Author's Note: Alright, last chapter. I said this was going to be short, right? Well, the await conclusion of this story. Will Stan get Kyle back? Will Cartman be able to rip on Kyle again? Or will it be Kyle + Damien forever? And what about Wendy? All those answers and more coming up. But first, I'd like to give a big thanks to ShadowMajin for his reviews and Zephyr Morpheus Lee for being the great sounding board that she is. Now, without further ado, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

Warning: language

Chapter 5

It was dawn and Wendy had never felt so down. Every attempt she had made to get Stan's attention had failed. She was beginning to wonder if this might be it. Stan was bored with her, it was so obvious. Otherwise he wouldn't be ignoring her. It was like he was trying to tell her something.

He wasn't into the tough girl who was kind to those who knew her. She had no clue where she stood as the slut that Bebe convinced her to try out. She didn't even want to think about the anime stuff because that was a misadventure in and of itself. Something that blew out of proportion and got on the evening news.

It wasn't important though because he just looked for a second and left.

Now, Wendy was a stubborn person and she would fight for what she considered important to her. She would fight tooth and nail and wouldn't hesitate to gut anyone that got in her way. It would be so much easier if there was another girl involved but there wasn't. If that was the case, she'd have a target to go after and physically remove.

But she didn't even know what had caused all this to happen in the first place and she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Her phone rang and robotically she picked it up. "Hello," she said in a dead voice.

"Okay Wendy, I've got a surefire plan that'll work this time." Bebe proclaimed on the other end. "How's your singing voice?"

"Huh?" Yeah, Wendy was very eloquent this morning.

"This is what I'm thinking. Who out there doesn't like a musical? No one, that's who," Bebe continued. "The way to get back into Stan's heart is to sing your way back in. So I want you to come over and—"

"Thanks Bebe but I don't think I will," Wendy said dully.

"Wendy? Are you alright? You're not…giving up are you?" Bebe asked in concern.

"What's the point Bebe? It's over isn't it?" Wendy stated more than asked.

"You can't give up! Wendy, you and Stan are like…you're like…you're the most popular couple in school!" Bebe exclaimed.

"We're the only couple in school," Wendy stated.

"You shouldn't give up Wendy," Bebe pressed. "I swear to you that this one is going to work. If you give up now and lose Stan, then what hope is there for the rest of us?"

"Bebe…I'm just going to walk up to him and ask him if he wants to go out," Wendy said.

"But that's…boring. And didn't you already try it?" Bebe replied.

"I'm going to be myself for once Bebe. If that doesn't work, well, I guess I'll have to move on," Wendy sighed. "I want to thank you for all your help. You're a good friend."

"But…" Bebe tried to protest but couldn't find any words to continue.

"I'll see you at school," Wendy said and hung up.

Yes, she would try one more time and that was because she was a stubborn person. She was going to do this one on her own terms. She was going to be Wendy Testaburger and no one else. Bebe had her heart in the right place but right now there was no going further with this. It was going to be do or die.

And if the two of them, Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger, were not meant to be, then she would relinquish her claim and step away. Because she had class and no matter how desperate she got, she would admit defeat.

Here goes nothing.

"Okay, remind me what we're doing," Stan said as he entered the school with an injured Cartman at his side. How the most desperate of times brought the most unlikely people together.

"It's real simple Stan, Kyle is predictable," Cartman said as he hobbled along at Stan's side. "He's always going to stick up for people, especially if they're his friends. What we need to do is separate the queer couple and then cause that Damien asswipe to do something that'll turn Kyle against him. My thinking, we get him to attack you like he did me."

"And end up like you?" Stan asked incredulously.

"We all have to make sacrifices Stan," Cartman said. "If you want your gay best friend back, you might have to go to the hospital to do so."

"But I hate hospitals!" Stan complained.

"You'll have to deal with it Stan. What other options do you have other than to not get Kyle back into your loving—"

"Stop calling us gay already," Stan interrupted, glaring at the fatass. "Can't you come up with something new?"

"But it works so well already," Cartman replied. "Do you know how long it takes to find something that gets on people's nerves and not only does that but never gets old? You have to get to know someone to be able to find something like that out."

