Well! Here's day one! For the story I'm really trying out a new skin for Munkustrap, one that isn't exactly as uptight and pole-up-the-arse as we've come to know and trust :P
Big shout out to Delphicoracle-Cat!
"Look you two, I know you're upset but there's really nothing I can do." Laying atop the tire soaking as much UVA and UVBs as he could through the thick clouds, Munkustrap tried once again to discourage the kittens' barrage of pleas and constant, whiny, inconsolable appeals for an 'awesomely scary Protector' to help them. Yes, he agreed that he was pretty awesome and he was of the protecting variety, but this time they were out of luck.
"Aw, Munkustrap! C'moooon!" Pouncival drawled with the full effect of his wide grey eyes boring into him like they did every other cat that dared tell him 'no'. Munkustrap stared back dully; he and Tugger *invented* that look, there was not a stripe on his body that bought into his little game.
Beside him Tumblebrutus managed a very convincing 'hopeless pauper' look. "You said you were here to help every Jellicle, no matter how big or small the problem!" Totally not what he said, but a very admirable play.
"That poodle took our toy and it's your job to get it back for us!" Pouncival wailed. There was no ignoring the glances they attracted from the other Jellicles, especially the army lineup of the other kittens standing at attention behind the two tomkits.
"You were playing with a dog toy, Pounce!"
This sparked a rather sassy look from the now slightly less defeated looking Tumblebrutus. "You play with toys too, I've seen you!"
The tabby stopped short, eyes narrowing to slits as he leaned in to the smug kitten. "What have you seen?"
"Enough to destroy you," Tumble grinned. Beside him Pouncival was grinning from ear to ear, the line of kits a short ways away hadn't heard much but they clearly saw his will power wilt at the paws of their soon to be heroes. "So are you going to help us get that blimey pooch?"
Munkustrap shuddered at the mention of that bloody poodle. He knew it well, had a couple run-ins with it in his day; now the thing had reproduced and five little devil spawns ran around the backyard oh-so-conveniently placed right next to the junkyard. Mocking him. Yipping at all hours of the day. No. There was no way he was going to step foot anywhere near that Cat-forsaken place. Nuh uh!
Munkustrap watched the evil duo suppress the maniacal cackles he knew they'd spent hours practicing. Kicking himself on the inside and knowing nothing but regret could come of this he swallowed hard. "There's something seriously wrong with you."
"So you caved? Just like that!"
"No, I put up a good fight," Munkustrap sighed, eying the flimsy chain-link fence that separated him from years of kittenhood trauma and the very epitome of everything he loathed. Damn poodles! "They—umm… they blackmailed me."
"WHAT!?" Tugger howled with laughter, some of it slightly nervous, Munkustrap knew, because Cat knows if the two tomkits could blackmail him of all toms Tugger was royally screwed. But right now he was safe so he was free to laugh at his grown brother's manipulation. "Did they catch you eating toothpaste again?"
There was a tear in the fence— he didn't even want to imagine how that happened— and he crept up to it. "No," he panted, fear telling him he should just admit defeat, adrenalin siding with his pride and suggesting he tear the fence clear off and show that ugly pollicle who's boss! "Much worse— It doesn't look like they're home."
Though their view was blocked by a rather prickly looking shrub, the backyard was silent and Munkustrap was more than a little relieved that he could theft in peace. "Maybe they're inside," Tugger suggested as he leaned up against the fence and watched Munkustrap stare off into the slice trying to focus on a plan or, as Tugger wholeheartedly believed, psyching himself to actually take the first step forward.
It had taken quite a while before Munkustrap moved again, and the first move he made was a step back towards the junkyard. "No! I didn't waste all this time to watch you pussy out! Get in there!" With a hard shove Tugger crammed the tabby through the fence, following in after him he blocked the way out and ignored every curse, smack, and plea to move. "Get the toy!" Tugger hissed, nodding towards the yard beyond the bush.
"I hate you!" Munkustrap spat back. In turn Tugger reared back and all but kicked the tabby out onto the shriveled yellow-brown grass. Picking the clods of dirt from his teeth, Munkustrap straightened himself and scanned the poodle's territory.
To the right of the square yard was the squat orange house; to the left a thick-bodied tree, a dog house, and some kind of half-built sandbox blemished the already ugly yard. It took a very long moment of paranoia to come to the very obvious conclusion that there was no one outside.
"Hey, Tug!" Munkustrap called over his shoulder laughing. "What do you say we leave Fido a little gift in the sandbox?" Tugger's head peaked out from the garden, his hushed laugh shaking the leaves and teeth glowing in the shade.
Upon closer inspection Munkustrap couldn't find the kits' toy among the clutter. He crossed to the patio to check under the human toys (chairs, tables, barbecue, etc.) but found nothing there. A small box by the patio door looked promising with large pool toys and colourful towels; he didn't question the inappropriate swimming paraphernalia instead inspected it with due diligence until…
"HOLY F-Ahh!" One of the pollicle pups had apparently spotted him through the window (go figure!) and befittingly rammed into the thick glass with its big brick of a head. Tugger, who had inched his way to the sandbox, startled and arched at the hideous sight of the pup. "What's wrong with it?" Munkustrap gasped, swallowing back a very queen-like 'eeeeewww!' and a little bit of vomit. "It looks deformed: it's hideous!"
Tugger peered past him into the window and crinkled his face at the sight. "I think it's wet. It must have taken a bath."
"That's vile."
"I know," Tugger snickered, eying the sandbox he'd left unviolated. "We should hurry, though, before Big Ugly comes out."
