"Why my room?" Conan asked as Emily practically kicked the door open and dragged him in, stumbling about. She slammed it shut, locking it and leaned her head against it, although she felt more like banging her head against it over and over again.
Her mind was racing while her heart pounded at a mile a minute. She kept her hand on the door, contemplating what she was about to propose. Was it a bad idea? Maybe. But did she want to do it? Possibly. Did she want Jonathan out of her head? Yes.
Decision made.
She turned and found Conan standing there. He had taken his shirt off, the skin over his muscles looked darker with the lights off. The only thing that lit up the room was the sun coming through the window behind him. His eyes weren't on her face, but the rest of her body. Her mother's yoga pants and the bra didn't leave much to imagination, and it was obvious that Conan was having trouble concentrating on words.
"Because Karrie might be in my room, and I want privacy," she finally answered and with both hands, she shoved Conan back on his bed, where he landed with the creak of the springs underneath him. Shadows cast over his stomach showing the lines of his abs as he pushed himself up on his elbows. Emily could see the conflicting emotions that crossed his face, some of lust, desire, confusion, worry, and there was definitely the fear of her father that was in his mind.
"Emily, this is a bad idea." The shakiness of his voice betrayed him as he pushed himself back towards the top of the bed when Emily crawled towards him. He might have been saying that, but she knew that he didn't really mean it. He tried everything to prove it though. He kept his hands down, his eyes on her face the closer she got until she was straddling his waist.
"Look," Emily said with authority as she traced his muscles with her fingertips. He shivered under her as she went over his abs, her finger dipping between the lifted squares. "I know you want this as much as I do. You always have, and the way your responding gives you away."
"I do, but we – we want it for different reasons." Emily reached up and pulled her hair from the bun. He watched in awe as the curls came loose, the light red colors dancing around her bare shoulders. His hands gripped the sheets under them with a tight force and forced his eyes shut. "And I'm pretty sure your reasons have more to do with someone else."
"You're point?" Emily asked with little emotion in her voice. Conan fell all the way back on the bed, covering his face with his hands as he sighed into them. "Why are you even thinking about stopping this? What's the point?"
"I have my reasons," he answered quickly.
"And I have mine."
He shook his head, but his hands dropped to his sides again. He still refused to touch her as she leaned down, hovering over him with a smile on her face. "Emily, you want this for a distraction. This just proves that you'll do anything for a break from your mind. But for me? I want this because I love you, because I've always loved you."
It had been over a year since he actually said that he loved her. Everything about his expression said that he meant it though. His eyes were soft; the brown iris was bright and shining as it lightened towards pupil. The scar under his right eye caught her attention, and she was suddenly brushing her finger over it as she lowered herself on top of him, stretching her body out to meet his. Finally, his hands came up and gripped her hips, the roughness of his fingertips brushing against the skin at her hip.
"You still won't say it back, will you?" He asked as he cupped her face. She could see so much of Jordan in him, that it was shocking. He had a darker tint to his skin because of Maia, but he was definitely Jordan's son. He had the build, the height, and people could read his expressions like a book, even more so than his dad.
Emily shook her head, dropping her forehead to his. She closed her eyes, willing the words to come out but they wouldn't. She couldn't do it, never could do it. The 'L' word was difficult, impossible, for her to get out of her mouth, even if she did feel it – not that she knew if she even did.
She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Conan, you know I can't say that."
"Why not?" he begged, and before she could respond, he rolled her over, jumping on top of her as her back pressed against the sheets. His elbows were on both sides of her and held him up, pressing every part of him against her, their skin rubbing together, and he searched her eyes while his fingers brushed the strands of hair off her face. "Emily, you've known me since we were born. We grew up together. Remember the first demon hunt you went on?" Emily just nodded. It was exhilarating and even more. "I've never seen you so happy, so excited. When you killed your first demon, you looked at your dad with a different light in your eyes, a spring in your step. You were truly, completely happy. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be the one that made you that happy, not some demon's death. But you never let me do that. You always pushed me away."
Emily knew where this was going, and that wasn't the point of coming to his room. She didn't want to talk, so she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her in a hurry. He responded instantly, wrapping one arm around her to pull the both of them closer. The beat of his heart pounded against Emily's chest like the rhythm of a drum as their lips met softly. That was mainly due to his reluctance, so Emily didn't press it. Kissing Conan was always different from anyone else. She had kissed a countless amount of people at Pandemonium, but Conan had a way of making it mean more. For a werewolf, he was gently, always gentle, and took things slow. His hands traveled down her body, massaging her skin. Maybe that's what made him different. Most werewolves, including his mother, had a temper and they were always rough, but not Conan.