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, already wanting this over with. Just suck it up Stan. So long as this works, it'll be worth it. "Okay, so how do we separate them?" he asked after exhaling loudly.

Cartman was about to open his mouth but stopped as there was activity directly ahead of them. Damien was bending over slightly and it looked like his arms were around his stomach region. His mouth was opening and closing, obviously he was speaking with Kyle, and then darkly-clad boy headed straight towards the nearest restroom, Kyle staying put but watching him leave.

"That'll work," Cartman said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Selecting a name in his address book, Stan wasn't able to catch the name, Cartman held the cellular device to his ear and a couple seconds later, "You're on." The call was ended as soon as he spoke and the phone was back into his pocket.

"What was that about?" Stan wondered.

"You'll see," Cartman said, grinning toothily. "We're about to ensure this separation lasts a little longer than it was going to be. Be ready to go after Damien, Stan. The plan's about to go into action."

Stan stood next to Cartman and waited a couple seconds. He took a quick glance around and saw Kyle taking his time as he headed after Damien, most likely to wait for him outside the restroom. "I don't see anything," he remarked.

"It's happening, just wait a minute! Gawd!" Cartman swore.

Kyle was really becoming worried about Damien. Whatever stomach problems he was having, they were getting worse. He might have to get his best friend to a doctor or something. There was no way a gastrointestinal problem should last this long. It could be serious.

But he was going to take his time as he followed after Damien. Jehovah knew that that place was going to stink something horrible. At least Damien had told him that he had taken a laxative recently. Maybe that was why he was rushing off as quickly as he was? Hopefully there wouldn't be negative side effects from it. More importantly, he hoped that it wouldn't make Damien's problem worse.

"H-hey, Kyle?" Kyle stopped in his tracks and faced Butters of all people.

"Yeah?" Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow as the shorter, blond boy.

"I was wondering if you could help me out with some of last night's math problems," the boy asked. "Those things were giving quite a bit of trouble."

Kyle glanced towards the restrooms and back towards Butters, biting his bottom lip. Damien was going to be in there for a while, wasn't he? What would it hurt to help Butters with his homework? It beat waiting outside of the restroom doing nothing and he figured that if Damien finished before he was done with Butters, he would find him.

"Sure," Kyle answered to the boy's request.

"Okay! Why don't we go to the library? That way I won't be distracted," the blond boy said cheerfully, leading the way.

Kyle was already having second thoughts since it seemed like Butters was a morning person. But he had already committed himself and he wasn't one to go back on his word. Still, the library was quite a ways from the restroom Damien had gone into. If he didn't know better, he'd think that Butters was deliberately leading him away from Damien.

Which was preposterous because Butters was the most naïve and gullible person in the whole town. He didn't have it in him to have ulterior motives. With this in mind, he followed after his fellow student.

Stan stared blankly. "That's your plan? Using Butters?"

"It's working isn't it?" Cartman huffed. "Now's your chance Stan. Kyle's out of the way so provoke that son of a bitch and get this show on the road."

Well, Cartman did have a point. Kyle and Damien were now firmly separated. Cartman had kept up his end of the plan and now it was Stan's turn. He needed to go into that bathroom and provoke Damien into coming after him but do so in a way that Kyle wouldn't suspect that something was up. Of course, there was the implication that he wasn't going to get out of this unscathed but desperate times called for desperate measures. This was all for you Kyle, hope you appreciate the lengths he would go to.

Squaring his shoulders like a man heading for his execution, Stan marched his way to the restroom. His muscles were tensed with stress and his heart was beating faster from the tension. He needed to get through this, hopefully not in critical condition. Reaching the boys' bathroom, he opened the door and—

"Jesus Christ!" Stan swore as he pulled away and covered his mouth. What was that foul odor? Did something die in there again? The insult to his nose was overpowering. His eyes were even watering! And he had to go in there? Oh!

Manning himself up again, Stan took a step into the restroom and almost ran out. The stench in here was so overpowering! He had to leave again. Oh God. It was terrible. So terrible!

"What are you doing?" Cartman scolded as he came up to him. "Why aren't you going in there?"

