Chapter 23

Nathalie sat up in bed and wiped the sleep from her face. She had no idea what time it was or how long she had been asleep. Looking at the empty space beside her she wondered if she had simply dreamed everything. Exhaustion could play tricks on the mind and she had dreamt of reconnecting with Nikolas before. Given how she had treated him when he left, she had no reason to suspect that him bringing her back to Wyndermere was anything more than an act of mercy. Pushing the covers back, she reached for the red flannel robe hanging from the bed post. She had just wrapped the ties around her waist when the door opened.

Nikolas walked in, dressed in a navy robe, carrying a tray of food. "You're up" he remarked as he set the food down on the table by oversized chair facing the fireplace.

She rubbed her hands over her face nervously. "Yeah - I uh....I guess I slept quite a bit." Looking around the room, she chewed her lip. "Do you know where my clothes went? I should probably get going to the hospital - it was very nice of you to bring me back here but I couldn't impose any longer - I mean I really appreciate...." Nikolas took her by the hand and pulled her into his lap as he sat in the oversized chair.

"You're rambling." He pressed his lips into her neck. "And you're a little disoriented."

"So I didn't dream it?" she asked.

He ran his hand along her thigh, under her robe. "Nope - not unless you and I had the same dream."

"I should get back to the hospital though."

"Not yet - you need more sleep and you need to eat. We'll go and see Gracie tonight."

"I'm not hungry."

Nikolas reached for a strawberry and held it to her lips. She reluctantly accepted it. "You're too thin" he said, rubbing her hip. "Have you eaten anything in the last month?"

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Not so much - I didn't have much of an appetite." He stroked her hair as they watched the fire. "I don't want to be without you." she said quietly.

"You don't have to" he replied. Taking hold of her hand, he laced his fingers through hers.

"You still love me?"

"Oh my" he said hoarsely. "Very much." She dipped her head and passionately closed her mouth over his. He threaded his hand through her hair, pulling her closer to him. Breathlessly breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't want to overwhelm you right now and we can talk more as Gracie gets better but I'd like you - you and the kids to think about making this your home."

Nathalie swallowed thickly. A month or even two months ago, such an offer from Nikolas would have had her running as far and as fast as she was tired of running. Pressing her palm over his heart, she nodded. "You are my home."

xxxxxx

Lulu walked behind the counter at Kelly's and poured herself a coffee. It had been a long night and a longer morning. She had been surprised when Nikolas had arrived home suddenly. He had asked her why she hadn't told him about the situation with Grace and she explained that Nathalie had asked her not to. She had watched in amazement as her brother kicked into action, ordering Alfred to prepare the house for Nathalie's arrival and sending Mary to Robin's house to pick up Oliver.

"How do you even know she'll come home with you?" she had asked.

"Because I love her." Reaching for his winter coat, he turned to her. "I need a favour though."

"Name it."

"Can you stay at the hospital with Grace? I won't have a hope in getting her home unless she knows someone will be with Grace."

"Of course I will." Lulu grabbed her coat and followed him to the launch. His driver met them at the pier. Inside the car, Lulu linked her arm through his. "Brings back some memories, huh?"

He smiled and kissed her temple. "It connected you and I in a way that I wouldn't trade for anything."

"Your bone marrow saved my life."

"Having you as a sister has saved mine more than once."

She had stayed with Grace through the night. The little girl had woken up disoriented and vomitting. It was only after she had finished being sick that she realized it was Lulu and not her mother in the room with her. Lulu held her as she cried and sang her back to sleep. When Grace woke up again in the morning feeling somewhat better, she had been excited to see her friend and challenged her to a game of Go Fish. Patrick had stopped by and promised he would be back to relieve her once his appointment was over. It was nearly 10:30 by the time he got there and she was in desperate need of coffee.

"Lesley Lu Spencer as I live and breathe."

Looking up from the counter, she couldn't keep the grin or the blush from her face. "Hi Ethan" she said shyly.

Sliding on to the stool, he leaned forward. "Are you playing hard to get?" he removed his touque.

"Pardon?" she asked as she poured him a cup of coffee and passed it to him.

"I've called a couple of times and haven't heard back. I was just wondering if you maybe had gone off me?"

Lulu's eyes widened in surprise. "Not at all! Oh god, Ethan, I haven't checked my cell phone in a couple of days - I've had some family stuff going on."

"Oh" he said sheepishly. "Is everything okay?" Ethan felt foolish. Always popular with the girls at school, he had had a few long term relationships but the day he met Lulu knocked him for a loop. He was immediately struck by her and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. All of his detached cool deserted him when he was around her. He had left her three messages inviting her out for dinner and was surprised at how disappointed he was when he hadn't heard from her. He silently chided himself for not knowing that she would have a reason for not calling.

"Do you remember Grace?" He nodded. "She has leukemia and is in the hospital. I spent last night at her bedside so her mom could get some rest."