"Emily," he mumbled against her mouth as he kissed her some more. He seemed to want to say something, but didn't want to stop kissing her. She just smiled knowing she had this effect on him. Reluctantly, he placed one last kiss on her lips and pulled away, just far enough to look into her eyes. He didn't look happy, but worried. "What are you trying to do here?"
"What does it look like I'm trying to do?"
"You always do this." He sighed with defeat and dropped his head to the crook of her shoulder. Her hands were in the black strands of his hair, twirling it around her fingers. She knew exactly what he was referring to, but didn't know how to answer it. Words weren't something she was good at. Communication was an aspect of the world that she missed completely. "Emily, you have no idea what it means to me when you're with me." He lifted his head, meeting her eyes. Her stomach fell when he really looked at her. It was caring, kind, loving, everything that she wasn't feeling at the moment. "I feel complete when I have you like this, wrapped up in my bed, smiling up at me. But all your smiles are for your own good. I've known for years that you've never really cared, that you mainly dated me for the annoyance of your father, but sometimes, most times, I just wish that you could just tell me that you love me and really mean it."
"Can't you just take the feelings out of it for once?" Conan frowned and Emily, out of anger, shoved him off of her. She knew what he expected her to say, to deny the fact that she didn't care, but that was partly true. As for her father, messing with him was always fun as well. He rolled on his back, looking hurt, angry, and in pain. She couldn't bear to even see his face, so she turned away from him, burying her head in the pillow.
She felt his hand on her shoulder. He didn't try to pull her back. He just kept it there, touching her lightly without moving. She felt Conan sigh, his breath brushing over her shoulder. "Feelings are what got me into this mess in the first place."
"Then just take them out, kiss me, and let's forget," she stated as she turned her head towards him. "For one hour, just one hour, let's pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. It's just you, and it's just me."
He seemed to think about it for a moment, maybe a split second, but no longer before his mouth descended on hers again.
Let the distractions begin.
After Karrie and Kadan made it to the library to help Michael's research on Lilith, Magnus had no hard feelings about leaving, just to take a break. He was hungry, considering none of them had any cooking abilities or had gone out to breakfast, so he headed to the kitchen to attempt to make him something to eat. But when he passed the training room, he froze.
Alec stood in the center of the training mats. The sight of Alec's bare back - well, anything about Alec - always caused Magnus to stop what he was doing and admire it. He wasn't paying him any attention though, because beside him was Chase, throwing knives towards a target as Alec seemed to be ordering out instructions. They were both red-faced and covered in sweat, Chase more than Alec. The young Shadowhunter seemed to be exhausting himself as he threw knife after knife, hitting the bull's eye almost every time against five different targets.
"Damn it!"
Alec sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Chase, I don't understand. You're as good as any other Shadowhunter and I couldn't point out anything you're doing wrong even if I tried."
"Then let's do something else," Chase offered as he threw the last knife. It stuck just above the others he threw, all on the red dot in the center of the target. "How good are you at archery?"
Magnus decided to make him known at this point, stepping into the training room. "He's excellent, but I know that you don't need training in that area."
Both of the boy's heads swiveled quickly. Alec smiled as soon as his eyes landed on Magnus, making the warlock's heart race a little bit. But Chase was a different story. He no longer looked happy or excited. In fact, he looked like lasers were about to shoot out of his eyes and zap Magnus to bits.
Chase, after a moment, decided that it was best to ignore both of them and walked off, grabbing the pull-up bar and started raising himself off the ground over and over again. Alec walked over, shaking his head as he came to stand by Magnus. "I don't know, so don't ask. He just came to me saying he wanted to train til he passed out."
"And you have no idea why?" Magnus asked as Chase lifted himself up before moving side to side and straightening his arms out again. Magnus could see the muscles in his back straining as he went up for the fifth time.
Alec shook his head, sweat falling off the tips of his black hair. "I didn't ask."
"Of course you didn't." Alec' stomach growled suddenly, and the boy blushed when Magnus cocked his head to the side at him. "Hungry?"
"Like you aren't?"
Magnus nodded, glancing back to Chase. "How about you go to Taki's, get everyone some breakfast, and head back here? I'll deal with the angered teenager who is about to work himself into a coma."
Alec nodded, kissed Magnus once, and was out the door quickly. The warlock didn't move for a moment, watching Chase as he went from the pull ups, to push ups, to sit ups, and back again. Eventually, Magnus couldn't handle it and stalked over towards him.
