Chapter 46

Robin walked along the cobbled street to Brenda's piazza. Given the number of times she had made the trek, the route was almost as familiar as the one to her old apartment in Paris. After her mini-meltdown in the bathroom, she and Patrick had ordered room service and stayed in bed, snuggled up together. They had talked and dozed and just held on to each other in a way they had never done. Robin told him more stories about Paris - her discovery of a tiny bakery around the corner from her apartment where she became almost like a daughter to the owners - they had made her a cake when she announced she was returning to the States. He smiled and kissed her head as she shared with him the story of the day she realized her protocol worked and how it confirmed her career choice for her. He fed her strawberries dipped in champagne as he told her bold tales of his residency and the first time he was allowed to fly solo in the OR.

He walked her to the Metro and wished her luck with Brenda. He planned to explore Rome on foot and wait for her back at the hotel. Robin had stopped at the market and picked up three bottles of wine, along with bread, cheese and olives - they were going to need drinks and lots of them to get through this. She bounded up the stairs to her door and rang the bell. Brenda's longtime housekeeper, Gabriella, opened the door.

"Bonjourno Robin" she greeted her warmly.

"Bonjourno Gabriella. She's not home yet is she?" she asked coming through the door.

"No - soon" she said in her limited English.

"Okay - grazie - I'm going to set up."

"Si Senora"

Robin set her shopping down in Brenda's living room. She opened the first bottle of wine, a Chianti, and set out the food. She poured herself a large glass and ensconced herself on the couch to wait. She had called Gabriella from the hotel to find out what time Brenda was expected home so that she could time her arrival. Gabriella had been happy to hear from Robin as her employer had not been herself since her return from the States. Robin did not have long to wait as she heard the large front door creak open.

"Gabriella!" Brenda called coming through the door. "Gabriella - I need the largest glass of wine - do we have any Masi...." the words died on her lips as she walked in to the living room and saw Robin leaning back against the fluffy pillows of her couch, her legs tucked up underneath her.

"I've just opened a nice bold Chianti" Robin said smiling. "Why don't you pour yourself a glass?"

"Ro-ro-robin" Brenda stammered. "What - when - what are you doing here?"

She shrugged smiling. "Mountain, Mohammad and all that." She patted the couch beside her. "Come and sit"

Brenda sucked in a breath and on shaky legs walked to the table and poured herself a glass before joining Robin on the couch. "Hi" she said sheepishly.

"Hi yourself."

"How are you? Rian? Patrick?"

"We're fine - worried about you but fine."

"I'm okay" she said with forced brightness. "Work has been so busy lately - I'm sorry I haven't called but it's just been nuts and trying to figure out the time difference, I mean I don't want to wake Rian - oh my god, Rian - did you bring photos, I would SO love to see what he looks like...."

Robin put her hand over her friend's. "I need you to breathe and then take a big gulp of your wine" she said kindly.

Brenda bit her lip and took a steadying breath. Bringing her glass to her lips she drained it. "I suppose you want to talk about Noah?"

She shook her head. "I want to talk about you..."

"I'm fine" she protested.

Robin arched her eyebrow. "Who do you think you're talking to? I *know* you" she said touching her heart.

Brend scampered from the couch and brought the bottle back with her filling both their glasses. She swirled the rich, red liquid around in her glass watching as the light turned it ruby. "I freaked" she said softly. "I freaked and ran but" she looked up at her friend "we both knew that was just a matter of time, right?"

"What happened?"

Her eyes filled with tears. She remembered pulling the lid from the small box and seeing the key to Noah's apartment nestled against a velvet lining.

"Move in with me Brenda - come and live with me" he asked earnestly.

"Noah - I..." too dumbstruck to speak, she stared at the key.

"We work Brenda and I love you. You are here almost all the time and I want you here permanently. So what do you say? Ready to make a home with me?"
Every fibre of her being screamed at her to say yes - say yes and stop running - say yes and be loved - say yes and love someone kind with your whole heart - say yes and be complete. Every fibre of her being screamed at her to say yes except for one. The small voice in the back of her head reminded her of her track record, of past infidelities and of her inability to give of herself completely. She had opened her mouth to tell him yes, that she loved him too but the words got stuck in her throat and she did what she had done her whole life - she ran. She literally ran from his apartment, wrapping her coat around her expensive and revealing lingerie. Running all the way to the hotel, she hastily threw everything in to her suitcases and hired a driver to take her to New York. She changed into traveling clothes, checked out and turned off her cell phone before leaving Port Charles. Her stomach churned and her chest hurt - neither symptom disappeared when her plane touched down in Rome but at least she was far enough away that she couldn't go back to him in a moment of weakness. She had thrown herself in to her work hoping she could ignore the hole in her heart but it didn't matter how many hours she worked, how many parties she went to, nothing changed how she felt. At the parties she tried to flirt and seduce but they were empty gestures. She loved Noah and no one could come close.

"He asked me to move in with him" she whispered as she looked back at her glass.

Robin moved closer to her friend and put her arm around her. "Did you want to Bren?" She nodded tearfully. "Oh Bren" Robin sighed as she kissed the side of her head. "You must have been so scared to run like that."

