9th of October
I was almost eleven weeks pregnant and i grew bigger and bigger everyday, so i took the metro to Manhattan to buy myself some new clothes. It took me one and a half hour to get there! But i realized that pregnancy had its advantages, a teenager gave me his seat. There was no way i could have survived that long, on my feet. I passed by the Javits Convention Center which was getting prepared for the ComicCon, on my way to the a maternity wear shop.
After a little shopping which helped me relieve some stress, i took a cab back home. It costed way too much but it was better than taking the metro.
When i payed the fee and got out of the cab, i saw something strange. A car that i couldn't recognize was parked in front of our house.
-Felix! I'm home!
I said, carrying my shopping bags inside.
-Hey (name), look who were in the neighborhood!
Two strangers, a guy i had briefly met and a guy that i knew so well came to welcome me. All that stress relief... just to get worked up again... All of them -except Toby- were focused on the bags i brought in, they had written "Mother & Babycare" on them. But the well-built brunette interrupted the silence.
Gabe: Hi I'm Gabuscus.
Seth: And i'm Seth Hendrix.
Me: Nice to meet you guys, i'm (name).
There was an awkward silence that came to an end when Jack made a statement with an uncertain look on his face.
Jack: I'm really sorry if i'm over my head but... Are you...
Felix put his arm around my shoulder. And looked at me as if he was asking for permission.
Felix: Yeah bro's, we have some good news! Would you like to take over?
He turned to me and smiled.
Me: Yep, sure... Um... So yes, we are expecting a little guy or a gal in about six and a half months!
A lots of hugging and congratulating and laughter filled the room. Toby just stood in the distance faking a smile, occasionally laughing to blend in with the crowd. I couldn't believe the way he was making this look so easy. As if he had gone through something like this before. I don't know, maybe he had, but i certainly hadn't.
We had a porch in the back and Felix had placed a few beach chairs on there. I assumed he had went to pick up some groceries before his guests arrived because we didn't have that many snacks and beers stocked in our fridge.
They were having fun, i could tell. Felix rarely had spare time and i'm sure it was the same for the other guys in the room too. I would really love to join to their conversations but i just couldn't concentrate on any word that had been said because i knew Toby was sitting right across me. I kept staring at my feet, scared of making eye contact with him. I couldn't, not after leaving him the way i did. I was surprised that he even bothered to come here, he must had hated me.
I realized someone was speaking to me.
Jack: Hey, are you alright? You don't seem so well. And we both know what had happened the last time you didn't feel well.
Felix: He is right, is everything OK?
Me: Yeah, yeah... I think i'm just tired that's all... It has been a long day, i-i think i'll go get some rest.
I kissed Felix and said goodbye to everyone and went to our bedroom. Soon i was laying on the bed, crying my eyes out. This must had been a really sick joke universe was playing on me. It had no other logical explanation.
I apparently couldn't hear the door opening because of my own loud sobbing.
Toby: I'm sorry.
I didn't even bother to turn around.
Me: Why are you here? Did you wanted to see if i was dying inside too? Well, there you have it. I hope you're satisfied.
Toby: I would never, ever want to see you sad, you know that...
Me: Then why the fuck did you come?! Just when i had made myself believe that i'm better off...
I kept myself from shouting at him. If anyone heard what we were talking about, i would be as good as dead.
Toby: I had to make sure... That you had no regrets, that you were happy!
Me: The only thing i regret right now is falling in love with you! I wish i had never let you in my life...
Toby: I... umm.. better go then...
Me: Toby wait...
He left, i heard him slamming the entrance door shut. I had never felt worse in my life. I loved him and he loved me back. But we were grown-ups. At least i was. He was almost thirty but still, wasn't aware of the fact we shouldn't go around doing whatever we wanted, we couldn't. Right?
I didn't care anymore, making radical decisions were so much easier during pregnancy. But it also had bad consequences sometimes. I went back to the porch, told the guys i was going to get some coffee with Toby, and asked if they'd want one too. I swiftly grabbed my purse and headed out, and i saw Toby rapidly walking away with his hands in his pockets. I ran. I was running quite fast for an expectant mother and called out his name when he was in the hearing distance. He turned around and he walked back to me, slowly. I just waited, trying to catch a breath. As he got closer, i saw how red his eyes and nose were.
I sat on the pavement, he sat down beside me. We didn't talk, we didn't kiss. We just looked at each other, trying to savour the moment. I was stunned by his beauty. His bloodshot eyes looked even greener now. I could had spent the rest of my life on that pavement with him. I could had complied to not touching him, not hearing his voice again, but i would at least know i was with him. He took off his faint black hoodie which he was wearing over a blue Tobuscus t-shirt and gave it to me. It was cold out side but i hadn't even realized it until that moment. I wore it.
-I told guys we were out for a coffee, we might as well grab a cup. I know a place around the corner.
-I don't really like coffee.
-I love it. But i can't drink it, it's bad for the baby.
We didn't speak again for what felt like an hour, and probably was an hour, because Felix sounded kinda worried when he called me.
-Hey, where are you two?
-We're on our way back.
After we hung up, i got up on my feet. Toby did the same. We were like two ghosts, lingering... he rested his forehead on mine.
-Toby... we're in the middle of the street, the neighbours...
-I don't give the slightest shit...
His voice was trembling, and i felt my knees going weaker and weaker with his every breath that brushed against my lips. Our lips met for once more, but it felt different this time. It wasn't lustful. It was sad.
It was a goodbye kiss.