Three days I have been here now and yet the pain I feel for leaving has not decreased a single bit. Why, I constantly ask myself, and in return I always conclude the same: I love them. As much as I deny the chance of that being a possibility, it creeps back to me every time. Time and time again, I'm getting weary now. I have not hunted, but I remain in the woods, never daring to move however even though I say this there is this force driving me towards the town. Oh, I know why and I also know that there is no stopping myself from feeding, Carlisle had tried that already. He has the drive to just feed only on animals, but what did I have? Nothing: no determination at all to make myself vegetarian. I cannot return now but I need to feed. The taste of humans really is better than I imagined.

My mind is drifting and I remember saying that mountain lion would always be my favourite food. Well, that is no longer the case, but it will become a close second.

The howling wind is rushing past me and it snaps me out of my reverie, but with it comes a heavy price. That all to familiar scent rips through me like a tornado. Naturally I am caught unprepared and I bowl through the forest at a blinding speed. It takes me no more than 20 seconds to reach the unsuspecting person. The muttered "Opps" is faint in my occupied mind. What I am focused on is the delicious scent coming from the girl's hand. She tripped and cut herself- well, too bad for her.

I take my chance and pounce, she barely sees me coming.

The job is clean and quick. Bless her soul. Her thoughts grow weaker and weaker until there are none there at all. Then I have to face the truth: I was right, I am a monster.

After slinging the corpse off me I sag to the floor and hug my knees. As well fed as I am now I still want more. Is there no end to the bloodshed that I will cause? I don't get why I am feeling this way. Carlisle, I realise. He drew me a path that I willingly followed and now I'm scared to stray from that path. Well, it's going to have to happen one day, I think stubbornly. But maybe just the people who didn't deserve a life are the ones I should take: murderers, criminals, and no-goods. Surely I will not be so evil then?

In any case, I need to mingle with the humans first to be able to see who will be the victim in my sick games. I need supplies for that and I forgot my sunglasses: I will surely need them now. Damn it, why didn't I put them in my bag when I left? I sigh, regretting what I am about to do: return home. Fury is rising within me undiluted I have sworn I would never return, and the fact that I still am just … just … well, it ticks me off all right.

I rip through the forest at a blinding speed. It takes mere minutes before I am standing outside the looming house. After taking a deep breath I look around. Carlisle's car was here which means, great, he is at home. Which more than likely means Esme is there too. So I have to sneak in, climb the wall by my room.

I let Two seconds pass before I make a move. In another 30 seconds I am forcefully pushing myself up my wall in mid-stride. During this I had to hang on to a vine, which is intertwining up the wall. I am level with my window only for a short moment later and noticed that it is open. I sigh thinking, Carlisle, you weren't lying when you said you would welcome me back any time. I pull myself through the window and land on my bedroom floor without a sound. When I finally turn to face my old room, I feel a slight twinge of remorse tug at my soul, but I know that is simply because this is where I found shelter before. I have no soul now. I quickly scan the room before I start rummaging around, but I cannot find my sunglasses. Damn it!

"Looking for something?" That was when I saw a figure standing in the doorway. Carlisle, and guess what, he had my sunglasses in his hand. Frozen, I just looked at him, not knowing what to say. He walked up to me slowly and met my eyes, then sighed.

"Red really isn't your colour, you know, Edward?" he asks jokingly. I looked around the room, trying to ignore what he was saying.

"Edward, are you even going to look like you're listening to me?" he demands exhausted.

"Why shou-" I stopped myself from saying 'why should I?' out loud. "You know I'm leaving again alright, so can I have my sunglasses back please? I need them," I add, holding out my hand, urging him to give me back the accessory. He looked at me as if to say, in your dreams!'

"Give me a good reason why you need them, just one, and then yes, you may have them back." I kept my mouth shut, as I couldn't think of any reply.

"I'm waiting," Carlisle said after I hadn't replied for a good few minutes.

