I try to ignore Jack as I read and he stares at me. While the poor boy tries to be discreet, he miserably fails. There is no possible way for Jack Frost to be inconspicuous. Still, you'd think he'd be a bit better than blatantly staring with worried eyes. What the worry is for, I have no idea. But he's had those emotional doe-eyes on me ever since I told them I wanted to be immortal. That the whole star plan was A-okay with me. Apparently Jack does not believe me. I shift my feet that are currently across his legs so my toes jab him in his boney side. His eyes dart from me to the sketch pad in his hands. He's been pretending to draw, but always ends up looking back at me. Just like he is now. Finally I sigh.
"What?" I snap. He shrugs innocently, but I'm really not in the mood for shy coyness. Pitch made us promise not to get into trouble, so we've been just sitting like this for hours while the Nightmare King does his work. It's annoying enough, being side tracked for some sandy horses, but Jack's penetrating stare just ices the cake. "Jack." I frown. He relents with a sad glance.
"It's just...I don't understand how you're so okay with this. I get not wanting to see Carter, but what about your parents or friends?" He asks sadly.
"What friends?" I almost snort. But he gives me a look that begs for a serious answer. I put my bookmark in the large poetry volume and close the book. "Jack. There is nothing I'm leaving behind. My parents never stood up for me, never loved me like they loved Carter. Because she was perfect. Everybody liked her because she was sweet and pretty and talented and just overall charming. But then my parents had me. I wasn't as pretty as her, I wasn't funny, I didn't make friends like she did. I didn't do anything but draw pictures of things my parents didn't understand. Weird dreams I had and things I thought would be cool for the future. But I guess I was looking too far ahead, because no one else thought so. I scared them. Because I was an antisocial reject who even my lovely sister hated. Everyone in our town called me a wildling misfit who was dropped off at the wrong house, in the wrong city, in the wrong country of the wrong world. Even when I started to grow into my looks, which still pale in comparison to Carter, I couldn't talk to boys or girls my age to make friends. And I never got to fall in love and have a puppy love relationship or a first heartbreak like everyone else did." It all rushes out like a dam being burst. "There is nothing for me there. Nothing."
"Katie..." He moans sadly. And his pity is more than I can bear.
"No, stop. I am not feeling sorry for myself, and neither are you. You can't." I immediately frown. He looks shocked and reaches out towards me, but I flinch back, swinging my feet off him. His hand grabs my leg, right over a cut and I eep a little in surprise pain. He looks extra concerned.
"What was that?" He demands. A shudder goes through me as I realize he's opened the scab beneath my pants leg and blood is starting to ooze into my jeans. And I'm not the only one who's noticing. "Katie, what is that?" He demands, anger slipping into his voice, because I suspect he already knows what it is.
"Jack please don't." But he's already used his evil powers of control over the wind to sweep me up so he can pull up my pant leg. All the cuts from the last few months are visible still. And Jack takes them all in with a perplexed horror on his face. "Jack." I whisper, even though there's a lump in my throat the size of East Texas. His eyes are watering, and he just keeps staring at my leg like it's on fire or something and he doesn't know what to do. And then there's that pity again. That terrible, terrible pity.
"Why?" He croaks.
"I just told you why. You know exactly why." I know he can tell I'm trying not to cry simply by listening to my voice. And for that reason he lets me fall back onto the couch to quickly pull down my pant leg. His pity filled glance gets even more intense. Why does it hurt so much when he looks at me like that? No one has ever pitied me before. Not even at the behavioral hospital I was sent to. Even there, people looked at me weird and whispered about how it was my fault. How I did it to myself. But now I'm glad that they never pitied me. It feels odd and it makes my heart ache in ways it shouldn't. I can't take it another second. The moment he breaks eye contact with me I'm running from the room. And luckily, Jack doesn't follow me. But his pity does. All the way through the halls to my room.
I slam my door. I'm sure it's loud enough that even Pitch hears it, wherever the hell he is. Sinking to the floor, I try to fight off memories as they're hurled at me from deep dark recesses of my brain. Swarming around me like angry bees all fighting to sting me first and make me cry. Make me cut. My heart is burning with hurt and betrayal. How could they do this to me?! How was I reduced to this person? Mom, dad, fucking Carter. It's all building up, compressing my lungs and squeezing my heart painfully. It hurts so much. All these feelings. And my blood is boiling with a longing for some way to relieve the pain. Of course, my mind immediately jumps to the obvious.
But...I promised. I promised Pitch I would never do that again. I look at my mirror across my room. Sniffling, I stand up and slowly walk towards it. I hate the person I see. So vulnerable and easily broken. A shadow of the free spirited girl I used to be. When I was younger. Before, when I could spend all day running barefoot through the woods, or climb a tree in the blink of an eye. She was so promising, so free. And I let her be destroyed by Carter and our parents. Is that the real reason I'm so willing to become immortal? Am I looking for a second chance to be her again? To show Carter that I can add up to more than a useless pile of shit.
Abruptly, all the aching in my chest and anxiety over Jack finding out I cut dissipates into anger. A red hot knife of anger that just slices through my very soul and makes me clench my fists, turning my knuckles white. And suddenly there's bloody and shards of glass imbedded between said knuckles. And the mirror I was just glaring at is shattered. I look at my hand numbly, blood slowly dripping from the glass shards there. Did I really just punch a mirror?