Brenda shrugged. Fear had been so much a part of her life. In the end that was much of what made her run from Noah. Staying with him, loving him, being loved by him would mean that she could give up all her fears and worries about not being good enough. She had been afraid for so long she didn't know who she was without it.

"He called me" she said flatly.

"How did that go?"

"Not well" she snorted. "The moment I heard his voice I turned to jelly - I started to shake and cry and I couldn't form words - you would have been so proud."

Putting down her wine glass, Robin gathered her friend in her arms. "Why didn't you call me?" she asked as Brenda melted against her. "You have been by my side so many times, helping me through - did you think I wouldn't do the same for you?"

"I just couldn't"

Brenda's voice softened as Robin's warmth washed over her. Opening her mouth to speak, she shut it again - there was no way she was ready to tell Robin about the torturous game she played, calling Noah's cell phone just to hear his voice. The first time she did it, she got his voice mail and listened to the richness of his voice inviting the caller to leave a message. She nearly did - the words were on the tip of her tongue but she hung up before she said anything she couldn't take back or follow through on. The next time she called she froze as he answered. He had known it was her the minute he answered and as a result fell in to a pattern - she would call and say nothing, he would tell her that he loved her and then wait - they were both waiting for her to find her voice, she just hadn't done so yet.

"Brenda" Robin said softly as she felt her sweater dampen underneath her tears. Her maternal instincts kicked in and she held her, stroking her hair. "It's going to be okay" she soothed. "You have me - you will always have me"

Lifting her head, she wiped furiously at her tears. "He must hate me."

Robin shook her head. "Not hate - he misses you Brenda - he misses YOU."

Sitting up straight she reached for her wine glass. "Your husband must be furious with me."

Leaning back Robin studied her face. "Would it be easier for you if people were angry with you?"

"What?"

"No one, not Patrick, not me and certainly Noah, no one is angry with you but you keep expecting us to be - why?"

"I hurt him" she said simply.

"Yeah you did - you handled it in a cowardly fashion" Brenda flinched at Robin's truthful words. "But Bren - the person you hurt the most was yourself."

Sighing deeply she took another drink. "Not much has changed for me."

"Then make it stop" she said emphatically. "You don't have to hurt like this Brenda. You can come home with me - come home to Noah and rebuild."

She shook her head. "I can't"

"No, you won't and there's a huge difference." She took both of Brenda's hands in hers. "When I wasn't sure about Patrick, when I didn't think I could take the risk because I was too afraid you told me that a life lived in fear is a life half-lived and I had an obligation to life fully. You have that same obligation Bren - it's time to meet your life head on."

"I hate it when you throw my words back at me" she said teasingly through her tears.

Robin smiled back at her. "Well when you're right, you're right."

"How long are you staying in Rome for?"

"A week or as long it takes to convince you to come home - home Brenda."

"Does Noah know you're here?"

"He thinks Patrick and I are at a conference in Vienna."

"Patrick's here?" she asked, whipping her head around.

"He's at the hotel - and it's fine."

"I really love him Robin - it's different from Sonny and Jax - it's a rush but a quiet one - there's no danger, no waiting for the shoe to drop - just this quiet rush."

"That's like me and Patrick..."

"Newsflash Robs - there is nothing quiet about you and Patrick" she teased.

Blushing to her roots, Robin swatted at her friend. "You're a beast." Brenda giggled in response. "We could call him you know."

She paled visibly. "I..I ...I wouldn't know what to say."

"You could start with hello and go from there."

Shaking her head, she looked at her friend fearfully. "I...Robin...I..."

"I'll be right here with you." Holding Brenda's hand she pulled her cell phone from her purse with her free hand and hit the preprogrammed button. Brenda's hand started to shake inside of Robin's.

"Drake" came the familiar voice.

"Hey ya Gramps - how are things?"

"Robin" She could hear his smile through the phone. "Everything's fine - Rian and I are having a great time together - we're going to build a fort outside tomorrow."

"Sounds great."

"How was your flight - you and Patrick are okay?"

"We are - we're good. Listen Noah, I have someone who would like to talk to you." She held out the phone to Brenda who had begun to tremble. Robin pressed the phone in to her hand.

Swallowing thickly, Brenda closed her eyes. "H-hi Noah" her voice was barely above a whisper.

Nearly dropping the phone in shock, Noah sank to the couch as his legs shook. "Hi Brenda" he said softly. "Ho-how are you?"

She nodded until she realized he couldn't see her reaction. "I'm okay"

"That's good" Noah looked at Rian sleeping in his playpen, sure that the hammering of his heart was so loud it would wake it up.

"I'm sorry" she said for the millionth time.

"I know Brenda - I know baby."

She closed her eyes at the term of endearment. "I miss you" she said unthinkingly. Robin smiled, knowing what an enormous admission that was for her friend.

Noah's eyes filled with tears. "I miss you too" he replied quietly.

Suddenly exhausted, Brenda sank against the couch. "I have to go now"

"Okay." The understanding that meant so much to her was still in evidence. "I love you Brenda" Tears streamed down her face as she handed the phone back to Robin.