Chapter 55

"Get up you sonofabitch - get up!" Nikolas hissed.

Anthony scrambled to his feet. "Are you out of your mind?"

Nikolas grabbed him by the shirt, hurling him up against the wall. "You are not to come within 100 feet of her or her kids, do you understand me?" His eyes were black with rage and his body shook.

"Dude! Let me go!" he said, struggling against Nikolas' grip.

Nathalie pulled on Nikolas' shoulder. "Nikolas! BACK OFF! Let him GO!"

"Do you understand me?" he repeated, ignoring Nathalie's attempts to pull him away.

"Yes fine, I understand" Anthony said, doing his best to play the injured party. It took all of his self control not to smirk in the young prince's face, knowing the havoc he was about to bring.

"You stay the hell away from her" he spat before letting him go.

Nathalie moved towards him as he smoothed down his shirt. "Anthony, I am so sorry" she said apologetically.

He shook his head. "It's fine - I didn't realize you had such a jealous boyfriend. I won't be bothering you again." He lowered his head and slinked away.

As Nathalie turned to face him, Nikolas was surprised to see the fury etched across her face. "Just what the hell was that all about?" she seethed.

"I could ask you the same thing" he said, his own anger showing no sign of abating. "What were you doing with him?"

"Doing?" she spat. "Doing? I was TALKING to him Nikolas." Attempts to keep her voice low were not very successful and they received several dirty looks from nurses.

"He was trying to kiss you" Nikolas accused.

"He was CONGRATULATING me" she corrected. "He saw my ring" she flashed it at him, "and wanted to wish me well."

"How do you even know him?" Nikolas' body trembled still in anger.

"He has a niece in this ward - what in the world got in to you? I never took you for the cave man type."

"And I never took you for the unfaithful type."

Nathalie stepped back as though she had been slapped. "Unfaithful?" she repeated as the colour drained from her cheeks.

"At what point were you going to tell me that you had been spending time with a man who looks like your DEAD husband? Maybe after we get married? Or are you just biding your time with me until you can figure out if the doppleganger is free?" Nikolas knew he was crossing lines as the words left his mouth but his fear at losing Nathalie was too great. His rage was total and now that it had been unleashed he didn't know how to reign it in.

Her chest constricted and her mouth dropped open as the air left her body. "You....you....I....I love you" she said in bewilderment. "You are the only one I want to be with."

"Really."

Anthony poked his head around the corner, pleased at the scene unfolding before him.

"Yes really." There was a pleading in her eyes, silently begging Nikolas not to take them somewhere they could not return from.

"You would give anything to have Drew back, wouldn't you?"

"Nikolas, please" she said as her eyes welled.

"Wouldn't you?" he repeated, this time more insistently.

"That's not a fair question"

"Your refusal to answer it tells me everything I need to know."

"You have got to be kidding me." Her breathing continued in spurts as she tried to figure out how her world got turned on its axis and what she needed to do to put it back together.

"I think you'll find that I am clearly not kidding."

"That man may look like Drew but he is NOT Drew. Drew is gone and you are the one I want to build my life with."

"That wasn't my question." His voice had lost all trace of kindness as his eyes remained dark and blazing.

"Would you give anything to have Courtney back?" she shot back at him.

"Don't turn this around on me" he raged quietly.

"I don't even know what *this* is" she said as she lost her battle to keep the tears from falling. "What is wrong with you?"

"I could ask the same thing about you"

Feeling her stomach turn and her knees buckle, Nathalie dropped her eyes to the floor. "I can't talk to you like this..." her voice trailed off as she pushed past her fiance and ran down the hall.

Nikolas leaned against the wall and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, unsure of how things had got so wildly out of control. Worse was the realization that he wasn't sure if he knew how to fix it.

**********
Blinded by her tears, Nathalie sprinted in a straight line hoping she was headed for the exit. Her heart hammered inside her chest and the pain in her heart made it feel like her body was on fire. Oblivious to everything but the replay of the argument in her head, she didn't hear anyone call her name until a pair of strong hands came down on her shoulders.

"Nathalie - stop." Trembling, she looked up and saw Noah's kind face looking back at her. "What happened?" his tone reflecting his grave concern.

