Chapter 3: Expectations, Roxanna and the Feast
"Lily? Hey, Lily, we're almost to Hogsmeade, you've got to change into your robes."
I awoke to someone gently shaking my shoulder. I unwillingly opened my eyes to see Alice and Macy getting into their robes. Ariel was beside me with her robes already on, her wavy white-blonde hair flowing around her face and down her shoulders.
"Lily, what's wrong?" Her eyes were suddenly filled with concern.
"What are you talking about?" I grumbled, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I was surprised to find that my cheeks were wet, as if I had been crying. "Oh. Don't worry Ariel, I'm fine. Must have been from my dream or something." I mumbled as I turned away from her and pulled a fist of robes out of my trunk. "Really." I added, since she still looked worried. "I'm fine."
The first person I saw as I stepped off of the train was the sex-god. He looked incredibly gorgeous in his robes; I had never noticed how nicely they went with his dark hair. The orange light from the setting sun bathed his face in it's glow, and it enhanced the hazel of his eyes so that they shown with a brilliance I had never seen. He was waiting with Sirius, Remus, and Peter in the middle of a group of students waiting for carriages. As Macy finally stepped off of the train, I was swept away from him to wait for a carriage of our own.
Once Alice, Frank, Ariel, Macy, and I got into the carriage, it rumbled off towards the castle that was Hogwarts. I could see out of the window in the door that the sky was quickly darkening. By the time we reached the castle, it had changed from light blue and orange to a dark, inky indigo with bright pinpricks of shining light.
"I really hope there are pork chops." Frank said as the carriage jolted to a stop.
"There always are," Alice assured him. He jumped out of the carriage and helped each of us out of it. "Especially for such a gentleman." she giggled.
After a ridiculous little bow and a lot of hand-flourishing, Frank took Alice's hand and led the way into the entrance hall. It was much warmer inside of the castle, and I involuntarily shivered, just noticing how cold I had been.
"Here," a voice said behind me as a cloak was wrapped around my shoulders. I quickly turned, expecting to see James. The smile was wiped off of my face as I saw that it was Severus.
"Sev." I said, taken aback. I opened my mouth to thank him, but the words wouldn't come. I felt a flurry of emotions; I was embarrassed that I couldn't say the simple phrase of "Thank you", disappointed that it was Severus, not James, who had given me the cloak, and angry that Severus thought he could still talk to me like nothing had ever happened between us. He just stood there in front of me, his shoulder-length black hair falling in curtains around his thin face. Even though his nose was long and hooked, and his hair as greasy as ever, I was shocked to find that I still found him handsome. I thought that part of me had died along with our friendship. Apparently I was wrong.
"Lily," he began, "I think we need to talk-"
As soon as he spoke the anger I felt consumed me. "There's nothing to talk about, Sev."
"Lily, please," he lightly took my hand and pulled me towards a corner near the door that I knew led to the kitchens. I desperately looked for my friends, hoping one of them would come to my rescue, but they had already gone into the Great Hall. With my back to the wall I leaned against the dark grey stone, folding my arms over my chest and staring daggers up into his dark black eyes.
"Lily," Severus began again, his voice shaking slightly and his lip quivering. "I want to know, need to know what I can do to make you trust me again. I would apologize a thousand times if that would make you love me again." He licked his lips, his dark eyes wide and pleading. "Please, Lily. I love you. Always have. Always will." He dropped his eyes to the ground as he squeezed my hand.
"You know," I slowly said, "That might have worked," He looked up hopefully. "If I was an idiot!" I pulled my hand from his and pushed his arm out of the way of escape. I turned in a fury, looking so dangerous that Severus backed into the wall. "You expect me to actually fall for that? Do you know how much I've cried over you?" I ripped the cloak off of my shoulders and threw it at him. "Do you know how much you tore me apart?" His mouth opened in surprise as he caught the cloak in his outstretched hands. I was screaming at him so loudly that people had stopped to watch. "But no more, Severus, no more! It's too late to apologize! I've found someone else-" I fell silent. In my anger I hadn't realized what I was saying. My chest heaving, I watched as his eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into an ugly sneer.
"Oh, you have, had you?" he snarled "Who is it then? Potter? Or one of his lapdogs?"
I ran at him and before he could react- SLAP! He gasped in shock and pain as the back of his head smacked into the stone wall. As I raised my hand again, a hand stronger than mine grabbed my wrist.
"Lily, stop." James Potter gently said.
His words were like water on a burn. My arm went limp as I was overcome with fatigue. I still gazed at Severus, his body tense and rigid, his eyes filled with deepest loathing as he glared at James. I gave him one last look of disgust before turning away towards James. I must have staggered a bit, because James took my hand as if to steady me. Again, my hand tingled as if a jolt of electricity had struck my hand from his, and I smiled up at him. Without warning I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and grabbed my wand from my pocket.