"Because I cannot live on animals, Carlisle, and I do not have the strength to deny my very being" I speak quietly, every worked laced with surrender, which grows more evident when Carlisle looks at me with sad eyes.

"Wrong answer." His voice became steel, unforgiving. If I were still human I would not want to be in the same room as him right now, this was so unlike him. What he did next truly shocked me. He dropped my sunglasses on the floor and stepped on them. The sound of the poor plastic breaking was all I heard. I stare at him, astonished and vaguely irritated, but any word of protest dies on my lips as I look up at his face. His eyes are scorching, gleaming brightly with righteous anger and a powerful compassion that I have, on past occasions, seen in his mind. I did not deserve compassion from him yet still he delivers it, which makes it all the more painful.

"You are not weak. You can deny your very being. You do have the strength; you just choose not to exercise it. You give up too easily, Edward, but I know you, I know you do not relish the thought of killing." He removed his foot and my eyes fell to the pitiful remains of black plastic.

"Why did you destroy my glasses?" I growled, my anger making itself known now.

"Because back in the day we did not have such things. If you truly want to hunt humans then do it the old fashioned way, hiding. Also, you didn't give me a good enough reason; I didn't say it had to be true, just good"

"Then I am afraid we have very different opinions, Carlisle. They were the good reasons, I like killing humans. I'm glad I don't have the strength to deny myself." My patience is drawing thin; won't he understand that every word I utter is true?

"We shall see, in a year or two," he told me and then turned to leave.

Do not return until you are ready, and hunt out of town. I'm tired of cleaning up the messes you leave around. Body after body in my hospital and I have to sign their death certificates. Remember that every person you kill has a family and people waiting for him or her he thought as he walked out of the room. I force my eyes to move away from his retreating form, I am startled to find that everything was as I had left it, well, everything apart from my now smashed sunglasses. I planned to write a note to Esme to give her some comfort, so I quickly grabbed a pencil and a blank sheet of paper from my desk and set about penning her letter, the elegant curves of my old fashioned handwriting quickly filling the page.

Dearest, Esme,
All I can say is that I am truly sorry. I may return one day, but for now I have decided to reamin on my own for some time. Know that I left because I wanted to make sure I won't burden you with my new eating habits. I love you, dear Esme, and forever will. You are not the cause of any of this, so do not take it to heart. Please do not ask me for some words of comfort, I wish I could give them to you but, alas, I cannot. I am now off to try and get some sunglasses since Carlisle just smashed mine; though do not think ill of him. I know why he done it and he has every right to as well. Finally, I request of you to tell Carlisle that I have finally thought of a valid reason: I require my sunglasses because I still love both of you and I do not want to shame you by revealing my identity. I hope this will satisfy Carlisle.
Forever loving you, both of you,
Edward

After folding the letter in half, I wrote Esme's name on top and placed it on my bedside table. She would receive it very soon, of that I'm sure. She was downstairs somewhere, I believed. Taking one last glance at my room I slowly clamber down the wall and walk around the house to the front. On the doorstep I saw a piece of paper and an object placed by it. Curious I walked up to it and saw that it was a letter in Esme's handwriting.

Dear Edward,

I will not waste both of our times by trying to persuade you to return; I know it will not work. Remember always that you are not on your own and never will be. Oh, Edward, I know why you left, Carlisle told me. As to your comment, I must take it to heart because you are my son in many ways and I love you. Carlisle also told me about your glasses and he would like to write you a little message as well .

I love you no matter what. Good luck on whatever lonely path you wander.

Esme

I carry on to read Carlisle's message.

Edward,

Thank you. Yes, that is indeed a good reason. I urge to remember that family is always there for you, so do not fear to return. We will be waiting for that loving father for all intents and purposes,

Carlisle

I fold the letter and put it in my shirt pocket, right next to my unbeating heart. Remembering I saw a package I look back down on the front door step where the letter had been and found a pair of sunglasses. Underneath there was yet another note, again in Esme's handwriting.

Carlisle doesn't know. Use them well.