Yo!!! Spring Awakening was really good, folks!
This is a nice long one to make up for the short ones. Although it is mean for comic purposes, I feel I must tell you where this stemmed from.
It's an exaggeration of real events, in a way. It's about RENT cast members being sick and fangirls/RENTheads being ridiculous.
Adam Pascal has been sick lately, performing in the show anyway but not stagedooring and I can't believe I'm saying this… but idiotic people are giving him a hard time about it and I'm frustrated.
So… I'll be mocking them in a hilarious way, hopefully. That's what I'm trying to do.
Hope he feels better soon!
(It is clear a few days have passed. Lights come up on a different hotel room. Anthony is on the move, bustling around and preparing for the show. Adam is sitting in one of the chairs, a miserable look on his face. He coughs and sighs, casting a sidelong glance at Anthony and pulling a blanket over himself.)
ADAM:
(in nasally, somewhat congested voice) What do you think, Anthony?
ANTHONY:
(turns to him with a sympathetic shake of the head) Can you sing? Do you feel up to it?
ADAM:
(sighing) I don't know.
ANTHONY:
What do you mean?
ADAM:
I don't know, Anth. I want to do the show, because people will be disappointed if I don't. Although… Cary would get some action, finally. That poor guy, understudies always live in the shadows of others. … I think I can go though. I just have to stay out of the cold and get some good sleep tonight. I'll be fine.
ANTHONY:
Go, if you feel like you can. How do you feel compared to yesterday? Because you sounded just fine yesterday.
ADAM:
(sighing again) I feel worse, but still better than I felt last Sunday night.
ANTHONY:
It's because you've been doing the show and not letting yourself get better, I think. It's been eight days since you started feeling shitty. Colds don't have to last that long. During the show, you sound ok, although Lexi is always careful about proximity to you during the Roger/Mimi scenes, and everyone keeps their distance. I'm not saying you shouldn't go if you truly feel like you can… but only if you really feel up to it. What if this continues on, though? For two weeks, even? You'll end up miserable and not have any fun.
ADAM:
I'm fine… I'll be okay. I just won't stagedoor.
ANTHONY:
OK.
(Adam's cell phone rings.)
ADAM:
(looking to the table across the room) Anthony, can you grab that?
ANTHONY:
(picks it up, listening) Hello…? Yeah, he's pretty much the same as last night. Uh-huh… he said he's ok, he wants to do the show… I think that it's up to him…. yes. Okay, see you. (ends call, says to Adam) It was Cary… he wanted to know if you were still on for tonight.
ADAM:
(laughing half-heartedly) Did you tell him I'm sorry, but yes?
ANTHONY:
Haha, sort of. But hey, if you still feel bad tomorrow, I think you should think about letting him at least do the matinee, so you could rest all day and maybe be better for the night show. You know… just skip one show.
ADAM:
I hate skipping out on those fangirls, though. They get angry enough as it is when I don't come out to sign autographs. (Anthony gives him a serious look,) Okay, listen… if I don't improve at least a little by tomorrow, Cary can go on for me.
ANTHONY:
(satisfied) Ok.
ADAM:
I haven't stagedoored once except the first night during this tour stop. Real serious stuff. You don't understand… my Facebook is littered with them whining all sadly about me not meeting them or whatever. Anthony… will you at least stagedoor tonight, so I get less hate mail? (Anthony looks panicked) Please? Just go out, I'll make it up to you, I promise. You don't even have to stay out there long, just sign a couple, please them a little?
ANTHONY:
(heaving a great sigh) Oh, what the hell. Sure, I'll do it.
ADAM:
Excellent. Thanks, buddy. (coughs) Okay… well, I guess I'd better get ready if I'm going to do this.
ANTHONY:
You sure you're ok to do this?
ADAM:
Sure… I'm bringing some cough drops… I'll drink water and stuff during the song breaks when I'm bored on that metal table.
ANTHONY:
All right… (dubious)
(Adam's cell phone rings again. This time… he picks it up.)