"Oh Lulu, I'm so sorry. How is Nathalie?"

She looked at him in surprise. "You remember her name?"

Looking down at his coffee, his ears turned red. "I remember everything you tell me."

Lulu smiled. "You're cute."

His ears turned pinker as he looked up at her. "So are you. Do you want to get out of here?"

"Oh - um, where?"

"Come back to my place, we can play NHL 2007 on my Xbox."

"I..uh.." Lulu was paralyzed by the warring emotions inside her. She wanted to go with him and see where the day would take him but there was a part of her that was truly scared of being alone with him. She was scared of giving in to her feelings and of not giving in to her feelings.

Ethan recognized the struggle on her face. "It's just Xbox Lulu - no hanky panky, I promise."

She scrunched up her face. "Will there be a little hanky panky?"

"Well, I might have to kiss you once or twice."

She drained her coffee. "Well so long as there will be kissing, I can't resist. Let's go." She grabbed her jacket and taking his hand pulled him from his stool as they headed for the door. Bruce stood around the corner and snapped photo after photo as Lulu and Ethan walked from the diner, hand in hand.

Kelly's was a short five minute walk to his apartment. She stood in the entrance looking around. For all her and Ethan had spoken she still felt there was little she knew about him and being here was a glimpse into who he was. Above his dark green sofa was a print of At the Crease by Ken Danby and there was other hockey memorabilia scattered around the room. He had a small table up against the wall with four different chairs around it. The table was covered with past editions of the Hockey News.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're a hockey fan?" she said, shrugging off her jacket.

He smiled. "I was a player for a long time."

"Do you still play?" she asked as she kicked off her boots.

"Just rec hockey with some friends from school, nothing too organized."

"Are you a good player?"

He took her hand and led her to the couch. "I was okay I guess. I was drafted at 17 by the Dallas Stars."

"Seriously?" she asked bug eyed. "What happened?" Lulu instantly regretted her question as she saw pain flash across his face.

"It was the summer my mom died and I kind of lost my taste for it. I also tore my ACL and just wasn't interested in putting the work in that I needed to for the elite level."

"Do you miss it?"

He shrugged. "Yes and no." Getting up from the couch, he flipped on the television and the Xbox, handing her a controller. "Just so you know, you can be whatever team you want to be but I am always, always the Montreal Canadiens."

"You've got a well developed inner geek, don't you?" she teased.

"Not all that inner" he smiled. Reaching over, he tucked her hair behind her ear.

She smiled at the intimate gesture. "Ready to get your ass kicked?"

"Why? You think you can beat me?"

"Please - like you're the only one who knows their way around an Xbox. Bring it on big boy."

Ethan laughed and started the game. After playing for two hours and demolishing Lulu twice in the process, they decided to call it quits.

"Don't you have Grand Theft Auto?" she whined. "I'm really good at that."

"I think I'll have to get you on a rink and teach you how to play hockey."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. I can explain the game to you slowly, using small words in a condescending boyfriend like way."

"Did you just call yourself my boyfriend?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "And what if I did?"

"I think I might have to kiss you."

He leaned in stopping just short of her lips. "I think I like the sound of that."

Cupping her face, he closed his mouth over hers and kissed her hungrily. Lulu moved closer to him on the couch, deepening their kiss. She was grateful to be already sitting as her knees shook. She threaded her hands through his hair, tentatively sweeping her tongue into his mouth. He tangled his tongue with hers, moaning into her mouth. Letting his hands travel, he ran them gently over her shoulder tracing her collar bone with his thumb. Lulu leaned back against the arm of the couch, pulling Ethan on top of her. Taking care not press his full weight against her, he moved his mouth to her neck leaving a trail of wet kisses. Lulu pushed her hips against his and was so caught up in the moment she didn't hear the beeping of her watch for almost a minute.

Ethan sat up. "I think your watch is beeping."

Lulu's face and neck turned bright red. "It's uh.." her hands shook slightly as she tried to press the small buttons to turn it off. "I have to um, take some pills now."

Looking at her, realization dawned. "Oh, okay - do you need water or juice - do you have to take them with food?"

Squirming slightly at the very blatant reminder of her HIV status, she exhaled slowly. "Water is fine."

He got up from the couch and walked to his galley kitchen. Lulu pulled her purse to her lap and fished her med bag out, counting out the three pills she needed. He returned, passing her a tall glass of water. Sitting beside her, he played with her hair while she swallowed down her medication. "Can I ask you something?" he asked cautiously. She nodded. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I won't. Go ahead and ask.."

"How did you contract HIV? You haven't had sex and you don't strike me as an i.v drug user and so I was just wondering - but" he covered quickly, "if it's too personal or you don't want to tell me, that's fine."

