Chapter 13

Patrick watched as Nathalie closed the front door, she was pale and the dark circles under her eyes seemed more visible than ever. Even in the days following Andrew's death she didn't seem as broken as she did now. The handover had been without incident, if having to give over your children could be considered incidental.

After returning from Wyndermere Nathalie cooked dinner for the four of them and over macaroni and cheese explained to both children how they would be living with their grandparents for a while and coming to visit on weekends. Patrick had noticed Nathalie forcing a smile and explaining how it would be like an adventure for them. Grace's only question was if she would be allowed to call Patrick and Lulu. Her mother assured that she would and then calmly getting up from the table walked to the bathroom and shut the door. He had tried to speak to Grace about what the change in custody meant but she wasn't at all disappointed to be getting away from her mother. He shuddered to think of ever having a similar conversation with his own child. After speaking with Robin he agreed to spend the night. He sat with Nathalie as she packed suitcases and toys and while they spoke easily of many things she refused to discuss the case or Nikolas and asked him not push her on it. Despite his efforts to stay up with her, by 2 in the morning he had finally given in to sleep. The smell of coffee and pancakes woke him and as he climbed from the bed he knew that she hadn't slept at all.

Holding Oliver to her tightly before giving him to her parents, she covered his still chubby cheeks with kisses. Handing him over, she picked up a squirming Grace and kissed her. Listening as Nathalie told her that no matter what she would always love her nearly broke Patrick's heart. She leaned against the wall and stared at the car pulling out of her driveway. Taking her by the hand, Patrick led her to the couch.

"What can I do?"

"Get my kids back?" she asked giving him a wry smile.

He rubbed her hand between his. "I'm sorry."

She grimaced. "I know. I guess I better figure out what to do with all my free time. Maybe it's time to learn a second language."

"I thought you spoke four already?"

"Okay a fifth language - gah! When did you become such a stickler for details." She tried to lighten the mood but her voice was heavy with grief. She let Patrick pull her into his arms and for a few minutes let his warmth wash over her. He rubbed her back but could do little to ease the tension in her muscles.

"I'd like to give you something to help you sleep" he said into the top of her hair.

She shook her head against his chest. "I don't want to be sedated."

"You need to sleep - you're running on nothing but fumes and I'm afraid you're going to crash. It's a light sedative Nat - you take it now, sleep for a few hours and then take a fresh look at things when you get up."

She pulled out of the embrace. "Sleep and a fresh look at things isn't going to change anything. My kids are gone - off to have their spirits crushed by my parents. I should get ready for work tomorrow - I've taken far too much time off as it is."

"Nat..."

She smiled bravely. "You're a good friend Patrick but I don't need to be sedated."

"I'm not offering this as your friend, I'm telling you as your doctor that you need some sleep."

"I don't want you to babysit."

He smirked. "I think I told you the same thing and you refused to leave - turnabout is fair play." He rubbed his face with his hands. He too was feeling the effects of the last day and couldn't believe it had only been 24 hours since Nathalie's world came crashing around her. "Look, go upstairs, get into bed take the medication and I promise I'll leave and check in on you later - deal?"

Nathalie was too tired to fight and she knew on some level he was right. "I'm not going to do anything stupid you know" she said tiredly.

"It never occurred to me that you would. I don't want to push you Nathalie but I need you to know you're not alone."

She smiled weakly. "I know I'm not. I'm so grateful for everything you've done. I'll need to thank Robin for sharing you with me."

"There is nowhere else I would be."

Standing up from the couch, he pulled her up to him and led her upstairs. Leaving her to get changed, he went to the guest bedroom and pulled out his medical bag. Having brought it inside last night, he thought it would have been needed before this. Counting out two pills he walked back to her room and placed them in her hands. She reluctantly took them and settled against her pillows. Patrick pulled the covers around her and waited for the medication to kick in. It wasn't long before her eyes drooped and her breathing slowed. Once he was sure she was asleep he kissed her cheek and tucked the covers around her.

"I love you Nat" he whispered. Letting himself out he locked the front door and headed home to the comfort of Robin's waiting arms.

xxxxxx

Patrick stood in the doorway and stared lovingly at the inviting sight before him. Robin was dozing on the bed with Rian beside her. She had surrounded him with pillows to keep him from rolling away and she held his tiny hand in hers. Quickly pulling off his sweater and jeans, he slid underneath the covers. Lying on his side, he reached his arm across and laid it overtop of hers. In the last year he had gone from running away from his feelings to running to his wife and his child. They had become his source of strength and his comfort and where they were was the only place he wanted to be.

"You're home" Robin said sleepily, not opening her eyes.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep."

She linked her fingers through his. "We're just having a nap. How was it?"

"I never want to have to live that" he said thickly.

