Chapter 38

"Will you marry me?"

Nikolas stopped moving and just stared at her. "Wh…wha..what did you just ask me?"

Dropping her hands from his neck, she jammed them in her pockets. "I asked you to marry me."

"You're very drunk" he said lightly.

"I am" she nodded. "But not so drunk that I don't know what I'm asking."

Wetting his suddenly dry lips with his tongue, he let out a long, slow, steady breath. "Can we talk about this later, when you're sober?"

Nathalie made a move away from him but he was too quick for her, snaking his arm around her waist and pulling her towards him. She stared at the ground for several seconds before meeting his eyes. "Is that a no?"

Reaching out to stroke her cheek he was surprised to find his hand trembling slightly. "No – it's an 'I don't want to have this discussion in a bar when you're drunk and may not remember it tomorrow'." Biting the inside of his cheek, he scolded himself as he saw her insecurities fall around her like curtains. "Nat" he said intently, locking eyes with her. "I love you – fully, completely – and we will have this discussion. It's just too important to have it now."

"Okay" she nodded, disappointedly.

Reaching for her hands, he pulled them from her pockets and linked his fingers through hers. He pulled her flush against him. "What do you say we go home?" He kissed her neck tenderly. "And I want to be alone with you" he whispered.

Nathalie did her best to push away the biting disappointment. She was drunk but that in fact is what liberated her to ask the question she had wanted to ask him for weeks. For months, since Patrick and Robin's wedding, she knew that she wanted to marry him but had banished those thoughts from her head because she was still unsure about how he felt. Having been so exposed during the custody trial she was sure he would be disgusted by her and was one of the reasons she ended it with him. She had lost so much by that point, having him reject her would have been more than she could bear. His return from Greece had changed everything for her and she vowed that she would not walk away from him a second time.

They stopped by the table and said good night to their friends before heading out in to the cold winter night.

Lulu rested her head on Ethan's shoulder, losing her battle with sleep. He smiled as he watched her eyes struggle to stay open. "Come on" he said, pulling her to her feet. "Let's get you home"

"Are you taking me to bed?" she tried to ask suggestively.

"No – tonight I'm putting you to bed" he said gently, kissing her forehead. "You're going to hate yourself in a few hours." He helped her with her coat and taking her by the hand, led her out the door.

Still ensconced in Patrick's lap, Robin waggled her eyebrows. "Who says married couples have no fun? We're the last ones standing!"

"Technically we're sitting" he grinned.

"Details, details" she dismissed. "You know…."

"Oh lord" he whispered under his breath.

"You know" she started again. "I feel like quoting Top Gun"

"Pardon?"

"You know – Goose and his wife?" Seeing the blank look on Patrick's face, Robin slapped his chest.
"Owww!" he groaned. "Do you have any idea how hard you hit?"

"As I was saying" she carried on. "Goose and his wife – 'Take me to bed or lose me forever!!"

He shook his head. "You think we're going to get busy tonight?"

"Why?" she purred "Don't you want me?" She pressed herself hard against him.

"I always want you Robin" he said, feeling himself stir "But you are *this* close to passing out"

"Well then we could just bang right here!" She sat up straight, suddenly enthused with her idea. "Remember? Remember the night Mrs. Dixon died and you came here for a drink and I was drunk and I offered to bang you on all the flat surfaces Jake's had to offer? Remember? And you said no and that you wanted a rain check – well….you can collect!"

Patrick chuckled as he thought back to that night. It had been a terrible day at the hospital, having lost a patient with a similar condition to his mother's. He had faltered when telling the young boy of his mother's death and his father had stepped in to help him. He had come to Jake's to blow off some steam and walked in on Robin and her friends half in the bottle with tequila shots. He and Robin had been taking one step forward and a dozen back and weren't on good terms when he walked in to the bar. Loosened by the tequila, she was willing to give in to the tension between them and offered to give him a "special" tour of the bar. He had been moved by her offer of comfort and thought she was adorable. He also knew that there was no way he could take advantage of her in her state. It took her a long time to make up her mind as she weighed her decisions carefully. His desire for her was absolute but it was important to him that she not regret her decision to sleep with him – he wanted her willingly and sober. She had been disappointed when he turned her down but he knew even then that being with her was going to be special and a dirty romp in a bar wasn't what he wanted.

He tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her nose. "I want to bank that for another day. Let's go home, get some water in to you and go to bed."

