the way it was. He was an awesome man. He was funny and caring, he was there for me even when he didn't have to. I knew he was going to be the best father ever.

I wanted to discover our new neighborhood. i had been here before but i didn't really know what was around. i took my laptop with me in case i'd find a good coffee shop and hang out there for a bit. I eventually stopped at a place called "Black Cat Cafe", it had le chat noir on its sign. I went in and ordered a white hot chocolate with peppermint. I loved coffee but the doctors told me the caffeine wasn't good for the baby.

I took a seat and opened my laptop. GOD BLESS FREE WI-FI! I got on YouTube and saw that Toby had finally uploaded a vlog. I took out my purple earphones out from my purse, plugged it in and started watching the video.

"Audience! What are you doing hiding behind my guitar case? Guys, guys, guys i'm so excited! I'm going to the ComicCon NY 2014! INTRO OF DARKNESS THEN REDNESS THEN WHITENESS! So yeah, ComicCon starts in 6 days and i will be there 1 day prior to the opening. Of course Jack is coming as my camera man again and probably Steven and Gabe and Seth will tag along too. So if you wanna meet us, be there! Bless your face! If you sneezed watching this video, bless you OUTRO OF DARKNESS THEN REDNESS THEN WHITENESS THEN BOOP!"

He was coming to New York. Didn't matter how fast i ran from my past, it kept catching up with me.

What if he visited us? No, he wouldn't dare.

But what if Felix wanted to meet up with his bro's? I would simply not join them.

But what if Felix invited all of them over? now, THAT would be a problem.