Robin opened her eyes and looked at her husband. Patrick looked haggard and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Propping herself up, she leaned over Rian and kissed Patrick sweetly and tenderly. "You never will" she said against his lips. "We love you."

Blowing out an unsteady breath, he stroked her face. "I love you too. A day is too long to be away from you."

"I'm sure Nathalie was glad to have you around last night and I love that you were there for her."

He brought his lips to her hand. "I don't know how much help I was but at least she wasn't alone."

"You look exhausted baby" Robin said softly. The stress of the night before was etched on his face. Over their time together Robin had learned that while he may not often verbalize his feelings, he was unable to keep them a secret. She traced her fingers over his eyes. "Close your eyes and sleep." Patrick sighed deeply and letting go of his worry about Nathalie, fell asleep. Robin watched as his chest rose and fell and smiled. Her husband had such a big heart and while he still didn't let many people in, those who were lucky enough to be on the inside received everything he had to offer. He needed to fix things for the people that mattered to him and her only concern was the cost to him when he couldn't.

xxxxxx

In a fit of desperation Lulu called Brenda to help her get ready for her date with Ethan. By the time Brenda arrived at Wyndermere Lulu had emptied her entire closet on to her bed declaring that she had nothing to wear and therefore couldn't possibly keep her date with Ethan. After telling Brenda how she met him and where they were going for their date, Brenda set about sorting through her clothes and constructing several outfits to choose from. Finally deciding on a pair of green cords with a black ballet neck sweater and a black scarf, Brenda sat her down to her hair and make up. The end result was that Lulu still looked like herself but everything about her seemed brighter.

"Are you nervous?" Brenda asked, fussing with Lulu's hair.

"A little" she admitted, chewing on her lips.

Brenda gave her a playful slap. "You're going to chew off all the lip gloss."

"What if he doesn't like me?"

"Lu, he asked you out - I think we're passed the 'does he like me?' stage." Lulu twisted her fingers. "Ah." Brenda said catching on. "That's not what you're worried about?"

She nodded. "When do I tell him?"

Brenda sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand. "That's entirely up to you sweetpea. I would recommend that you tell him sooner rather than later so that he doesn't feel like you're trying to deceive him."

"He's going to run the minute I tell him" she said flatly.

"You don't know that" Brenda said. "Patrick didn't run, Jason didn't run."

"Yeah but how many men did before Robin met Patrick?"

Brenda squeezed her hand. "One step at a time Lulu. Get to know him a little bit and give him the chance to show you the type of man he is - he could surprise you."

"Yeah but..."

"No buts Lulu" Brenda said firmly. "You are a smart and beautiful girl and any guy would be lucky to have you around. HIV is a very small part of who you are, it isn't the sum total. If he can't understand that, if any man can't understand that then you kick them to the curb because that is not how a real man behaves."

"My stomach is doing flip flops."

"Well that's a good sign"

Lulu looked at her quizzically. "Since when is wanting to hurl a good sign?"

"It means you like him" Brenda looked at her watch. "Aack! We better get you going or you're going to be late." Pulling Lulu from the bed, the two women ran down the stairs and stopping only long enough to get their jackets, sprinted to the launch. Standing on the pier Brenda hugged her tightly. "You look amazing and you're going to knock his socks off."

"Thanks" Lulu said shyly.

"If you need any help or need to talk - call me."

She nodded and inhaled deeply. "Here goes nothing"

"Nuh-uh Lu - here goes Lulu Spencer, hottie."

Lulu grinned and hugging her one last time headed off the theatre. She saw Ethan leaning up against the wall, his eyes scanning the crowd for her. She stopped for a moment and just watched him. His black hair was spiky and the navy turtleneck sweater poking out of his pea coat only increased the intensity of his eyes. He really was a beautiful boy and her stomach flip flopped again as she wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

"Hi" she smiled brightly as she stood in front of him.

Ethan looked at her in surprise and straightened up. "Hi...hi" he stammered. "I wasn't sure you would show."

"Why not?" she asked, suddenly afraid that he knew her secret.

He shrugged. "My dad won his case, which means your friend is probably not in a good place right now."

Lulu pursed her lips together. "She's not. The judge's decision has ripped up a lot of people."

"I'm sorry" he said, jamming his hands into his coat pockets. "I understand if you don't want to go ahead with our date."

Lulu studied him carefully. "You said you don't work for your Dad."

"I don't. He's my Dad and I love him but I don't get involved in his work."

"Good - then let's go watch a movie" she smiled holding out her hand.

Ethan stared at her for a moment before happily taking hold of her hand. "I do have one confession to make before we go in."

"What's that?"

"I don't like popcorn unless I can share it" he said shyly.

"Hmmm" Lulu grinned. "I think I could get behind that."

"I think this has the makings of a great night Lesley Lu."