"It stinks, dude," Stan said, holding his nose while he waved his hand in front of his face, trying to fan some fresher air.

"Oh, you're going to let a fart stop you from going through with this?" Cartman sneered. As he reached to push the door open, "It can't be that bad—holy mother of God!"

Okay, you knew something smelled bad when Cartman said it was bad. This did not make Stan feel any better.

Taking in deep breathes, trying to remind himself that clean air did in fact exist, Cartman calmed down slowly. When he was cool, he turned to Stan and said, "So when are you going in there?"

"What? You just smelled that! And you think I'm going in there?" Stan exclaimed.

"Ey, we're already committed to the plan. Butters can't distract Kyle forever," Cartman argued. "Are you going to let this opportunity slip through your fingers?"

"Not if I'm going to suffocate in the process!" Stan declared.

"What's more important? Breathing or having Kyle as your butt buddy again?" Cartman questioned.

That was a low blow and Cartman knew it. Stan glanced at the restroom door and sighed. Pulling up the front of his coat so that it covered his nose, he steeled his resolve one more time and entered the unholy hell on the other side.

"Remember to breathe through your mouth!" Cartman called helpfully after him.

Fuck you, Cartman. Fuck you.

Now he was in the thick of it all, the stench so repulsive to him. If this all came from Damien, he was going to have to find out what he had eaten so that he could prevent Cartman from ever getting it into his system. Lord knows they needed another reason to make him dangerous.

Aw, aww! Damien farted! Was it him or had this place taken on a murky quality to it? He could almost see the air in front of his face, it was so thick! Okay, Stan, focus, you need to focus! You came in here for a reason and if you did it right, you could get out of here and back into some cleaner air. Alright, let's do this.

It took him a moment longer than necessary to figure out something to say that could provoke Damien, who he could see his feet under the stall's door, and get him racing after him. Probably wasn't going to come up with the golden ticket right off the bat so he was going to have to improvise.

"What the hell have you been eating?" he exclaimed, figuring that he might as well satisfy that bit of curiosity first. Can't make Cartman any more dangerous than he already was, you know.

"Is that you, Stan?" Damien said from the other side of the stall door, another fart following. Oh, it sounded ugly in there.

"You're fogging up the air in here. What is wrong with you?" Stan pressed.

"None of your business, now leave me alone."

There was some irritation but nowhere near where Stan needed it. Damien was probably humoring him, the douchebag. Come on Stanley, think! Oh, how about this?

"I think we need to start calling you Fart Boy now," he taunted. "I think you can give Syria's non-existent chemical weapons a run for their money."

"Really? Thank you. Now I have something else to boast to Kyle about."

Goddamn it! Stop bringing Kyle into this! And besides, he would not be impressed by this shit. So what, you made bad farts. What do you want, a freaking medal? So freaking immature.

"Hey, Kyle would not be impressed," Stan said heatedly.

"Do you have something over your mouth? It sounds muffled."

Okay, this asshole was really annoying him now. Wait a second, it should be the other way around! Come on, Stan, think! You need to get out of here before you suffocated on the noxious fumes!

"Kyle hates it when you don't speak up," Damien continued. "Except for that other friend of his, the one whose voice is always muffled. He tolerates that. You wouldn't happen to be that other mortal and just happened to sound like Kyle's ex?"

What was with this guy and talking about Kyle! It was like every other word he said was…was…oh my God. That was it!

"Kyle doesn't like farts," Stan said as casually as he could. "Sure, Terrance and Phillip make them funny on TV but in real life? Nope. Reminds him too much of Cartman and he hates Cartman. And you know what Cartman does? Talks about his farts and tries to make Kyle smell them. So no, I don't think Kyle would be impressed that you can fart so bad."

There was silence from the other side of the stall door and Stan felt that he might have hit a nerve. But then, "You don't know Kyle as well as you think you do."

Oh, he was challenging him on who knew more about Kyle? This douche had no idea what he was getting into. There was no bigger expert on Kyle here than him! He knew everything and he didn't learn it by being a stalker either! He was rather proud of that fact by the way.

"I know how much he loves his little brother Ike, even if he is adopted," Stan said.