"But what about banging?" she whined, grinding her hips against his.

Putting his hands on her hips, he stilled her. "Baby – we um…er…we bang a lot and one night of not banging isn't going to kill you though your hangover might."

"Party pooper" she pouted.

"Yes I am." He stood up letting her slide from his lap. "Let's go home"

She sighed exaggeratedly and reached for her coat. Baffled by the sleeves, Patrick watched in amusement as she struggled for several minutes trying to get her arms through the outside first. Seeing her frustration mount, he took the coat from her and held it open, helping her bend her elbows to get it on.

"Stupid coat" she mumbled.

"Five bucks says you pass out in the taxi"

"Oh yea of little faith" she countered as they slid in to the waiting car.

Patrick smiled as her head found his shoulder and her eyes closed within minutes of the taxi moving. Being right was fun.

xxxxx

Nikolas lay on his back staring at the ceiling. Nathalie was wrapped around him, sleeping soundly. He smiled at her tiny little snores and mused on how long it had been since she had slept so well. Bringing his hand down, he stroked her hair gently. He had been completely surprised by her proposal. It was not that he hadn't thought of making the same proposal to her, he was just surprised that she was even considering it.

He loved her in a way that he had loved no other woman. She was his partner and strengthened him with her love. One of the things that he loved most about her was her humility about what she had to offer. She loved him instinctually – there was no pretense, no airs. There were no grand gestures rather millions and millions of tiny ones. She had been so gentle with his heart and so good to his family that he couldn't imagine living a day without her. But marriage scared him. There were so many things that went along with marrying in to his family not the least of which was that it would likely bring his grandmother out of hiding. He knew Helena would not approve of her and would undoubtedly move against her or both of them. The idea of Nathalie being hurt in any way because of him would undo him. He wanted to keep her safe – he needed to keep her safe and would do anything to make that happen.

Nathalie stirred against him, lifting her head with a small groan. Nikolas smiled. "How's that head?"

"Shhh" she said with her eyes still closed. "Not so loud." He kissed the top of her head. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Why? Did I keep you up?" he asked in concern.

"No." She shifted bringing herself closer to him, snaking her arms around him. "But I just know when you don't sleep."

"I was just thinking" he said quietly.

"And would you be thinking at all about the question I asked you last night?" She felt Nikolas tense under her body.

"You remember?"

"I was drunk –I didn't have a lobotomy" she said kindly. Sitting up, she turned to face him and saw the bags under his eyes. She ran her fingers over them gently. "We don't have to get married" she said softly. "I'm okay with the way things are."

"It's not that." He closed his hand over hers, bringing it to his lips. "Are you sure….."

"Next month will be the first anniversary of Drew's death. A year ago next month I thought my life was over. I didn't think finding love a second time would be possible and I had resigned myself to being a single mom. And then I met you. Nikolas, I remember the first time we met when you ran in to me…."

"Um, you ran in to me" he teased.

"As I was the one who wound up on the floor, you definitely ran in to me" she grinned. "I remember the first time you held my hand – my heart leapt. Then there was the night that the storm hit and I stayed over – you kissed me. My stomach flipped, my heart raced and my head swirled – unable to make single coherent thought, save one."

"Which was?" he asked curiously.

"This man and I are going to have a long journey together." She ran her fingers over his chest. "I just didn't think the journey would start so soon. I know I may come across as indecisive but there are some things you just know. And I know I love you and I know I want to grow old with you – whether or not we need to be married to do so is a detail."

Nikolas closed his eyes for several seconds before opening them and gazing at her. "I remember our first kiss too. My knees nearly gave out from it. But I also remember it for what came next – you saved my sister's life – you held my hand – you pushed me in to action while trying to keep your own pain at bay. There aren't a lot of people in my life, outside my family, who have been selfless where I'm concerned. But you were and you will never fully know what that means to me."

"But you don't want to get married…."

"Marrying me is complicated Nat – I worry that it might endanger you. Your parents may be evil but my grandmother is downright psychopathic. I want to marry you – and truthfully, in here" he tapped his heart. "I already am married to you."

Her eyes brimmed with tears. "Me too" she said hoarsely.

"I wasn't sure that you felt the same way but now that I know you do – I can make some arrangements." He stroked her face with the back of his hand. "Will you trust me enough to wait for a bit?"

She gently captured his lips, sucking gently on his bottom lip. "I would wait forever for you."

"You won't have to – I promise."