"PROTEGO!" I shouted, blocking the curse that Severus had sent at James while his back was turned. The jet of black light shot back to it's caster; Severus dodged it, and it hit the wall behind him in a burst of red and black sparks, leaving behind several small craters. His eyes found mine, and the hate in them was so strong that I had to look away. Tears filled my eyes, and before I could stop them they began to fall to the floor in thick pearly droplets.
"I have nothing more to say to you." I said with a sniffle. James took my hand again and led me away from Severus into the Great Hall, which was nearly filled. Spotting Alice at the Gryffindor table, I sat down across from her.
"There you are, Lily we were- Lily, why are you crying?" Alice asked me as James sat next to me. She turned to him as Frank handed me a handkerchief.
"Snape." he simply said. Still holding my hand, he gave it a consoling squeeze. Macy, whom I had sat next to, put an arm around my shoulders. I wiped my eyes with Frank's handkerchief, making sure that there were no runaway tears and silently thanking God that I had put on Wanda Wilke's Witches-Not-Bitches Everything-Proof Mascara that morning. When I looked up, I noticed that Alice kept rapping her knuckles on the table and shooting me quick glances. I mouthed to her Under the table? She gave a small nod and whispered something to Frank.
I put my face close to James' ear. He began to turn his face toward mine, but I whispered "I just wanted to thank you, James, for saving me." And with a hard squeeze I let go of his hand. I slid underneath the long table, being careful not to bump anyone's legs or feet. Alice was waiting for me. Above us I could hear the timid steps of the first years and the quick click of Professor McGonagall's. We didn't have much time.
Alice looked at me "I don't know how you feel, but I think that this day is turning out to be really strange."
I quietly laughed. "You could say that again!" The hall went silent, and I knew that the Sorting Hat was about to sing. I quickly told her about my run-in with Severus. I told her all of the details, even the part about how my hand felt when James touched it. I also told her how I had almost called James "sex-god" on the train. When I finished talking she put a hand to her mouth. Shaking her head she whispered through her fingers so quietly that I could barely hear her "But it's impossible..."
"What's impossible?" I asked her, but she just shook her head. The loud sound of clapping reached our ears as, with a nodded agreement, we crawled back into our seats. As Professor Dumbledore rose to give his pre-dinner speech, James shot me an inquisitive look. I shrugged and tore my eyes away from him to look at Dumbledore, who was smiling pleasantly. When the last whispers died away, Dumbledore began:
"First I must welcome and congratulate all of our new students! To our old hands, who have been anxiously awaiting their supper, welcome back! There is a time to talk and a time to listen. However, now is the time to eat!"
Several students cheered as the golden platters magically filled before them. As Frank had hoped, there were pork chops, as well as potatoes in every form, steak and kidney pie, black pudding, and dishes of every imaginable vegetable. As I grabbed a plate of chicken, I noticed that the Marauders had moved to be closer to James while I was underneath the table. I also noticed a more unwelcome addition: Roxanna Pike.
Roxanna was probably the biggest flirt in the entire school, including Sirius. She was in my year and, sadly, a Gryffindor. Among the boys at school she was one of the top five subjects of conversation. This was due to her tendency to wear her skirt very, very short and to keep the top three or four buttons of her shirt undone. In their eyes she was a sex-goddess. In my eyes she was a prostitute-in-training.
Anyway, Roxanna had sauntered over to where James was sitting. Pushing a chewing Peter out of the way, she sat next to James, casually pulling up her skirt by an inch or two with her hand. Seeing this, Peter began to choke on a mouthful of beef and was only saved by Remus' quick action.
"Hey James, she said seductively. She took a banger from a nearby dish and speared it onto her fork.
"Sup," was all James could manage, as his mouth was full of potato. He glanced at her, raised an eyebrow, and looked back to me with a look that clearly said 'Can you believe this?'.
"So, how was your holiday?" Roxanna continued as she appraised the banger on her fork. She waited until James looked at her before taking a large bite.
"Oh, it was nice." he politely replied, "How was yours?"
She swallowed. "It was alright, but it could have been better, you know."
"In what way?" James asked.
"Well," she smiled devilishly, "I could have seen more of you, for starters."
I choked on my chicken. James turned to me in alarm and hit me hard on the back. Thankfully, the piece of meat went down my throat rather than across the table and onto Alice. As I coughed and took a sip of pumpkin juice on James' request, he turned back to Roxanna. I glared at her as she smiled at him.
"Wow, another instance where James Potter's come to the rescue. You're really quite the hero aren't you?" she simpered, batting her eyelashes.
"Only if you say so." He replied with a grin. I scowled even more at her, stabbing my potato with venom.
"Wow, Lily why so vicious?" Sirius suddenly said to me with his bark of a laugh. "What did that potato ever do to you?"