"Ike's adopted?" Damien asked with surprise.

"Yeah, he is. I wonder why Kyle didn't tell you," Stan said idly.

"It's…it's not that important!" Damien said defensively.

"How about when Kyle gets sick? He gets so out of it whenever he gets sick and it happens to him more often than any other kid," Stan continued to press his advantage. "Have you ever seen him sick? I bet you haven't because Kyle really doesn't like people seeing him sick. Means he doesn't trust you."

"Kyle does trust me!" Damien declared and Stan could feel a sense of foreboding growing.

"Has he told you what the fuck is up with lighting all those candles?" Stan asked. "Because he's told me." A blatant lie because Stan didn't even know what the fuck was up with lighting all those candles anyway. Not like Damien knew that fact either and that was the point.

"I…" Oh was that anger and frustration he could hear? He was getting close. Was this how Cartman felt whenever he taunted someone else? Wow, he never knew he could be so manipulative.

"There's so much you don't know about Kyle," Stan continued. "I wonder if he even does trust you. You know, I thought about letting you have him but now that I see how much Kyle trusts you, I think I'm going to go on over and get him to become my super best friend again. I could do it, you know."

"You won't dare," Damien spoke, his voice darkening. At this point, Stan was inching towards the door as the walls of the stall began warping outwards, as if trying to contain something.

"Actually…dare," Stan said, trying sound as cool as he could. Huh, it was starting to get hot in here…and make that god-awful smell worse. He didn't know how much longer he could last in here. "I'm going to go and talk with Kyle and take him back right now. It's not like you're going to be going anywhere, Fart Boy."

A second later, he was dashing out of the boy's restroom, a large crash following after him. He almost ran into Cartman who demanded, "What the hell is going on in there?"

"No time, run!" Stan cried out as the restroom door exploded into a million little splinters of wood.

"Wow, he's pissed!" Cartman noted.

"Of course he is! Run!" Stan exclaimed but came to a sudden stop.

A few feet ahead of him stood Damien, which was impossible because there was no way he could be faster than him. It looked like he had been standing there the whole time instead of giving chase after him. What was this some kind of horror flick?

What was most striking was that Damien's eyes were glowing red, the brown irises blood red. There was a low creak that soon signaled the lockers around them caving in on themselves. The light fixtures above dimmed and flickered, a couple shorting out altogether. And the heat! The heat that had sprung up without any reason in the restroom had followed them out. If Stan was sweating before, he was starting to leak out buckets now and not just because of fear.

Now he understood what Cartman meant by going Carrie.

"I told you," Damien said, his voice dark and demonic. "No one is taking Kyle from me."

"Oh Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, please save my totally worthy soul," Cartman prayed from beside him.

From between the tiles that made up the floor, flames licked from between them, creating a more hellish atmosphere. Stan was almost dancing as he tried to avoid the flames, bringing a leg up to spare it only to bring it back down so he could lift the other up and give it relief. Rinse and repeat. Cartman was busy trying to shake his leg cast that had caught on fire, the fat boy cursing all the while.

Then Damien took a step forwards. And then another step. And another. Stan was backing away as best as he could, Cartman just happening to be shuffling in the same direction as him.

"Look, look, you can have Kyle," Cartman tried to bargain. "I don't really want to rip on him anymore. Honest!"

"I was going to punish you along with him," Damien nodded his head at Stan, "anyway, but now I know you were in on this. So now I have a reason."

Cartman paused. "Oh God damn it!" he swore.

"Kyle can choose his own friends!" Stan tried to argue.

"He's already chosen me," Damien retorted, continuing his approach. "Unlike you, I won't be letting him slip through my fingers."

"Hey screw you! It was Christmas!" Stan tried to defend himself, however weakly it was.

"Come on, can't we all just get along?" Cartman asked.

Both Stan and Damien paused, staring at Cartman. Even all the nightmare shit happening paused as if the last thing imaginable to have ever come out of Cartman had come out.

"What?" Cartman demanded, glaring at the two of them.

Damien resumed his approach, Stan and Cartman backing up until they ran of room. The demonic boy's shadow fell over them, causing both of the ten year olds to shiver in terror at what was about to happen to them. Damien was raising his hands up and—was that fire? His hands were covered in fucking fire! Oh Lord! It looked like only a miracle could save them now.

