Chapter 31

Nathalie stood beside Oliver's crib and watched him sleep. They would be heading to the hospital in a few hours so Oliver could donate his bone marrow to save his sister. She stroked his fine blonde hair and held her hand against his tiny back. He was 15 months old and had already been through so much; now she was asking something from him that she couldn't even explain. His little body contained just what Grace needed to live but getting it would be painful and scary and she didn't know if she should even be asking him.

"You are the best little brother ever Oliver" she said softly. "I love you so much my baby boy." Oliver had been slower to walk and talk than Grace had. He had been seen by several specialists who all told her that intellectually and emotionally he was developing normally and the rest would come when he was ready. Nathalie wondered if he understood how much she loved him. He looked like her, blonde hair and green eyes, and he was a fighter like she was. He would play with his toys refusing to give up until he had accomplished just what he wanted to.

She jumped slightly as she felt Nikolas' hand on her shoulder. "Did I wake you?" she asked, not taking her eyes from her son.

"No." He put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged. "Both of my children are going to be in surgery tomorrow - it feels like such an enormous risk and yet I have to do everything I can to save Gracie."

He rubbed his hand down her back. "This is normally where I would tell you that everything will be okay but you don't generally believe me when I do that."

Turning her head, she smiled over her shoulder. "I just might tonight."

Reaching to the rocking chair he lifted the blanket from it and slowly pulled her to the floor. Nestling her between his legs, he wrapped the blanket around the both of them. He linked his fingers through hers admiring the way their hands fit together – it exemplified their relationship. Damaged, hurt and scared, they both had more than their share of baggage to bring but in spite of that or because of it, they fit. "Did I ever tell you I was a bone marrow donor?" he asked quietly.

She turned her head in surprise. "You were? For whom?"

"Lulu." He kissed her cheek as she rested her head against his chest, looking at him. "She had aplastic anemia. I didn't know her at all; she was just a little baby. I was estranged from my mother and living in Greece at the time when my mother asked my uncle if I could be a donor for my sister. I originally said no - I wanted nothing to do with my mother or the family she chose over me."

"What changed?"

He smiled. "One look at Lulu and I was done for. And I was a teenage boy who really wanted his mother to admit that she loved him. I figured at the very least, if I did this, then she would owe me."

"I thought you had a good relationship with your mother?"

He nodded. "I do or I did when she was still well. Turns out she loved me all along and that her leaving Greece had nothing to do with me."

"A mother's love is supposed to be unconditional and forever" she remarked quietly. Nathalie tried to remember a time when she thought her parents loved her but couldn't think of one. Her brother used to tell her they loved her but she knew differently. Children know things instinctually and she knew that while her parents loved him, they merely tolerated her. "I'm glad you were there for Lulu."

"Me too. Having a little sister changed my life and no matter what happens between us, we will always have that bond." Nathalie nodded and leaned further back into him, pulling his arms around her.

"You know" she said, breaking the silence "my parents hated physical contact with us – they rarely hugged us and would only grudgingly take our hand. When I found out I was pregnant with Grace I swore that I would never run out of hugs for my children - that no matter what – whether it was hand holding or hugs or kisses – my kids would never know how lonely it could be not being touched."

He kissed her cheek and simply held her. "How anyone could not want to touch you is beyond me" he said quietly. "I won't run out of hugs or kisses for you either."

"There are days where I think you are too good to be true."

"I'm not" he said quickly. "I haven't always been like this Nat – you bring this out in me – having you love me has changed me." Nathalie turned in his lap to face him and slowly captured his lips in a tender but passionate kiss. She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed deeply. "You're exhausted" he remarked, pushing her hair from her face.

"I'm a little tired" she admitted.

Normally so unwilling to reveal her true feelings, her admission caused him to smirk. "When we know Gracie is in the clear, I plan on putting you to bed for the whole day where you will do nothing but sleep and rest and eat and then sleep some more."

Running her hands over his arms, she smiled. "When we know Gracie is in the clear, I plan on taking you to bed for the whole day where will do nothing but make love, sleep and make love again."

"Hmm. That sounds like a good plan.....after we do my plan." He nuzzled her neck. "I don't want you to get sick. Honestly Nat," he said seriously, "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

"I love you Nik."

He kissed her cheek. "Let's go to bed" he said moving to get up.

Nathalie shook her head. "I'm going to stay here and watch him sleep."

Settling back down, Nikolas pulled the blanket tighter around them. "Okay."

xxxxx

Robin squeezed Patrick's hand as they walked through the hospital doors. Though both had the day off they wanted to be at the hospital to support Nathalie through Grace's and Oliver's surgeries. They had, after their shower, slept tangled in each other with Patrick holding tightly to her. She knew that he was worried about the surgery and more so the effect on Nathalie if anything happened.

"Do you want to get some coffee before we go see the kids?" Robin asked.

"Sounds good" he said absently.

Robin rubbed his arm. "Can I do anything?"

"Stay with me?"

"Always" she said firmly as they walked through the cafeteria doors.

While Robin answered her cell phone, Patrick took their coffee to the cash to pay. He placed the cups down beside the cash. "Good morning Irene" he smiled at the cashier.

"Good morning Dr. Drake."

Fishing his wallet from his pocket, he was bumped from behind. Turning around, he glared at the offender.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry" the man said. "I didn't spill your coffee did I?"

Patrick shook his head. "No harm, no foul."

"Cool - thanks."

Patrick stared at the man for slightly longer than polite before responding to Irene's throat clearing. "Sorry sweetie - here you go" he said, handing the money to her. He picked up the cups and took one last look at the man before going in search of Robin.