I turned my scowl to him. "Would you rather that I stab your hand, Sirius?"
"Somebody's in a nasty mood." Peter said in a sing-song voice. Sirius laughed again.
"Eat your pudding, Wormtail and stop being an idiot." James snapped. Sirius and Peter stared at him. In fact, everyone within a five-person radius stared at James, bits of food slowly slipping off of their forks.
James slightly flushed, but didn't back down. "Evans had a bloody awful thing happen to her earlier, and I'd say it gives her an excuse to take out frustration on her vegetables, wouldn't you?"
"What happened, Lily?" Roxanna asked, failing to mask her excitement with concern. I'd forgotten to mention that Roxanna loved gossip in any shape or size. She lived on it like Wormtail lived on cookies.
"I'd rather not say." I mumbled, glaring at her. Roxanna had already turned her attention back to James. When he reached near me to get a plate of treacle tart I pretended that I had something in my eye, but I thought that James caught a glimpse of my jealousy glare. I couldn't be sure, but for the rest of the night he looked a little too smug for his own good.
When the plates and dishes finally cleared themselves, Dumbledore stood.
"Now that your bellies are filled, I am sure that you are all very tired. I beg for just a little patience, however, while I give a few notices."
After a few minutes of notices, one of which was to introduce the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dumbledore bade the students good night. Everyone rose from their seats, eager to fall into their warm, feather-soft four-post beds. Since I was a prefect, it was my duty to lead the younger students, especially the first-years, to the Gryffindor Tower entrance and give them the password. I was joined by a reluctant Remus, who kept looking back to where James, Sirius and Peter were hysterically laughing.
"Remember, the password's 'detergent'." I whispered to him. He nodded and passed the information to a few very small first years. When we got into the spacious common room I pointed out where the dormitories were and told everyone that they ought to get to bed. I dragged myself up the stairs to the girl's dormitories, not bothering to tell Remus I was going. I opened the door that bore a small brass sign reading "Sixth-Year Girls" and sighed in relief to find that the room I had slept in for the past five years once again remained unchanged.
The room was large, with eight four-poster beds with red hangings. I fell onto my bed out of pure exhaustion. My forehead was pounding, and my mind was racing over everything that had happened on this strange day. I found that James Potter had a fit bum, learned that Severus still fancied me, and discovered that Roxanna Pike now fancied James. I groaned and rolled over so that I was face down on the bed; I pulled my pillow over my head to block out the soft light coming from the chandelier. I heard the dull footsteps of girls on the stairs, shrieks of laughter and shrill greetings between friends. When the door to my dormitory opened, I pulled the pillow harder over my head, expecting Roxanna and her posse to skip into the room, singing about how she had flirted with my sex-god all throughout dinner and how he just had to ask her to the first Hogsmeade trip. I wasn't too astonished, however, when Alice ripped the pillow off of my head and slapped my bum with it.
"Get up, get up, get up! I need to talk to you and I have less than five minutes."
"I'm tired." I complained, folding my arms around my head. Alice smacked me a few more times with the pillow.
"No, Lily, come on, sit up! Roxanna and Co. can only be held off for so long!"
This made me sit up. "Roxanna?"
Alice smiled and sat on the bed next to mine. "Yep, Frank and I persuaded the Marauders to hold her and her minions in the common room for a while. Although I don't think Sirius minded so much." She added thoughtfully. "I reckon he fancies Selene."
"James probability didn't mind either. Roxanna was flirting with him all through the feast."
"You think he fancies her?" Alice laughed. "Trust me, he doesn't."
"How do you know?" I grumbled.
I never got an answer, because at that very moment Roxanna threw open the door, closely followed by Demeter, Selene, and Mary.
"-and I wouldn't be surprised if he asks me out within the week." Roxanna chattered as she walked across the room to her bed. "I wouldn't be at all. What do you reckon?" she asked her friends as she took off her shoes.
"Rox, of course he's going to ask you out!" Selene assured her. "I mean, James Potter isn't stupid."
"Yeah," Demeter added. "He knows that you could have any bloke you want. He'll jump at the chance to have you."
I internally vomited.
The door opened again as Ariel and Macy entered the room. I looked at Alice, rolled my eyes, and dug through my trunk for a pair of pajamas. Once I had changed, I got into bed and pulled the hangings around me, only leaving a small gap on the left side so that I could still talk to Alice. She did the same, and stared at me as we listened to Roxanna chatter about what color eyeshadow James would like best on her. Ariel and Macy were once again arguing, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I whispered to Alice "What am I going to do? I mean, Alice..." I trailed off hopelessly, shaking my head.
"Right now you're going to go to bed," she said firmly, "And in the morning you are going to sign up for classes. As for your sex-god..." Alice sighed and shrugged her shoulders as she pulled her hangings completely closed.
I didn't take that as a good sign.