Chapter 49

The frigid air scorched her lungs as she ran. There was no direction and no destination, just a desire to run as fast as she could until it stopped hurting. The only problem was that she didn't know how far that was. The tears in her eyes stung, the wind nearly making them into tiny icicles. Her legs kept moving carrying her away from the place of her most recent humiliation. She was used to being goofy; awkward even, but total and complete humiliation was a new experience.

Lulu finally skidded to a stop as her legs turned to rubber. She simply could not take another step. Panting and spent, she leaned against a lamppost and for the first time felt the bile rise in her throat.

"Listen, listen - we have the trump card - there's a girl in the house with HIV - we'll just use that against them and it's a slam dunk."

Trump card. The words rattled around in her brain. Even in her darkest of places, she never would have imagined that she could be used against her friends, against the people who mattered most to her, in such a way. There was only one solution available to her and that was to remove herself from the situation. She had dared Douglas to use her disease like a weapon but it was false bravado. The idea that her having HIV could cost Nathalie her kids and even cost Nikolas his happiness was mind blowing.

Her breathing slowed and the sweat that had been pouring down her back chilled her now. She needed someone to talk to and the irony was not lost on her that Ethan would have been the best person to give her perspective. She thought of calling her father but the mere hint that he wouldn't have time to speak to her was more than she could bear. She peeled herself from the lamppost and started to walk. It wasn't until she caught sight of the familiar blue and grey sign that she realized she had run straight to the one person she wished could help her.

Walking along the hallway, her nose crinkling at the antiseptic smell, she stopped outside her mother's room and inhaled deeply. It would be a one way conversation but there was a part of her that hoped for once, just once, her mother would wake up and take her in her arms and tell her that she loved her.

"Hi Mom" she said, sinking to her knees in front of her. "You look pretty today." Picking up one of Laura's hands, she held it to her cheek. "It's pretty cold out there." She stared at her mother who sat staring straight ahead unblinking and unmoving. "So life kind of sucks right now – I was dating this guy – a great guy Mom, you would love him – but it's kind of fallen apart." Playing with her mother's fingers she realized for the first time that they had the same hands. She opened her mouth to speak again but was silenced by the futility. Standing up she rubbed her hands on her jeans. Leaning in, she kissed her mother on the cheek. "I love you Mom – I wish you and I could talk, really talk, like we used to but no matter what I love you."

Stifling a small sob as she exited the room, Lulu leaned against the wall and exhaled. If this was going to be resolved, if she was going to do right by her friends there was really only one person she could call. Looking up at the clock she wondered briefly if it was too early but she had said call anytime. Pulling out her phone she punched the keypad and waited.

After several long rings she heard the sleepy voice. "Pronto"

"Brenda it's Lulu and I need your help."

*********
Nathalie sat curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. Alfred had made no comment about her not being home the night before other than to welcome her back. He had insisted she sit in front of the fire place and brought her mint tea and soda crackers. She wondered if the older man had some kind of e.s.p. She rubbed her stomach absently trying to get used to being pregnant again. Her mind was all over the map – she had one child living away from her, one child fighting for her life and now a third, growing inside her – none of which brought her any joy. It occurred to her that it was entirely possible she was in fact a bad mother – what kind of woman is not thrilled to be carrying the child of the man she loves? When she had become pregnant with Grace, her first feeling was fear but it quickly gave way to joy. She and Drew spent hours reading baby magazines and talking to her belly. Oliver had happened somewhat by surprise but was a happy surprise. Now all she felt was dread and she didn't know how she would hide that from Nikolas.

Lost in the thought and staring at the flames dancing in the fireplace, she didn't hear Alfred call to her until he touched her on the shoulder. "Oh goodness, I'm sorry Alfred" she said looking up.

"That's quite all right ma'am. I have Mr. Ethan here to see Miss Lulu."

Turning around on the couch she was shocked by his appearance. For such a young man, he looked haggard and his pale blue eyes were haunted. His face was pale except for where the wind had left its mark on his cheeks. "Ethan?" she asked as she got up.

"I need to see Lulu" he said urgently.

Nathalie furrowed her brow. "But I thought she was with you?"

Pacing, he shook his head. "No – she was – but something happened and she left and I need to explain it to her."

Suddenly concerned, Nathalie walked towards him and guided him to the couch. "What happened?"

Ethan tiredly ran his hands through his hair and stared at the floor. "Your parents really don't like you."

The sense of dread Nathalie had been feeling came screaming back. "Ethan, what happened to Lulu?"

"I brought her to meet my dad" he mumbled. "It was supposed to be the two most important people of my life meeting each other and somehow it seems I've lost them both"

Tilting his chin upwards, she forced him to look at her. "Tell me what my parents and your father have to do with potentially losing Lulu."

He sighed heavily, his heart shattered. "My dad said your parents freaked when they found out you appealed and they asked my dad to pull out all the stops to make you lose." Despite the heat from the fireplace a cold sweat trickled down her back. "And they told my dad about Lulu being HIV+ - he was on the phone with an associate when we got there and told him that Lulu was the trump card."

Nathalie blinked several times trying to comprehend what Ethan had just told her. She had known most of her life that her parents did not like her and only in rare moments did they love her but Ethan's information sounded like they were trying to blow her life apart regardless of the casualties. She had thought them capable of many things but this seemed low even for them. "Are you….are you sure?"

He nodded as he wiped at the tears threatening to fall. "He also told me I wasn't allowed to see Lulu anymore."

