Chapter 54

Patrick held Rian by the hands as his son took one wobbly step after another. Oblivious to the drool running down his chin from the new teeth coming in, his little face was the picture of concentration as he did his best to master walking. He snapped his head up at the sound of the doorbell and then looked at his father.

"What do you think sport? Should we go see who it is?" Picking him up, Patrick carried him to the door and was surprised to see Nikolas standing on his front step. "Hey" he said, letting Nikolas in.

"Hi Patrick. Hello Rian" he said, running a finger along the baby's chubby cheeks.

"Robin isn't here right now," Patrick said by way of apology.

"Um - actually - I came to see you." Suddenly nervous, Nikolas wondered if he was making a mistake.

"Me?" he asked in surprise. "Okay - come on in." Nikolas hung up his coat and followed Rian and Patrick in to the kitchen. "Can I get you a coffee? I just made a pot."

"Sure" he said, taking Rian from Patrick. Sitting down, he bounced Rian on his knee admiring his resemblence to both parents. A happy baby, Rian giggled and gurgled as Nikolas made faces at him.

"Nice face on you" Patrick teased as he placed a mug of steaming coffee in front of him.

His cheeks flushed slightly. Despite his many efforts to loosen up, there would always be a part of him ruled by formality and the maners of civil society. "How was Italy?"

"It was good - we saw a lot of the ..er...sights. I didn't get to sightsee much the last time I was there."

"Ah." Nikolas smiled knowingly. "And Brenda?"

Patrick shrugged. "She's pretty busy with work but I think she's really just trying to figure out how to come back here."
"For your dad?"

Patrick nodded. Studying Nikolas' face, he noticed the distraction in his eyes. "So what brings you by?"

Smiling weakly, he realized it was better to dive in than beat around the bush. "Nathalie."

"Has something happened to her? I was going to call her this morning but I haven't had a chance."

"She's at the hospital" he said rubbing Rian's back. "She's fine - or at least I think she is."

Patrick gave him a curious look. "Are you guys having problems?"

"I don't know" he said honestly. "But I need to ask you something."

"You can ask me anything" Patrick said carefully, "so long as you understand that my first loyalty is to Nat."

He nodded, smiling. "I would expect nothing less." Fishing his cell phone from his pocket, he flipped it open and scrolled down to the photo that had mysteriously appeared in his inbox. "Do you know who this is?" he asked, passing the phone to Patrick.

Patrick swallowed thickly as he looked at the photo. "It's Drew."

"That's what I thought too" Nikolas said "but look at her hair - she told me she never had short hair before."

Taking a second look, a cold sweat trickled down his back. Nikolas was right, Nathalie had never had short hair when she was with Drew and so if she wasn't kissing her now dead husband, then the man in the photo could only be one other person. "Who sent this to you?" he asked as he handed the phone back to Nikolas.

"It's not Drew, is it?"

"Who sent you the photo Nik?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I tried to trace the number but nothing came of it. Patrick, it's clear to me that you know who that man is - I need you to tell me."

"What did Nathalie say when you asked her?"

"I haven't asked her" he said quietly.

"Why not?" Patrick narrowed his eyes. He was unsure of Nikolas' intentions but they were making him uneasy. The knots in his stomach that had appeared in Italy had followed him home.

"Because I need to know what I'm dealing with" Nikolas said more sharply than he intended. "There are landmines all around her and if I don't tread carefully I'm going to blow us up."

Patrick's face softened slightly. "Nathalie is not a cheater" he said quietly.

"Patrick - who is this guy?"

Patrick sighed heavily and took a now fussing Rian from Nikolas and paced the kitchen floor with him. "There is a guy who has been at the hospital a few times who is the spitting image of Drew - Nathalie has run in to him a few times and I guess he is the guy in the photo."

Nikolas' brown eyes flashed with fury. "What? There is a man wandering around looking like her dead husband?"

"Nik..." Patrick started.

"God - how many more secrets is this woman going to keep from me?"

"What?" He rubbed Rian's back. "What other secrets?"

"She withdrew her appeal"

"Why? What for?"

"I don't know - she hasn't actually told me."

Patrick inhaled sharply. "I'm sure she is going to -"
Nikolas shook his head. "She doesn't trust me Patrick - if she did, she would have told me..."