She opened her mouth to speak but there were no words. She felt as though she was broken inside, that the thousand of tiny stress fractures had finally all given way at once and there was nothing but rubble. "Noah" she croaked.

Seeing she was clearly in shock, Noah threw his arm around her and ushered her down the hall to his office. He led her to couch and pulling a blanket from the arm tucked it around her legs to warm her up. Sitting on the couch, facing her, he watched her carefully as she choked on one silent sob after another. He rubbed her shoulder and waited. "Long, slow breaths Nathalie" he said soothingly. "Long and slow."

She struggled to follow his instructions as the tears continued to gush forth. "I...I....."

"Shhh." He continued to rub her shoulder. "You don't have to talk just yet."

Flopping her head back on the couch, she stared up at the ceiling. Every step she had taken in the last year to rebuild and start again seemed wasted. Her past and her future had collided and all that was left were fragments of what was and what could have been. There was nothing left - she had spent everything she had and was now just a broken heap. For the first time since the custody battle, she believed that her children were better off without her. She brought nothing but damage and pain wherever she went.

"It's over" she said quietly.

"What is, sweetheart?" Noah asked gently.

"All of it." She sighed and sat up, wiping at her face. Noah handed her a kleenex. "Nikolas - the kids - it's over."

"Nathalie, what happened?"

"He thinks I don't love him - he thinks I would rather have Drew or a Drew look a like. I have no business being here - being a mother" her hand went to her belly. "This was a mistake."

"He knows you love him..."

Nathalie cut him off. "He doesn't. He doesn't trust me."

"What did he say about the baby?"

She shook her head. "He doesn't know - I never got the chance to tell him."

"You will need to at some point..."

"Not if I don't have it, I won't."

Noah's mouth dropped open slightly. "Nathalie" he said cautriously. "You are clearly very upset, I don't think you should rush into any hasty decisions."

She laughed mirthlessly. "A little late for that now, don't you think? My husband isn't even dead a year and I'm already engaged to someone else AND pregnant. If that doesn't define hasty, what does?" She shook her head. "My parents were right to take my children, I have no business being a parent."

Noah rubbed his hands over his face. Very quietly, yet very precisely, Nathalie was coming apart - stitch by stitch, seam by seam. Looking at her felt, in many respects, like looking in a mirror a decade ago. "You and Nikolas need to talk - you both love each other so much, this is workable." He knew that if he had only had the courage to deal with the reality before him when Mattie died, his life could have taken a very different path.

"Do we? Do we really love each other or is that just a lie we tell ourselves?"

"I've seen you two together, I've seen the way you look at him and I've seen the way he can find you anywhere in a room - those are the actions of a couple in love. I know it feels like there is nothing left for you to believe in but it's not over between you two" Reaching over, he picked up her left hand and held it up to her eyes. "Not by a long shot."

"It's a ring, not a promise. I had one before, for all the good it did me." Her voice was flat and emotionless. "I don't know how to go on Noah - I am simply spent. I have nothing - absolutely nothing left to give."

"You have more to give than you realize," he said reassuringly. "But right now, it's not about giving, it's about receiving. You take such good care of the people around you - your friends, your children." She scoffed at his statement. "It's true" he stroked her hair. "I have not forgotten what you did for Patrick last year - he never would have made it through without you - you must know that Nathalie. There were moments where you were the only one who could reach him and no matter what happened, you made sure he had a net. Let those of us who care for you do the same."

She dropped her head, defeated on to his shoulder. "I want it to stop. I want the pain and the fear to stop."

Taking her into his arms, he was surprised at how small she actually was. Her personality was so strong and her courage so real that he always thought her to be a much bigger person than her small frame indicated. She sighed heavily against his shoulder, letting Noah comfort her. He said nothing, just letting her draw strength from him.

He turned his head as the door to his office swung open. "Hey Gramps!" Patrick announced. "Someone...." The words died on his lips as he saw his best friend wrapped in his father's arms. Defeat was mapped across her face and Patrick's stomach dropped. "What happened?" he said, licking his lips nervously.

"It's not Grace" Nathalie said against Noah's chest, too exhausted to lift her head.

"What happened?" he repeated. Noah motioned for him to close the door and he did once he pushed Rian's stroller all the way through.