"Ethan…I'm…"

"I told him to forget it, that I was 21 and I could make my own decisions."

Nathalie's lips curled into a small smile. "I can't imagine that went over very well"

"No" he shook his head. "He told me he would cut me off – no money, no assistance – nothing. It's just been the two of us for a few years now and I don't want to lose my dad – he's all I have – but I can't let him hurt Lulu like that. I can't let him make her feel that she is dirty or a danger or anything less than who she is. I love her" he said hoarsely. "And I don't want to lose her."

Nathalie put her hand over hers. "No one should be in the position of having to choose between two people they love" she said softly.

"He's my dad, you know?"

She nodded. "I do. Your dad is just doing his job Ethan – you can't be too angry at him for that."

"Just doing his job?" he said incredulously. "He's going to hurt Lulu!"

"He is doing what his clients are directing him to do – it doesn't make it right – I'm not excusing him but I want you to understand that this is bigger than Lulu."

"That's what he said – he said there are forces at work that I don't understand."

Nathalie raised her eyebrows at that comment but let it drop. "How did you leave things with him?"

"I told him I loved him but that I loved Lulu too and if he wanted to cut me off then he should."

"That's a pretty bold move"

"Yeah, well" he sniffed. "Lulu is worth it." He let out a long breath. "I just wish I didn't have to choose."

Staring back at the fire for a moment, Nathalie pursed her lips together. Her parents had her right where they wanted her, backed in to a corner with the power to make the damage stop squarely in her hands. She knew they would not stop with Lulu – her father was so vindictive and so mean that he would drag as many people in her life through the mud as possible. Lulu was the first victim in this round but by no means the last. She would find a way to explain to her children that a victory at any cost was no victory at all. Too many people had sacrificed too much for her already. "I can stop this" she said quietly.

"What?"

"I can stop this – I will withdraw the appeal."

"But, but…what about your kids?"

Nathalie closed her eyes for a second to gather herself. "There are two months left in the temporary judgment – if I can stick it out until then and present new evidence to the judge, I can win them back. It's one thing for my parents to blow my life apart, it is completely another to do it to others."

"I didn't tell you this for you to do that – my father didn't ask me – this isn't a trap.."

She smiled reassuringly. "I know that Ethan. And I'm not doing this because of you – I'm doing this because it is simply the right thing to do."

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry – go find your girl and in a few days when things have blown over, go see your dad and make it up with him. He loves you Ethan and that is a valuable thing."

******
The vibration of the phone pulled him from his sleep and he fumbled in the dark to pick it up. Grabbing hold of it, he flipped it open as he sank back against the pillow.

"Drake"

"I woke you up"

"Brenda" he said, suddenly wide awake. Rolling over he looked at the clock – 2:48 a.m. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" he asked sitting up.

"I'm fine – I'm sorry to have woken you."

"It's okay" he reassured her, desperate to keep her on the phone as long as possible. "What's…what's going on?"

"I…uh….Lulu called me"

"What? Why?"

"Something has happened and she wants to come to Rome. I told her she could, of course. If Robin were there I would have called her but she's here and I don't want to bother them while they're here, they'll just panic and head back on the first flight and I don't know about you but I think they really kind of need this time away. Did you know they're trying for another baby? And really if they're going to get pregnant they need it to be stress free and this isn't stress free."

Noah couldn't keep from smiling as she rambled in that nervous way he had come to adore. "Did you breathe there at all?"

In spite of herself, Brenda let out a small giggle. "I've had two espressos this morning"

"Ah" he said knowingly. "Okay, back to the issue at hand – what has happened with Lulu?" Noah listened attentively as Brenda relayed the story and swore under his breath when he heard the trump card comment. "Where is she now?"

"I got her a room at the MetroCourt – she said she didn't want to go home, so I called Jax and he's taken care of her."

"I'll go see her first thing in the morning. Between us" he paused. His heart beat a little faster at the notion of him and Brenda doing something together even if it was to keep Lulu from running away to Italy. He swallowed thickly. "between us, we'll calm her down and fix this for her."

"Thanks Noah – I knew" Brenda shook her head, "I knew I could count on you" she said quietly.

"Always" he said "you can always count on me." There was a long silence as each wrestled with both the words said and those left unsaid.

"I meant what I said earlier" she said hoarsely. "I miss you."

Noah caught his breath. "And I meant what I said too – there is a place for you here whenever you are ready."

Brenda's eyes filled with tears. It had been years, if ever, since anyone had loved her so completely and she just didn't know how to handle it. It was almost too much goodness, too much love, for her to cope with. "I have to go" she said quickly.

"Okay." Noah tried to keep the sadness from his voice. He would have kept her on the phone for hours even if it was just to hear her breathe. "Thanks for calling."

"I'm sorry I woke you - go back to sleep."

"Sure thing" he said, knowing full well there would be no sleep now.

Brenda hung up the phone and stared at it. "I love you" she said under her breath.

******
Danielle watched as Douglas paced his hotel suite. "You did well" she offered.

"Well?" he mimicked. "Well? It very well may have cost me my son – I love him more than anything."

Danielle sighed exaggeratedly. "I don't know why we have to keep going over this. You knew the circumstances of the deal you signed all those years ago – you would be called on to do specific work where required – to put your formidable skills to use in a way that fulfills the long term plans and goals of madame."

"I get it Danielle" he said, his voice rising in frustration. "But at what point do I get my freedom?"

"Never" she said simply. "And get that thought from your head - you remember what it cost you the last time you tried to break free – I doubt your son would be so lucky a second time around."