Chapter 39

Both Robin and Patrick snapped their heads up. Diving for the phone, Patrick snatched it from the cradle.

"Dad??"

"Patrick?"

"Wha...what...what do you mean he's missing?"

"I mean he's not here - his chart doesn't indicate that he's been released and neither Dr. Garcia nor Epiphany knows where he is. I was going to call Nathalie but..."

"No, no - you did the right thing" he confirmed, his chest tightening. He clenched his eyes shut, wondering when her luck was going to change. Robin ran her hands soothingly over his shoulders while he spoke with Noah. She could feel his shoulders knot under her hands. "I'll be right in." Clicking the off button, he held the phone against his forehead.

"Are you okay baby?" Robin asked quietly, resting her chin on his shoulder, closing her arms around his waist.

"How the hell does a baby go missing Robin? I can't....she will.....how many times can one person keep coming back?"

"What are you afraid of?"

Patrick sighed heavily but couldn't speak for the lump in his throat. Chewing on his bottom lip, he tried to steady his breathing. "Before....before you came downstairs I was thinking about Drew..."

"I thought you were thinking about the outbreak?" Robin questioned.

"I was." He leaned back in to her embrace. "I was thinking about a phone call I had with Drew during the outbreak - it was no big deal but it was one of the last times I spoke with him. One of the things that made losing him the tiniest bit easier has been having Nat - and the kids - but having Nat in my life - she's that connection to the life I had before you." Robin nodded. "And I'm afraid if something has happened to Oliver....." Patrick blinked several times, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I don't know what she'll do - I'm afraid I'll lose her." He dropped his head, the tears falling in to his lap. "I can't lose anything more" he whispered.

Robin tightened her grip around her husband and pressed her lips into his shoulder. "One thing at a time baby. Let's get dressed and go in." Patrick nodded, putting his hands over hers. "I love you" she whispered against his skin. He nodded mutely before slowly getting up and heading to the shower. Robin sighed as she pulled her robe around her and followed him up the stairs.

xxxxx

Noah met Patrick and Robin by the Nurses Station. Robin couldn't help but notice how haggard he looked - the circles under his eyes were deeper, his face was thinner. He had thrived with Brenda in his life and now he was struggling yet again. Her flight to Rome could not come soon enough. "Hi Noah" she said quietly as Patrick gripped her hand.

"I'm sorry - I shouldn't have brought you out here on your days off" he said as he ran his hand through his salt and pepper hair.

"Why? Where is he?" Patrick asked urgently, his eyes darting around the lobby.

Noah sighed. "Transferred. To Saint Mary's in Virginia. Her parents came in with their lawyer and they moved him."

"What!" Patrick exclaimed. Robin ran her thumb along the inside of his palm trying to soothe him. "What doctor signed off on his transfer?"

Noah shook his head. "No one - they had a court order. A nurse signed off on the chart but the order wasn't in the chart when I first saw it."

"Is Gracie still here or did they steal her too?"

"She's here and still sedated. Patrick - I'm sorry to have worried you."

"I haven't stopped worrying just because he's with the Harders. What is the name of the nurse?"

"Patrick..." Robin started.

"No!" he snapped. "I want the name of this nurse - I left specific orders in his chart that he was not to be moved or discharged without approval from me and Garcia."

"Sport - they had a court order..."

"I don't fucking care" he said, his rage boiling up. "I want the name of the nurse."

"No" Noah said, crossing his arms. "I am not going to let you unleash your fear on some poor nurse who was just doing what was asked of her."

"Asked of her?? What about the orders I wrote" he shook his hand free of Robin's. "What about what I asked for - how dare SHE!" Patrick's bellowing voice could be heard all through the waiting room.

Noah put a hand on Patrick's knotted shoulder. "Patrick - son - you need to calm down.."

He shrugged it off. "Don't tell me to calm down!!"

"Patrick" Noah said softly. "What are you so angry about?"

"They stole him!" he spat. "They stole her kid and I didn't stop it - I was supposed to stop it." Robin and Noah exchanged worried glances. Patrick's behaviour was becoming increasingly irrational.

Stepping forward, Noah took Patrick by the elbow. "Patrick - let's got to my office."

"I don't want to go to your office - I want the name of the nurse!"
"I'll give you her name after we go to my office."

"Are you handling me?" Patrick's eyes flashed with anger.

"I will if I have to" he said firmly.

"Patrick" Robin said, touching his lower back. "I'm going to go get Rian from Wyndermere, I'll let Nathalie know about Oliver and then why don't I meet you back here?"

"Would you both stop talking to me like I'm insane?"

"Then stop acting like it" Noah said sharply. "Let's go to my office." He nodded at Robin and steered his son away from the gaping strangers.

Patrick said nothing as he followed his father to his office, his heart was beating rapidly and his head was pounding. Entering Noah's office, he flopped on to the couch. "Don't look at me like that" Patrick grumbled as he watched his father ease himself into a chair.

