Chapter 34

Nikolas had stayed by Nathalie's side, holding her hand, while she visited Oliver and he waited patiently while she peppered Dr. Garcia with more questions but he had been unusually silent through all of it. Even now as they walked along the pathway to the house he had yet to speak. She snuck looks at him in an attempt to determine what, if anything, was wrong. Once inside, she dropped his hand and stopped walking. Nikolas continued for several paces before turning around and looking at her quizzically.

"You haven't said a word in nearly 45 minutes - is something wrong?"

His dark eyes clouded over making it difficult for Nathalie to read them. "No" he said simply. "I just want to get you to bed so you can rest."

Arching an eyebrow, she looked at him incredulously. "Get me to bed?" She crossed her arm and leaned against a pillar. "I know that I've been kind of weak lately and you have taken such good care of me but I don't actually need to be put to bed..."

"Nat" he sighed. "You're exhausted and you need to sleep."

"You want me to sleep because you want to avoid talking about whatever is bothering you and that's not okay."

His face softened slightly and he walked towards her resting his hand on her waist. "I'm sorry. It's not you - I just have a lot on my mind, including worrying about you collapsing."

Nathalie let out a small sigh. "Nik, you and I are partners here and if something is bothering you then we should talk about it." Reaching up with her hand, she stroked his face lovingly. "And I'm not going to collapse. I might be a bit of an emotional mess but I am ridiculously strong physically."

Turning his face in to her hand, he kissed her palm. "I know" he said softly. "I just don't know what I would do if something happened to you - Nat I'm not sure you understand how much I want you - need you - in my life and I will do whatever it takes to protect you."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him tightly to her. "I love you Nik and when you're ready you can tell me about some of the other things on your mind."

He nodded, breathing her in. "I will, I promise." Moving suddenly, he scooped her in his arms and headed to the stairs carrying her. "But for right now..."

"You want to tuck me in - fine" she sighed exaggeratedly. Though pleased that she wasn't the cause of his melancholy she was still concerned as to what was. Setting her down on the bed, he sat and watched as she changed from her jeans in to a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. Pulling back the covers, she crawled underneath them, her muscles groaning at the realization that relaxation was not far.

"Happy?" she asked.

Giving her a small smile, he nodded. "Almost - I'll be happier when you close your eyes and get some sleep."

"Nik" she protested lightly.

"You forget" he said, stroking her face. "I share a bed with you and I know when you don't sleep. Close your eyes Nat" he whispered against her cheek.

Losing the battle against her fatigue, Nathalie did as he asked. "I love you Nik" she mumbled.

"I love you too" he said kissing her cheek.

He sat beside her, gently stroking her arm until he was sure she was sound asleep. He closed the door as he left the room and heading down the stairs, grabbed his coat before heading back outside. He jammed his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the wind whipping up the hill from the water. Trudging down to the launch, he hoped the biting cold would help him clear his head. Having crossed the water, he walked up the pier and headed to Kelly's. Rubbing his hands together as he stepped through the door, he nodded at Georgie and slid into a chair in the corner.

"Hi Nikolas" Georgie smiled as she approached the table.

"Hi Georgie - may I please have a coffee?"

"Sure thing - anything to eat?" He shook his head and she left to fill his order. He stared out the window and reflected back on the day. It had been one of revelations for him; he had discovered that Patrick supported him in his relationship with Nathalie and though he wouldn't admit it out loud it was the one thing he truly wanted as he knew how important his opinion was to Nathalie. He had also come to realize how much he had grown to love her children - Nathalie had not been alone in her worry for Oliver and his heart had ached when he said goodbye to Grace before she went down for surgery. He was almost frightened at how much he loved her and the lengths he was willing to go to for her.

"Is this seat taken?"

Pulled from his haze, Nikolas looked up and smiled at Robin pushing Rian in a stroller. "Not at all" he said standing up. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Robin smiled as Nikolas pulled her chair out for her. "Nah, Georgie will be here in a minute." She pulled Rian from his stroller and undid his snowsuit, settling him in her lap. "What brings you here Nik? I thought you would be at home with Nathalie."

