"hmm, that's an interesting question, especially for me. Frankly I don't really know anymore. I don't know who I am, what I believe in."

"Well, what gets you out of bed in the morning?" Matt was doing his best NOT to visualize that scene. And it wasn't working.

"My alarm clock!" She laughed softly. "Well, after I stuck a knife in my last one, Chuck gave me a new one for our first Christmas. Err, that came out wrong. The first Christmas that we were together. That doesn't sound right either…"

"That's ok, I get what you mean. So you haven't skewered the new one yet?"

"No. I haven't. In fact, I've stopped sleeping with a knife under my pillow entirely. It's strange, you know. Almost like I feel safe here. And I never feel safe anywhere; I guess it's just my spy instincts. But this life I've come into, it's really the best of both worlds. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I have a family who cares about me. I could get used to this."

"By family you mean your team?"

"Not hardly! Well, maybe to some small degree. Casey and I have had a tumultuous relationship, that's for sure. I never thought I would forgive him for arresting Chuck and I, but in the end, he made it up to us. And those first few months in the operation, man that was tough. Constantly having to wonder if your partner is actually your enemy. We ended up having a fistfight, that ended in a draw. But on the whole, we're good friends, and I know I can count on him when I need him. I think I almost see him as the brother I never had. He can be a pain sometimes, but he's there when it counts."

Matt was so absorbed in Sarah's aura that he had completely forgotten to take notes. The pad was sitting there on his leg, his pen in hand, but he was simply spellbound. After a long, awkward pause, he snapped to his senses, realizing that she was waiting for him.

"Interesting. How would you describe your relationship with Chuck?"

"Complicated."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Well, not really, except to say that, if the circumstances were different, If I didn't have to protect him, then maybe…" She seemed to slowly glaze over.

"So then what do you mean by 'having a family'? If it's not your team, who is it?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes when I'm having a cover date with Chuck at the Bartowski's house, everything seems so real. They care about me, and I care about them. Sometimes, I think Chuck and Ellie go out of their way to make me feel included. When I was growing up, my family was, well, dysfunctional to say the least. And then I jumped into this career at the CIA which forces me to constantly sever all ties with my friends and family. So when I arrived in Burbank, at the start of all this, I really had nobody. And now, I don't know, it just feels right."

"How long do you think you'll be in the CIA?"

Sarah furrowed her brow and began playing with one of the buttons on her blouse. "I really don't know. Part of me wants... to just throw this whole life away and start afresh. At the same time, for the last 11 years, the CIA and espionage has been my life. I really don't know how well I could cope with leading a normal life."

"How would you say that Chuck has adapted to working for the government?"

"Chuck has really done great, there's no way you could say otherwise. I think even Casey would have to acknowledge that. I worry sometimes, though, because what makes him special is that he honestly tries to get everybody out alive, targets included. He will go out of his way to save people with blood on their hands. Not many people, myself included, have that kind of dedication to this job. Of course there are people like Casey who will shoot at anything that moves.. but you get my point."

"So, why do you save the world?"

"Because I really don't have anywhere else to go besides the CIA. I'd love to get out, but I don't see a future for me beyond the doors at CIA headquarters. I'm sure eventually I'll get to old to do this job, and be forced to retire. I would have never thought that one day, I would be pining for a normal life, almost as bad as Chuck."

"He wants his old life back?"

"Well, not so much anymore. A couple weeks back he made the decision to stay with the CIA for another 2 year stint, but before that, he was antsy to leave. Frankly I don't know why he didn't just leave and go back to his life at buymore. Not that I wish he was gone, but…"

Her phone began to vibrate, cutting her thought short. 'Saved by the bell' she thought as she answered.

"Hi Chuck! What's up?"

"Beckman needs you back at Castle ASAP. Oh, and one other thing, do me a favor and grasp Matt's hand affectionately for a moment. You'll have to tell me his reaction when you get back."

"Uh-huh I'll be sure to do that. See ya sweetie!"

"Sweetie? Casey! Would you pinch me? I think I'm dreaming again!" Sarah could hear a light scuffle through the phone, as Chuck cried out "I said pinch me not break my arm!"

"Boy's! be nice! Mamma will be home soon!" And with that, she left them to their shenanigans.

"Well Mathew, I got to go, best of luck on the book." As she finished her sentence, her hand rested for a moment on his.

"If you ever need more info, give me a call."

"I-I uh, will be sure to, um, do that. Goodbye Miss Walker."

Sarah left the door just a crack open so she could observe her target after she had left the room. He was gulping down a glass of water, losing his tie, and chiding himself for not writing any notes whatsoever.

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