ADAM:
(with a cough) Yeah? Hey, Lexi… yes, I am. Why not? … I'm ok, I promise. I just… don't want to disappoint people… yeah. I'm sure they understand the importance of getting well… but… I just… it's ... complicated. Ok… see you. Bye. (hangs up)
(Then, there is a knock on the door. Anthony answers it.)
TELLY:
(bursting into the hotel room) Heeeellloo! Adam, you still feeling icky? Damn, you better get better soon, the tour'll be over before you kick this.
ADAM:
(laughing) Well… you'll understand when you're an old man and your immune system starts to go downhill.
ANTHONY:
You're not even forty, yet, Adam. So, Telly, I heard you, Andy, and Karmine went out to lunch. Good food here?
TELLY:
Not bad.
ADAM:
(taking some cold medicine) We need to make another late night cheesesteak run, that shit was delicious.
TELLY:
Yes! I heard there's a good joint for that at one of the upcoming stops… we'll do that. That is, when we get there in a month.
ADAM:
(coughing on cold medicine) Arrrgggh.
ANTHONY:
(grimacing) Isn't that marvelous?
TELLY:
(raising an eyebrow) Man. You sound awful.
ADAM:
I'll be fine… I'm going to skip stagedoor.
TELLY:
Skipping stagedoor? Oh shit…
(We see a bunch of RENTheads gathered outside the theater at the stagedoor after the show, shivering in the cold. They are talking.)
ONE RENTHEAD:
(excitedly) I saw Lexi, the girl who plays Mimi… I saw her walking down the street this morning! I talked to her, she was pretty nice!
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
(angrily) Lexi? My God, she plays Mimi?! That bitch. (immediately takes it back) Sorry. She's just a lucky girl… kissing Adam Pascal every night for months. What'd she say, anything interesting?
ONE RENTHEAD:
Oh, sort of. Just that she hoped we like the show and all. Which we did. (looks to the door) We'll have to tell her if she comes out… (pauses, eyeing the very small crowd accompanying them) No one's stagedooring, probably 'cause it's so cold… I hope at least someone comes out… (then, like clockwork, Anthony comes out the door)
(There is a chorus of screams and rustling of feet.)
STILL ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
(screaming) ANTHONY!!!!!
ANTHONY:
(comes over, holding out a sharpie) Hi, girls.
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
Holy crap, you were so awesome! I can't even believe it!! Where's Adam?
ANTHONY:
(awkwardly) Uh, thanks. Glad you enjoyed the show.
ONE OF THE RENTHEADS:
Adam sounded a little hoarse… but I guess that's understandable, you guys must be singing an awful lot… (loses self- control) AAAAAH, oh my god, you were so incredible!
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
(frantically) Where is Adam??!!!
ANTHONY:
(to other RENThead) Thanks, thank you. (signs playbill) You're welcome, honey.
RENTHEAD:
Break a leg on your last day here tomorrow!
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
OH MY GOD WHERE IS ADAM??!
(Lexi starts to approach.)
RENTHEAD:
(the same one dissing her earlier) Lexi, what a bitch, she's a…. lucky lucky girl…ugh, I hate that woman, she – (sees Lexi standing there) Whoops. You had a lovely show. Will you sign my playbill?
LEXI:
No problem.
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
WHERE IS ADAM?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!
LEXI:
Good, I'm glad you liked the show. Your first time seeing it? Cool.
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
WHAT THE HELL ADAM HAD BETTER NOT BE SKIPPING STAGEDOOR THAT IS SO MEAN OH MY GOD!!!!
RENTHEAD:
Lexi, can you sign mine too?
LEXI:
Of course.
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
(managing to be calm) Do you know where Adam is, Lexi?
LEXI:
Uh… no. I don't, sorry.
RENTHEAD:
(comforting the fan who asks, who looks horror-stricken) You know, maybe he'll come out after awhile… if he wants to. (accepting playbill) Thanks, Lexi, you were an awesome Mimi.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
NO. I MUST MEET ADAM. I AM HIS BIGGEST FAN! HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO ME?