"Nik, I have known her for a long time and believe me when I tell you that she trusts you - it's not a natural state for her - but she trusts you."

He shook his head again. "I asked her to marry me last night." Patrick's eyes widened in shock. "And I want her to be my wife but what kind of life are we going to have if she won't tell me things?"

"Hold that thought" Patrick said as he realized Rian had fallen asleep in his arms. He carried his son upstairs and gently placed him in his crib. Tucking a blanket around him, he dropped a kiss on his head. "Love you little man" he whispered. Running his hands over his face, he slowly made his way back to the kitchen. "You asked her to marry you?" he asked walking back in to the kitchen.

"She asked me first" Nikolas said and noticing Patrick's look of confusion, just smiled. "Long story. Anyway - I needed to go and deal with a few issues before we could really take that step. I got back last night and proposed."

"Wait." Patrick held up his hands. "You got back last night and proposed and now you're upset that she hasn't told you what happened while you were away?" Nikolas nodded. "Nik - it's possible - even likely - that she was going to tell you but got sidetracked by your proposal."

Sighing, Nikolas slumped against the chair. "She said nothing this morning - you would think if she was going around kissing another man, she might tell me."

Leaning against the counter, he jammed his hands in his pockets. It was clear there was a lot going on with his friend that he didn't know about. He had been so cocooned in his happiness over propsect of a second baby that he hadn't been paying attention. "Nik -whoever sent you that photo is trying to hurt you or Nat or both of you - it could be her parents - your crazy grandmother whatever. Maybe the photo is doctored - maybe she never kissed another man and that's why she hasn't said anything, because there's nothing to say."

Relief washed over Nikolas' face. "Of course" he said convincingly. "Of course - it's a doctored photo - an old photo of Drew and a new photo of Nat to try and create doubt." He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm sorry Patrick - I didn't mean to be quite so....I don't know, paranoid?"

"She loves you Nikolas."

"I know."

Arching an eyebrow, Patrick looked at him carefully. "But?"

"But I feel like she always has one foot out the door, ready to bolt."

Patrick nodded - well aware of that feeling, except he had always been the one ready to bolt. "She's agreed to marry you - I think she may have both feet in the same room."

Nikolas extended his hand. "Thank you for listening to me."

Shaking his hand, Patrick smiled warmly at him. "Anytime. Congratulations - Nathalie is getting a good man in you."

*****
Robin stared at her computer screen in frustration. She had spent the last two hours trying to complete a grant proposal for a new research project but the words just wouldn't come. She had walked the hospital halls, visited the nursery and sucked back three cups of decaf coffee. Not even a fudge mocha bar could get the writing juices flowing. Picking up the nerf football Patrick had given her to relieve stress, she threw it across the room.

"Nice arm - I think the Giants could use you at QB."

Giggling, Robin looked up at the door. "And see your son would have said I throw like a girl."

"Well so does Eli Manning so that works." Noah walked in to her office and sat down. "How are you?"

"I'm good" she smiled brightly. "I'd be better if I could write anything more than 'the objective of this proposal is'."

"How are you feeling this morning?"

She nodded. "Not too badly - morning sickness came and went early today so that's good."

"I am so pleased for you - for both of you."

Robin's hand instinctively went to her stomach. "Me too," she said. "And I have every confidence this pregnancy will be very different from the last one."

Noah smiled warmly at her. "You're already glowing."

"I think that's the jetlag" she demurred. "Or the three cups of decaf. Have I mentioned I hate decaf?"

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, he opened his mouth several times to speak but shut it quickly.

"Noah?" Robin asked looking at her father-in-law curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" he nodded. "I..uh...I should let you get back to work." He stood up, ready to walk to the door.

A lightbulb went off over Robin's head and she smiled at him. "Would you like to know how Brenda is?"

"Would you think less of me if I said yes?" he asked slightly embarrassed.

"Not at all" she said softly. "Please sit"

Noah sank in to the chair. He hated that he was so desperate to hear news of Brenda that he sought out his daughter-in-law as if to pass her a note in study hall but ever since their two phone calls, she had haunted his thoughts, waking and sleeping, more than she had before. "How...how is she?"