Just hanging up her phone, she extended her hand expectantly to the coffee. Bringing it to her nose, she breathed it in deeply enjoying the scent of the fresh brew. Having paid her reverence to the liquid gold, she looked up at her husband and was surprised to find him staring off in to space. "Patrick?" she asked touching his arm. He shook his head and turned to her. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"I did" he said. "There was a guy in line, god Robin, if he had been about three inches taller he would have been the spitting image of Drew."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh baby - that's kind of spooky."

He nodded. "I'll say." Reaching for her hand, he shook his head one more time. "Let's go see the kids."

They found Nathalie and Nikolas in Grace's room, Nathalie holding her hand up to her daughter's on the other side of the isolation tent. The young girl's eyes brightened as she saw Patrick and Robin walk through the door.

"Patty!" she said hoarsely.

Still holding his hand, Robin felt it suddenly go clammy as he saw Grace, nearly bald and very pale behind the isolation. Giving it a small squeeze, she placed her lips against his shoulder "It's okay" she whispered.

Patrick was completely jarred by Grace's appearance. It had only been two days since he had seen her yet she looked significantly worse. His heart plummeted to his feet and his throat closed as she waved weakly to him. "Hi Gracie-lou" he said in forced brightness. "Who loves you?"

"You do" she wheezed.

"You bet I do munchkin. Are you all ready for your big adventure?"

She nodded. "Mommy says I'll feel better after."

He grinned. "You sure will and then you and I can go to the park and have a swinging competition."

"Patty" she groaned. "It's winter"

"Afraid you'll lose?" he winked. She stuck her tongue out at him before laying back against her pillow, exhausted. Looking over at Nathalie, he saw that Grace wasn't the only one who was pale and with dark circles under her eyes. "Hanging in there Nat?" he asked.

She smiled tiredly. "You bet."

The porter came into the room, knocking on the door. "I'm sorry to interrupt but it's time to take the patient to the OR."

"Her name is Grace" Nathalie corrected. "You should call her Grace."

He shrugged. "Fine. It's time to take Grace to the OR."

Nathalie turned to her friends and smiled bravely. "Would you all mind? I'd like a few minutes with Grace before she goes."

Nodding, Patrick blew kisses to her. "See you in a few hours baby."

"I love you Patty."

"I love you more" he teased.

Robin waved. "Bye Gracie - be good for Dr. Garcia."

Nikolas waved to Grace as well "Good luck Gracie" He let his hand rest on Nathalie's hip and pressed his lips to her ear. "I love you" he whispered. Covering his hand with hers she nodded but would not take her eyes from her daughter. The three shuffled out the door and walked towards the family waiting room.

Nathalie grinned at her daughter. "Have I told you today how much I love you?" she asked brightly.

"Yeah" her daughter confirmed.

"Can I tell you again?" Grace nodded. "I love you so much Gracie-lou"

"Tell me the heart story Mommy."

The porter sighed heavily but Nathalie gave him a steely glare. "The day your daddy and I found out I was carrying you we both got huge pains in our chest.."

"Did it hurt?" she asked wide-eyed.

"It didn't hurt because we knew what the pain was..."

"What was it?" she asked as excitedly as she could.

"It was our hearts growing - when we found out we were having you our hearts grew bigger and bigger so there would be room for you to live there."

"Do I still live there?" she asked quietly.

Nathalie put her hand over her heart and called upon all her strength to stay in control. "You sure do Gracie-lou - you live right here."

"I love you mommy" she replied.

"I love you too. You be a brave girl and I will see you in a few hours." Grace waved weakly as the porter wheeled her out of the room. Nathalie continued to wave until she was well out of sight. Alone in the cold, antiseptic room her knees gave way and she slid against the wall to the floor. Pulling her knees to the chest she rested her head against them. The tears fell slowly down her face and she made no effort to wipe them away - she felt helpless and alone. Despite the group of people gathered in the waiting room no one could truly share her fear - these were her children and her last remaining link to her husband. Not normally a risk taker, this felt like the biggest gamble of all.

"Nathalie?"

Noah's voice was so soft, she almost didn't hear him. Looking up, she wiped at her face quickly. "Hi Noah" she said quietly.

He slid down the wall beside her. "Hiding out?"

"Just for a little bit. Everyone is being so nice and supportive but I just wanted a few moments - is that a bad thing?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. Do you want me to go?"

"No" she gave him a small smile. "You're a very calming presence."

"I could say the same for you."

She sighed heavily. "I'm scared" she whispered.

Noah put his arm around her. "That's okay, you're allowed."

She rested her head against his shoulder. "Do you know why we called her Grace?" He shook his head. "Because that's what she was to us the minute we found out I was pregnant. Drew and I were both damaged but she was an act of mercy who forced us to be better people. She is such a loved child."

"Patrick says she looks like Drew."

"She does" Nathalie said nodding. "At first it hurt when I looked at her until I realized what a blessing it was to see him live on in her. She is my grace and if something happens..." her voice trailed off.

"I can't tell you nothing will happen but Nathalie, everything that can be done is being done."

"What about Oliver?" She wiped again at the tears that continued to fall. "He's such a sweet baby who in less than a year has lost his father and is being asked to save his sister's life. He doesn't even know Drew - I keep waiting for him to call Nik, daddy - poor little guy - not such a fun entrance to the world." Nathalie looked up at the ceiling. "I get Grace's leukemia, intellectually - I'm not even surprised to a certain extent - it killed my brother and why wouldn't there be a genetic link? I understand the surgery, the transplant - I get it all except for one thing."

"What's that?" Noah asked quietly.

She bit her lip and exhaled slowly. Turning to Noah, her green eyes brimmed with more tears. "Why does God keep trying to take what I have?"