"What's going on here?"

Just like that, all the weird shit, the glowing red eyes, the flickering lights, even the fire licking out from between the floor tiles vanished. Damien was suddenly a normal looking boy who was spinning around to face his self-proclaimed best friend.

"Hi Kyle! I was looking for you!" Damien chirped.

Stan could only stare at the other's audacity. There was no way he was pulling the innocence card. No way, no how, not right now when he had been seconds away from doing some unthinkable horror to them. Was this dick bipolar on top of being freaky?

"And you're…asking Stan and Cartman?" Kyle asked, peering around Damien to see them.

"Well, you were gone when I was finished," Damien said. "I thought they might have seen where you went."

Stop being so logical, you bastard! Kyle, seriously, you can't be eating this up! Did you not see what was happening a few seconds ago?!

"He's lying Kyle!" Cartman cried out. "He was threatening us before you showed up! You gotta believe me!"

"I don't believe nine-tenths of what comes out of your mouth," Kyle deadpanned.

"Wow, nine-tenths? So that means you believe me only one out of—ey! I just speak the truth, you Jewrat!" Cartman glared at Kyle. "It's not my fault you can't handle it."

"He's telling the truth this time," Stan butted in, knowing that if he allowed Cartman to speak further, he was going to make things worse for the both of them.

"Is that so?" Kyle asked, giving Stan a leveled look. Looking at Damien, "Are they telling the truth?"

"They're judging me based on my appearance," Damien replied. "I look freaky to them and they misinterpret me to be threatening them."

"Oh, that's real classy of you two," Kyle turned on Stan and Cartman. Stan felt his stomach drop as Kyle was doubting his words now. But Kyle always believed him! Always! "I expected this kind of thing from Cartman—"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cartman demanded.

"—but you Stan? You're usually so tolerant," Kyle continued, ignoring Cartman.

"Ey! Don't ignore me!" Cartman snarled.

"Kyle…" Stan stared at Kyle soulfully.

"Come on Damien," Kyle said turning away from him and no, he was walking away. He was taking Damien with him and that douchebag was giving him a shit-eating smirk. Kyle was further away now…

Damien came to a stop, clutching at his stomach as an odd sound emitted from it. The douche groaned at some kind of pain he was feeling and that caused Kyle to stop and look in worry at him. Stop looking at Damien with concern! Stop it!

"Is it your stomach again?" Kyle asked him worriedly. This was heartbreaking; Kyle was showing concern to someone who was not him, Stan! The agony he was feeling!

"I think that laxative's…" Damien trailed off as he groaned again, bending over. Kyle placed a hand on his back and Stan couldn't take his eyes off the sight as he rubbed circles on Damien's back.

"Come on, let's get you to a toilet," Kyle said soothingly as he tried to guide Damien back to the restroom. But they didn't make it that far.

A loud fart blared from Damien's ass and oh it was so foul. Stan almost vomited from it, not really a feat since he tended to have a weak stomach. Another fart ripped loose but this time something else came out. The seat of Damien's pants tore open as a stream of shit let loose, splattering a long trail of crap down the hallway. If Stan had thought things smelled bad before, this was worse. Like a million times worse. He felt a dry heave wrack his body, it was so bad.

Soon enough, Damien's shit storm came to an end and even from here Stan could see how wide Kyle's eyes were. "Are you okay dude?" Kyle asked, concerned. "I think we need to get you to the nurse—"

"…hoooooo…"

Kyle stilled. Almost robotically, the young Jew turned his head towards the trail of shit, Stan doing the same as he could have sworn he knew what that "ho" was. There, right there, was that a…Santa hat?

"Mr. Hanky!" Kyle exclaimed as he left Damien's side and rushed to the piece of Christmas poo. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?!" He knelt down and scooped the mythical piece of crap in his hands.

"Kyyyyyle?" Mr. Hanky moaned. "Is that you?"

"I'm right here Mr. Hanky," Kyle said. "What happened to you?"

"You wouldn't believe it even if I told you," Mr. Hanky answered.