LEXI:
(to other RENThead) Thank you so much!
(The stagedoor opens.)
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
ADAAAAM?!!!!!
NICOLETTE:
(coming out) HEEEEY!
RENTHEAD:
Hey, Nicolette? Can you come over here?
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
(frowning at Nicolette) I guess I was hoping you were Adam.
NICOLETTE:
(nonchalantly) Adam already left. (seeing the horror on her face) Um… he hasn't been feeling well lately and he's tired… it's pretty late.
RENTHEAD:
Oh well. Anyway, you were a great Maureen!
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
HE WHAT????!!!!!!!
NICOLETTE:
(awkwardly) Look, I'm sorry. I'll tell him you said hi and nice job in the show if you want?
RENTHEAD:
Don't worry about it. Tell him we hope he feels better.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
What the HELL? He can't come out here for a few minutes? There's not even a lot of people! That's so mean!
NICOLETTE:
(annoyed) Do you want me to sign yours or not?
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
(hands it to her) Fine. But I liked Eden Espinosa better. No offense, ok?
NICOLETTE:
(still annoyed) None taken.
RENTHEAD:
No way, you were ten times better than Eden.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
I can't believe the nerve of Adam! (snatches signed playbill from Nicolette) What is his problem?
RENTHEAD:
(it's becoming clear this is the model RENThead and the other one needs to STFU) But it's late and he's sick and he did the show, he's probably wiped and need sleep, and he's probably already in pajamas by now. I hope he gets better.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
(sighing angrily) Oh boo hoo. He ruined my whole night.
NICOLETTE:
(has had enough) Um… glad you guys enjoyed the show. Bye! (moves to other side of crowd)
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
I hate Adam Pascal.
RENTHEAD:
Oh, shut up! At least he sang in the show, he didn't have to do that!
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
I know… but god, I really wanted his autograph! This sucks.
RENTHEAD:
Ok, so you're disappointed. But seriously, it didn't ruin your whole night.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
Yes it did.
ANTHONY:
(finally cutting in) Hey, stop it. It's not that often that Adam skips stagedoor, and when he does, he doesn't do it to spite you all. I came out here because he wanted me to at least be here, that's how bad he felt. Just at least know that. Adam's not some jerk.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
I didn't say that!
ANTHONY:
That's what you're inferring.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
No, you mean that's what I'm implying. And I'm not implying it, you inferred it. Wait, what?
ANTHONY:
(sighing) Nothing… I can't believe I said anything. (to other RENTheads) Have a good night, everyone. (leaves)
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
Geez, what was his problem?
OTHER RENTHEADS:
(collective sigh)
RENTHEAD:
Let's get back to the hotel- that show took a lot out of me, I'm tired.
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
(grumbling) Fine. Make dumb excuses like he did. Say you're tired. Don't be angry like me.
RENTHEAD:
Should we be?
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:
Why should we be?
RENTHEAD:
Are you saying we should be mad at Adam for not feeling well?
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
Are you saying we shouldn't be frustrated because he skipped out on us because of a little stuffy nose?
RENTHEADS:
(collective gasp) Oh, great Larson! (defensive) What are you saying…?
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
What are YOU saying? I'm saying --
IT MAKES ME SICK THAT
ADAM WAS SICK
OR AT LEAST SAID HE WAS SICK
OH MAN, WHAT A DICK
HE SHOULD HAVE STAGEDOORED
I MEAN, EVERYONE ELSE STAGEDOORED
HE PROBABLY JUST HAD A LITTLE COLD ANYWAY!
(Back in hotel room, Adam laments to Anthony about feeling guilty.)
ADAM:
IF I'D KNOWN
AFTER WHAT YOU OWN
THAT I'D FEEL LIKE UTTER SHIT
AND RENTHEADS WOULD THROW A FIT
I WOULD HAVE COME OUT
OH, I SHOULD HAVE COME OUT
(coughing) OH GOD…
THEY'LL KILL ME IF A MISS A DAY!