"She's okay" Robin said carefully "but not great. It's clear to me that she misses you terribly."

"You don't have to spare my feelings Robin." He wanted to believe her but at the same time was afraid to do so.

"I'm not. She misses you Noah - there's no two ways about it."

"But she's okay, right? She's healthy and work is okay?"

Robin nodded. "Physically she's fine. Emotionally she's a mess."

Noah gave a wry smile. "Yet another thing we have in common."

"No one has ever loved her like you have. Sonny was this great, fiery love but they hurt each other almost as much, if not more, than they loved each other. And Jax - Jax loved her but everything with Jax was big - grand gestures, big declarations. You are the first man in her life Noah who just loved her without......without expectation. It is what she needs most but like most of us - what we need the most also scares us the most."

Letting go of a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, he smiled at his daughter-in-law. "Thank you for that."

"I hope you know that I'm not saying it just to be kind - I believe it. You are exactly the type of man I would pick for her." He smiled appreciatively. "Don't give up on her yet - she may have to take the long way to get here but I know Brenda and even as we speak, she's trying to make her way back to you."

He blinked several times to keep his tears at bay. Talking about Brenda made his chest tighten and his pulse race. It was not possible to love two people the same way and while she would never be the great love that Mattie was he still loved her. He loved her with everything he had, in the here and now - he loved her fully and completely. There would be no moving on for him - Brenda was it for him. If she couldn't or wouldn't come back to him then he would find a way to make peace with that but he would also be done - there would be no third attempt at love. Loves like Mattie and Brenda came along rarely and two chances at it were more than some people ever had. Standing up, he walked to Robin and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you" he whispered.

"Anytime" she smiled lovingly at him.

"Take good care of my granddaughter" he teased.

Robin groaned and threw her pen on the desk. "Es-tu Noah? Taking your son's side?"

He grinned. "We Drake men are very smart when it comes to predicting the sex of babies. I hope you didn't bet anything you can't afford to lose."

Robin rubbed her belly. "You hear that baby boy? Your grandpa Noah has already lost his marbles."

Noah laughed, giving her a small wave as he left her office.

******
Nikolas walked the now familiar halls of the pediatric oncology ward. He had thought himself weak for seeking reassurance from Patrick but his reassurances had put his mind at ease and now all he wanted to do was see his fiancee and her daughter. Every woman he had loved had been taken from him in one way or another and he was not prepared to allow that to happen with Nathalie. Despite the dramas and trials that had faced her from the beginning, she had managed to open him up, allowing him to live more fully than he had before. She often told him what a gift he was to her but she too was a gift. Her presence in his life had wrought so much goodness that he sometimes wondered if he should pinch himself. He never did though, he really didn't want to know if he was dreaming or not. Turning the corner to Gracie's room, he stopped short.

"Hi Nathalie"

About to enter her daughter's room, she looked up at the sound of her name. "Oh hi..."

"Anthony" he said charmingly and pleased that the GHB had had the desired effect.

"Right" she smiled sheepishly "Anthony. Sorry about that, I'm normally much better with names."

"That's okay. I'm sure your mind is on other things."

As disarming as his smile was, Nathalie felt her body tense. She struggled to figure out the source of her discomfort knowing that it went beyond his resemblance to Drew. "It's been a bit of busy time" she admitted. "Remind me again - who are you here to see?"

"My niece" he said smoothly.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up but yet again the reason for it seemed just out of reach. "How is she?"

"Still very weak. How is Grace?"

Nathalie shivered. She had no recollection of having shared Grace's name with him yet couldn't say definitively that she hadn't. "She's doing much better, thanks."

Spying the large yellow diamon on her finger, Anthony reached for her hand. "My goodness - this is quite a ring."

She smiled warmly as the memory of Nikolas' proposal came flooding back. "It's from my fiance."

"Wow. Congratulations." Anthony moved towards her to kiss her on the cheek. A sudden movement from the corner of his eye stopped him but he was still taken by surprise when a fist came smashing into his face.

"I don't know what your game is but stay the hell away from her" Nikolas seethed as Anthony lay sprawled on the floor. He rubbed his jaw and smirked. Everything was unfolding better than he could have hoped for.

"Nikolas!" Nathalie said in shock. "What have you done?"