Nikolas smiled, turning his coffee cup in his hands. "She's sleeping."

Tilting her head to the side, Robin studied his face. "You seem like you've got a lot on your mind."

Nikolas gave her a small smile. "Don't we all?"

"Oh dear - that's not a good sign. Can I help with anything?"

He shrugged and stared at the table. "Do you think I'm like my Uncle Stefan?" he asked looking up.

Robin looked at him in surprise. "Pardon? Stefan?" She shook her head. "Where did that come from?"

Nikolas leaned back against the chair and let out a long breath. "He was willing to do anything for the woman he loved. He risked everything for my mother including the wrath of my grandmother."

"Nik? Is something going on between you and Nat?" Normally even keeled, her friend suddenly seemed moody and more introspective than usual.

Nikolas ran his hand through his hair. "I hate Nathalie's parents" he said simply.

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "We all do Nik- they're horrible."

He shook his head. "You don't understand - I *hate* them. When Nathalie ended things with me after the custody hearing, I went to Greece. I knew that I lost her and there was no way to get her back - it would be up to her. But I sat there, playing with Spencer, I just couldn't get over the idea of parents not loving their child. I mean despite how they expressed it both my uncle and my mother loved me and I knew it." He took a short sip of his coffee. "They humiliated her and absued her - this kind, smart, funny, beautiful woman and they made her feel like she was unlovable." Robin winced at the memory of Nathalie's father declaring to an open court that he didn't love his daughter. "I had nothing but time on my hands in Greece and so I started a plan to destroy her parents" he continued.

Robin looked at him kindly. "But Nik - that's normal - you love her."

"But Robin - unlike others, I can actually put my plans in to motion. I had no reason to believe that Nat and I would get back together but I swore I would make her parents pay for hurting her so much. I started to buy up interest in her father's firm, I called in favours to block his government contracts which is where the bulk of their revenue comes from and there was a point today where I threatened to end him."

"Nikolas - you are not a violent person. You were just blowing off steam. It has been such a stressful period for everyone and her parents only made it worse."

He shook his head. "Robin - I was willing to end him" he insisted. "I think...." he paused. "I think I'm becoming a Cassadine and that terrifies me."

Reaching across the table, Robin squeezed his hand. "I have known you for more than a decade and I have seen you cope with any number of nearly impossible situations and you did so with grace and dignity. You are not your father nor are you your grandmother. You are the best of being a Cassadine."

He shook his head. "I just don't know. Everyone has an ultimate fear and mine is being like Stavros or Helena. What if evil is a gene that just waits to be woken up and that her parents have done that to me."

Robin shifted Rian in her lap and looked intently into his dark eyes. "Nikolas I spent a lot of time in medical school studying genetics and I feel confident in telling you that evil is not a gene - it's a choice. Your father and your grandmother, even Stefan made choices and the consequences stemmed from that. Look at you and Alexis - you guys have made different choices and have better lives as a result. You're close with Lucky - Lulu trusts you with everything - you have a son who is so obviously loved - you are not evil."

He gave her a small, appreciative smile. "I've never really felt so violent before" he said quietly.

"When Bruce was making my life so difficult when I was pregnant with this one" she said, nodding at Rian. "Patrick went to see Sonny."

His mouth fell open in surprise. "He did?"

She nodded. "Asked Sonny to kill him. And Nik, Patrick abhors violence and the line of work that Sonny and Jason are in offends him but he wanted Sonny to do something."

"I'm guessing Sonny didn't"

"Despite everything, Sonny is a smart guy and he recognized that Patrick needed to control something - anything - because so much of what was happening was outside of his control. So Sonny offered to keep an eye on Bruce. It's the same with you Nik - you're hurting for Nathalie - you can't cure Gracie - you can't make the pain of Drew's suicide go away and then you see her parents opening fresh wounds every time and so you feel that at least that is something you can control."

Nikolas grinned at her, comforted by her wise words. "You know, apparently all that higher education paid off."

Robin giggled. "I should hope so - I just paid off my last student loan."

"You know what's weird?"

"This is Port Charles - you'll need to be more specific."

