A/N: You find me at my lowest, my friends. Morosity itself, if morosity is a word. As a direct consequence, this author's note is strangely out of tune. See, you can tell- no exclamation marks. I have no energy left for fun. :( Why? Because I just realised that I have another year and a half of high school left...

So, no bad poetry today, just a simple statement of fact: I don't own Twilight. Also, I'm not sure if this is up to standard. If you want me to rewrite it, let me know.

Alice's revelation threw the household into a mad flurry.

"Sorry, Bella, got to go," explained Emmett as he rushed off with Rosalie to stall the coming Cullens. Jasper raced downstairs, ready to help if Carlisle got a little upset. Alice and Edward were left alone with Bella.

"Oh, Edward," said Alice. "This is going to end in disaster."

"I know," replied Edward. Bella looked up at him adoringly. He stared back, into those gorgeous, mesmerising chocolate eyes...

Ignoring them, Alice perked up. "Jasper's com-"

By the time she said it, Jasper was there, Rosalie and Emmett in tow. Edward looked up, enlightened and relieved by Jasper and Alice's thoughts.

"Quick," he said. "Get in the spa."

"What? Like this?" grimaced Rosalie. "But my clothes! Alice!"

But, strangely enough, the Cullen's resident fashionista was already seated in the spa, Jimmy Choos and all.

"I know, Rosalie, but hurry up," was all she said. "We don't have much time."

"Come on, Rose," said Emmett. Without waiting for further protest, he grabbed his wife and sat down heavily in the spa amid squeals of irritation, splashing water everywhere.

"Good," said Edward, sitting down lightly next to Bella, and, in complete contrast to his previous actions, behaving like mermaid on stimulants. Everyone followed suit, including an enthusiastic Bella, who was absolutely delighted that everyone was now finding out the benefits of being a mermaid. Everyone, that is, except for one person.
"What?" Rosalie was still aghast. "Oh!" she wailed in horror as water went all over her. "What is going on?"

"Sshh," said Alice. "Just follow our lead."

"Come on, Rosalie," Bella chimed in, splashing yet more water over the bathroom.

Rosalie sighed in annoyance. But she complied, just in time. Because, two seconds later, came the cry:

"What's happened to my WINDOWS?" from downstairs.

"Now, Carlisle, I'm sure there's an explanation for this," Esme soothed, to no avail.

"There'd better be!" Carlisle's voice was growing louder and louder.

"Quick! Splash!" hissed Jasper, hoping Carlisle couldn't hear him. "I'll do the rest!"

Energetically, the Cullen 'children' and Bella began to splash at a feverish pace.

"Edward! Jasper!" roared Carlisle from below. "Emmett!"

"Water!" shouted Emmett at the top of his lungs, causing Bella, who was next to him, to shriek. Emmett could be very loud.

"…Emmett?" said Carlisle and Esme together.

Feeling their bewilderment, Jasper simultaneously let a few excitable, happy feelings go, and said "water!" in a loud voice for good measure. He hoped this was all Carlisle would need. Rosalie, for once getting into the spirit of things, fish-flopped for a few seconds. Her hair had gotten so wet, it was going to need another styling anyway. (It didn't hurt that Emmett, getting carried away, had hit her several times in his frenzied flailing, and doing a mermaid impression seemed to be the best way to get a few blows back at him)

"I think we'd better see what's going on," said Esme to Carlisle from downstairs.

"What on earth is Jasper up to?" wondered Carlisle, no longer in a state of maddened rage, and more in a growing state of bewilderment. "Can you feel that, dear?"

"Quick, guys, amp it up!" whispered Emmett, who was having the time of his life.

Everyone did as they were told, Jasper aiming a few more 'happy' feelings in Carlisle's general direction. With the result that when Carlisle entered the bathroom, Esme hot on his heels, he was not mad, or even slightly annoyed, but rather confused.

"Jasper?"

Oh, and as a reminder for those of you who haven't checked out Twilight Outtakes lately- it's on hiatus because my copy of Twilight has to go back to the library. I'll be back in action as soon as it comes back to me.

Over and out, and thanks for the readership and the reviews.
Steph.