Right; though extremely similar, this was not a showing at the zoo. They were here for business. Munkustrap turned his back to the horrible thing and trotted towards the back of the garden to the dog house. Like people and their houses this one must be full of clutter and toys as well.
Munkustrap poked his head in, took one delicate step inside, and leaped out onto the grass gagging and heaving into the dirt. "Bast!"
From a squat in the sandbox, Tugger laughed and snorted, straining to finish up quickly to investigate for himself. Luckily he wasn't too keen on covering up this masterpiece so he too got to get a good healthy whiff of the dog house before Munkustrap finished gagging. "That's unholy," the Coon frowned, tossing a cautious glance at his brother who'd painfully made his way over to his side.
The two toms stared into the crowded abyss, seeing not the toy they came looking for but a treasure planet of squeaky toys, tug-of-war ropes, and stuffies. Munkustrap cleared his throat and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "What… what did the kits' toy look like?"
"I don't know."
"It looked like none of your business!" Don't scream. For Bast's sake don't scream! Slowly the two Jellicles glanced at each other, and then to the newcomer behind them. For the first time since his kittenhood Munkustrap was face-to-face with the cause of his nightmares. Good thing he swallowed that vomit earlier because he was certainly going to need it now. "What are you doing here, Munky?"
Munkustrap cringed under the assault of feces and kibble-gravy dribbling out of this creature's mouth. Beside him Tugger held his paw over his face. "Fido," the tabby greeted curtly. He cleared his throat for the big-ticket Jellicle Protector voice of authority. "I believe you've taken something from us— I-I mean our kittens. You took a toy that our kits were playing with." Gosh he hoped that didn't sound as lame as he thought it did. Tugger's inquisitive side-glance reassured him it had.
"One of my pups must have taken it," Fido growled, a playful gleam in his eye. "I know how much you don't care for my company in the junkyard."
No, I really really don't, he thought with hot bile pooling at the backs of his teeth. "Well!" he barked too loudly, "I would appreciate it if we handled this like adults and— and you give us the toy so we can be on our— LOOK A SQUIRREL!"
At his very high, very queen-like scream, Fido twisted his impossibly curly fur/hair/wool covered body to where Munkustrap pointed past him. Tugger gaped and craned to see but Munkustrap grabbed his wrist and yanked him back towards the bush; the dog still looking for the squirrel.
"The toys!" Tugger hissed behind him, pointing back at the dog house. Everlasting he just couldn't catch a break today! He dug hard into the dirt with his heels and dodged Tugger's tumbling body to haul towards the tiny structure. He ignored the smell when he dove in to the blankets and toys and began sifting through the collection.
Fido snuffed and barked. It wouldn't take long before he sniffed him out and chewed him a new one. With no time to left to waste Munkustrap gave up looking and threw them all into the center of the blanket to tie it up and lug over his back: one of these must be Tumble and Pounce's!
"MUNK!" Tugger hollered outside. That was all the encouragement he needed to high tail it out of there.
He'd just made it out halfway, Tugger reaching for him from the bushes, when Fido locked in on him and charged at full speed. This impossibly fast creature had caught up to him just feet from his escape, but not before Munkustrap was able to throw Tugger the bag.
Before he had a chance to scream Fido barreled into him and knocked his comparably itty-bitty hide to the dirt. "Everlasting, Munk!"
"Save yourself, Tug!" Munkustrap cried, shamelessly crying kicking and screaming like the terrified kitten of his past as Fido pawed at him. "Tell Misto I—"
Oh. Holy. Hell. Mouth open and gasping for breath, Fido picked the perfect time to run his fat, sloppy tongue over the entire half of his face; drool coated everything— even his eye was glued shut. Slobber showered on him as Fido panted happily at his screams, some falling into his mouth and choking off his desperate wailing.
Once he had a thoroughly coated Munkustrap, Fido nudged his flailing body around in the dirt with his nose and pounced the scrambling tabby with every feeble attempt at escape. "Just like old times, eh?!" Fido howled and reached down to lick up the length of Munkustrap's back. Eventually the tom just gave up and let Fido have his sick, twisted way with him until Fido's human (summoned by the horrible wails) called him back inside.
"…Damn!" Tugger chortled, watching on safely from the other side of the flimsy chain-link fence.
"Whoa-No way! Wow, Munkustrap, you're the greatest!"
Munkustrap managed a dry smirk when the kittens gleefully tore into the disgusting bag and shrieked in delight at the hundreds of toys and playthings, each in turn thanking him a good five-dozen times. The adults watched on fondly as the kits rolled in their new treasures, but watched Munkustrap carefully and made sure to stay a relatively safe distance away.
He hadn't seen himself since Tugger peeled him out of the dirt in Fido's yard and honestly he didn't quite care to. He stunk, his fur was sticking up at ungodly angles, and he was quaking like a leaf… a mirror really wasn't necessary.
Of course having not only faced the dreaded pollicle but also bringing back the coveted treasure (and then some) immediately placed him at the esteemed level of Hero among the kittens. Naturally his title did not translate to the older cats but he did manage to snag the— albeit sometimes sarcastic— nickname of Munkustrap: knight in shining armor.
Sadly his shining armor stunk so he wouldn't be getting much more than a friendly nod from Jenny and Jelly, a vigorous handshake from Tugger (who refused to touch him the whole walk back), and a very awkward pat on the shoulder from Mistoffelees.
"Excuse me," he murmured once all the hype and festivities had died down and the kittens had lost interest in their new toys. The mental trauma finally began sinking in and the memories rushing back as the shock of it all wore off. "I'm going to go puke."