"She's with him," was all that Chase said when Magnus finally approached him. With shock, Magnus froze, hovering over Chase as he lied back against the mats. His arms flexed as he rolled over, pushing himself up and down off the mats during the push ups. Magnus couldn't help admiring the boy's physique, his hair, his tan, everything about him. He really was beautiful. "Magnus, did you hear me?"
Magnus shook his head, nodding quickly. "I'm guessing you're speaking of Emily."
Chase nodded as he hopped up, now standing in front of Magnus. He wasn't even slightly out of breath! "Yeah. She's with Conan."
"How do you know this exactly?"
"I heard them talking while walking down to the Sanctuary. I had to pass his room and heard them in there, together."
Magnus nodded, frowning slightly. He wasn't exactly Team Conan, for reasons that made perfect sense. For one: Emily was just cuter with Chase. Magnus always though that hatred made for the most powerful love and those two at least had the first part. Ever since Chase admitted to him that he had feelings for Emily, Magnus promised he would do everything to help. Two: Conan was different and not in a good way. He had a dark side about him that made Magnus worry. But he could only do so much when Emily chose the werewolf–
"It took all my strength not to burst in there and kick the dog's ass for touching her," Chase grumbled as he kicked at the floor. "I don't even know why I care."
"You know why you care," Magnus stated plainly.
"No, I don't. Emily's hated me ever since I came here. In fact, I've hated her too. So why I find it fascinating when her hair is blowing in the wind is beyond me. But when she smiles, I can't help but notice how her face lights up and her eyes shine with amusement. Even worse, when she's angry… Angel, it's like watching heaven's wrath – all fire, glory, and beauty wrapped up in a red and freckled package."
"You've got it bad, kid," was all Magnus had to say. Chase, much to Magnus's surprise, just nodded and collapsed on the bench behind him, putting his head in his hands. Magnus didn't realize it earlier, but he looked broken. His shoulders were dropped, skin paler than normal, and he looked beyond exhausted. Now that he had actually stopped moving, Magnus noticed how his chest was rising up and down rapidly, like he just ran a marathon.
"Don't remind me. It seems pointless to even care about her."
Magnus didn't exactly agree with that. Caring about Emily was harder than caring about anyone else, including Jace Herondale. Chase had gone through a lot in his life, so Magnus found it easier to create sympathy for the boy in front of him. But Emily hadn't had all the troubles or the struggles that her parents went through, and yet, she was still closed off and reserved. She kept to herself, never letting anyone in and Magnus never did figure out why. Feelings aren't hereditary, and Michael is the most lovable kid there is. So why was Emily so...
Magnus just shook his head, clearing it to focus on the confused boy on the bench. "Emily is hard to care for, but it isn't pointless."
"I disagree. Emily doesn't even care about Conan, and he's practically in love with the girl."
Magnus nodded. Everyone knew that much. "Emily just has trouble expressing herself."
"Why is that?" Chase snapped as he suddenly stood up. "Why doesn't she just let people in? She acts like she does, but then she pushes everyone away like they've got diseases, including her parents."
That wasn't something Magnus agreed with entirely, but he kept quiet and let Chase continue ranting:
"She's just blinded by her own pain, pain that no one even understands. We've all got our own demons to deal with, some more than others, and it's obvious that she's running from something. But it's easier to face things as a group. Why doesn't she fucking get that?"
Chase was breathing hard by this point, and Magnus could read every line of his face. He wanted to ask, wanted to figure out what was really going on in the Shadowhunter's head. And as for Emily, after everything that Chase just said, Magnus wanted to slap her in the face. She was messing with Conan and Chase, which wasn't exactly something that Magnus cared for. If he hated anything, it was messing with people's feelings. He had been manipulated too many times by people he loved, especially Camille, and knew what it was like to be on the raw end of that stick.
But he never got a chance to ask. His phone had started buzzing, and he reached down, plucking it from his own pocket as Chase paced like he was ready to punch a hole in the wall. Magnus probably would've thought it was quite amusing, but he had gone completely pale as he read the text. It was from Alec, but it wasn't.
You should keep a closer eye on your boyfriend, warlock. Too bad you were too ignorant to keep him safe.
"Magnus?" Chase had stopped pacing and was now in front of Magnus, gripping his shoulders. "Magnus, what's going on?"
His voice was broken when he answered. His heart had felt like it stopped and his chest was pressing in on him, making it hard to breath. "Get Emily in here, immediately."
