Chapter 19

Robin walked along side Patrick as they made their way to the cafeteria. He had said nothing since leaving his office but she could tell by the way his brow furrowed and the muscle in his cheek twitched that he was still processing the news. Giving difficult or bad news to patients was nothing new to them but it was the first time involving someone so close.

Patrick stopped in the entrance to the cafeteria, his eyes searching out Nathalie and Grace. He found them and smiled involuntarily. Grace was leaning on the table drawing and talking while Nathalie watched her every move as she coloured with her. He wanted one last moment to memorize both of them before they dropped this burden on them. Robin gave his hand a small squeeze and he let out a long slow breath before approaching their table. Grace noticed him immediately and scrambled down from her chair, running towards him.

"Patty! Patty! Patty-lou!" She was winded by the time he scooped her up in his arms and Patrick could do nothing but hold her tight.

"Hi Gracie-lou – who loves you?" He tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"You! You love me" she giggled.

He kissed her cheek. "You bet your sneakers I do."

"I love you too Patty."

Robin saw the look of pain that flashed across his face. "Why don't we sit down with your mom Gracie?" Robin suggested, afraid Patrick would just stand where he was holding her unless someone told him what to do next.

Nathalie looked between them as they sat down, Grace firmly ensconced on Patrick's lap, and a look of recognition passed over her. "Wow. Both of you. It must be serious."
Patrick opened his mouth to speak but couldn't make the words come out. Robin quietly put a hand on his leg and started. "We ran her blood work twice…"

Nathalie closed her eyes and fingered the N hanging from the chain around her neck. Nikolas had given it to her as a birthday gift and while he told her the N stood for Nathalie, for her it stood for Nikolas and she desperately wished he was with her. Opening her eyes she steeled herself for the news she already knew. "What did you find?"

"Leukemia" Robin said quickly, pulling the band aid off.

She nodded and smiled sadly. She watched her daughter pulling Patrick's pens from his coat pocket and using them on her drawing, oblivious to her new reality.

"What kind?"

Robin looked at Patrick. He stared at Gracie, stroking her hair and unable to speak. "Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia – it's the most common leukemia in children."

"What are the next steps?" Nathalie was numb but then she had been for quite some time since Andrew died. Loving Nikolas had been the only break in the numbness but she had turned her back on that and didn't know how to go back.

"We need to get Gracie in to see an oncologist as soon as possible – today would not be too soon. Then he'll determine the course of treatment but I imagine whatever it is, it will begin almost immediately."

"Okay" she nodded. "Do you have any recommendations for doctors?"

"Well Dr. Garcia is one of the best pediatric oncologists in the state and he's on staff here. Noah is good friends with him, I'm sure with a phone call Grace could get in to see him."

"That would be great – I appreciate that."

Robin reached out and took Nathalie's hand. "There is a high survival rate and Grace will get the best care we can provide."

Nathalie smiled and squeezed Robin's hand. "We are very lucky to have friends like you. Should I give Noah a call?"

Robin looked between Patrick and Nathalie and wasn't sure whose reaction was more upsetting – Nathalie, who seemed to be taking it all in stride, talking about next steps or Patrick , who had apparently lost his voice. Neither were good and she worried about who would crack first. "I think Patrick can call Noah – right Patrick?"

"Pardon?" he looked up from Grace, stunned.

Robin touched his arm. "Do you think you could call Noah and ask him to have Dr. Garcia see Grace today?"

"Oh. Yeah –sure – why don't I do that now?" He kissed the top of Grace's head.

"Are you leaving Patty?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Just for a few minutes pumpkin and then I'll be back. You know, I have some free time this afternoon – we could go hang out in the playroom if you'd like."
Grace, suddenly aware that they weren't leaving the hospital, looked at her mother. "Are we staying?"

Nathalie inhaled sharply and prayed for her voice to be steady. "Yes sweetheart we are. We have to see another doctor – he's going to take a look at you and see what we can do about all those bruises and how tired you are."

The young girl shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. "Can I go to the playroom with Patty?"

She grinned. "Of course you can baby girl. You can show P how good you are at puzzles."

Patrick stood up and put Grace in his seat. "I'm going to make a phone call and I'll be back shortly." He couldn't meet either woman's gaze before leaving. Walking quickly from the cafeteria, he stopped on the other side of the door and bent over, his hands on his knees. On the verge of hyperventilating, he took several deep breaths to ward it off. He knew he needed to get a grip if he was going to support Nathalie and Grace through this. Rationally, he knew it wasn't about him, this wasn't happening to him but emotionally, it felt intensely personal, as though it was his own child who had just been diagnosed with cancer.

He thought back to the night Grace was born. He had been in DC for a week waiting for Nathalie to go in to labour. Telling him how important he was to both of them, Drew and Nathalie had asked him to join them in the delivery room for the birth. Nathalie had also joked that with two men in there she bettered her odds that at least one of them wouldn't pass out. Her husband had been too squeamish to watch and instead concentrated on coaching his wife with her breathing. That left Patrick to be with the doctor and cut the cord as Grace was born.

It had been an intense but fast labour and Patrick remembered his heart racing as Grace's head poked through. She had thick thatch of black hair and cried almost immediately. He watched as she took her first breath and her eyes fluttered open and he instantly fell in love. Now four years later, he loved her more than he did on that day. She was the embodiment of both of her parents and represented the pure goodness that can come from love. They were his family when he had none and Grace loved him unconditionally when he needed it most. Gathering his strength, he walked to his father's office.

Noah, on his way back to his office, noticed his son pacing in front of his door. "Hey sport" he called to him.

"Dad." His voice shook and the colour drained from his face.

Noah took him by the elbow and steered him into his office. "Is it Robin? Rian?"

Patrick shook his head, trying to control the tears that threatened to spill. "It's Grace."
His father sighed and leaned back in his chair. "What's wrong?"

"Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Any chance you can call Dr. Garcia and ask him to see her today?"

Noah reached for the phone before Patrick finished his sentence. "Juan? It's Noah…..I'm good thanks….listen, I have a family friend with ALL – she's here at the hospital now, could you work her in?........Great, thanks." He hung up the receiver and gave his son a reassuring smile.

"He'll see her in an hour."

Closing his eyes, Patrick blew the air out of his cheeks. "That's great. Thank you."

"How is Nathalie?"

"She seems to be handling it better than I am."

"Keep an eye on her Patrick. She's already been knocked about some and she's going to need to lean on people."

"I'm not sure how much support I can give her – I'm pretty useless – Robin did all the talking in the cafeteria – I was too stunned to speak."

Noah leaned forward. "Patrick, there are moments when you just can't be a doctor and this is one of them. She doesn't need you to be a doctor, she needs you to be her friend and I have every confidence that you can do that."

"I love them both so much" he whispered.

"I know you do."

"It feels like Robin and Rian all over again."

"Robin and Rian both came through that beautifully and Grace will do so as well. You have to believe in the positive outcome."

Patrick's knees shook as he stood. "I will – thanks Dad – I should get back to them."

Noah watched his son leave and knew however hard this was for him, the hardest parts were still to come.