YAY! Four reviews! I wasn't sure what to expect, but considering other people's review counts, So... thanks for reviewing-slash-adding my stories to alert. Major hugs directed at all of you; I'm really lucky!

To disclaim, or not to disclaim: that is the question.

*James announces that it could also be a potential lawsuit*

To disclaim, for sure, with some great (terrible) poetry:

My name is not Stephenie Meyer
It's actually steph'nie du jour
Of hen's eggs I am not a layer
And I do not own Twilight either

So if that rhymes on some existential plane, that's cool with me.


Her creative fit exhausted, Bella lay back on the wet grass, heedless of her clothes, and breathed deeply. A bit too deeply, in fact, as a raindrop, having landed on her upper lip a second ago, flew up her nose.

"Oh!" she gasped, sitting up suddenly. All around her, rain fell, soaking her thorugh and through. She giggled, raising her hands to the sky and falling backwards onto the grass again.

Inside, Rosalie was convinced that the love of Edward's life was mad.

"She is not!" said Edward indignantly.

"She is," said Rosalie.

Edward turned to his so-called 'sister' for support. Alice nodded solemnly. "I think she is, Edward."

Bella, not having super-sensory vampire hearing, and therefore oblivious to their conversation, began to flop around like a fish, rather energetically. Yet more mud hit the window. Rosalie sighed. Whenever Carlisle and Esme got back, it had better be after they'd cleaned up.

"And there you go," said Emmett from behind them, pulling her into his arms for a tight hug.

"Hello, Emmett."

"Hello, Rose."

They stared into each other's eyes for several seconds, seeming to transcend both time and space, until Alice cleared her throat noisily.

"Guys."

"Sorry."

"What are we going to do about Bella?"

"Just watch her," murmured Edward, still entranced.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Not exactly helpful, Ed."

"Do you think she's having some kind of a fit?" offered Emmett, by chance hitting on the only thing that would drive his brother into action.

Edward was roused at last. "Fit? Bella? NO!"

Grabbing the nearest hat-like thing he could find, Edward jammed it on his head and raced out of the house, hat hair being marginally more bearable than wet hair.

"Bellaaaa!"

Bella looked up as her lover came rushing towards her. She smiled.

"Bella, speak to me! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Can you talk?"

In answer, Bella sneezed. The rain was finally getting to her.

"Why, Edward, I'm fine," she giggled, breaking off into a sneezing fit.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Then, "Edward, why are you wearing a saucepan on your head?"

Is that what it was? Edward pulled the saucepan off his head to examine it, getting his hair wet, exactly as he hadn't wanted.

"That's a very good question, Bella."

Before his hair could get any wetter, Edward replaced the saucepan on his head, then immediately regretted it. It had collected enough water to drench his hair thoroughly. Edward sighed.

Bella sneezed happily.

"Where is she?" someone called.

From inside the house, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice watched in fascination as Jasper entered the scene.

"I knew this was going to happen," Alice groaned.

"Duh," muttered Emmett.

Ignoring him, Alice said, somewhat more cheerfully, "At least I know what's going on now."

"What?" Rosalie and Emmett asked in confusion.

Outside, Jasper was crouched by Bella, smiling blissfully.

"She's just so happy!" he explained to the saucepan-crowned Edward.

"I know." For a moment, both vampires sat in the rain, distracted, and enjoying the moment. They were brought back to reality by Bella's sneezing.

"Aah-CHOO!"

Edward began to fret.

"We have to get you someplace dry."

"No!" cried Bella vehemently. She began to flop around again, rather disturbingly like a half-dead fish.

"No?" Jasper was confused. He wasn't the only one.

"But, Bella, love, we have to make sure you're not sick."

"I'm not sick!"

"Bella, I think you are."

"I'm not!"

Edward hoisted her over his shoulder and began to carry her inside, much to Bella's dismay. But protests aside, Edward was unmoved.

Jasper, however, was an entirely different kettle of fish. Pun intended. Bella's emotions were beginning to have an effect on him. Inside, Alice began to chuckle, though not meanly, in anticipation.

"What?" asked Emmett.

"You'll see."

James has baked some cookies for those who review. Cooked by a dead vampire, yes, delicious... no.