"Katie." His voice is so soothing, so comforting, that my hand relaxes into his pale gray spidery hand. Much as it stings to disrupt the glass, it also feels nice hat he's here. I look at his golden eyes with wet tears finally dripping from my own. I can't say anything, but he doesn't say anything either. He just brings me against his chest and holds me. I can't seem to stop crying now that I've started. It's terrible.
"Why did they all hate me so much? What did I ever do that made them cast me out? Especially Carter. It's not fair." I sob against his chest. He takes a deep breath and sighs.
"They didn't understand. How could they?" He murmurs, kissing my forehead. I can feel Jack standing in the door, looking at us, but I don't look up at all. I can't bear to life my eyes, they're so heavy with still more tears that need to be cried, but I'm not allowing them to be. "Are you alright now?"Pitch asks soothingly. I sniffle and nod, even though we can all tell I'm really not. Who knows if I'll ever be okay. "Let's fix your hand." He suggests, because it's all we can really do right now. He puts his arm around me and helps me up. We pass Jack and he follows silently, looking slightly alarmed when we arrive at the hospital room. Apparently he finds it as weird as I did when I first saw it. I mean random hospital room in the middle of the Boogeyman's lair...kinda horror flick-ish.
"This is creepy." He shudders. I shrug, climbing onto the little bed. "I'm sorry Katie. For bringing this all up." Jack really honestly sounds ashamed of himself.
"I know. It's okay." I open my arms to him and gratefully hugs me, letting out a deep sigh hi can tell he's been holding. Pitch roll his eyes, then nudges Jack. The winter spirit lets go and steps back respectfully so Pitch can set to work picking the glass out of my hand. An annoying silence settles over the room.
"Does it hurt?" Jack finally asks.
"Well, there's another mirror in there if you wanna find out." I roll my eyes. He laughs despite the situation and it makes me smile, despite the situation. Pitch looks at both of us with a look that's a mix between exasperation and disapproval, but it doesn't stop us. After he gets the last shard out, Pitch pulls out the peroxide he used on my cuts and starts dabbing my knuckles. Jack keeps looking at the still growing circle of blood on my pants leg. Obviously he's wondering if Pitch sees it too. I'm kinda wondering the same.
"The Guardians keep trying to contact me." Jack mentions as Pitch starts to bandage my hand. Neither of us answer him so he takes it as a sign to keep talking. "I think if I don't answer they'll be on their way soon." He adds. I heave a heavy sigh and look directly at him.
"What are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell them to take me away from here?" Pitch looks at Jack now as well. Something like concern fills his eyes and he gets a little closer to me.
"I think...you're better off here. And...I'm glad you have Pitch." I'm sure I'm not the only one of us three who can tell how hard that was for him to say.
"And you." I remind him. He smiles almost sheepishly and looks at Pitch, as if he's asking for permission to stay. "Are you staying too Jack?" I whisper. Again, he looks at Pitch, who's looking intently at his handy work with my hand. The awkward silence completely consumes the room for what feels like way too long to be healthy.
"None of the others can come here Jack. Just you." Pitch warns.
"I know." Jack agrees.
"Then you can stay."
OOOOO
North sighed heavily as he thought. Bunny and Tooth had just informed him of the situation Carter had placed Katie in. And he was not happy about it. But he was even less happy about their suggestion she stay with Pitch. He could not imagine a worse idea, maybe with the exception of leaving her with Carter. Still, at least Carter was not the Nightmare King. He tapped his nails against his glass of milk in deep thought.
"Geez, don't think to hard, you might blow a fuse." He jumped at the voice of Jack Frost. They'd been waiting for him to return for three days now and finally, he was back. North sighed in relief and swept Jack into a suffocating hug.
"Jack where have you been! We were so worried!" North exclaimed. Jack laughed, but it was shaky. Then North noticed the absence of his staff, the absence of Katie, and the presence of a very shadowed corner in the room. North put the pieces together quite quickly, and he was glad that the other guardians were missing from the room. "You are not bringing girl back." He stated with only the slightest disappointment in his tone. He wasn't overly torn up over that.
"No. Pitch is taking care of her. He's changed...because of her. And now he's making sure she's okay." Jack informed the huge Russian, sincerely praying in his head that the man wouldn't strike out at him and call him traitor or something. "And...I've been invited to stay with them. To keep an eye on them. And I can report back to you guys if anything ever happens." He added. North looked alarmed at this.
"Jack, you cannot live in Boogeyman's lair because of some girl!" North yelled. They both heard the sound of people coming, so Jack made an apologetic face, already backing up towards the portal Pitch had opened for him.
"I'm not asking permission North. I'm not leaving her. So this is how it is. I...I'll see you soon." With that he quickly finished walking to the shadowed corner, which was gone before North could reach it. Bunny walked into the room to see North facing the corner of a room, looking a mix of shocked and upset. He hopped over to the Guardian of Wonder, glancing from his big friend to the empty corner and back.
"You okay North?" Bunny dared to ask. North looked over his shoulder and shook his head sadly.
"Jack came for a moment to inform me he and Katie will not be leaving Pitch's lair. And that he will be returning to us only to report. Occasionally." North's voice was heavy with sorrow. Bunny frowned and patted the Russian's shoulder. He knew how much Jack meant to the jolly man. But, maybe this would be a good thing. They could keep an eye on Pitch and Pitch could keep an eye on Katie. But Bunny wasn't brave enough to try and tell North that. All he could do for the moment was pat his shoulder and hope Jack knew what he was doing.