"You just got shitted out of my best friend," Kyle retorted. "I think I can believe anything at this point."

"I've been stuck inside your best friend ever since he ate me," Mr. Hanky said, giving a small cough. "The things I had to do in there, why, it could only be told in a separate, standalone one-shot. But I made it," another cough, "I made it through the bowels of the Antichrist."

"I'm not understanding," Kyle said. "Damien ate you?"

"And he's the Antichrist," Mr. Hanky groaned.

"And he's the Antichrist?" Kyle repeated, blinking dumbly.

Damien looked stricken at that part and Stan wondered if Damien had ever mentioned that tidbit to Kyle. To be honest, this was news even to him. Kyle was best friends with the Antichrist. With a side glance to Cartman, he thought that the fatass was going to have a field day with this. Once Damien was out of earshot, of course.

"I came to visit you Kyle, because we hadn't seen each other during Christmas," Mr. Hanky continued with his damning words. "That's when I ran into him. I was worried for your safety because he's the son of the devil but he ate me before I could."

Kyle was aghast, Stan knew that much. At least Mr. Hanky hadn't told him that it was because of him that Mr. Hanky was in this situation in the first place. The last thing Stan needed was Kyle finding out that he had tried to use Mr. Hanky to break Damien and him apart.

"Kyle, I know this looks bad," Damien began, slowly approaching Kyle.

"How could you do this?" Kyle exclaimed, turning on Damien.

"I was scared that you didn't want to be my friend once you found out the truth about me," Damien said softly, looking anywhere but at Kyle.

"Damien, I'm not pissed off at you because you didn't tell me that you're the Antichrist, which actually explains some things," Kyle said, looking upwards thoughtfully.

"Really?" Damien perked up, looking at Kyle hopefully. "You're not mad at me?"

"Oh I'm still pissed off at you but that's because you ate one of my friends," Kyle replied, turning his glare on Damien for once. It surprised Stan that someone with the kind of supernatural powers that Damien had flinched back at the anger from the less supernatural Jew. "You don't eat other people's friends, Damien, especially my friends! You just don't!"

"But Kyle!" Damien protested.

"No Damien," Kyle interrupted, holding a crap-stained hand up. "Now's not a good time. I think…I think we need to separate for a while."

Stan's eyes darted from both Kyle and Damien, recalling how many a time Damien had declared that no one would take Kyle away from him. Did that include Kyle? Would Damien even respect Kyle's wishes?

Mr. Hanky coughed pitifully.

It was like a standoff, a battle of wills that Stan could not see or understand and it was starting to piss him off. Were they going to stand there staring at one another all gay-like? Because that was gay. Really. Come on, do something already! He didn't like the feeling of standing there like he was waiting for his execution!

Finally, Damien slumped and sighed. "Okay," he said softly as he trudged away, the ripped hole in his pants displayed for all to see. Oh great, now he was starting to feel bad for the douchebag. He sounded so…sad right then.

Whatever.

"Are you all right, Mr. Hanky?" Kyle returned his attention to the piece of Christmas poo as soon as Damien was out of sight.

"I'll live," Mr. Hanky answered him, coughing a bit. "I just need to go on back home and—cough—get back to nature if you know what I mean. I'll…I'll see you next Christmas."

"Do you need me to flush you down?" Kyle asked.

"I wouldn't want to trouble you, Kyle, but gosh, it's nice of you to ask," Mr. Hanky politely declined. "But you know, I feel a little bit bad for Damien. Were you two, you know, friends?"

"Yeah, but that's no excuse for what he did to you," Kyle said. "Friends don't eat each other's friends."

"You mean you're not afraid of him?" Mr. Hanky asked, somewhat surprised.

"Why should I be? He's just a somewhat normal kid with supernatural powers that wants a friend," Kyle shrugged.

"I'm sorry for breaking you two up, Kyle. It sounds like you two got along pretty well," Mr. Hanky apologized before releasing another fit of coughs.

"Are you sure you don't need me to…?" Kyle asked worriedly.

"I can handle it. Just…just need to go home," Mr. Hanky again refused before taking what little Christmas energy he had left in him and began hopping his way towards the nearest restroom, kids pausing and watching the bouncing piece of poo as it went along its merry way.