"Like what?" Noah asked, arching his eyebrow. Patrick dropped his eyes. "While I get that you're worried about Oliver, I'm a little concerned at how upset you are." Patrick shrugged. "You know, you used to do that when you were 16 as a way to avoid answering questions. It didn't work then and it won't work now. Patty what's going on?"

He lifted his head at his father's use of the nickname he hadn't used in years. Reaching in to his pocket, he fished out his wallet and pulled a worn piece of paper from it, handing it to his father. Noah took the paper and carefully unfolded it. He scanned it quickly before closing his eyes. "Why do you still carry this with you?"

"As a reminder" he said quietly.

"A reminder for what?"

"Of what my obligations are. He asked me to take care of his children and his wife and I haven't done a very good job at either."

"Patrick" Noah's face softened. "This is a suicide note, not a set of instructions. You have done the very best you can by Nathalie and the kids but you are not responsible for them."

"Yes I am" he said defensively. "I am - he asked me to be. Oliver is now with the two people she doesn't want him to be with and I couldn't stop it - I couldn't stop it" Even Patrick was surprised at the emotions overflowing in him. "I couldn't stop him" he said quietly.

"Couldn't stop whom?" Noah asked, knowing the answer.

"Drew" he said hoarsely. "It's almost a year since he died..."

Noah nodded knowingly. "So his anniversary is approaching?" Patrick nodded quickly. "And you're feeling helpless?"

Patrick ran his hands through his hair. "I shouldn't be - I shouldn't feel helpless - I have Robin and Rian. I've thought about Drew plenty over the last year but it hasn't hurt like this in a very long time – not since I found out. All I could think of when you called was that I failed Nat and Drew."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Failed? Patrick how do you think you've failed them?"

Patrick leaned his head against the couch and stared at the ceiling. He didn't know how to explain it, how to tell another person the delayed regret he had been feeling for days at his inability to recognize that Drew was in trouble. Nathalie's reaction to Drew's suicide was scorched in his memory; he had never seen nor felt such fury in another person and he had begun to think that if only he had been honest with Nathalie the moment he found out, he may have spared her the court case, the public humiliation and the pain of having her children ripped from her. The pain of all it was nearly paralyzing him.

Noah watched quietly as the emotions crossed Patrick's face. He had always been a sensitive child, feeling things more deeply, more profoundly than people ever realized. Though he hadn't seen Patrick's reaction the night he received Drew's letter, he knew from Robin and he knew from being Patrick's father that it rocked him to his core. Patrick was afraid of loss and held tightly to those around him. He had seen how his son had watched Nathalie, ready to ride to her rescue if necessary and he knew that his son would spend the rest of his life trying to make up to her and the children for something that was neither his fault nor his responsibility. His son couldn't stand to see others in pain - it had been the reason he had kept a cold distance between himself and all of his patients. Robin had changed that in him but Patrick's fear and worry still existed just below the surface.

"I thought I was okay" he said hoarsely "but...."

"It hurts?" Noah offered.

Patrick nodded. "Just out of nowhere - it grabbed my chest and hasn't let go."

"Have you told Robin?" He shook his head. "Why not?"

"I don't know" He rubbed his hands over his face. "I guess I'm still afraid she will think me weak."

Noah moved from his chair to sit beside his son on the couch. "She would never think that of you son. Don't you think she knows how much this hurts? Anniversaries are hard. There is no way around them - only through and it's going to hurt like hell - just hang on to those you love and you'll be okay."

Patrick smirked, wiping at the tears in his eyes. "Does it get easier?"

Noah nodded. "It does - it never gets better but it does get easier." He handed the note back to Patrick. "Why don't you take this and put it away somewhere where you won't see it every day. Don't let this define who Drew was - it's only a part of who he was and not the best part. By loving Nathalie and the kids you are doing exactly what he asked of you. You cannot bend the universe to your will - there are other forces at work - concentrate on what's within your control and leave the rest - like court orders and Nat's parents."

"You're pretty smart you know" he joked tiredly.

"In fact I do" he smiled.

xxxxx

"Excuse me ma'am?"

Robin, on her way to her car in the hospital parking garage, turned her head at the sound of the man's voice. "Yes?"

"You dropped this" he said, handing her an envelope.

She looked at the envelope – it was a letter addressed to her father. "Oh wow, thanks" she said taking it from him.

"My pleasure" he smiled sweetly.

Robin narrowed her eyes and stared at him for a moment. "Do I know you?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think so. I'm Anthony, Anthony Waters" Bruce said, extending his hand to her.

Robin shook it. "Sorry about that – you remind me of someone. Robin Scorpio"

"I seem to be getting that a lot lately" he replied, smiling.

"Well, thanks for this" she said holding up the envelope.

"Any time – have a good day Robin."

"Thank you…er, Anthony – you too." Robin walked to her car shaking her head. She had a chill run down her spine but for the life of her couldn't figure out why.