"Nathalie and Nikolas hit a bit of a roadblock" Noah said gently. Patrick nodded knowingly; convinced whatever had taken them off the rails had something to do with the photo on Nikolas' cell phone.

Sitting up, she wipped at her face. "I should go."

"Where to?" Noah asked.

"My home. I still have a lease. I can pack up the rest of Grace's things to give to my parents."

Noah and Patrick exchanged worried glances. "Let me drop Rian off at daycare and I'll take you" Patrick offered. Nathalie opened her mouth to protest but Patrick cut her off. "It's not up for debate." Turning to his father, he caught his eye. "Could you let Robin know? And maybe you could come home with her and have dinner with us?"

Noah nodded. "Of course sport."

Nathalie stood on shaky knees and smiled tiredly at Noah. "Thank you."

Standing up as well, he wrapped her in his warm embrace. "You are going to be okay" he whispered to her ear. "Things are not as bad as they seem and I will help you through this however I can." She nodded, too overcome to speak again.

Putting his arm around her, Patrick escorted her from his father's office, turning back only long enough to mouth 'thank you' to his father. He smiled and winked at his son before sinking back to his couch, somehow convinced this was just the tip of the iceberg.

********
Having put Rian to bed, Robin returned to the kitchen where Noah dried the last of the dishes. It had been nearly six hours since Patrick and Nathalie had left and while Robin understood that he likely had his hands full, she was beginning to feel uneasy that she hadn't heard from him at all.

"You didn't have to do all the dishes" Robin said as she hopped up on the counter beside him.

"You cooked - it's only fair that I clean." Noah looked up at his daughter-in-law and saw the way she nervously chewed on her bottom lip. "Why don't you call him?"

She looked at him in surprise, smiling sheepishly that she was so transparent in her thoughts. "I don't want to disturb him - Nathalie clearly needs him and I don't want to be the clingy wife."

"I can be the clingy parent" he said, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. Dialing Patrick's cell phone he was surprised when it went directly to voicemail. Making a face, he dialed Nathalie's cell phone - it too went to voicemail. Noah frowned and started to dial Nathalie's house number when the doorbell rang.

Robin hopped from the counter, smiling. "Probably dropped his keys" she said heading to the door. She was shocked to see Nikolas on the step. "Nik."

"May I speak with her? I know I've screwed up and I need to tell her how sorry I am."

Pulling him inside and closing the door behind him, she looked at him warily. "She's not here Nikolas."

His face fell. "Where....where is she?"

"What happened Nik?" she asked softly, touching his arm.

He shook his head. "I don't know" he said honestly. "I kind of lost my mind."

Noah walked from the kitchen. "That's strange" he said, acknowledging Nikolas with a curt nod of his head.

"What?" Robin asked.

"There is no answer at any of the numbers I've called and I've paged Patrick twice but he hasn't called back."

Robin furrowed her brow. "He wouldn't ignore a page."

"Why don't I go over and make sure he doesn't need some back up?"

"I'll go with you" Nikolas said.

Noah raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure that's a good idea Nikolas."

His cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "I understand you want to protect Nathalie but please believe me Noah - I need...I want...I have to see her."

Taking his jacket from the cupboard, he shrugged. "Fine - but if you upset her any more than she is I will personally show you the door."

"Understood."

Noah kissed Robin on the cheek. "I'll have your husband ring you in a few minutes."

"Thanks Noah."

The drive over was silent as both men's thoughts were occupied with the situation awaiting them. They walked to the front door together and were puzzled to see it opened. Noah pushed the door all the way open and walked through. "Nathalie?" he called out. "Patrick?" Recieving no response, he looked at Nikolas who scanned the living room. His eyes fell on the photo of the two of them together by the Christmas tree and he chided himself for the millionth time about his appalling behaviour earlier in the day. He didn't know how he would convince Nathalie to accept his apology but he wasn't leaving until she knew how sorry he was.

Walking in to the kitchen, Noah stopped short and in a strangled voice called to Nikolas. Standing beside Noah, his knees started to tremble. The kitchen was completely destroyed. The table was upended and the chairs were strewn about. Both cell phones and Patrick's pager lay scattered on the floor. There were drops of blood leading to the back porch and both men froze when they saw the blood stained knife lying on the counter.