He rolled his eyes at her comment. "I'm angry with her husband. How weird is that? I mean if he hadn't died, I never would have met her and I never would have fallen in love and my life would be so very different now. But at the same time, it hurt her and it hurt those kids and it makes me wish I could shake him."

"It's not weird" she said reassuringly. "Not even a little. Nikolas, one of your greatest qualities is your fierce loyalty to your friends and how you want to protect them. Nathalie is lucky to be loved by you."

"I'm pretty lucky too" he said hoarsely.

She nodded. "Then why don't you go home and be with her?" she suggested. "You're not becoming your father - I'll tell you if you are."

His head snapped up. "Promise? Do you promise you'll tell me?"

Robin narrowed her eyes and squeezed his hand again. "I do. I promise Nik."

He inhaled deeply. "Thanks Robin - you are such a good friend to me."

"And you me."

He stood up and pulled his jacket from the chair. He kissed her on her cheek and kissed Rian on the top of his head. "Thanks again. I'll see you both soon."

She smiled as Rian gave him a small wave. "See you Nik."

xxxxx

Nikolas climbed the stairs to their bedroom and quietly opened the door. He stood and stared at Nathalie lying on her side, her eyes fluttering as she slept. She was simply the most beautiful person he knew. Closing the door behind him, he pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his pants, laying them on the chair. He padded to the bed and gently pulled the covers back, easing himself in beside her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tightly to him.

"Mmm. You're back" she said sleepily.

He nuzzled her neck. "You're supposed to be asleep" he mumbled.

"I am - I just sleep better with your arms around me." She turned over in his arms to face him, lightly tracing her fingers over his skin. "Were you able to clear your head?"

"How did you know?"

"Because I'm a genius!" she teased quietly. "And you always go for a walk when you need to clear the cobwebs."

He pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'll tell you all about it another time."

"Okay" she sighed snuggling in closer to him.

"But there is something I do want to tell you know."

Her eyes flew open. "What is it?" Her voice betrayed the nervousness she was trying to hide.

He stroked her face. "It's not a bad thing."

"I know" she said unconvincingly.

"I've never had a best friend" he said quietly.

"What?"

He swallowed. "I've never had a best friend. Lucky and I are close but we're brothers and there's a history there that always threatens to make itself known. I loved Emily and Courtney but it wasn't the same. I've never had someone that I could just tell everything to - that I could be goofy with..."

"Um, sweetie - you don't know how to do goofy" she teased.

He smiled. "Brat!" Nathalie looked at him cross-eyed, struggling to stay awake. "I've never had a best friend" he repeated. "Until I met you. You're my lover and my partner but under all that - you are my very best friend in the world and I love you."

She smiled and nipped at his bottom lip. "I love you too Nik." She settled in against his chest and sighed contentedly. He closed his arms around her, resting his head against hers - his concerns of being like Stavros now a distant memory.

xxxxx

Robin sat with Rian on her lap in the rocking chair, reading him a story. He squealed in delight as he touched the fluffy rabbit on the page and squeezed the clown's nose. The tactile book had been a gift from Brenda and was one of Rian's favourites.

"Your godmother is still ignoring my calls Rian" she said softly. "I think I may have to go see her. What do you think?" Rian gurggled and smiled, his first tooth showing. "Daddy won't think it's a great idea but Grandpa Noah is miserable and Brenda is miserable" she sighed. "I think we should knock their heads together - don't you?"

Robin rocked back and forth, turning the page in the book. Story time was interrupted by the sound of an alarm going off. Robin's stomach lurched as she stood up from the chair. Carrying Rian, she walked in to the bathroom and set him down on the counter. Closing her eyes she set a silent wish in to the universe and picked up the plastic stick. Turning it over in her hand, she slowly pried her eyes open and stared at the little window. It was a minus sign. She sighed and kissed Rian's forehead.

"I guess Daddy and I will have to try again to get you a little brother." She leaned against the counter, deflated. She had taken it for granted that she would be pregnant the first time they tried after getting pregnant with Rian without any planning. She blinked back the surprising tears and held Rian to her chest. "Oh baby" she sighed.