She was furious as she followed Chase towards the training room. Naturally, the person she hated the most would interrupt with "dire news" just as things started to get interesting between her and Conan. Damn that werewolf for taking everything slow. He had to take his time, and Emily thought that it was best to let him take the lead, but she was regretting that now. Now, she was just full to her toes with a need in her stomach that wouldn't be resolved.
"What the hell is this about?" she demanded to know as they headed down the hall. Chase hadn't said a word, but when Emily had finally opened Conan's door after his incisive banging against it, she could see that something was really up. Chase had been blood red, sweaty, and his eyes were crazed. He didn't even glare at her with the hatred she was so accustomed to. In fact, he just told her to follow him and walked away, no comment towards Conan either.
Chase stayed quiet, as he rounded the corner and burst through the training room doors. Emily followed with a sigh, and when she saw Magnus in the middle of the room, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, she felt her stomach drop.
Chase went straight to Magnus, gripping the warlock's shoulder as he lifted his head. Chase took his phone, tossing it to Emily. She caught it easily enough as the men talked in hushed tones, reading through the message that was lit up.
Immediately, her thoughts went to Magnus and how he must be feeling. Then, her father's face popped into her head. Alec was his best friend, and having him taken is almost as bad as having Clary taken, possibly equal. Jace didn't care about much, but he still held the bonds of the parabatia runes like they were still there. He'd come back from Alicante in a heartbeat fi he knew that Alec was taken as well. Then, all their hopes of getting the Clave's assistance would go out the drain. No, he couldn't find out. At least, not yet.
"How did this happen?" was all she could find herself to ask.
Chase answered. "Alec went to get breakfast for the group, down at Taki's." He glanced at Magnus, who still had his head down. "We didn't really think that–"
"Lilith would be waiting for the opportunity," Emily finished it for him, and Chase just nodded. "Well, we have to go find him."
Chase looked at her like she was an idiot. "How do you propose we do that? Lilith has the ability to stop all the tracking spells, and Alec's phone has more than likely been disposed of. If it was that easy to find everyone, we'd have gotten your grandparents back by now."
Emily bit her lip, coming to the realization that Chase was right. Alec was gone, along with her grandmother, her grandfather, and the werewolves. Who knew how bad they were being tortured, probably starving, wondering why Emily, Jace, nobody had come for them. What could Jonathan be doing to them? The thought just made Emily sick. She wanted to help, but there was no way to find them, and things were only getting worse for the Shadowhunters. Lilith was planning something big. Emily could feel it.
She was taking hostages, but why? Jonathon wanted Clary, and all he needed was Jocelyn. Just taking her mother was enough to get Clary to go where he wanted, and as much as Emily hated that prospect, it was true. If she had any kind of lead on her mother, Clary would take it in half a heartbeat. So why Alec? Why Jordan and Maia?
A shadow loomed over her suddenly, jarring her from her thoughts, and Chase was standing in front of her. He stunk of sweat. His hair was wet and sticking to his forehead. "We have to find Simon."
Simon? "What?"
Chase grabbed her hand, and with a look over at Magnus who was still slumped on the floor, looking like he was about fall apart, Chase pulled her out of the room and into the hallway. "Simon could be in danger too," Chase explained after he closed the door behind him. "We have to make sure he's okay. As of now, he's the only one outside of the Institute that Lilith could want."
"But he can't be harmed." She leaned back against the wall as Chase paced in front of her. Up and down the hallway. Over and over again as he pulled at his hair. "Chase, Simon will be fine. Why are you so worried?"
"He's the only representative of a father that I have, Emily! If this was Jace-"
"I get that, but Simon has the Mark of Cain–"
Chase shook his head and suddenly slammed his hands against the wall, to both sides of Emily's head. It echoed throughout the hallway. She jumped back, stunned, as Chase leaned over her, eyes blazing. "Lilith will find a way around the Mark. She'll find a way to kill him, and I can't lose two fathers. I – I can't–"
His voice cracked a the last word and he dropped his head, his body shaking above her. She didn't know what to do at first. Concern and care wasn't something she was good at showing, but Chase wasn't the kind of boy that ever seemed to need it, until now that is. So she slowly rose her hands, wrapped them around his back, and pulled him towards her where his head fell on her shoulder. She hugged him tightly but he didn't move to touch her. His hands stayed on the wall as he shook with fear and rage.
"I have to go make sure he's okay," Chase said softly. His voice was finally back to normal, but he couldn't lift his head. "Please."
"We can just call-"
He immediately shook his head against her shoulder. "Lilith might be there. She could make him say something to keep us off the trail. I have to go. I have to."
"I'll go with you," she offered as his hair tickled the side of her face. And for once, against her will and her own mind, she actually felt sorry for him…