And then there were three.

"Hey. Kyle," Stan greeted awkwardly.

"Stan? You're still here?" Kyle asked, somewhat surprised.

"Well, yeah, I was worried about you," Stan confessed. "Especially after all…that," he gestured aimlessly to the trail of shit still on the floor. "You're my best friend, my super—"

"Oh gag me," Cartman interrupted, gagging. "This is so sickly sweet, I think I'm going to get diabetes from it."

"If you don't already have it," Kyle retorted.

"Ha, ha, spare me," Cartman said dismissively. "I'm getting out of here before all the gay tries to corrupt me. See you fags later, when you're not being gay."

Stan watched as Cartman hobbled away, frowning. There was only one other person around who knew to what extents he had gone to get Kyle back. Should he make Cartman have a…accident? The last thing he needed was for anybody in the know to start babbling about it.

"God he's so annoying," Kyle huffed.

"No argument here," Stan agreed, turning back to Kyle. "You know, I learned something today. You can't take your friends for granted. One day they're there right next to you and the next they're gone. You have to cherish your friends, like they were your own family because that's what friends are. They're family but not like brother and sister family. If you don't take care of them, one day, they might not be there. Kyle, I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I really learned a lot today."

"Really?" Kyle asked, giving a small smile.

"Yeah, if we can be best friends, no, super best friends again, I promise you Kyle that I will never take you for granted again," Stan promised.

"You mean that?" Kyle asked.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?" Stan proclaimed. "This is going to be a new start Kyle. From here on out, it's going to be just you and—"

"Hey Stan," Wendy greeted, coming up to Stan's side.

"—hey Wendy," Stan interrupted himself, looking away from Kyle and to his girlfriend. "What's going on?"

"I was wondering if you were busy today," Wendy said. "Would you like to hang out?"

"Sure," Stan said. "It's been forever since we spent time together."

"Stan?" Kyle asked, staring at Stan's back, eyebrows raised.

"Come on, I'll walk you to class," Stan continued as he left with Wendy.

"You're so nice Stan," Wendy praised him, inflating his ego.

Yeah, he was nice, wasn't he? He was such a good boyfriend. But you know, he felt like he was forgetting something. What could it be? Eh, probably wasn't that important in the first place.

"Stan?" Kyle said after Stan, watching as his reinstated best friend left him with his girlfriend leaving him all by his lonesome. Again. For, like, the hundredth time. He didn't know why he kept count.

No, wait, it was definitely more than that. Meh, this was always the way wasn't it? At least he was getting used to it.

And just when Stan had been in the middle of some epiphany! How long was his attention span anyway?

So here he was, all alone. Yes, alone. Cartman didn't count and thankfully he wasn't anywhere close. He'd probably be cracking up and having a laugh at his expense after Stan ditched him. What was he saying, probably? Of course he'd be ripping on him. It was like he had a datebook or something that told him what times he had to rip on him.

Absentmindedly, he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Before he knew it, he was in his contacts and looking at a number. Coming out of his stupor, he took a real good look at it.

It was Damien's number.

Wouldn't it be a bit presumptuous of him? He had just told him off not five minutes ago. Would he even want to see him again?

Yet…

All it would take was a press against the touch screen. That's all he had to do. Something so simple. Really it was. And it was very tempting…

Rectus…

Kyle frowned.

Dominus…

He tightened his grip on his phone.

Cheesy Poofs…

"Will you give it a rest already?" Kyle snapped, glaring. He snapped out a "God!" as he stomped off.

Author's Note: And there's the deus ex machina, Mr. Hanky himself. What, thought I forgot about him? Had an idea for a subplot where Mr. Hanky journeyed through the bowels of the Antichrist but I felt that would have made the story longer than necessary. It was either that or do the Wendy subplot. Guess which one won out? Anywhere, Mr. Hanky's words might be prophetic. I might just write an one-shot detailing Mr. Hanky's misadventures inside Damien just because it's an amusing idea that's too good to leave unwritten. I have more ideas for these smaller fics so be on the lookout for the next. Until next time.