Lulu sighed and tucked her legs underneath her. She pulled at the frayed hem of her jeans. "You met my friend Patrick - the doctor?" He nodded. "He's married to a good friend of mine, Robin. Robin got HIV more than a decade ago from her boyfriend. She's the coolest person in the world - she went to France and became a doctor and then came home to work here." Her voice trembled slightly as she had rarely told the story - everyone who was important to her already knew. "Last year she was pregnant and she had this creepy guy following her around. Anyway they were arguing on the street corner and our friend Brenda and me were waiting on the other side of the street. She tried to get away from him and ran out into the intersection - she didn't see the car and was thrown quite a distance. I saw her get hit." Lulu inhaled and Ethan rubbed her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "I ran to get to her but I tripped and scraped my hands. When I got there, she wasn't breathing and so I did mouth to mouth." Lulu's voice trailed off.

Ethan nodded knowingly. "She was bleeding and you had open wounds?"

"Yeah."

"Robin and her baby are okay?"

Lulu continued to look at her knees. "Yeah - everyone is fine."

"Wow."

"Wow?" she looked at him incredulously.

"You're a hero - a real hero, Lulu."

"No I'm not" she deferred.

"Don't do that - don't diminish what you did. I know about heroes and trust me, you are one." He brushed his lips against hers. "You're amazing."

xxxxx

"Nervous much?" Robin asked, sitting on the exam table.

"Huh? What?" Patrick replied distractedly.

"I asked you if you were nervous" Robin smiled.

"Why would you think I'm nervous?"

"I don't know, it could be because you're pacing and checking your watch every 30 seconds. You understand we're just talking about the next steps for getting pregnant, they aren't actually sending us home with a child."

"Har! Har! I'm not nervous" he protested.

"Then why are you pacing?" Robin swung her legs from the table.

"Because I'm ...er....anxious."

She held out her hand to him. "What are you anxious about?"

Taking her hand, he walked towards her. "Maybe anxious is the wrong word - I'm just excited and..." he sighed. "Okay, fine, I'm nervous."

"It's going to be fine" she reassured him.

"I'm just worried about the toll on your health - don't think I've forgotten about how you wanted to go off your ARVs during the first trimester with Rian." He stroked her face. Having Rian awakened paternal feelings in him and he knew now that he wanted more children but not at the expense of Robin's well being. Since he first found out that she was HIV+ he became increasingly aware that her time and ultimately their time together was finite and he didn't want to lose a minute, especially not when he came close to losing it all months ago.

"That's what we have Dr. Maida for" she said quietly.

"We are going to make this a stress free pregnancy for you - lots of rest, no worrying, lots of good food."

Robin raised her eyebrows. "Are you getting bossy with me?" she teased.

"You have yet to begin to see bossy" he leaned in, capturing her lips. He pulled away as the door opened.

"An exam room Dr. Drake?" Dr. Maida teased "I thought the OR was more your style"

Patrick's mouth dropped open as he looked at his wife. "Is there ANYONE who doesn't know that story?"

Robin giggled. "Well I had it posted with a pictorial in the doctors' lounge but Alan made me take it down."

Dr. Maida looked up from his chart. "Robin is really quite adept at drawing though - so that mark on your lower back, mole or birthmark?"

Patrick covered his face. "You understand that I hate you both with the fire of a thousand suns, right?"

Dr. Maida shrugged. "I'm okay with that - you Robin?"

"Yup, all good."

Patrick shook his head. "Can we stop this and start talking about my wife's ovaries?"

Robin grinned. "What can I tell you Dr. Maida, he's normally not so excited to talk about my ovaries."

Dr. Maida winked at her. "Must be the hormones. But I take Patrick's point - moving right along, I've got your baselines back on t-cell and viral load and the results are great. You are still virtually asymptomatic. I can't see any reason why we can't proceed with artificial insemination whenever you're ready."

Robin squeezed Patrick's hand. "So what are the next steps?"

"Well, based on Robin's cycle she should be ovulating around February 17th or 18th which means that we could do it then, unless it's too soon?"

Robin and Patrick looked at each other, grinning. Robin shrugged. "What do you think?"

"A November baby? Like an early Christmas gift? That works for me" Patrick said as he kissed Robin's cheek.

"Okay. So you guys will need to monitor Robin's ovulation and when she is ovulating you'll need to come to the hospital within 24 hours - Patrick, that's when we'll need you to give us your sample."

Robin bit her lips to keep from smiling as Patrick blushed. "Can she, uh, help me?"

Dr. Maida rolled his eyes. "I don't want to know about it." He closed her chart. "So we'll see you guys in two weeks?"

Patrick extended his hand. "Absolutely, thanks."

"Anytime."

Patrick turned and looked at Robin. "Are you sure?"

Robin slid from the table and snaked her arms around his waist. "The only thing I've been more sure of is you."

"So, do we get to make another bet?"

She swatted his chest playfully. "You're incorrigible. Fine, we can make another bet AFTER I'm actually pregnant. I don't want to jinx this."

"I love you wife."