ANTHONY:
I WAS AFRAID THAT
THEY'D BE ANGRY
IF I TOLD THEM
THAT I WAS AFRAID OF
COMING OUT IN THE COLD
ONLY ONE HAD A PROBLEM
WITH YOUR PROBLEM
AND SHE SEEMED LIKE A TOTAL BRAT TO ME!
(Back outside, walking down the sidewalks, the RENTheads gape at the angry RENThead.)
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
YES, I KNOW THAT
PEOPLE GET ILL
EVEN ANTHONY WILL
BUT YOU TAKE A PILL
AND YOU KEEP ON GOING
EVEN IF IT'S SNOWING
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
ADAM RUINED RENT FOR ME!
(Hotel room.)
ADAM:
I SHOULD'VE GONE.
ANTHONY:
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE.
ADAM:
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THOSE… (coughs)
ANTHONY:
NEVER MIND THAT
ADAM:
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS…
ANTHONY:
SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN AT LEAST GLAD YOU COULD SING.
ADAM:
AND I MEANT WHAT I SAID
WHEN I SAID I'M SORRY.
ANTHONY:
I'M NOT MAD THAT
YOU GOT SICK
I HEARD YOU'RE VOICE CRACK
WHEN YOU SANG ANOTHER DAY
ADAM:
IF I'M NOT BETTER
BY TOMORROW, OH SHIT
IT'LL BE EVEN WORSE
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE
A REAL SICK DAY!
ANTHONY:
IT MAKES ME MAD
THAT SHE WAS MAD
I MEAN REALLY REALLY MAD
THE OTHERS WERE KINDA SAD
BUT THEY SAID OH WELL
AND DIDN'T THROW A FIT OF HELL
AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
THEY HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!
ADAM:
I FEEL AWFUL
GOD I FEEL SO GUILTY
BUT I FEEL
I FEEL REALLY SICK...
(Outside.)
ANGRY RENTHEAD:
IF I'D GOT THAT
AUTOGRAPH AND HUG
I WOULDN'T BE SO MAD
I'M REALLY MAD, SO VERY MAD
REALLY MAD
I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT
WHAT I SAID
TO ANTHONY
I MEANT EVERY WORD!
(Hotel room.)
ANTHONY:
I'M NOT MAD IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
YOU WERE SICK
DON'T WORRY ADAM
THAT FANGIRL WAS DAMN INSANE
ADAM:
IF I WERE HER AND I'D
DONE WHAT I'D DID
I'D BE PRETTY UPSET
BUT NOT LIKE THAT
OH WOW, WHAT A PAIN! (putting cough drop in his mouth.)
ANTHONY:
BUT NOW I HAVE A HEADACHE
ADAM:
GOT CONGESTION IN MY CHEST
NOW IT'S 1 A.M.
ANTHONY:
AND WE HAVE MATINEE TOMORROW,
WELL, MAYBE NOT YOU…
ADAM:
(sighing) SO LET'S JUST GET SOME REST.
GODDAMN THAT WAS CATHARTIC.
I've been angry at fangirls like that dumbass fictional one since forever.
Since they yelled at Adam on MySpace every time he missed a show during his return on Broadway… for when he got the stomach flu and when he got hurt.
Since they complained on his Facebook about him missing some stagedoors on the tour lately and he felt so bad he actually got on and apologized. (What the hell? He didn't even need to do that! If he doesn't feel well, he's not obligated to come out and stagedoor! He doesn't even have to IF he feels well… he just does 'cause he's nice!)
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Since someone graffitied on the Nederlander about him missing one show because he was ill. "ADAM PASCAL – I HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF, YOU RUINED MY DAUGHTER'S SWEET SIXTEEN."
….sorry. It's a touchy subject for me. I wish people would… well, not do shit like that.
ANYWAY.
Reviews please? And check out my homepage! It's a RENT fansite. I'm the admin. We need new members! It's FUN!